Mary Sue Got Harried, Chapter 9 of 14
Title: Mary Sue Got Harried
Author: Ozma914
Summary: A group of watchers and slayers taking a creative writing class are assigned a simple lesson in author intrusion. But nothing’s ever simple when magic is -- literally -- in the air. (Note: This is set in my fictional universe in which magical spells have helped heal Dana’s mind and the Buffybot’s body, and may also have had an effect on the resident ghost -- Tara. Things get a bit ... whimsical.)
Rating: PG-13 eventually, for character death. But don't panic.
Warnings: Extreme Mary Suism
Disclaimer: All characters who belong to Joss and co, belong to Joss and co.
Characters: Tara, Dana, Buffybot, Andrew, Xander; appearances by Giles, Willow and Kennedy, and some surprises. Also an original watcher who is absolutely not, in any way, the author, and an original slayer who has absolutely no connection to the author's daughter. Honest. Would I lie?
Mary Sue Got Harried, Chapter Nine: Cooking Up a Storm
(In which we learn Kennedy would make a lousy chef.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willow, Giles, and a black woman who looked vaguely familiar to Richard appeared beside Kennedy, who took a quick glance around, then ran her hands over her body as if making sure she’d arrived in one piece. “God, I hate doing that -- oh. Hi.”
“Tara, Richard, hi!” Willow said, a great deal more cheerfully.
But Tara had eyes only for the slayer. She extended an arm, pointing one straight index finger right at Kennedy, and Richard had sudden visions of Kennedy spending the rest of her life in a big glass tank in the lounge. “Tara, no!” He grabbed at her shoulder.
But Tara only yelled, “You made me real!”
Everyone froze.
Kennedy cleared her throat. “Um, I thought we were going to keep that a secret.”
Willow gasped. “Bloody hell,” Giles murmured. The black woman looked from one to another in confusion.
Embarrassed but still angry, Tara lowered her arm. “Why did you do it? Were you trying to keep me from following you and Willow?”
“No! I was just trying to help, I swear!” Then Kennedy shrugged. “The part about your spirit not shadowing us anymore was just a fringe benefit.”
“Is this in any way related to why I called on Willow to bring us here?” Giles asked, sounding annoyed.
“What do you mean, real?” Willow demanded.
“Not exactly,” Richard told Giles. “But I don’t think we’re going to be able to put this off. Hello,” he added, with a nod to the newcomer.
Kennedy looked away. “I was trying to help Tara be more in contact with the real world, because she wanted to be a better watcher. Then I stumbled on this spell that put spirits into real, physical bodies -- new bodies, not their own.”
“Olivia,” the dark skinned stranger said, taking Richard’s hand. “Rupert invited me ... I’d imagine he’s starting to rethink that.”
“The timing could be better,” Richard agreed.
Kennedy shrugged. “It was, like, supposed to bring a king back to life, or something.”
“This is something that happened before that bloody band arrived?” Giles asked.
Willow gasped again. “You used the Camelot spell? But that’s just a legend!”
“They’re pretty good,” Richard told Giles. “Although I prefer classic rock.”
Tara held her hands up defensively. “I thought it was a legend, too. I just wanted to interact better with the physical plane.”
“They’re all bloody cookie cutter bands,” Giles grumbled, “With no respect for musical history.”
Kennedy said, “I found it in a cookbook.”
That brought both conversations to an instant halt. “Where did you find this cookbook?” Giles finally asked, in a voice so even and polite it was obvious he was on the point of rage.
“Um, in the storage area behind the magic room. I was just poking around one day, and when I saw it I thought I’d try cooking Willow something, but then this page fell out ...”
Willow rubbed a hand over Kennedy’s arm. “Baby, I begged you to stop trying to cook.”
“Well --”
“What,” Giles intoned, his voice cold, “was the name of this cookbook?”
“Boiling with Thyme, or something like that.” Kennedy’s brow furrowed. “You English sure boil a lot.”
Giles appeared ready to boil even as they spoke.
“Old English?” Richard asked.
“Yeah, it was hard to read, and I didn’t end up trying to cook with it. But this one page, the one that fell out, it was as easy to understand as the comics section of a newspaper.”
Giles whipped his glasses off and started to rub them furiously. “You weren’t reading the words on the page -- the spell called you.”
“Uh oh,” Willow murmured.
“Called me?”
