Mid Day Irrational Rationale
It's just one of those things that you can't avoid. Even when you think the odds are on your side. Just as you think you're in the clear and you wouldn't possibly see him again, you turn a corner and there his is. Stops you dead in your tracks until you fell your body spining you around and taking your down the adjacent street. He's everywhere these days, at your work, on the bus, in the halls, in the streets, in the stores. At one point, you'd spend your time wondering why you never saw him outside of the time you spent together and now you can't escape him. It's one of But, I bet you never thought what you would do or how you would react when you saw him the next time after the breakup, the great demise, the gloomy defeat. The first time you forced out a smile and a quick wave then went on your way, avoiding small talk at any cause as if it would be enough to break your legs and keep you there for eternity. In that very spot you never wanted to be again. The next time your veins filled with fear and you panic - quickly taking a sharp turn to avoid any sort of contact or acknowledgement of existance. To "spare yourself" from the pain you once said, you were too "good" for his childish games. The fear doesn't stop there, it creeps up and transformed itself into paranoia. You wonder if you should have stayed the course and just smiled and perhaps engaged in small talk. You should have been a good boy. The kind your parents raised you to be, polite and considerate. Taught you to never be selfish or demanding, never taking more than what was offered and always smiled. "Now play nice" they would say. No one would ever play nice. Even then, everyone was out only for themselves. It was in the sand box that you learnt that you needed to look out for only one person, and that was you. But your parents never taught you how to deal fear or how to pick up your life after you lost your heart and forgot about number one. It's must be some sort of weakness, personality flaw. Not just the fear and the panic, but the whole thing, the entire relationship. You start to believe it was just a part of some emotional longing to latch onto something, hopefully something constant, something safe. Which, is ironic when you think about it isn't it? You want to latch onto something, or someone, but that someone is constantly moving and full of their own doubts. How could they be answer? This is the thorn in your side, the source of your longing, your constant weakness. You are the last true soldier of the world, an invidual strong and determined to force his own path in the world; alone. There isn't time for this emotional longing. You mustn't forget about that valuable lesson of the sand box. Survival is key is you want to keep forging your own path. You must force out your weakness as if by forcing it out you would get rid of it. By ignoring it and keeping focus you would deprave it of energy and it would eventually cease to be. Quick! The plague is coming!Best to force it out before it can do anymore harm. And you start to see him as a blessing. You're thankful that things didn't work out int he way they were suppose to be - the Disney version of "suppose to." And THANK GOD for that! A "suppose to" ending would mean distraction from your mission.