[muses_w_remotes] Garden State
8.14: “You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place." - Garden State
No matter where life took him, Mohinder has always been certain of one thing. And that was who he was. Where he came from. Where home was.
He travels to India - travels home - the day after he gets back from California with Rachel. The Christian ceremony of Christmas holds little significance to him, and he was more than happy to spend it with Matt and Molly, and with Rachel, but he is still homesick, as ever, and he feels it is the least he can do to be with his mother and family over New Year’s. Then he can return back to America, help Rachel settle into her new place in New York, and maybe feel a little more like he belongs.
But India is not as he had hoped. His mother is there waiting for him, hugs him close and tells him how much she has missed him, how skinny he is, nags about his eating habits. She takes him home and plies him with dish after dish until he’s sure he will surely be sick. And, for a while, it does feel like home.
He catches up with old friends, walks the streets of Madras - Chennai, now - with them. Listens to their stories of work and family, and feels… isolated. He wants to share their enthusiasm, honestly wishes he could listen and feel content, but he cannot. He can sense that they are far from interested in his new path in life, and the feeling is sadly mutual.
He sits up at home, with his mother, for New Year. They talk about each other’s lives, and both are careful not to mention the man who used to share this house with them. Chandra’s office door remains closed, and Mohinder respectfully averts his eyes when he walks past. It is just another thing that feels awkward, feels wrong about this emotionless building Mohinder desperately wants to call home. Instead he can do little more than reflect on America, on Matt, Molly, and most of all, on Rachel.
And he realises, as late night turns into early morning and fireworks herald in the new year, that this is no longer home for him. Of course, a part of him will always remain tied to this city, this country, and of course he will miss his literal family when he returns to America. But, at the same time, he knows that he would rather be there than here. It is a huge weight to be lifted from his shoulders, after months of desperately wishing to find some sort of comfort in the arms of the United States.
Molly is waiting for him, when he gets back, gets home, to his too-small apartment in Brooklyn, New York, America. He sweeps her up into his arms, even if she is getting too big to be lifted, even if he will most likely do himself an injury. He holds her tight and kisses her forehead, smiles his most dazzling smile as Matt appears to see him too.
He walks across town to Rachel’s new apartment that night. He does not warn her of his visit, hopes she is in and that she will not mind his unannounced visit. He rings at the buzzer, hops from foot to foot in impatience, and almost runs to her door when the lock is released. He takes her straight into his arms, trying to kiss every part of her face at once, smile bright and light and incredibly happy.
Before she has a chance to ask what has come over him - and he can sense the question in the crease of her brow - he presses a finger to her lips. “Shh,” he hushes her, smile still on his face.
“I’m home.”
No matter where life took him, Mohinder has always been certain of one thing. And that was who he was. Where he came from. Where home was.
He travels to India - travels home - the day after he gets back from California with Rachel. The Christian ceremony of Christmas holds little significance to him, and he was more than happy to spend it with Matt and Molly, and with Rachel, but he is still homesick, as ever, and he feels it is the least he can do to be with his mother and family over New Year’s. Then he can return back to America, help Rachel settle into her new place in New York, and maybe feel a little more like he belongs.
But India is not as he had hoped. His mother is there waiting for him, hugs him close and tells him how much she has missed him, how skinny he is, nags about his eating habits. She takes him home and plies him with dish after dish until he’s sure he will surely be sick. And, for a while, it does feel like home.
He catches up with old friends, walks the streets of Madras - Chennai, now - with them. Listens to their stories of work and family, and feels… isolated. He wants to share their enthusiasm, honestly wishes he could listen and feel content, but he cannot. He can sense that they are far from interested in his new path in life, and the feeling is sadly mutual.
He sits up at home, with his mother, for New Year. They talk about each other’s lives, and both are careful not to mention the man who used to share this house with them. Chandra’s office door remains closed, and Mohinder respectfully averts his eyes when he walks past. It is just another thing that feels awkward, feels wrong about this emotionless building Mohinder desperately wants to call home. Instead he can do little more than reflect on America, on Matt, Molly, and most of all, on Rachel.
And he realises, as late night turns into early morning and fireworks herald in the new year, that this is no longer home for him. Of course, a part of him will always remain tied to this city, this country, and of course he will miss his literal family when he returns to America. But, at the same time, he knows that he would rather be there than here. It is a huge weight to be lifted from his shoulders, after months of desperately wishing to find some sort of comfort in the arms of the United States.
Molly is waiting for him, when he gets back, gets home, to his too-small apartment in Brooklyn, New York, America. He sweeps her up into his arms, even if she is getting too big to be lifted, even if he will most likely do himself an injury. He holds her tight and kisses her forehead, smiles his most dazzling smile as Matt appears to see him too.
He walks across town to Rachel’s new apartment that night. He does not warn her of his visit, hopes she is in and that she will not mind his unannounced visit. He rings at the buzzer, hops from foot to foot in impatience, and almost runs to her door when the lock is released. He takes her straight into his arms, trying to kiss every part of her face at once, smile bright and light and incredibly happy.
Before she has a chance to ask what has come over him - and he can sense the question in the crease of her brow - he presses a finger to her lips. “Shh,” he hushes her, smile still on his face.
“I’m home.”