“Yes, it --” Jamming the handkerchief back in his pocket, Giles waved his hand. “It was one of the untranslated texts, probably recovered just before the original Watcher’s Headquarters was destroyed. We’d been too busy to get to it.”
Kennedy tilted her head. “It’s not a cookbook?”
“They’re spells to stave off the effects of time, you bint! That’s probably the spell meant to bring King Arthur back to life. Congratulations, you’ve destroyed the entire bloody legend of the once and future King!”
“Well, how was I supposed to know?”
“You were supposed to keep your hands off -- you don’t even like magic!” Giles’ face had taken on a decidedly dangerous red hue, but he resisted Olivia's attempt to calm him down. “Don’t you see? That’s one of the most powerful spells in history, and anything with that much power comes with a price. It’s probably because of you that we’re dealing with My Chemical Romance. Who knows what other apparitions might be brought to life?”
“Hey, I was trying to do a good deed!” Kennedy had backed up defensively, but now she stamped forward to face the Head Watcher. “I thought Tara couldn’t leave because of Willow, and it just didn’t seem fair to have her floating around half-alive. Besides, the spell said two true friends of pure spirit, willing to sacrifice themselves, would fend off the bad effects.”
“Pure spirit?” Willow repeated.
“Kara and Dana,” Richard supplied.
That made Willow shake her head. “But Dana was enslaved by a sexual predator when she was a kid, and tortured -- she spent most of her life doped up in an asylum. How pure could her spirit be?”
“It was about how her spirit is now,” Kennedy told her. “Not about what happened to her physically then. Dana was broken so much that her mind rebooted itself, back when the healing spell was used on her.”
“The spell told you this?” Giles demanded.
“It did! Although it didn’t actually use the term rebooted.”
“The spell itself was alive,” Willow murmured. “Amazing. Who knows what else might happen because of it?”
A new voice chimed in. “Well, this, for one thing.”
Andrew walked toward them, drawing a young girl by the hand. Richard noticed their faces were flushed, and their lips seemed a bit swollen, as if they’d been --
Oh.
Then he took another look at the girl, and for just an instant had to suppress the urge to congratulate Andrew, maybe even give the poor nerd a high five. He didn’t know where she’d come from, but Andrew had obviously just gotten to first base with a famous actress.
Next: Revelations
Author: Ozma914
Summary: A group of watchers and slayers taking a creative writing class are assigned a simple lesson in author intrusion. But nothing’s ever simple when magic is -- literally -- in the air. (Note: This is set in my fictional universe in which magical spells have helped heal Dana’s mind and the Buffybot’s body, and may also have had an effect on the resident ghost -- Tara. Things get a bit ... whimsical.)
Rating: PG-13 eventually, for character death. But don't panic.
Warnings: Extreme Mary Suism
Disclaimer: All characters who belong to Joss and co, belong to Joss and co.
Characters: Tara, Dana, Buffybot, Andrew, Xander; appearances by Giles, Willow and Kennedy, and some surprises. Also an original watcher who is absolutely not, in any way, the author, and an original slayer who has absolutely no connection to the author's daughter. Honest. Would I lie?
Mary Sue Got Harried, Chapter Nine: Cooking Up a Storm
(In which we learn Kennedy would make a lousy chef.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willow, Giles, and a black woman who looked vaguely familiar to Richard appeared beside Kennedy, who took a quick glance around, then ran her hands over her body as if making sure she’d arrived in one piece. “God, I hate doing that -- oh. Hi.”
“Tara, Richard, hi!” Willow said, a great deal more cheerfully.
But Tara had eyes only for the slayer. She extended an arm, pointing one straight index finger right at Kennedy, and Richard had sudden visions of Kennedy spending the rest of her life in a big glass tank in the lounge. “Tara, no!” He grabbed at her shoulder.
But Tara only yelled, “You made me real!”
Everyone froze.
Kennedy cleared her throat. “Um, I thought we were going to keep that a secret.”
Willow gasped. “Bloody hell,” Giles murmured. The black woman looked from one to another in confusion.
Embarrassed but still angry, Tara lowered her arm. “Why did you do it? Were you trying to keep me from following you and Willow?”
“No! I was just trying to help, I swear!” Then Kennedy shrugged. “The part about your spirit not shadowing us anymore was just a fringe benefit.”
“Is this in any way related to why I called on Willow to bring us here?” Giles asked, sounding annoyed.
“What do you mean, real?” Willow demanded.
