for dinner i had some fish portions (that's what it says on the box! not sticks, portions) and they were disgusting! awesome.
this afternoon i took my book (pride and prejudice... so good! i am in love. rented a movie version, and will soon go to the library to read more of her books) to the park down by the water and lay in the sun to read. it was wonderful! i also took my guitar down. soon as i finished the book i played for a bit, and frustrated myself with trying to play piano songs on the guitar. it's doable, but figuring out how to play stuff is hard when you're lying down with the guitar on your tummy. it's a comfortable way to play, but not so facilitating for more intricate fretwork.
yesterday was an interesting day. i got nowhere near enough sleep as i went to bed at 2.30am after making that cd of my piano stuff for my da and linda that i had meant to give them for christmas and woke up at 8.30am. out to new westminster for the funeral! the church had some awesome retro stained glass, and a small sort of open library full of videos with labels in korean. the pastor lady talked a lot about god during the service and i tuned most of it out. the last time i was in a church was in guatemala, and that was just a walkthrough. i think the last time i was in a church for a service (other than my mother's funeral) was when i was 16 or 17, either when my mom made it clear that it was important that i go for some holiday, or a rememberance day choir concert at our teacher's church. it blurs together.
i found myself thinking, when the pastor was reading some passage from the bible, "fuck god!" i didn't really mean to, it was just some sort of uncontrollable inner exclamation. i wondered: what does god or ecclesiastes (sp?) have to do with my grandma? i know that my grandma went to church and all that, so i respect that, and certainly didn't grudge all that god talk, for her sake, but for myself? all that talk of belonging to god, and thanking god for her life, her time on earth. what bullshit! i'm happily atheistic and while i don't agree with some of the radical atheism that is somewhat popular (the atheist equivalent to crazy evangelical christians) these days, i do agree with the sentiment that religion is a delusion. why does anyone want to trust that there is some omnipresent, omnipotent being out there controlling and watching everything? are they really so afraid to take responsibility for their own actions, and believe that some things just happen? i can understand that it would be comforting but i just can't feel that way myself.
there was a reception after the funeral, which involved milling around with thirty or so old people, none of whom i knew. my brother and i were the only people under 50! this one lady told me an awesome story about my grandma though: she was in a class with this lady's future husband, and she passed this guy a note that said: "doesn't miss. x have big boobs?" the teacher was going to intercept the note but the guy swallowed the note! she, the old lady... ethel? said that my grandma was always up to crazy stuff like that. it was a great story. someone everyone who talked to me knew that i was moving to scotland so that was the main topic between us. it got rather tedious, but it was over fairly soon.
we went to the graveyard where my grandmother's ashes, mixed with my grandpa's (he died 19 years ago) were to be interred. i had never really been to surrey before... what a hole! my brother told me some funny stories about the place -- he had spent some time there as he dated a girl from there a while ago. the people at the cemetery dug a hole in the wrong grave first (!!) and so we had to wait... my dad said some words and most of us teared up. i didn't cry at the funeral, but standing under one of those four-postered tents in the pouring rain at the cemetery ... it made it more real, more final.
they drove me to the ferry and i was very glad there was a 4 o clock! to home and warcraft with mel! not that i didn't bring my computer to play while i was in van.... then i went to a metal show at logan's. russ was there so i returned to him his book. the band of the night was black lotus, jasper, who is adam's roommate, band. they were so good! i forgot how much i really enjoy live metal music. i shall try to go to more shows in scotland i believe.
a weird day, really. a funeral and a metal show... kind of appropriate i guess.
well! mel and jordan are here now and i am being terribly rude, so i suppose i should stop. i am very tired.