nostalgia and cigarettes
title: Nostalgia and Cigarettes[Part 10/?]
author: Sharmel
pairing: Tre/Billie
rating: R
disclaimer: I do not own any of the people in my story. I only own the plot and the words.
summary: "That was why fuck-buddies aren’t always a smart idea among band mates."
previous parts: Here
2000
Mike.
Seriously, I’ve had enough of this drama going on. I knew right from the get go that something like this would happen. I mean, fuck, the way they looked at each other when he first came over to my room…I knew they wouldn’t be able to take their hands off of each other. And at first, I was cool with it. They can do that casual fuck-buddy for all I care - just as long as they don’t fall in love with each other. Because love really fucks us up when we least expect and want it.
Especially their case; they’ve been glaring at each other to no end for years and years. Ever since I finally decided to confront Billie about it, they act so fucking moody or completely mute around each other. I knew this would happen. Billie may act like a complete jackass, but when he actually falls in love with someone, it’s hard for him to move on. But that was the thing. I knew for a fact that Billie falling in love was a rare case - it was like a fucking epiphany if he ever did. And so when I had the feeling they were doing it, I didn’t really give a shit. Because I didn’t expect him to fall him love.
But over a year after they met, I noticed changes. He acted different when he talked to Tre. I mean, a normal person wouldn’t have noticed it, but since he was my best friend and all, I knew him inside out - as cheesy as it sounds. And that was when I started to get worried. I didn’t say anything though, because I could’ve been wrong.
However, when we were in the process of Dookie, my suspicions were confirmed. I saw them making out in the washroom, and I was right about to leave when I overheard them share a vow of I love you’s. And shit, the way they said it to each other was like in the movies. It sounded as if they actually - and truly - meant it.
That was when I was concerned. Green Day was my life - my everything. So I had to make sure there was peace among our band and to maintain it. And hours later, after the whole washroom scene, I confronted Billie. I knew that if anyone were to screw up a relationship, he would be the man to blame.
After a talk with him, I asked him if he actually loved Tre. He came out with: “I’m working on it.”
Now, I’ve always known that my best friend would say the utmost bullshit and come up with pathetic lies, but I never really expected him to go that far. Especially with something that could potentially jeopardize the band. After those words slipped out of his mouth, for the first time, I really wanted to knock some sense to him.
But after years of friendship with him, I knew better than to give him anything but a stern warning. That was what I did. And of course, it didn’t do shit. He did screw over our band. Tre ran away for a few days while we were in the fucking process of recording Dookie, and it was none other than Billie-fucking-Joe’s fault for his quick escape. I couldn’t blame the poor fellow though, Tre seemed so fucking hopeless when he came back. And I could just picture him right after Billie tore apart his heart. I was surprised he even came back.
That was why fuck-buddies aren’t always a smart idea among band mates.
Basically, from the years 1994 to 1999, all was pretty much hell for our band. I was surprised we even lasted that long. The worst was when we had to record an album. The atmosphere of the room was always tense, bitter, and painful. The two barely talked, and when they did, it only dealt strictly with the music arrangements and whatnot. I always hated recording for that reason. At least when we were actually touring, we spent most of our time in our own tour buses.
And when we did interviews, we pretended to be all buddies and pals. We were good at pretending at that. I wished we didn’t have to pretend. It would be less stressful.
Now, I’m no bloody love expert or anything, but it was pretty crystal clear that they were still madly in love with each other. If you didn’t figure that out after befriending those two morons for years, you’re an even bigger moron. And honestly, they probably knew it, too. For all I knew, one of them could be begging the other one to come crawling back - my money’s on Billie, just saying.
At least, I knew for a fact that Billie was still in love with him. Like I said before, once Billie falls in love, it’s so hard for him to move on which was why he hardly ever fell in love - if ever. He rarely went on dates in the first place before he met Tre. Sorry, let me correct myself, he went on dates all the time. He rarely went out with the same person more than once. Not that Billie was a player or anything. He wasn’t a complete jackass.
