Spike in Wanderland - Book 3-1: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Crossovers
TITLE: Spike in Wanderland - Book 3 Part 1: by myfeetshowit
Characters: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Multiple Crossovers
Summary: Post 'NFA' a dazed and confused Spike wanders through time and space meeting with the most interesting people--from Dr. Who to Riddick. Meanwhile, an equally confused and dazed Wolfram & Hart attempts to repair the damage done to their business, and to get revenge on Spike.
Rating: PG13 for lots of mentions of blood, guts and violence, crude humor.
Category: Humor
Warnings/Notes: There are links to manips of Spike and the various cross-over characters. These are large and may take a while to download. They are fun to see, but not necessary to understand the story.
Spike is in glowing health and Wolfram & Hart have fun with animals. Oh and Bruttenholm is pronounced Broom.
For the beginning of this bizarre tale, please start with Book 1.
Spike... In Wanderland
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as whatever their names are) in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Maintenance, Cornelius DCLXVI, House of Cornelii
Subject:Please conserve energy
Dear Sirs:
As you are aware, supplying power to the various buildings owned by Wolfram & Hart during the East Coast blackout is proving to be difficult. Godzilla's recent attack on the City, not only drained the power companies up and down the eastern boardwalk, but the radiation makes metaphysically generated power difficult to maintain. Wolfram & Hart has always kept one of the finest stables of mystic hamsters, but the poor little guys can only keep a treadmill going for so long.
Some tips for energy conservation:
Senior Partner - Cornelius DCLXVI
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Surveillance on subject, William T Bloody
Dear Sirs,
William the Bloody has survived his encounter with Mr. Godzilla, Mr. Ka-Lee and Mr. Beckett. There seem to be both physical and metaphysical repercussions for our subject.
We were able to keeps tabs on him for awhile before the blackout conditions interfered with our ability to follow him. He is in poor condition, showing evidence of bruising but surprisingly no burns. Occasionally, he seems to hover momentarily a few inches above the ground and he has a tendency to glow in the dark. He is moving about on foot, seemingly at random and is halting frequently. We believe he is mentally confused and possibly unaware of his new found abilities.
Mr. Bloody has found two allies. We are uncertain whether this was a planned rescue or the result of a chance encounter. While the male is well known to anyone within the metaphysical community his exact nature and powers remain a mystery. We were not able to identify the female at this time. Unfortunately, the blackout made it impossible to contact you in time to attempt a capture but we have a Maj-X-PIX of Mr. Bloody with the man and one of our operatives was able to get close enough to overhear them speaking.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/CKSpike.jpg
The two men met in the park across the street from 'The' Soup kitchen. At first Mr. Bloody seemed unaware that he was no longer alone. Mr. Kramer appeared undecided whether to be curious or irritated upon realizing that William was glowing in the dark. William's speech was somewhat slurred and he seemed to have difficulty in following what was being said.
Their conversation follows:
CK: "What the...you! You're glowing at me! It's rude! Stop glowing at me!"
WTB: "Wha...? Glowin''? M' not glowin'."
CK: "Yes, you are! You're glowing right at me! RIGHT at me! Stop it! It's...it's unwholesome, that's what it is! It's unwholesome and you're attracting bugs, too!"
WTB: "M'...NOT attractin' bugs!"
CK: "Yes, you are! Look!"
Note: At this time, Mr. Kramer reached out and grabbed one of the moths that were flitting around William, and flourished it vigorously.
CK: "Proof! You're glowing and you're attracting bugs! And you're ng-ng-nging!"
WTB: "WHAT!? M' what? Wha..s happenin', here?"
CK: "You're glowing, that's what's happening! ...You don't look so good. Of course, that glowy look doesn't do favors for anyone's complexion.."
WTB: "M' not TRYING to glow! I dunno why...you said I was ...nugging?"
CK: "Not nugging! Ng-ng-nging! Kinda of a zap.. a snap in the air! I can feel it! There's something familiar about it. It's just RIGHT there under my brain! I can't remember where I've felt that ng-ng-ng before!"
WTB: "I dunno... M' gonna sit down now."
CK: "You really don't look so good! All this glowing and ng-ng-nging can't be good for you! Did you eat at the diner down the block? You should NEVER eat at the diner down the block!"
WTB: "Well, I did bite off a bit more n' I could chew."
CK: "I know I've felt that zap before...Wait! I know! You've been messing around with Godzilla, haven't you!"
WTB: "How did you know that!?"
CK: "Told you. I've felt that zap before! I used to be a member of the Godzilla watch - didn't know that, did you! I'll bet that's why you're glowing, too...Godzilla."
WTB: "Yeah, probably is...there's been some other stuff happenin' too."
