i am spartacus.
How does one address a pigeon?
Today I sat, as I often do, in Washington Square with my lunch. As I ate my Spartacus (a delicious concoction of a whole wheat crepe filled with goat cheese, figs, walnuts, and greens made by the lovely fellows at Crepe Creations), I noticed a pigeon approaching. I could see, clearly, that he was after my Spartacus, which I, clearly, could not let him have.
“Shoo!” I shushed. “Mine, not yours!”
Although I was not faced with strange stares or disappointing glares from those around me who had witnessed this event, I suddenly felt completely ridiculous. As if a pigeon could understand the statement “Mine, not yours!” From my tone of voice, he had got the right idea, but I couldn’t help but think that my word choice was absurd.
But what word choice would have been better?
A reasonable tone: “Excuse me, pigeon, but this Spartacus is mine.”
Angry and offensive: “Get away from my Spartacus!”
But, of course, it is silly to use words at all! Pigeons do not know English. Or French, or German, or Spanish, Chinese, Latin, Pig Latin, or any other language that civilized people are usually trained in. What, then, would be better? The attempt to squawk and communicate in the bird’s native tongue? Incomprehensible shouting? Silence accompanied by flapping and flailing movements? I could ignore him completely, but that seems rude and counterintuitive to the purpose of having him avoid my Spartacus!
Does this say something about me? Us? Americans? Human beings? When faced with a creature with which we do not share a common language but communication of some kind is definitely possible, which reasonable means should we utilize to pursue such communication? Do we learn its language and butcher it on our clumsy lips? Try to communicate using crass body language? Ignore the issue altogether? Is this some greater metaphor about the unwillingness of man to change his ways or about his careless regard for creatures he deems to be below him in some universal class system?
Perhaps not.
But it does beg the question:
How does one address a pigeon?