(no subject)
Why We Love Children
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I p*ssed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT???' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,'explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move.'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said,
'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
A mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
'Yes, and my Mom says it's a b*tch to iron.'
6. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said;
'The sky is falling in, the sky is falling in!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said;
'Holy Sh*t - a talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I p*ssed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT???' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,'explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move.'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said,
'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
A mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
'Yes, and my Mom says it's a b*tch to iron.'
6. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said;
'The sky is falling in, the sky is falling in!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said;
'Holy Sh*t - a talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.