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I posted this long piece of navel-gazing recently under friendslock. Enough people said it resonated with them that I thought I might as well post an open version too. (So if you read that post, there's absolutely nothing new in this one. I haven't changed a word of it except this intro paragraph.) If you want to quote anything or link to this
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Seriously, this comment is basically all the justification I could ever ask for having reposted it. I'm someone who needs to mull things over and over and over inside my head until I'm sure of what I want to articulate, which is why I held off on talking about this (for a long, long time) until I could say something coherent -- but it was huge for me to read other people's thoughts, even when only some of them resonated with me, so part of my reason for posting was wanting to pay it forward.
I'm sorry you're stuck in that dilemma -- it's no fun, even when it's just hypothetical, let alone when it isn't. But I'm very glad I could help with at least putting words to it. And I'm also glad to hear that you have an awesome marriage! And kids who I have no doubt are also entirely awesome. (Not just because I wish you well, o anonymous stranger, although I certainly do; also because every story like that is a heartening one, to me.) I hope you find a solution to it that works for you, whatever that may look like.
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