Spike in Wanderland - Book 3-2: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Crossovers
TITLE: Spike in Wanderland - Book 3 Part 2: by myfeetshowit
Characters: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Multiple Crossovers
Summary: Post 'NFA' a dazed and confused Spike wanders through time and space meeting with the most interesting people--from Dr. Who to Riddick. Meanwhile, an equally confused and dazed Wolfram & Hart attempts to repair the damage done to their business, and to get revenge on Spike.
Rating: PG13 for lots of mentions of blood, guts and violence, crude humor.
Category: Humor
Warnings/Notes: There are links to manips of Spike and the various cross-over characters. These are large and may take a while to download. They are fun to see, but not necessary to understand the story.
The apocalypse is set in motion. Oh and Bruttenholm is still pronounced Broom.
For the beginning of this bizarre tale, please start with Book 1.
Spike... In Wanderland Part 3-2
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Surveillance on subject, William T Bloody
Dear Sirs:
Mr. Bloody has left the city. We were unable to predict his leap but were able to trace him to Colorado of the later 1800s, where he sought medical treatment from this woman.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/MedSpike1.jpg
Our psychics have discovered that Mr. Bloody is still immune to the effects of sunlight - or at least his tolerance has increased considerably.
He still travels mostly at night, and appears to limit his daylight exposure to under an hour. We are unsure if this is due to physical discomfort or simply a matter of habit. He now has a heartbeat and pulse; both are well below human norm.
Although Mr. Bloody appears to be in some pain he still exhibits the strength and speed that would be expected from a vampire of his age.
We know that Ms. Quinn treated him with medicines that came from the Cheyenne. What remains uncertain is how much of Mr. Bloody's current condition derives from his possession by Ka-Lee and Sam Beckett, how much from his barbecue with Godzilla, and how much from this latest medical treatment.
Is William Sanshuing? Will he revert to vampire? Will he become fully human or evolve to some state between human and vampire?
Mr. Bloody's temporal portation devices are able to limit any accidental meetings William might have with himself. Our mystics feel that his changing status - human, vampire, vampire with soul, vampire with soul who is evolving into something other than vampire - is keeping time stable even though he exists twice in the same time frame.
Should he sanshu into fully human while still co-existing with his human self there could be dire consequences. Wolfram & Hart should be prepared to take advantage of this.
Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you make this situation work out to your benefit.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
Subject: Mandatory meeting to discuss the 'Kill Billy' project.
The Temporal Management division believes they have discovered a COCKUP that can be used to provide a bloody demise for Mr. Bloody. You are invited to a meeting this afternoon 14:30. Attendance is mandatory even if it does interfere with your hibernation cycle or golf game.
Respectfully submitted,
Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
**********
To: EMPLOYEES_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Maintenance, Cornelius DCLXVX, House of Cornelii
Subject: The feeding and care of Mystic Hamsters
Was anyone aware that if you overfeed a mystic hamster it reproduces?
Uhm, I didn't know that and I guess I was overfeeding because it seems we have an oversupply of mystic hamsters. They're worse than Tribbles! Medical says not to panic about the numbers of the hamsters wandering the halls because it takes several weeks of exposure before your brain starts to rot.
However, under no circumstances should you try to pet one.
There is a possibility that mutation is involved because the hamsters got loose by gnawing their way through wire cages and then steel doors. I don't think even mystic hamsters can do that under normal circumstances.
It must have been the dog chow!
Anyway, if one wants to sit in your chair I suggest you let it. If one wants to eat your chair I definitely suggest you let it.
Senior Partner - Cornelius DCLXVX
**********
To: EMPLOYEES_ALL
From: Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
Subject: New hiring practices.
THE Senior Partner wishes me to advise all employees that a change has been made in hiring practices. It is now possible to 'nominate' someone for certain job positions. When these jobs become available, 'No Blood Ties required/Nominations Allowed' will replace 'blood ties' requirements.
If no one volu...uh...applies for the position, the first person to receive 3 nominations for the position will be appointed.
Rules & Restrictions:
THE Senior Partner wishes me to advise all employees that there is a new job opening in Maintenance.
Title: Senior Partner - Maintenance
Requirements: 'No Blood Ties Required/Nominations Allowed'
If there are no applicants or nominees, then someone WILL be appointed to the position. Nominate your worst enemy before he nominates you!
Respectfully submitted,
Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
**********
To: EMPLOYEES_ALL
From: Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
Subject: Minutes from the COCKUP meeting
Per THE Senior Partner's request the Temporal Management division has taken a long look for any possible Choice Opportunity for Cascading Kinetic Upheaval of the Past (COCKUP) that may have occurred during William The Bloody's life and unlife time.
Because of the number of new Senior Partners, the Senior Partner of Temporal Management gave a brief explanation of COCKUPs.
~~~~~
It is extremely difficult to make changes to the temporal timeline (note: more commonly known as The Past). Even if manual changes are made to The Past, time will attempt to 'heal' itself by changing other past events in such a manner that the initial manual change is overwritten.