So as we were in the middle of recording our newest album, Warning, I finally drew the line. Billie had just gone through a divorce and was so impatient about anything and everything. His patience was as thin as thread, especially when it came down to the music. He spent countless hours in the studio making the sounds perfect in his goddamn ears. Tre and I pretty much sat there quietly whenever we weren’t recording a drum fill or a bass line. We didn’t get much of a say in the album. We should’ve just changed the band name from Green Day to Billie Joe and the Boys band.
And frankly, after several weeks of that, I was sick of it. Surely Tre was sick of it as well, but from their past history together, he wouldn’t grow the balls to stand up for him and I. So that basically left me. Fortunately for our band, I wasn’t some hopeless, love-sick puppy or a push-over idiot, which meant I could stick up for myself and have a word with the hotshot guitarist.
“Mike, goddamnit. We just went over this, you’re suppose to play -”
I had enough of his bitching. My patience for the man in front of me was gone. Someone needed to smack some senses into him, even if it meant getting downright physical. Who other than me to do it?
Careless, I dropped my bass down which made a loud bang sound that echoed through the recording room. He stopped talking. And before he could say anything else, I shoved him against the wall. My hand grabbed the collar of his shirt roughly while my other hand curled into a shape of a fist. My breathing became shallow as anger was steadily seeping through my veins. After reading the expression of his face, he knew I wasn’t fucking around.
He gulped as he blinked in astonishment. “M-Mike?”
I shook my head angrily. I debated whether or not to hit him in the face, but decided not to - at least, not yet. But I kept my fist raised, in case he says or does something stupid that would fuel my already spiked frustration and annoyance toward him.
“No, shut the hell up, Billie. I’m so sick of your goddamn bitching. Excuse my next few words here, so I apologize in advance, but just because you got fucking divorced does not give you the right to control Green Day. Our band is not a fucking dictatorship, it’s a democracy. We’re in this together. We make decisions together. Now stop acting like you’re the head honcho and be a team player. Stop trying to make the record perfect, and by that, I mean making it perfect to only your ears. Stop excluding Tre and I. We’re part of this band, too, goddamnit.”
Billie swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn’t say anything at first, but the expressions on his face gave away his thoughts. At first, he was still taking all of what I said in. And afterward, he seemed to have even felt guilt and regret. But I don’t know what happened next because the next thing I knew it, he began to thrash around, trying to make me let him go. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t going to give up so easily.
“Asshole, you think I’m excluding you and Tre? If I wanted to fucking exclude you, I would’ve gone solo. And you know it. We’ve been together from the start, and we are doing this together. Why do you hate it that I want this album to be fucking perfect? Like, fuck Mike, haven’t you noticed the steady decrease of our record sales? And don’t even bring up my divorce. It has nothing to do with our band, and it is none of your goddamn business either.” His eyes were narrowed as he glared at me. His body was still struggling to get out of my grasp, but I wasn’t done with him yet.
“None of my business? Of course it’s my business. First of all, you’re my fucking best friend and I care about you. Secondly, once it affects the band, it definitely becomes my business. Look at you, you’re a mess. And don’t even bring up record sales. Like really, when we first started to play music, you were so fucking happy that we sold a single record. Now that we can’t sell as much as records as Dookie, you become insecure as fuck. Just, please Billie, I don’t care what you do, but help me. Help me get this band back up to its feet. Help me get rid of this goddamn tension clouding our air. I’m begging you Billie, let’s stop this strain in our band, for your sake, my sake, and Tre’s sake.”
His body finally became limp. He rested his head back and closed his eyes. My words finally got to him. Then, he nodded slowly and a smile crept onto my face.
Finally, his eyes opened and his eyes were damp. “I’m so sorry, Mike. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. I’m a fucking idiot,” he whispered.
I sighed and shook my head. I wrapped my arms around his fragile body and gave him a much needed hug. He buried his face into my hair, and I smelled the aroma of cigarettes and cologne that clung onto his clothes. My hand began to rub his back gently. “It’s okay, Billie. You’ve gone through a lot. I’m sorry for being to harsh, but I didn’t know how else to get my point across.”
