Digging for veins.
I knew I was nervous about today but I guess I didn’t know by how much until I walked threw the entrance in G block at Charlie gardener hospital and the sickening stench of hospital hit me. With the combination of sights and smells I was instently transported back to last year and I didn’t like it one bit. I should have brought someone with me so I didn’t get too panicked but hey I keep on thinking I am big strong and tough I can handle this. Plus I really don’t want to drag my friends into the realm of waiting rooms and seeing me all fragile. I think I have spent this year trying to convince everyone I am all good most of all my self. Arh the power of positive thinking nothing really happened today while i was getting my Ct scan done. It’s more that it messes with my head, plus I have really really really crap veins and only true heroes seem to be able to find them. But they keep on trying hit and miss and mostly its miss. Its okay when the needle goes in, cool when it’s your inner elbow. It’s when they stop and start digging around that it kills and when they try you hand and do the same again. Last time it was bad it took a nurse two times then a doctor another three shots and then they called the magical anaesthetists who have the almighty power and where not talking taking a wee bit of blood needles nope we are talking lets put some radioactive dye directly into your veins needle size.
So I am sitting in the waiting room and drinking the damn contrast fluid thinking of ways to distract myself from the old and young sick people and the fact I still recognise most of the orderlies. And I start calling, messaging and generally bugging people. Luckily I have a few numbers in my phone otherwise I really would have bugged you all. In the end I pulled out a Lotol mag you know the NSW free Dyke mag and attempt to read it in then I thought hey lets just leave it with all the women’s day mags in the hope it may entertain another or jolt them up a bit. Then I walked in for the dreaded needle moment and yep it happened again no vein cal down a doc still no vein put arms in water still no vein???
While this was going on I started to tell entertaining stories to the doc so I told one about my friend Katie from last year who was 22 and had a 18 months old son and hubby. Katie was a tiny girl a fellow chemo patient who was facing her third bout of leukaemia. I was reminded of her by the thought of all the bruises I will have on my arm tomorrow. Anyway one day while out and about she jumped into a TAXI the guy driving turned around and looked her up and down with her bald head and extremely bruised arms and said ‘I don’t take heron addicts.’ Which is so what the fuck I am a chemo patient but he refused to take her and she had to find another TAXI. The last fucking thing you want to do when you get so tired that getting dressed requires a nap afterwards. So I was thinking back about Katie and it made me smile, entertained the doc and distracted me from the digging of the needle. After he walked out after giving up and deciding I don’t need the contrast dye that much. I kind of kept thinking of Katie and my other mate Ross(60 old dude) who also had Lukemiea. They where both two special people and we made each other smile when we where in some seriously shitty moments let alone pain baby pain. It hurts to know they are both dead especially knowing how hard they fought to be here and how many people and kids they leave behind. I was thinking how they would laughing right with me as the damn needles are digging around trying to find the bloody elusive vein for the hundredth time. How they would be both angles where ever they are.
So I am sitting in the waiting room and drinking the damn contrast fluid thinking of ways to distract myself from the old and young sick people and the fact I still recognise most of the orderlies. And I start calling, messaging and generally bugging people. Luckily I have a few numbers in my phone otherwise I really would have bugged you all. In the end I pulled out a Lotol mag you know the NSW free Dyke mag and attempt to read it in then I thought hey lets just leave it with all the women’s day mags in the hope it may entertain another or jolt them up a bit. Then I walked in for the dreaded needle moment and yep it happened again no vein cal down a doc still no vein put arms in water still no vein???
While this was going on I started to tell entertaining stories to the doc so I told one about my friend Katie from last year who was 22 and had a 18 months old son and hubby. Katie was a tiny girl a fellow chemo patient who was facing her third bout of leukaemia. I was reminded of her by the thought of all the bruises I will have on my arm tomorrow. Anyway one day while out and about she jumped into a TAXI the guy driving turned around and looked her up and down with her bald head and extremely bruised arms and said ‘I don’t take heron addicts.’ Which is so what the fuck I am a chemo patient but he refused to take her and she had to find another TAXI. The last fucking thing you want to do when you get so tired that getting dressed requires a nap afterwards. So I was thinking back about Katie and it made me smile, entertained the doc and distracted me from the digging of the needle. After he walked out after giving up and deciding I don’t need the contrast dye that much. I kind of kept thinking of Katie and my other mate Ross(60 old dude) who also had Lukemiea. They where both two special people and we made each other smile when we where in some seriously shitty moments let alone pain baby pain. It hurts to know they are both dead especially knowing how hard they fought to be here and how many people and kids they leave behind. I was thinking how they would laughing right with me as the damn needles are digging around trying to find the bloody elusive vein for the hundredth time. How they would be both angles where ever they are.