You are probably all aware of the epic poem "The House That Jack Built*". This is an example of an extremely well-done COCKUP where placing a bag of Malt in a building site led to a marriage that was highly desirable to Wolfram & Hart. (Mother Goose chose not to continue the story because of the violent content!)
~~~~~
The Senior Partner of Temporal Management then reported the discovery that in the 1940's William the Bloody crossed paths with this gentleman and went on to explain the plan.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/VHSpike1.jpg
~~~~~
Vampire and vampire hunter occupied rooms next to each other. Neither was aware of the other. Temporal Management believes we can create a COCKUP that will keep the intrepid vampire hunter in place long enough to draw his attention to William the Bloody.
It is expected that Dr. Van Helsing will then dust Mr. Bloody. The focus of the COCKUP is a young boy from Yorkshire. Something incredible happened during this boy's childhood.
Upon hearing the story, Mr. Toadbloat of the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Development was inspired. He went on to create a setting for the Subsonic Brainblaster that could be used on Trolls.
Other scientists had long believed this was impossible because of the size and consistency of Troll brains. Because of Mr. Toadbloat, the infestation of Trolls that had blocked traverse of the Bain Bridge was ended before Mr. Van Helsing arrived to help. Van Helsing went instead to battle bog monsters in Transylvania.
If he had stayed a day longer in his hotel he would have discovered that William the Bloody and his paramour Drusilla were residing in the hotel room next to him. We wish to begin a COCKUP by stopping the inspiring but insignificant event that occurred in the life of young Joe from Yorkshire.
~~~~~
A vote was taken and THE Senior Partner unanimously overrode the result to order that the COCKUP be started.
At this time the meeting was adjourned early as the smell from the hamsters was causing some of the attendees to pass out.
Respectfully submitted,
Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
*THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT
This is the house that Jack built.
This is the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the cow with the crumpled horn that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that killed the rat, that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built,
This is the man all tattered and torn that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the priest all shaven and shorn, that married the man all tattered and torn that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the cock that crowed in the morn, that waked the priest all shaven and shorn, that married the man all tattered and torn, that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the farmer sowing the corn, that kept the cock that crowed in the morn, that waked the priest all shaven and shorn, that married the man all tattered and torn, that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
Characters: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Multiple Crossovers
Summary: Post 'NFA' a dazed and confused Spike wanders through time and space meeting with the most interesting people--from Dr. Who to Riddick. Meanwhile, an equally confused and dazed Wolfram & Hart attempts to repair the damage done to their business, and to get revenge on Spike.
Rating: PG13 for lots of mentions of blood, guts and violence, crude humor.
Category: Humor
Warnings/Notes: There are links to manips of Spike and the various cross-over characters. These are large and may take a while to download. They are fun to see, but not necessary to understand the story.
The apocalypse is set in motion. Oh and Bruttenholm is still pronounced Broom.
For the beginning of this bizarre tale, please start with Book 1.
Spike... In Wanderland Part 3-2
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Surveillance on subject, William T Bloody
Dear Sirs:
Mr. Bloody has left the city. We were unable to predict his leap but were able to trace him to Colorado of the later 1800s, where he sought medical treatment from this woman.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/MedSpike1.jpg
Our psychics have discovered that Mr. Bloody is still immune to the effects of sunlight - or at least his tolerance has increased considerably.
He still travels mostly at night, and appears to limit his daylight exposure to under an hour. We are unsure if this is due to physical discomfort or simply a matter of habit. He now has a heartbeat and pulse; both are well below human norm.
Although Mr. Bloody appears to be in some pain he still exhibits the strength and speed that would be expected from a vampire of his age.
We know that Ms. Quinn treated him with medicines that came from the Cheyenne. What remains uncertain is how much of Mr. Bloody's current condition derives from his possession by Ka-Lee and Sam Beckett, how much from his barbecue with Godzilla, and how much from this latest medical treatment.
Is William Sanshuing? Will he revert to vampire? Will he become fully human or evolve to some state between human and vampire?
Mr. Bloody's temporal portation devices are able to limit any accidental meetings William might have with himself. Our mystics feel that his changing status - human, vampire, vampire with soul, vampire with soul who is evolving into something other than vampire - is keeping time stable even though he exists twice in the same time frame.
Should he sanshu into fully human while still co-existing with his human self there could be dire consequences. Wolfram & Hart should be prepared to take advantage of this.
Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you make this situation work out to your benefit.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
Subject: Mandatory meeting to discuss the 'Kill Billy' project.
The Temporal Management division believes they have discovered a COCKUP that can be used to provide a bloody demise for Mr. Bloody. You are invited to a meeting this afternoon 14:30. Attendance is mandatory even if it does interfere with your hibernation cycle or golf game.
