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today i had my first panic attack. Now i understand what tiffany and mikel go through.
i have been really busy lately, like, i go to work at 9:00 a.m. and i dont get back to my room till after dinner. And I have lots of papers due all the sudden. Life had been going like that until i realized that my organic chemistry midterm was today. last night melisa and i stayed on the UCR campus with our friend Jason and studied till 11 p.m. i wrote a bunch of stuff on my little cheat sheet but I still felt like I was going to cry because i didn't really understand anything. but we had the previous year's exams to go off of and we had heard that the exam today was going to be like them.
But from the moment i opened my test i was so lost. it was different, filled with so much information i dont know how anyone could have prepared for it. and i only had an hour to complete it. as i worked through everything i felt my shoulders get tighter and tighter and a pain behind my eyes and i couldn't take a deep/satsifying enough breath. i finished 3 minutes early and left the room to wait for melisa to finish. i had to crouch down in the hallway to keep from passing out or throwing up, my hands were shaking and i felt like crying hysterically. if i dont pass this class i dont get my masters. it was terrible.
Now, several factors i believe contributed to this breakdown. i had some coffee earlier because i was tired. and i was super nervous about my phone interview. and i stopped drinking the coffee during the interview, but then i chugged it after i was done so i wouldnt have to throw it away. but i didnt drink it on an empty stomach. i dont know. it didn't help, lets just say that.
it took several hours for my heart rate and breathing to return to normal. right now i'm sitting at my computer staring at the screen. i have a paper to write but i dont feel like writing it. i'm depressed and lonely but i dont feel strong enough to actually talk to anyone. my body is achey all over like i did an intense work-out. these attack things are serious business.
tomorrow morning i get my cumulative exam. its a group exam that we have the weekend to divvy-up and work on, then we present it monday sometime. melisa and i went to the outlet mall and bought professional looking suit thingies so we will look snazzy.
this weekend is going to be serious. i have to work on the cumulative exam, and write my practicum paper and work on my practicum presentation, which i'll be giving thursday.
my interview went well i think. the guy is a little doubtful because the commute is like 2 hours one-way. but i figured i'd try to sell myself to the company to get experience, even if it is an internship for $10/hour it's better than no dollars an hour which is what i'm sitting on right now.
i have been really busy lately, like, i go to work at 9:00 a.m. and i dont get back to my room till after dinner. And I have lots of papers due all the sudden. Life had been going like that until i realized that my organic chemistry midterm was today. last night melisa and i stayed on the UCR campus with our friend Jason and studied till 11 p.m. i wrote a bunch of stuff on my little cheat sheet but I still felt like I was going to cry because i didn't really understand anything. but we had the previous year's exams to go off of and we had heard that the exam today was going to be like them.
But from the moment i opened my test i was so lost. it was different, filled with so much information i dont know how anyone could have prepared for it. and i only had an hour to complete it. as i worked through everything i felt my shoulders get tighter and tighter and a pain behind my eyes and i couldn't take a deep/satsifying enough breath. i finished 3 minutes early and left the room to wait for melisa to finish. i had to crouch down in the hallway to keep from passing out or throwing up, my hands were shaking and i felt like crying hysterically. if i dont pass this class i dont get my masters. it was terrible.
Now, several factors i believe contributed to this breakdown. i had some coffee earlier because i was tired. and i was super nervous about my phone interview. and i stopped drinking the coffee during the interview, but then i chugged it after i was done so i wouldnt have to throw it away. but i didnt drink it on an empty stomach. i dont know. it didn't help, lets just say that.
it took several hours for my heart rate and breathing to return to normal. right now i'm sitting at my computer staring at the screen. i have a paper to write but i dont feel like writing it. i'm depressed and lonely but i dont feel strong enough to actually talk to anyone. my body is achey all over like i did an intense work-out. these attack things are serious business.
tomorrow morning i get my cumulative exam. its a group exam that we have the weekend to divvy-up and work on, then we present it monday sometime. melisa and i went to the outlet mall and bought professional looking suit thingies so we will look snazzy.
this weekend is going to be serious. i have to work on the cumulative exam, and write my practicum paper and work on my practicum presentation, which i'll be giving thursday.
my interview went well i think. the guy is a little doubtful because the commute is like 2 hours one-way. but i figured i'd try to sell myself to the company to get experience, even if it is an internship for $10/hour it's better than no dollars an hour which is what i'm sitting on right now.