Houseguest
My last post was about my 'Gaming for Kitties' marathon I do every year for Big Cat Rescue. Wherein I play random computer games for a weekend for donations. In 2013 we made almost 6K. This year? Our final number was $11,111. It's been months and I'm still reeling. Just wanted to update on that.
I also replaced my twenty year old air conditioner, which is a vital piece of equipment to have in Floida even in the winter. The only part that makes me sad is that the old one lasted almost two decades, and the installation men informed me that this one might make it ten to twelve years. On one hand my eletric bills will be much lower, on the other... ten to twelve years. Bleh.
We need a new roof as well, but a patch will have to hold us out for now. I'm hoping that this year's hurricane season is mild or else I'm in trouble.
The big news lately is that my friend Foxena is now staying with me while she gets a condo in town. tugrik would probably love the look of her most promising prospect right now as it's a tiki themed community complete with a big moa-ish head sculpture at the property entrance and a fake volcano with a waterfall built into the pool area.
Fox startlingly reminds me of how I was about two decades ago. She's only ten years younger than me, but she was raised by a narcissistic mother similar to my own.
The only big difference is that while my mom was neglectful and basically wanted me to leave her alone, her mom was smothering and utterly controlling. I think that ten years ago I would not have had the patience for a situation like this and all the quirks it entails, but with age comes patience and now that I'm forty I find that things that would have irritated me at thirty do not bother me so much now.
Still, some of the similarities between our upbringing has caused me to understand my own childhood better. One realization is that how a narcissistic mother/ parent, whether neglectful or controlling do have similar behaviors that can developmentally stunt a person.
Differences and issues aside, I realize that what it all boils down to is that some parents cannot stand their children ever outpacing them or being better at something. I guess when someone is raising a child they're used to being the one to buy clothes, brush hair, and being the main social hub for a kid. As that kid grows they start to form opinions about clothes and hairstyles and start making their own friends and I guess some parents can't handle that.
It's more complicated than that, but really that's what it boils down to: Some parents can't handle their children becoming adults and dealing with them on equal footing. Some parents can't handle letting go.
One thing we both had to deal with were the constant insults and being made to think we're less than what we really are. The result is a detached sense of 'self' that I'm trying to help her with. When your self image is crushed, you stop really seeing yourself as a 'self', if that makes any sense.
The biggest thing I'm trying to help her with her her anxiety. Fox's mom instilled a fear and anxiety of everything in her. I'm doing what I can to teach her that she's an adult now, and she does not have to put up with abuse from anybody. If someone yells at her, she has the right to yell back. If her mother makes demands from her, she can refuse them. She's an adult, she supports herself, she gets to decide what she wants to do. I eventually want to find a good counselor for her, but finding a 'good' one is tricky.
It's neat helping her learn and discover new things though. She used to eat mostly chicken, and I've turned her onto beef. I make a really tasty roast and she's taken to buying them so that there is a constant supply of it for her to gobble. I'm showing her all the neat malls and parks around here as well as introducing her to my local friends.
I'm kind of a recluse and a private person, so I wasn't too sure how I'd handle having someone couch surfing for at least a few weeks at my place, but so far we get along great.
I also replaced my twenty year old air conditioner, which is a vital piece of equipment to have in Floida even in the winter. The only part that makes me sad is that the old one lasted almost two decades, and the installation men informed me that this one might make it ten to twelve years. On one hand my eletric bills will be much lower, on the other... ten to twelve years. Bleh.
We need a new roof as well, but a patch will have to hold us out for now. I'm hoping that this year's hurricane season is mild or else I'm in trouble.
The big news lately is that my friend Foxena is now staying with me while she gets a condo in town. tugrik would probably love the look of her most promising prospect right now as it's a tiki themed community complete with a big moa-ish head sculpture at the property entrance and a fake volcano with a waterfall built into the pool area.
Fox startlingly reminds me of how I was about two decades ago. She's only ten years younger than me, but she was raised by a narcissistic mother similar to my own.
The only big difference is that while my mom was neglectful and basically wanted me to leave her alone, her mom was smothering and utterly controlling. I think that ten years ago I would not have had the patience for a situation like this and all the quirks it entails, but with age comes patience and now that I'm forty I find that things that would have irritated me at thirty do not bother me so much now.
Still, some of the similarities between our upbringing has caused me to understand my own childhood better. One realization is that how a narcissistic mother/ parent, whether neglectful or controlling do have similar behaviors that can developmentally stunt a person.
Differences and issues aside, I realize that what it all boils down to is that some parents cannot stand their children ever outpacing them or being better at something. I guess when someone is raising a child they're used to being the one to buy clothes, brush hair, and being the main social hub for a kid. As that kid grows they start to form opinions about clothes and hairstyles and start making their own friends and I guess some parents can't handle that.
It's more complicated than that, but really that's what it boils down to: Some parents can't handle their children becoming adults and dealing with them on equal footing. Some parents can't handle letting go.
One thing we both had to deal with were the constant insults and being made to think we're less than what we really are. The result is a detached sense of 'self' that I'm trying to help her with. When your self image is crushed, you stop really seeing yourself as a 'self', if that makes any sense.
The biggest thing I'm trying to help her with her her anxiety. Fox's mom instilled a fear and anxiety of everything in her. I'm doing what I can to teach her that she's an adult now, and she does not have to put up with abuse from anybody. If someone yells at her, she has the right to yell back. If her mother makes demands from her, she can refuse them. She's an adult, she supports herself, she gets to decide what she wants to do. I eventually want to find a good counselor for her, but finding a 'good' one is tricky.
It's neat helping her learn and discover new things though. She used to eat mostly chicken, and I've turned her onto beef. I make a really tasty roast and she's taken to buying them so that there is a constant supply of it for her to gobble. I'm showing her all the neat malls and parks around here as well as introducing her to my local friends.
I'm kind of a recluse and a private person, so I wasn't too sure how I'd handle having someone couch surfing for at least a few weeks at my place, but so far we get along great.