Respectfully submitted,
Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
**********
To: EMPLOYEES_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Maintenance, Cornelius DCLXVX, House of Cornelii
Subject: The feeding and care of Mystic Hamsters
Was anyone aware that if you overfeed a mystic hamster it reproduces?
Uhm, I didn't know that and I guess I was overfeeding because it seems we have an oversupply of mystic hamsters. They're worse than Tribbles! Medical says not to panic about the numbers of the hamsters wandering the halls because it takes several weeks of exposure before your brain starts to rot.
However, under no circumstances should you try to pet one.
There is a possibility that mutation is involved because the hamsters got loose by gnawing their way through wire cages and then steel doors. I don't think even mystic hamsters can do that under normal circumstances.
It must have been the dog chow!
Anyway, if one wants to sit in your chair I suggest you let it. If one wants to eat your chair I definitely suggest you let it.
Senior Partner - Cornelius DCLXVX
**********
To: EMPLOYEES_ALL
From: Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
Subject: New hiring practices.
THE Senior Partner wishes me to advise all employees that a change has been made in hiring practices. It is now possible to 'nominate' someone for certain job positions. When these jobs become available, 'No Blood Ties required/Nominations Allowed' will replace 'blood ties' requirements.
If no one volu...uh...applies for the position, the first person to receive 3 nominations for the position will be appointed.
Rules & Restrictions:
- All family members of THE Senior Partner, up to 2nd cousin, 5 times removed are exempt for nomination.
- THE Senior Partner and/or the Senior Partner of Personnel can refuse any nomination at their discretion.
- The 'appointee' doesn't have to be a current employee of Wolfram & Hart but must be affiliated with Wolfram & Hart in some way (for example, that annoying paper boy is only eligible if he works for a newspaper owned by Wolfram & Hart).
THE Senior Partner wishes me to advise all employees that there is a new job opening in Maintenance.
Title: Senior Partner - Maintenance
Requirements: 'No Blood Ties Required/Nominations Allowed'
If there are no applicants or nominees, then someone WILL be appointed to the position. Nominate your worst enemy before he nominates you!
Respectfully submitted,
Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
**********
To: EMPLOYEES_ALL
From: Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
Subject: Minutes from the COCKUP meeting
Per THE Senior Partner's request the Temporal Management division has taken a long look for any possible Choice Opportunity for Cascading Kinetic Upheaval of the Past (COCKUP) that may have occurred during William The Bloody's life and unlife time.
Because of the number of new Senior Partners, the Senior Partner of Temporal Management gave a brief explanation of COCKUPs.
~~~~~
It is extremely difficult to make changes to the temporal timeline (note: more commonly known as The Past). Even if manual changes are made to The Past, time will attempt to 'heal' itself by changing other past events in such a manner that the initial manual change is overwritten.
You are probably all aware of the epic poem "The House That Jack Built*". This is an example of an extremely well-done COCKUP where placing a bag of Malt in a building site led to a marriage that was highly desirable to Wolfram & Hart. (Mother Goose chose not to continue the story because of the violent content!)
~~~~~
The Senior Partner of Temporal Management then reported the discovery that in the 1940's William the Bloody crossed paths with this gentleman and went on to explain the plan.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/VHSpike1.jpg
~~~~~
Vampire and vampire hunter occupied rooms next to each other. Neither was aware of the other. Temporal Management believes we can create a COCKUP that will keep the intrepid vampire hunter in place long enough to draw his attention to William the Bloody.
It is expected that Dr. Van Helsing will then dust Mr. Bloody. The focus of the COCKUP is a young boy from Yorkshire. Something incredible happened during this boy's childhood.
Upon hearing the story, Mr. Toadbloat of the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Development was inspired. He went on to create a setting for the Subsonic Brainblaster that could be used on Trolls.
Other scientists had long believed this was impossible because of the size and consistency of Troll brains. Because of Mr. Toadbloat, the infestation of Trolls that had blocked traverse of the Bain Bridge was ended before Mr. Van Helsing arrived to help. Van Helsing went instead to battle bog monsters in Transylvania.
If he had stayed a day longer in his hotel he would have discovered that William the Bloody and his paramour Drusilla were residing in the hotel room next to him. We wish to begin a COCKUP by stopping the inspiring but insignificant event that occurred in the life of young Joe from Yorkshire.
~~~~~
A vote was taken and THE Senior Partner unanimously overrode the result to order that the COCKUP be started.
At this time the meeting was adjourned early as the smell from the hamsters was causing some of the attendees to pass out.
Respectfully submitted,
Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
*THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT
This is the house that Jack built.
This is the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the cow with the crumpled horn that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that killed the rat, that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built,
This is the man all tattered and torn that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the priest all shaven and shorn, that married the man all tattered and torn that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the cock that crowed in the morn, that waked the priest all shaven and shorn, that married the man all tattered and torn, that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.
This is the farmer sowing the corn, that kept the cock that crowed in the morn, that waked the priest all shaven and shorn, that married the man all tattered and torn, that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.