CK: "Sounds intriguing, my friend! Why don't you tell me about it? Been a long time since I heard a good Godzilla story! I'm waiting here to meet my girl - a good story will help pass the time."
Note: Mr. Bloody stared at Mr. Kramer for some time before continuing:
WTB: "M' not sure why, but I trust you."
CK: "Yeah, I get that a lot."
WTB: "What m' gonna tell you could put you in danger..."
CK: "I laugh in the face of danger!"
WTB: "Huh! Had a friend, well, acquaintance - once said he laughed in the face of danger... just before he ran away!"
CK: "Man after my own heart! So tell..."
Note: The arrival of other people coming through the park forced our operative to move and some of the conversation was lost.
WTB: "..n' I had both Lara Croft and Indiana Jones helping with the translation. None of us saw this possession thing comin'."
CK: "Hey, nobody better at ancient translation than those two. Sounds to me like there was some FIND print involved!"
WTB: "Fine print...I don' think so. Pretty sure we translated the whole manuscript."
CK: "No, no, not FINE print - FIND print. It's a Wolfram & Hart thing. They can add a rider to any contract or ritual but the details are written down and hidden in the deepest vaults at Wolfram & Hart. There's no way you could've known that you would be possessed!"
WTB: "Yeah, well, I know better than to use magic. There's ALWAYS consequences. I know that - I was jus' gettin' so desperate. I've been travelin' all over - time and space. Couldn' get away from the surveillance, always lookin' over my shoulder. I love a good fight but this lurkin' and scurryin' around. Not my style."
CK: "Can't blame you. Hey! My girl! I bet she could find you a lair ...and speak of the devilishly beautiful, here she is now!"
Note: Our operative could hear the third person but was unable to get visual contact.
Female: "Cosmo...who's your de-light-ful frriend?"
CK: "This is Spike! He needs your help! Can you find him a safe hidey hole for a day or two?"
Female: "I've never seen a vampirrre glow in the dark before."
CK: "He floats too! He's not ng-ng-nging as much as was, though."
Female: "Hmmm! Why should I help a vampirrre?"
CK: "He's a vampire with a soul! A good guy! A free spirit like you but he's on the lam from Wolfram & Hart and he needs a place to hole up."
Female: Wolfrram & Hart! Why didn't you say so? Any enemy of Wolfrram & Hart is a frriend of mine!"
CK: "Well, this is one of the guys that helped take out the Circle! And the New Jersey division!"
Female: "Def-initely, a verry, good frriend, mmmm!"
CK: "Hey! Don't get too buddy-buddy, here!"
Mr. Bloody and the other two individuals left the park at this time. Our operative attempted to follow but was attacked by a trio of vampires taking advantage of the blackout. By the time they were dusted, our subject and his friends were gone.
We will check in as soon as we have further news. Also, we were wondering if it would be possible to borrow a few of the Wolfram & Hart hamsters. This blackout is severely hampering our efforts to follow Mr. Bloody and a mystic Hamster is a handy thing to have.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep,
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: THE Senior Partner, Cornelius DCLXVI, House of Cornelii
Subject: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
QUIVER ALL YOU LESSER BEINGS! I, Cornelius DCLXVI, declare House Cornelii the ruling House of Wolfram & Hart. I, Cornelius DCLXVI, declare myself Supreme Ruler of the Universe, which includes the position of THE Senior Partner. I will destroy you all like gnats...RUN! From the might of I, Cornelius DCLXVI.
I am the beast with THREE backs! Hah! The ladies love me!
**********
To: EMPLOYEES_ALL
From: Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
Subject: Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
THE Senior Partner, Julius Sr. wishes to advise all employees to ignore the email from Cornelius DCLXVI. His brain has rotted from overexposure to mystic Hamster. Perverse and disgusting sexual practices may also have added to his decline. Since he was not in control of his actions his death was painless and he was fed to the hamsters he loved so well.
THE Senior Partner wishes me to advise all employees that there is a job opening in Maintenance.
Title: Senior Partner - Maintenance
Requirements: Blood Ties to the House of Cornelius, must be good with small animals, machinery, and mops, both animated and manual.
Respectfully submitted,
Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Surveillance on subject, William T Bloody
Dear Sirs,
We know that Mr. Bloody is still in the city, and we have identified the second of his allies. Here is a Maj-X-Pix:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/CWSpike1.jpg
We have spotted the two several times but they have continually succeeded in eluding us. We have been unable to discover where Mr. Bloody is taking shelter. Now that the blackout is over we feel it is only a matter of time before we can home in on him. We will notify you immediately upon his detection.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep,
Cheep Investigations
To be continued….
