Fic: It Gets Better
Title: It Gets Better
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1400ish
Warnings: brief mention of suicide (but nobody is suicidal)
Summary: “Kurt’s my brother now.” Finn says. “And I saw these videos. And I don’t want that to happen to him, you know?
Finn’s stomach is tingling and twisting a bit, like it does before a test he hasn’t studied for (or any test at all, really) but he knocks on Burt’s door anyway.
“Hey Finn-come on in.” Burt calls out and Finn wonders for a second how Burt knows it’s him but then he remembers his mom is working late. He opens the door before he looses his courage because he wants the twisting in his stomach to go away and he’s pretty sure it’ll only go away if he talks to Burt.
“Um,” Finn trails off because Burt’s laying in bed already and Finn hadn’t realized it was that late. “I can talk to you tomorrow.” He offers but Burt shakes his head.
“No, don’t worry. I wasn’t sleeping.” And Burt’s smiling and he looks like he wants to hear what Finn has to say and that still surprises Finn because he’s not used to it, not used to having a father (a step-father) (a concerned male parental unit)(Burt). And it feels weird but having a brother feels weird, too.
“Kurt’s my brother now.” Finn says. “And I saw these videos. And I don’t want that to happen to him, you know?”
Burt looks a little confused and Finn wishes he could just say it because his stomach is knotting up even worse and he wants it to go away. He doesn’t understand it and its weird.
“What videos, Finn?” Burt asks. He sits up and is looking at Finn and Finn is kind of staring at the floor.
“Just these videos on YouTube. Rachel sent me one and I found other ones and they all say the same thing but I don’t know if Kurt’s seen them and he probably should. Because I don’t want anything happening to him, you know?”
“I’m not sure I follow. What videos?”
“The ones on YouTube.” Finn explains and he knows he’s not saying it right but he isn’t sure what else to say.
“Okay.” Burt nods. “Do you want to show me one?”
And Finn latches on to that idea because it’ll make the entire thing easier, if he can just show Burt instead of having to explain it, and then Burt can make sure Kurt sees it and doesn’t try to hurt himself because Finn’s wanted a brother his entire life and he doesn’t want to get one just to loose him again. That would suck.
“Yeah.” Finn agrees and he waits while Burt gets out of bed and pulls on a sweatshirt. The two of them head downstairs in silence and Finn’s wondering if maybe this isn’t what he’s supposed to do. Maybe he shouldn’t show Burt because Burt already has enough to worry about and Kurt probably wouldn’t want Finn to make Burt worry more.
“So, what’s the video?” Burt asks and Finn’s startled because he’d almost forgotten that Burt was actually in the living room with him and it’s too late to hide the video because Burt’s looking at the computer screen and gesturing and then hitting play before Finn can actually say anything.
It’s a long video and Finn’s already watched it twice but he makes himself watch it again because he’s having Burt watch it and the two of them probably need to watch it together for it to be real enough. Except it is real, and Finn hears Burt take a deep breath and let it out really slowly, like he’s counting to ten (Finn sometimes counts to 10 when he’s trying not to be angry, but he doesn’t think that’s why Burt’s doing it). And the guy in the video is crying and talking about how he had tried to commit suicide and Finn just kind of hurts all over because this guy is like in charge, he’s important and he tried committing suicide when he was young and Kurt’s young and Kurt says things are better at Dalton but maybe they aren’t better enough.
And then Finn thinks about when he said those words to Kurt and how upset Kurt was, and how angry Burt got, and he thinks he’s starting to understand just why Burt had gotten so mad. Because Kurt’s been hearing those words every day in school and he doesn’t need to hear them at home, from his brother. And he’s already apologized and they’re better now, but Finn isn’t sure that’s enough anymore. Burt’s taking another deep breath and Finn kind of wants to look at Burt, to make sure he’s alright but he doesn’t look because he doesn’t want to know if Burt’s crying or not.
(Finn cried the first time he watched the video because he didn’t know what it was and Rachel had just sent him a link and said to watch it when he was alone and Finn had maybe thought it was something like pictures of herself but he knows better and Rachel wasn’t that type of girl but he wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t expecting a guy to be talking about how hard it was growing up gay and how it gets better and you just have to hold on and not hurt yourself. Finn watched it and cried a little and then he wondered if Kurt had thought about hurting himself and he watched it again and then thought maybe Burt should see it too).
The video finally ends and Burt’s still taking really deep breaths but Finn turns around to look at him and he wants to say something, he knows he should because he dragged Burt out of bed for this, but he doesn’t know what to say.
The two of them stand next to the computer in silence and Finn’s working up the courage to say something, to maybe ask if he should forward the video to Kurt, when Burt starts talking.
“There are others, you said?” Burt’s voice is shaking a little and Finn knows that means something because he’s never heard Burt sound anything but strong.
“Yeah, lots of them.” Finn says.
