it's been a long time.
it's been a long time since I last visited LJ.
I first started joining this site because I simply wanted to stalk Arashi' stuff. Yeah, since that time about 3 years has passed. Many things changed. Many things happened. Life didn't go well. I realized what my choices led to. I was confused. I regretted. I got upset. I broke down. There were times I sinked in absolute desperation. There were times I felt like hibernating all day, shutting down my mind. There were times I wanted to throw away these bullshit and start over. Physical state weakened, sickness came, weight lost, alopecia. I never felt so bad before.
But everything will pass, no matter how long it takes, right?
Now thinking back I don't know how I managed to overcome such time or what kind of motivation propped me up standing still. I was just... reminding myself that I have a mother and a younger brother to take care, to protect, and to live for.
Life showed me no mercy. Therefore, I self-learned how to cry less and do more, to complain less and move more.
I'm turning 20 next month - an important mark in people's lifetime. I haven't done anything big such as winning a contest or any semester scholarships. I haven't reached anywhere farther than this city and my hometown. I still keep on learning and improving Japanese despite busy schedule. I'm doing freelance translation for subsistence expenses. I'm struggling with my major study (graphic design), which is wearing out my health day by day. You may say tch she resigned herself to her life or whatsoever. After all, I'm just an awkward so-called adult trying to take responsibility for what I chose, an trying-to-be-good-and-useful daughter/big sister.
Re-visiting this site brings back such sweet memories of my old enthusiastic days *nostalgic mode activated*.
My English is kinda crappy as it was 3 years ago, I guess. Oh, there is one thing didn't and might never change : I don't like English. You can see it as a lame excuse for this lame entry, haha.
- re-read all over and silently wish I could be more skillful in writing -
I first started joining this site because I simply wanted to stalk Arashi' stuff. Yeah, since that time about 3 years has passed. Many things changed. Many things happened. Life didn't go well. I realized what my choices led to. I was confused. I regretted. I got upset. I broke down. There were times I sinked in absolute desperation. There were times I felt like hibernating all day, shutting down my mind. There were times I wanted to throw away these bullshit and start over. Physical state weakened, sickness came, weight lost, alopecia. I never felt so bad before.
But everything will pass, no matter how long it takes, right?
Now thinking back I don't know how I managed to overcome such time or what kind of motivation propped me up standing still. I was just... reminding myself that I have a mother and a younger brother to take care, to protect, and to live for.
Life showed me no mercy. Therefore, I self-learned how to cry less and do more, to complain less and move more.
I'm turning 20 next month - an important mark in people's lifetime. I haven't done anything big such as winning a contest or any semester scholarships. I haven't reached anywhere farther than this city and my hometown. I still keep on learning and improving Japanese despite busy schedule. I'm doing freelance translation for subsistence expenses. I'm struggling with my major study (graphic design), which is wearing out my health day by day. You may say tch she resigned herself to her life or whatsoever. After all, I'm just an awkward so-called adult trying to take responsibility for what I chose, an trying-to-be-good-and-useful daughter/big sister.
Re-visiting this site brings back such sweet memories of my old enthusiastic days *nostalgic mode activated*.
My English is kinda crappy as it was 3 years ago, I guess. Oh, there is one thing didn't and might never change : I don't like English. You can see it as a lame excuse for this lame entry, haha.
- re-read all over and silently wish I could be more skillful in writing -