Characters: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Multiple Crossovers
Summary: Post 'NFA' a dazed and confused Spike wanders through time and space meeting with the most interesting people--from Dr. Who to Riddick. Meanwhile, an equally confused and dazed Wolfram & Hart attempts to repair the damage done to their business, and to get revenge on Spike.
Rating: PG13 for lots of mentions of blood, guts and violence, crude humor.
Category: Humor
Warnings/Notes: There are links to manips of Spike and the various cross-over characters. These are large and may take a while to download. They are fun to see, but not necessary to understand the story.
Spike is in glowing health and Wolfram & Hart have fun with animals. Oh and Bruttenholm is pronounced Broom.
For the beginning of this bizarre tale, please start with Book 1.
Spike... In Wanderland
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as whatever their names are) in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Maintenance, Cornelius DCLXVI, House of Cornelii
Subject:Please conserve energy
Dear Sirs:
As you are aware, supplying power to the various buildings owned by Wolfram & Hart during the East Coast blackout is proving to be difficult. Godzilla's recent attack on the City, not only drained the power companies up and down the eastern boardwalk, but the radiation makes metaphysically generated power difficult to maintain. Wolfram & Hart has always kept one of the finest stables of mystic hamsters, but the poor little guys can only keep a treadmill going for so long.
Some tips for energy conservation:
- Turn off your computers and lights if you are not using them.
- Perhaps now would be the time to start kicking that Pinball addiction.
- Share a shower - this not only conserves water and energy, it can strengthen bonds between friends and family!
- Refrain from sticking your fingers into the light sockets - it can give you a real buzz but it's a big power drain and the hamsters don't like it.
Senior Partner - Cornelius DCLXVI
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Surveillance on subject, William T Bloody
Dear Sirs,
William the Bloody has survived his encounter with Mr. Godzilla, Mr. Ka-Lee and Mr. Beckett. There seem to be both physical and metaphysical repercussions for our subject.
We were able to keeps tabs on him for awhile before the blackout conditions interfered with our ability to follow him. He is in poor condition, showing evidence of bruising but surprisingly no burns. Occasionally, he seems to hover momentarily a few inches above the ground and he has a tendency to glow in the dark. He is moving about on foot, seemingly at random and is halting frequently. We believe he is mentally confused and possibly unaware of his new found abilities.
Mr. Bloody has found two allies. We are uncertain whether this was a planned rescue or the result of a chance encounter. While the male is well known to anyone within the metaphysical community his exact nature and powers remain a mystery. We were not able to identify the female at this time. Unfortunately, the blackout made it impossible to contact you in time to attempt a capture but we have a Maj-X-PIX of Mr. Bloody with the man and one of our operatives was able to get close enough to overhear them speaking.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/CKSpike.jpg
The two men met in the park across the street from 'The' Soup kitchen. At first Mr. Bloody seemed unaware that he was no longer alone. Mr. Kramer appeared undecided whether to be curious or irritated upon realizing that William was glowing in the dark. William's speech was somewhat slurred and he seemed to have difficulty in following what was being said.
Their conversation follows:
CK: "What the...you! You're glowing at me! It's rude! Stop glowing at me!"
WTB: "Wha...? Glowin''? M' not glowin'."
CK: "Yes, you are! You're glowing right at me! RIGHT at me! Stop it! It's...it's unwholesome, that's what it is! It's unwholesome and you're attracting bugs, too!"
WTB: "M'...NOT attractin' bugs!"
CK: "Yes, you are! Look!"
Note: At this time, Mr. Kramer reached out and grabbed one of the moths that were flitting around William, and flourished it vigorously.
CK: "Proof! You're glowing and you're attracting bugs! And you're ng-ng-nging!"
WTB: "WHAT!? M' what? Wha..s happenin', here?"
CK: "You're glowing, that's what's happening! ...You don't look so good. Of course, that glowy look doesn't do favors for anyone's complexion.."
WTB: "M' not TRYING to glow! I dunno why...you said I was ...nugging?"
CK: "Not nugging! Ng-ng-nging! Kinda of a zap.. a snap in the air! I can feel it! There's something familiar about it. It's just RIGHT there under my brain! I can't remember where I've felt that ng-ng-ng before!"
WTB: "I dunno... M' gonna sit down now."
CK: "You really don't look so good! All this glowing and ng-ng-nging can't be good for you! Did you eat at the diner down the block? You should NEVER eat at the diner down the block!"
WTB: "Well, I did bite off a bit more n' I could chew."
CK: "I know I've felt that zap before...Wait! I know! You've been messing around with Godzilla, haven't you!"
WTB: "How did you know that!?"
CK: "Told you. I've felt that zap before! I used to be a member of the Godzilla watch - didn't know that, did you! I'll bet that's why you're glowing, too...Godzilla."