“Maybe we should watch a couple more.” Burt pulls the computer chair out and sits down and Finn wonders if he should just keep standing because there isn’t another chair. “Grab a chair from the kitchen, Finn.”
And Finn does.
~~
The next time Kurt’s home for a Friday night dinner, Finn hugs him hello and holds on for a few second longer then he normally would. He doesn’t say anything because he’s still not sure exactly what he’s trying to say, and he doesn’t want to mess it up.
He eventually lets go and Burt’s suddenly standing there and Finn smiles because maybe Burt knows what to say. But Burt doesn’t say anything, just grabs Kurt in a hug and doesn’t let go for even longer, just keeps hugging him and smiling and Finn can see Kurt’s confused but he’s also not fighting it. And that’s probably good.
“Missed you, kiddo.” Burt finally says before letting go and Kurt backs away and looks at the two of them and smiles.
“Missed you guys too.” He says and he’s smiling really brightly and Finn knows that’s a good thing. He hasn’t seen Kurt smile like that in awhile.
The three of them stand in the kitchen for a minute, just kind of looking at each other and Finn’s getting hungry so eventually he says: “What’s for dinner?” and Burt springs into action.
Kurt stands there for a second longer before saying: “I’m going to put my bag down. Call me when dinner’s ready.” And he disappears upstairs.
Burt busies himself with making sure dinner is cooking properly and Finn isn’t sure what to do so eventually he follows Kurt upstairs. He knocks on Kurt’s door and it’s open so he wanders in.
“Hey.” Finn settles down on Kurt’s bed and looks at him. Eventually he gets up and goes over to Kurt’s computer. “You mind?” And Kurt shakes his head no.
Finn goes to YouTube and searches for the video that he and Burt watched. He pulls it up and then stands, looks at Kurt. “So, um, Rachel forwarded this to me and I watched it and then I made Burt watch it and I think you should watch it too.” He says everything really, really fast and he isn’t sure Kurt understood him even but really, it’s not that difficult and Kurt’s really smart. “I’ll be downstairs.” Finn says and he turns to leave the room.
“Do you mind staying?” Kurt asks and Finn pauses because he’d thought Kurt would want to watch it alone. Kurt’s been doing things alone for a long time, even, and that thought makes Finn stop. Because he isn’t alone anymore, Finn’s his brother and that means Finn’s going to be there for him.
“Sure. Anything for my brother.” Finn says and Kurt smiles at him and Finn thinks maybe he knows how to say it right after all.
~~
Author's Note: The video being discussed is posted below.
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1400ish
Warnings: brief mention of suicide (but nobody is suicidal)
Summary: “Kurt’s my brother now.” Finn says. “And I saw these videos. And I don’t want that to happen to him, you know?
Finn’s stomach is tingling and twisting a bit, like it does before a test he hasn’t studied for (or any test at all, really) but he knocks on Burt’s door anyway.
“Hey Finn-come on in.” Burt calls out and Finn wonders for a second how Burt knows it’s him but then he remembers his mom is working late. He opens the door before he looses his courage because he wants the twisting in his stomach to go away and he’s pretty sure it’ll only go away if he talks to Burt.
“Um,” Finn trails off because Burt’s laying in bed already and Finn hadn’t realized it was that late. “I can talk to you tomorrow.” He offers but Burt shakes his head.
“No, don’t worry. I wasn’t sleeping.” And Burt’s smiling and he looks like he wants to hear what Finn has to say and that still surprises Finn because he’s not used to it, not used to having a father (a step-father) (a concerned male parental unit)(Burt). And it feels weird but having a brother feels weird, too.
“Kurt’s my brother now.” Finn says. “And I saw these videos. And I don’t want that to happen to him, you know?”
Burt looks a little confused and Finn wishes he could just say it because his stomach is knotting up even worse and he wants it to go away. He doesn’t understand it and its weird.
“What videos, Finn?” Burt asks. He sits up and is looking at Finn and Finn is kind of staring at the floor.
“Just these videos on YouTube. Rachel sent me one and I found other ones and they all say the same thing but I don’t know if Kurt’s seen them and he probably should. Because I don’t want anything happening to him, you know?”
“I’m not sure I follow. What videos?”
“The ones on YouTube.” Finn explains and he knows he’s not saying it right but he isn’t sure what else to say.
“Okay.” Burt nods. “Do you want to show me one?”
And Finn latches on to that idea because it’ll make the entire thing easier, if he can just show Burt instead of having to explain it, and then Burt can make sure Kurt sees it and doesn’t try to hurt himself because Finn’s wanted a brother his entire life and he doesn’t want to get one just to loose him again. That would suck.
“Yeah.” Finn agrees and he waits while Burt gets out of bed and pulls on a sweatshirt. The two of them head downstairs in silence and Finn’s wondering if maybe this isn’t what he’s supposed to do. Maybe he shouldn’t show Burt because Burt already has enough to worry about and Kurt probably wouldn’t want Finn to make Burt worry more.