He shook his head, and I felt wet tears drop onto my neck. “No Mike, you’re right. You’re always right,” he paused for a second as his hand wiped away some of the tears in his eyes, “and you know what, Mike? I should’ve listened to you. You warned me something like this would happen. And I’m an idiot. I still…he’s still…”
He couldn’t say it, but I knew what he meant. So I held him closer. “You still love him, don’t you?”
He nodded as he broke free from the hug. He faced me once more, his eyes were red and puffy, and Jesus, he looked like a fucking mess. “Why can’t I get over him? He’s married. He’s happily married. He has a wonderful daughter. He’s over me. I should be over him. But I still love him. And, and god, I just…”
I let out another sigh as I placed a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t stop loving someone just like that, Billie. But soon, you’ll finally to let go. Just give it some more time. Like, if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. Love kinda sucks that way, you know?”
Again, he nodded and closed his eyes as he leaned against the wall. “I still wish that I listened to you. You know me so well, and you knew like this was bound to happen. But no, I was careless and young, and did it anyway. And because I wasn’t careful enough, I lost the one person who meant the world to me. I wish I never lied to you. It was such a small lie, too. I didn’t realize such a small thing could end up blowing in my face.”
I stood beside him and leaned against the wall as well. He rested his head on my shoulder. It was just like old times.
“Life can be a bitch, especially love. All we can do is just get through it. But don’t worry man, I always have your back. Always.”
If only things were as easy as the good old days. Then things wouldn’t have to be this hard on any of us.
--------------------------
First of all, I can't believe this reached 10 parts already. I feel so accomplished.
And secondly, my last few chapters have been longer than usual. I hardly ever write over 2000 words or even close to that amount per part.
I guess I just really enjoy writing this story, haha.
But anyway, I particularly enjoyed writing this part. In some ways, Mike's POV was easier to write. I hope there's a distinction of the writing style between the different POV's, hah.
Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Any comments are loved. <3
author: Sharmel
pairing: Tre/Billie
rating: R
disclaimer: I do not own any of the people in my story. I only own the plot and the words.
summary: "That was why fuck-buddies aren’t always a smart idea among band mates."
previous parts: Here
2000
Mike.
Seriously, I’ve had enough of this drama going on. I knew right from the get go that something like this would happen. I mean, fuck, the way they looked at each other when he first came over to my room…I knew they wouldn’t be able to take their hands off of each other. And at first, I was cool with it. They can do that casual fuck-buddy for all I care - just as long as they don’t fall in love with each other. Because love really fucks us up when we least expect and want it.
Especially their case; they’ve been glaring at each other to no end for years and years. Ever since I finally decided to confront Billie about it, they act so fucking moody or completely mute around each other. I knew this would happen. Billie may act like a complete jackass, but when he actually falls in love with someone, it’s hard for him to move on. But that was the thing. I knew for a fact that Billie falling in love was a rare case - it was like a fucking epiphany if he ever did. And so when I had the feeling they were doing it, I didn’t really give a shit. Because I didn’t expect him to fall him love.
But over a year after they met, I noticed changes. He acted different when he talked to Tre. I mean, a normal person wouldn’t have noticed it, but since he was my best friend and all, I knew him inside out - as cheesy as it sounds. And that was when I started to get worried. I didn’t say anything though, because I could’ve been wrong.
However, when we were in the process of Dookie, my suspicions were confirmed. I saw them making out in the washroom, and I was right about to leave when I overheard them share a vow of I love you’s. And shit, the way they said it to each other was like in the movies. It sounded as if they actually - and truly - meant it.
That was when I was concerned. Green Day was my life - my everything. So I had to make sure there was peace among our band and to maintain it. And hours later, after the whole washroom scene, I confronted Billie. I knew that if anyone were to screw up a relationship, he would be the man to blame.
After a talk with him, I asked him if he actually loved Tre. He came out with: “I’m working on it.”