WTB: "Yeah, probably is...there's been some other stuff happenin' too."
CK: "Sounds intriguing, my friend! Why don't you tell me about it? Been a long time since I heard a good Godzilla story! I'm waiting here to meet my girl - a good story will help pass the time."
Note: Mr. Bloody stared at Mr. Kramer for some time before continuing:
WTB: "M' not sure why, but I trust you."
CK: "Yeah, I get that a lot."
WTB: "What m' gonna tell you could put you in danger..."
CK: "I laugh in the face of danger!"
WTB: "Huh! Had a friend, well, acquaintance - once said he laughed in the face of danger... just before he ran away!"
CK: "Man after my own heart! So tell..."
Note: The arrival of other people coming through the park forced our operative to move and some of the conversation was lost.
WTB: "..n' I had both Lara Croft and Indiana Jones helping with the translation. None of us saw this possession thing comin'."
CK: "Hey, nobody better at ancient translation than those two. Sounds to me like there was some FIND print involved!"
WTB: "Fine print...I don' think so. Pretty sure we translated the whole manuscript."
CK: "No, no, not FINE print - FIND print. It's a Wolfram & Hart thing. They can add a rider to any contract or ritual but the details are written down and hidden in the deepest vaults at Wolfram & Hart. There's no way you could've known that you would be possessed!"
WTB: "Yeah, well, I know better than to use magic. There's ALWAYS consequences. I know that - I was jus' gettin' so desperate. I've been travelin' all over - time and space. Couldn' get away from the surveillance, always lookin' over my shoulder. I love a good fight but this lurkin' and scurryin' around. Not my style."
CK: "Can't blame you. Hey! My girl! I bet she could find you a lair ...and speak of the devilishly beautiful, here she is now!"
Note: Our operative could hear the third person but was unable to get visual contact.
Female: "Cosmo...who's your de-light-ful frriend?"
CK: "This is Spike! He needs your help! Can you find him a safe hidey hole for a day or two?"
Female: "I've never seen a vampirrre glow in the dark before."
CK: "He floats too! He's not ng-ng-nging as much as was, though."
Female: "Hmmm! Why should I help a vampirrre?"
CK: "He's a vampire with a soul! A good guy! A free spirit like you but he's on the lam from Wolfram & Hart and he needs a place to hole up."
Female: Wolfrram & Hart! Why didn't you say so? Any enemy of Wolfrram & Hart is a frriend of mine!"
CK: "Well, this is one of the guys that helped take out the Circle! And the New Jersey division!"
Female: "Def-initely, a verry, good frriend, mmmm!"
CK: "Hey! Don't get too buddy-buddy, here!"
Mr. Bloody and the other two individuals left the park at this time. Our operative attempted to follow but was attacked by a trio of vampires taking advantage of the blackout. By the time they were dusted, our subject and his friends were gone.
We will check in as soon as we have further news. Also, we were wondering if it would be possible to borrow a few of the Wolfram & Hart hamsters. This blackout is severely hampering our efforts to follow Mr. Bloody and a mystic Hamster is a handy thing to have.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep,
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: THE Senior Partner, Cornelius DCLXVI, House of Cornelii
Subject: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
QUIVER ALL YOU LESSER BEINGS! I, Cornelius DCLXVI, declare House Cornelii the ruling House of Wolfram & Hart. I, Cornelius DCLXVI, declare myself Supreme Ruler of the Universe, which includes the position of THE Senior Partner. I will destroy you all like gnats...RUN! From the might of I, Cornelius DCLXVI.
I am the beast with THREE backs! Hah! The ladies love me!
**********
To: EMPLOYEES_ALL
From: Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
Subject: Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
THE Senior Partner, Julius Sr. wishes to advise all employees to ignore the email from Cornelius DCLXVI. His brain has rotted from overexposure to mystic Hamster. Perverse and disgusting sexual practices may also have added to his decline. Since he was not in control of his actions his death was painless and he was fed to the hamsters he loved so well.
THE Senior Partner wishes me to advise all employees that there is a job opening in Maintenance.
Title: Senior Partner - Maintenance
Requirements: Blood Ties to the House of Cornelius, must be good with small animals, machinery, and mops, both animated and manual.
Respectfully submitted,
Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Surveillance on subject, William T Bloody
Dear Sirs,
We know that Mr. Bloody is still in the city, and we have identified the second of his allies. Here is a Maj-X-Pix:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/CWSpike1.jpg
We have spotted the two several times but they have continually succeeded in eluding us. We have been unable to discover where Mr. Bloody is taking shelter. Now that the blackout is over we feel it is only a matter of time before we can home in on him. We will notify you immediately upon his detection.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep,
Cheep Investigations
To be continued….