eat shit and dick
die pigs. eat pigs. ham. i went to school with someone named chris hamm. I remember I told people he had a crush on erin cobb. I did that to have power over him. that was one of the times when I was an ass hole. even I was an ass hole at times. even though most of the time. I was the one who got made fun of in those years, even though people got tired of it i guess, though, do you really get tired of it? does it get old?> yeah, probably. you ca oly laugh at someone so many times. you can only laugh at someone's expense so many times, then you're just disgusted that they don't get the point. well, I never asked to go to public school. just like I never asked to go to the hospital and owe over 6000 dollars, and i never asked for a medication that costs 300 dollars a month, though I have to admit that it makes me feel great so I don't plan to not take it, but shit, I didn't ask for it. so, fuck you guys. you shouldn't do this shit to me, you should just give me this shit, you know, uhh, because I am so awesome.
And you fucking know it. if I weren't awesome, you wouoldn't have given me this shit in the first place, you would have just let me die,
secret voices in music aren't so secret. you know, those quiet voices. why are they quiet, what's the point? the effect i guess. they want you to turn up the music or something? they know you're going to turn the music up so you can make out what they're saying if you realy want to know.
whoa, people falling. now I am just rambling. making out, people making out. I realized last night that david letterman is NOT funny at all. neither is jay leno. or craig ferguson. ellen degeneris, not funny. as a matter of fact, television really sucks, but i find myself watching television sometimes, uncontrollably watching television. when you watch televison, sometimes you have to pull yourself away. I keep hearing thumping sounds. I hear things, and I think that there's people at my door, but there's never anyone there. paranoia. last week, for a couple of days, I was drinking a lot of water, I kept thinking that I was wetting my pants, it was weird, because I never was wetting my pants, I just had to pee, and I had nothing better to think about than pissing, so I just imagined that I was pissing myself. overactive imagination.
why do I get bored so easily when there is so much I am supposed to do? I have no motivation, I don't want to do the things I have agreed to do. work, school, whatever. fuck these things. I want to forsake them. The strange thing is, I don't know what to put in there place. I am filled with this pointless angst. not even angst. it isn't suffering. It's not like I am unhappy, just bored, like I said.. Maybe I am unhappy. Maybe I am stil not in touch with my emotions. Maybe I am extremely pissed off and I can't feel it. What am I pissed off at? What is it? There is something that I can't seem to touch...there's something. something I want to get out, but I can't even comeprehend it, I don't feel like it's personal, but if everything is conected, then everything is personal in an indirect/direct way, so yes, it is personal. so what is it? craig ferguson is on. They pay this guy to talk about nothing for an hour. no one pays us to live, b ecause so many people suck at it.
I just had this startling realization. do I feel good most of the time, but just stuff that down? what does that mean? how does one do that? why would one do such a thing? to avoid all emotions I suppose. one would have to do that to avoid sadness and embarassment. shame. fear. it seems impossible. how can you do that? how could I? but I guess the mind is beyond understanding. who knows if I even really did such a thing, it's all speculation. I haven't even been to a psychologist, this is just something I have been told by a friend as an diagnosis of my condition, so, who knows. yeah, but you're the only one reading this, if even you are reading it.
I wonder if maybe we're not just all unhappy really. probably not. that seems terribly pessimistic. but pessimism and optimism are two ways of looking at the same thing. so I guess we can be either happy or or unhappy. but we wouldn't always be either one. fundamentally. so, scratch that thought. human nature isn't the pursuit of unhappiness, or is it?
death, oppression, and the pursuit of unhappiness
enough?
And you fucking know it. if I weren't awesome, you wouoldn't have given me this shit in the first place, you would have just let me die,
secret voices in music aren't so secret. you know, those quiet voices. why are they quiet, what's the point? the effect i guess. they want you to turn up the music or something? they know you're going to turn the music up so you can make out what they're saying if you realy want to know.
whoa, people falling. now I am just rambling. making out, people making out. I realized last night that david letterman is NOT funny at all. neither is jay leno. or craig ferguson. ellen degeneris, not funny. as a matter of fact, television really sucks, but i find myself watching television sometimes, uncontrollably watching television. when you watch televison, sometimes you have to pull yourself away. I keep hearing thumping sounds. I hear things, and I think that there's people at my door, but there's never anyone there. paranoia. last week, for a couple of days, I was drinking a lot of water, I kept thinking that I was wetting my pants, it was weird, because I never was wetting my pants, I just had to pee, and I had nothing better to think about than pissing, so I just imagined that I was pissing myself. overactive imagination.
why do I get bored so easily when there is so much I am supposed to do? I have no motivation, I don't want to do the things I have agreed to do. work, school, whatever. fuck these things. I want to forsake them. The strange thing is, I don't know what to put in there place. I am filled with this pointless angst. not even angst. it isn't suffering. It's not like I am unhappy, just bored, like I said.. Maybe I am unhappy. Maybe I am stil not in touch with my emotions. Maybe I am extremely pissed off and I can't feel it. What am I pissed off at? What is it? There is something that I can't seem to touch...there's something. something I want to get out, but I can't even comeprehend it, I don't feel like it's personal, but if everything is conected, then everything is personal in an indirect/direct way, so yes, it is personal. so what is it? craig ferguson is on. They pay this guy to talk about nothing for an hour. no one pays us to live, b ecause so many people suck at it.
I just had this startling realization. do I feel good most of the time, but just stuff that down? what does that mean? how does one do that? why would one do such a thing? to avoid all emotions I suppose. one would have to do that to avoid sadness and embarassment. shame. fear. it seems impossible. how can you do that? how could I? but I guess the mind is beyond understanding. who knows if I even really did such a thing, it's all speculation. I haven't even been to a psychologist, this is just something I have been told by a friend as an diagnosis of my condition, so, who knows. yeah, but you're the only one reading this, if even you are reading it.
I wonder if maybe we're not just all unhappy really. probably not. that seems terribly pessimistic. but pessimism and optimism are two ways of looking at the same thing. so I guess we can be either happy or or unhappy. but we wouldn't always be either one. fundamentally. so, scratch that thought. human nature isn't the pursuit of unhappiness, or is it?
death, oppression, and the pursuit of unhappiness
enough?