“Not exactly,” Richard told Giles. “But I don’t think we’re going to be able to put this off. Hello,” he added, with a nod to the newcomer.
Kennedy looked away. “I was trying to help Tara be more in contact with the real world, because she wanted to be a better watcher. Then I stumbled on this spell that put spirits into real, physical bodies -- new bodies, not their own.”
“Olivia,” the dark skinned stranger said, taking Richard’s hand. “Rupert invited me ... I’d imagine he’s starting to rethink that.”
“The timing could be better,” Richard agreed.
Kennedy shrugged. “It was, like, supposed to bring a king back to life, or something.”
“This is something that happened before that bloody band arrived?” Giles asked.
Willow gasped again. “You used the Camelot spell? But that’s just a legend!”
“They’re pretty good,” Richard told Giles. “Although I prefer classic rock.”
Tara held her hands up defensively. “I thought it was a legend, too. I just wanted to interact better with the physical plane.”
“They’re all bloody cookie cutter bands,” Giles grumbled, “With no respect for musical history.”
Kennedy said, “I found it in a cookbook.”
That brought both conversations to an instant halt. “Where did you find this cookbook?” Giles finally asked, in a voice so even and polite it was obvious he was on the point of rage.
“Um, in the storage area behind the magic room. I was just poking around one day, and when I saw it I thought I’d try cooking Willow something, but then this page fell out ...”
Willow rubbed a hand over Kennedy’s arm. “Baby, I begged you to stop trying to cook.”
“Well --”
“What,” Giles intoned, his voice cold, “was the name of this cookbook?”
“Boiling with Thyme, or something like that.” Kennedy’s brow furrowed. “You English sure boil a lot.”
Giles appeared ready to boil even as they spoke.
“Old English?” Richard asked.
“Yeah, it was hard to read, and I didn’t end up trying to cook with it. But this one page, the one that fell out, it was as easy to understand as the comics section of a newspaper.”
Giles whipped his glasses off and started to rub them furiously. “You weren’t reading the words on the page -- the spell called you.”
“Uh oh,” Willow murmured.
“Called me?”
“Yes, it --” Jamming the handkerchief back in his pocket, Giles waved his hand. “It was one of the untranslated texts, probably recovered just before the original Watcher’s Headquarters was destroyed. We’d been too busy to get to it.”
Kennedy tilted her head. “It’s not a cookbook?”
“They’re spells to stave off the effects of time, you bint! That’s probably the spell meant to bring King Arthur back to life. Congratulations, you’ve destroyed the entire bloody legend of the once and future King!”
“Well, how was I supposed to know?”
“You were supposed to keep your hands off -- you don’t even like magic!” Giles’ face had taken on a decidedly dangerous red hue, but he resisted Olivia's attempt to calm him down. “Don’t you see? That’s one of the most powerful spells in history, and anything with that much power comes with a price. It’s probably because of you that we’re dealing with My Chemical Romance. Who knows what other apparitions might be brought to life?”
“Hey, I was trying to do a good deed!” Kennedy had backed up defensively, but now she stamped forward to face the Head Watcher. “I thought Tara couldn’t leave because of Willow, and it just didn’t seem fair to have her floating around half-alive. Besides, the spell said two true friends of pure spirit, willing to sacrifice themselves, would fend off the bad effects.”
“Pure spirit?” Willow repeated.
“Kara and Dana,” Richard supplied.
That made Willow shake her head. “But Dana was enslaved by a sexual predator when she was a kid, and tortured -- she spent most of her life doped up in an asylum. How pure could her spirit be?”
“It was about how her spirit is now,” Kennedy told her. “Not about what happened to her physically then. Dana was broken so much that her mind rebooted itself, back when the healing spell was used on her.”
“The spell told you this?” Giles demanded.
“It did! Although it didn’t actually use the term rebooted.”
“The spell itself was alive,” Willow murmured. “Amazing. Who knows what else might happen because of it?”
A new voice chimed in. “Well, this, for one thing.”
Andrew walked toward them, drawing a young girl by the hand. Richard noticed their faces were flushed, and their lips seemed a bit swollen, as if they’d been --
Oh.
Then he took another look at the girl, and for just an instant had to suppress the urge to congratulate Andrew, maybe even give the poor nerd a high five. He didn’t know where she’d come from, but Andrew had obviously just gotten to first base with a famous actress.
Next: Revelations