Now, I’ve always known that my best friend would say the utmost bullshit and come up with pathetic lies, but I never really expected him to go that far. Especially with something that could potentially jeopardize the band. After those words slipped out of his mouth, for the first time, I really wanted to knock some sense to him.
But after years of friendship with him, I knew better than to give him anything but a stern warning. That was what I did. And of course, it didn’t do shit. He did screw over our band. Tre ran away for a few days while we were in the fucking process of recording Dookie, and it was none other than Billie-fucking-Joe’s fault for his quick escape. I couldn’t blame the poor fellow though, Tre seemed so fucking hopeless when he came back. And I could just picture him right after Billie tore apart his heart. I was surprised he even came back.
That was why fuck-buddies aren’t always a smart idea among band mates.
Basically, from the years 1994 to 1999, all was pretty much hell for our band. I was surprised we even lasted that long. The worst was when we had to record an album. The atmosphere of the room was always tense, bitter, and painful. The two barely talked, and when they did, it only dealt strictly with the music arrangements and whatnot. I always hated recording for that reason. At least when we were actually touring, we spent most of our time in our own tour buses.
And when we did interviews, we pretended to be all buddies and pals. We were good at pretending at that. I wished we didn’t have to pretend. It would be less stressful.
Now, I’m no bloody love expert or anything, but it was pretty crystal clear that they were still madly in love with each other. If you didn’t figure that out after befriending those two morons for years, you’re an even bigger moron. And honestly, they probably knew it, too. For all I knew, one of them could be begging the other one to come crawling back - my money’s on Billie, just saying.
At least, I knew for a fact that Billie was still in love with him. Like I said before, once Billie falls in love, it’s so hard for him to move on which was why he hardly ever fell in love - if ever. He rarely went on dates in the first place before he met Tre. Sorry, let me correct myself, he went on dates all the time. He rarely went out with the same person more than once. Not that Billie was a player or anything. He wasn’t a complete jackass.
So as we were in the middle of recording our newest album, Warning, I finally drew the line. Billie had just gone through a divorce and was so impatient about anything and everything. His patience was as thin as thread, especially when it came down to the music. He spent countless hours in the studio making the sounds perfect in his goddamn ears. Tre and I pretty much sat there quietly whenever we weren’t recording a drum fill or a bass line. We didn’t get much of a say in the album. We should’ve just changed the band name from Green Day to Billie Joe and the Boys band.
And frankly, after several weeks of that, I was sick of it. Surely Tre was sick of it as well, but from their past history together, he wouldn’t grow the balls to stand up for him and I. So that basically left me. Fortunately for our band, I wasn’t some hopeless, love-sick puppy or a push-over idiot, which meant I could stick up for myself and have a word with the hotshot guitarist.
“Mike, goddamnit. We just went over this, you’re suppose to play -”
I had enough of his bitching. My patience for the man in front of me was gone. Someone needed to smack some senses into him, even if it meant getting downright physical. Who other than me to do it?
Careless, I dropped my bass down which made a loud bang sound that echoed through the recording room. He stopped talking. And before he could say anything else, I shoved him against the wall. My hand grabbed the collar of his shirt roughly while my other hand curled into a shape of a fist. My breathing became shallow as anger was steadily seeping through my veins. After reading the expression of his face, he knew I wasn’t fucking around.
He gulped as he blinked in astonishment. “M-Mike?”
I shook my head angrily. I debated whether or not to hit him in the face, but decided not to - at least, not yet. But I kept my fist raised, in case he says or does something stupid that would fuel my already spiked frustration and annoyance toward him.
“No, shut the hell up, Billie. I’m so sick of your goddamn bitching. Excuse my next few words here, so I apologize in advance, but just because you got fucking divorced does not give you the right to control Green Day. Our band is not a fucking dictatorship, it’s a democracy. We’re in this together. We make decisions together. Now stop acting like you’re the head honcho and be a team player. Stop trying to make the record perfect, and by that, I mean making it perfect to only your ears. Stop excluding Tre and I. We’re part of this band, too, goddamnit.”