“So, what’s the video?” Burt asks and Finn’s startled because he’d almost forgotten that Burt was actually in the living room with him and it’s too late to hide the video because Burt’s looking at the computer screen and gesturing and then hitting play before Finn can actually say anything.
It’s a long video and Finn’s already watched it twice but he makes himself watch it again because he’s having Burt watch it and the two of them probably need to watch it together for it to be real enough. Except it is real, and Finn hears Burt take a deep breath and let it out really slowly, like he’s counting to ten (Finn sometimes counts to 10 when he’s trying not to be angry, but he doesn’t think that’s why Burt’s doing it). And the guy in the video is crying and talking about how he had tried to commit suicide and Finn just kind of hurts all over because this guy is like in charge, he’s important and he tried committing suicide when he was young and Kurt’s young and Kurt says things are better at Dalton but maybe they aren’t better enough.
And then Finn thinks about when he said those words to Kurt and how upset Kurt was, and how angry Burt got, and he thinks he’s starting to understand just why Burt had gotten so mad. Because Kurt’s been hearing those words every day in school and he doesn’t need to hear them at home, from his brother. And he’s already apologized and they’re better now, but Finn isn’t sure that’s enough anymore. Burt’s taking another deep breath and Finn kind of wants to look at Burt, to make sure he’s alright but he doesn’t look because he doesn’t want to know if Burt’s crying or not.
(Finn cried the first time he watched the video because he didn’t know what it was and Rachel had just sent him a link and said to watch it when he was alone and Finn had maybe thought it was something like pictures of herself but he knows better and Rachel wasn’t that type of girl but he wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t expecting a guy to be talking about how hard it was growing up gay and how it gets better and you just have to hold on and not hurt yourself. Finn watched it and cried a little and then he wondered if Kurt had thought about hurting himself and he watched it again and then thought maybe Burt should see it too).
The video finally ends and Burt’s still taking really deep breaths but Finn turns around to look at him and he wants to say something, he knows he should because he dragged Burt out of bed for this, but he doesn’t know what to say.
The two of them stand next to the computer in silence and Finn’s working up the courage to say something, to maybe ask if he should forward the video to Kurt, when Burt starts talking.
“There are others, you said?” Burt’s voice is shaking a little and Finn knows that means something because he’s never heard Burt sound anything but strong.
“Yeah, lots of them.” Finn says.
“Maybe we should watch a couple more.” Burt pulls the computer chair out and sits down and Finn wonders if he should just keep standing because there isn’t another chair. “Grab a chair from the kitchen, Finn.”
And Finn does.
~~
The next time Kurt’s home for a Friday night dinner, Finn hugs him hello and holds on for a few second longer then he normally would. He doesn’t say anything because he’s still not sure exactly what he’s trying to say, and he doesn’t want to mess it up.
He eventually lets go and Burt’s suddenly standing there and Finn smiles because maybe Burt knows what to say. But Burt doesn’t say anything, just grabs Kurt in a hug and doesn’t let go for even longer, just keeps hugging him and smiling and Finn can see Kurt’s confused but he’s also not fighting it. And that’s probably good.
“Missed you, kiddo.” Burt finally says before letting go and Kurt backs away and looks at the two of them and smiles.
“Missed you guys too.” He says and he’s smiling really brightly and Finn knows that’s a good thing. He hasn’t seen Kurt smile like that in awhile.
The three of them stand in the kitchen for a minute, just kind of looking at each other and Finn’s getting hungry so eventually he says: “What’s for dinner?” and Burt springs into action.
Kurt stands there for a second longer before saying: “I’m going to put my bag down. Call me when dinner’s ready.” And he disappears upstairs.
Burt busies himself with making sure dinner is cooking properly and Finn isn’t sure what to do so eventually he follows Kurt upstairs. He knocks on Kurt’s door and it’s open so he wanders in.
“Hey.” Finn settles down on Kurt’s bed and looks at him. Eventually he gets up and goes over to Kurt’s computer. “You mind?” And Kurt shakes his head no.
Finn goes to YouTube and searches for the video that he and Burt watched. He pulls it up and then stands, looks at Kurt. “So, um, Rachel forwarded this to me and I watched it and then I made Burt watch it and I think you should watch it too.” He says everything really, really fast and he isn’t sure Kurt understood him even but really, it’s not that difficult and Kurt’s really smart. “I’ll be downstairs.” Finn says and he turns to leave the room.
“Do you mind staying?” Kurt asks and Finn pauses because he’d thought Kurt would want to watch it alone. Kurt’s been doing things alone for a long time, even, and that thought makes Finn stop. Because he isn’t alone anymore, Finn’s his brother and that means Finn’s going to be there for him.
“Sure. Anything for my brother.” Finn says and Kurt smiles at him and Finn thinks maybe he knows how to say it right after all.
~~
Author's Note: The video being discussed is posted below.
Click to view