a loss

[gemstonefile]

What is it about thursday nights that makes me feel so heavy hearted..........the realization of a loss? the irony of truth? the what would i be doing if I were there right now?
Tonight I don't feel
excited about the weekend........or excited about going out
tonight I feel the loss
I would be in his arms right now
I would be hugged
Squeezed tight
and felt the warmth of a man that loves me

Instead I'm here planning an uncertain future
Uncertain and underwater
The abyss that is the unknown
Listening to sad songs
as a lump builds up in my throat
I remember how lovingly he
had said hello........