Billie swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn’t say anything at first, but the expressions on his face gave away his thoughts. At first, he was still taking all of what I said in. And afterward, he seemed to have even felt guilt and regret. But I don’t know what happened next because the next thing I knew it, he began to thrash around, trying to make me let him go. Unfortunately for him, I wasn’t going to give up so easily.
“Asshole, you think I’m excluding you and Tre? If I wanted to fucking exclude you, I would’ve gone solo. And you know it. We’ve been together from the start, and we are doing this together. Why do you hate it that I want this album to be fucking perfect? Like, fuck Mike, haven’t you noticed the steady decrease of our record sales? And don’t even bring up my divorce. It has nothing to do with our band, and it is none of your goddamn business either.” His eyes were narrowed as he glared at me. His body was still struggling to get out of my grasp, but I wasn’t done with him yet.
“None of my business? Of course it’s my business. First of all, you’re my fucking best friend and I care about you. Secondly, once it affects the band, it definitely becomes my business. Look at you, you’re a mess. And don’t even bring up record sales. Like really, when we first started to play music, you were so fucking happy that we sold a single record. Now that we can’t sell as much as records as Dookie, you become insecure as fuck. Just, please Billie, I don’t care what you do, but help me. Help me get this band back up to its feet. Help me get rid of this goddamn tension clouding our air. I’m begging you Billie, let’s stop this strain in our band, for your sake, my sake, and Tre’s sake.”
His body finally became limp. He rested his head back and closed his eyes. My words finally got to him. Then, he nodded slowly and a smile crept onto my face.
Finally, his eyes opened and his eyes were damp. “I’m so sorry, Mike. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. I’m a fucking idiot,” he whispered.
I sighed and shook my head. I wrapped my arms around his fragile body and gave him a much needed hug. He buried his face into my hair, and I smelled the aroma of cigarettes and cologne that clung onto his clothes. My hand began to rub his back gently. “It’s okay, Billie. You’ve gone through a lot. I’m sorry for being to harsh, but I didn’t know how else to get my point across.”
He shook his head, and I felt wet tears drop onto my neck. “No Mike, you’re right. You’re always right,” he paused for a second as his hand wiped away some of the tears in his eyes, “and you know what, Mike? I should’ve listened to you. You warned me something like this would happen. And I’m an idiot. I still…he’s still…”
He couldn’t say it, but I knew what he meant. So I held him closer. “You still love him, don’t you?”
He nodded as he broke free from the hug. He faced me once more, his eyes were red and puffy, and Jesus, he looked like a fucking mess. “Why can’t I get over him? He’s married. He’s happily married. He has a wonderful daughter. He’s over me. I should be over him. But I still love him. And, and god, I just…”
I let out another sigh as I placed a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t stop loving someone just like that, Billie. But soon, you’ll finally to let go. Just give it some more time. Like, if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. Love kinda sucks that way, you know?”
Again, he nodded and closed his eyes as he leaned against the wall. “I still wish that I listened to you. You know me so well, and you knew like this was bound to happen. But no, I was careless and young, and did it anyway. And because I wasn’t careful enough, I lost the one person who meant the world to me. I wish I never lied to you. It was such a small lie, too. I didn’t realize such a small thing could end up blowing in my face.”
I stood beside him and leaned against the wall as well. He rested his head on my shoulder. It was just like old times.
“Life can be a bitch, especially love. All we can do is just get through it. But don’t worry man, I always have your back. Always.”
If only things were as easy as the good old days. Then things wouldn’t have to be this hard on any of us.
--------------------------
First of all, I can't believe this reached 10 parts already. I feel so accomplished.
And secondly, my last few chapters have been longer than usual. I hardly ever write over 2000 words or even close to that amount per part.
I guess I just really enjoy writing this story, haha.
But anyway, I particularly enjoyed writing this part. In some ways, Mike's POV was easier to write. I hope there's a distinction of the writing style between the different POV's, hah.
Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Any comments are loved. <3