Change? When did that happen?
Lately I’ve been thinking about how much I’ve changed in the last two years - since high school. It’s probably because I’ve been thinking about my own exams and comparing them to year 12. Man, I still remember how stressed out I was - but also how lazy. I could have done so much better if I had actually tried. But I got into uni, so I guess it doesn’t matter. So why does it still nag at me?
But the main difference I’ve noticed is how much more stress I can handle. I used to deal with stress badly sometimes - to the point of even making myself sick (quite literally). That doesn’t happen anymore. For instance, doing the English Studies independent study was something I thought was a massive task. Yet now I knock out a 4000 word report in about 2 days, if I really have to. Not to mention the workload of far larger exams.
I remember someone I went to high school with saying that his brother had completed his SACE and was still unable to get a good job. Well no shit! If I had stopped learning at the end of high school, I wouldn’t have any of the more professional skills that I have today. I really knew nothing useful. I think back to some of my first assignments at uni - where I referenced only from the course reader!! - and think ‘what the fuck was I thinking?’. I had no concept of academia. I’m amazed that I wasn’t failed for being so stupid! But these are the skills you learn along the way, I guess. No-one tells you these things.
I guess I’ve changed a bit in my personality. I’ve actually been working on being less snobbish. It might sound ridiculous, but I had a bad habit of unintentionally snubbing people. I never meant to be rude to people, but I am absolutely terrible at small talk. Anyway, point of the matter is that it seems to have worked a bit. I think I come across as a much nicer person lately. Am I still judgemental about certain things? Fuck yeah. But I can’t change that much. At least I have some control over that.
Anyway, my exams are officially over for the year. I’m even getting that guilty feeling that I should be studying right now. Habit, I guess. That’s pretty much all I’ve done for the last month.
Anyway, it looks like this is the end of my introspective LJ posting. It had to happen sometime, right? Watch out, I’m getting all deep…and shit…yeah…stuff like that.