Harry Potter and Pre-Natal Eclampsia
Right lets get this old thing started. Its like Chitty Chitty bang bang, don't sell it to him, he's going to scrap her, please please please. Don't get me wrong I liked the film but it would have been better if the man chucked petrol over and lit the car in front of them..maybe a scene where Dick Van Dyke it caught shooting up with cocaine in the garage. "Daddy's been working on the car for aages" , *Dick pulling a belt with his teeth around his arm*. Today's children have films full of sexual references, what happened to the golden age of programming in the 1940s. Fantasia and Dumbo with good old fashion alcoholism and substance abuse....Blow White and the Seven Stages of addiction. Arn't they Dwarves supposed to be the stages of a drug experience...Happy, Dopey, Grumpy?? I don't know having never done so much more than a Vicks Inhalor and a sherbet Dib Dab....sherbert will be a class B substance when I rule the country. "I'm arresting you on suspicion of possessing Flying Saucers". "He's got sherbert Lemons here to Sarge".
I made a decision upon purchasing Harry Potter that I would make it last as long as it could, my life is full of fleeting experiences...like sex with your husband before he goes to War... but I know Harry isn't coming back. It went very well up untill two days ago when I fell apart like a wet cake..now I am nearly finished..and by God I don't think I can cry anymore..but I know I will. Every twenty or so pages of this book is punctuated with ink smeared with the drops of copious tears. I mean when Dobby died "Here lies Dobby..a free Elf"...my God. Did anyone notice that the massive flooding in the south happened on the weekend of 'The Deathly Hallows' release?..It wasn't the rain it was the fact that half the nation was sobbing on their bookmarks. PLEASE DONT TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE BOOK!!! I HAVE ONLY READ TO THE ESCAPE FROM GRINGOTTS. I was going to take it on holiday with me but;
a) It's too heavy for my case and would incur me a heavy fine
b) No one wants a sobbing maniac screaming "Why God WHY?!" on a plane.
So I shall finish it soon and after a suitable period of mourning move onto my CSI books.
Facebook seems to have taken over these days but you still cant beat the old Livejournal for it catharticness and appeal to a writers vanity. Plus everyone of my friends on here arn't vague aquaintances whom I havn't seen in 6 years. I do have a few on the old FB who have added me. "How do you know this person?", "Fuck knows but they know me and I dont want to be rude" should be an option. I have lots to say but don't know whether I should condense it or fuck everyone over and write a saga....."In the beginning..."
1) I saw a dead man the other day. On the hottest day I saw a man as read as a lobster sprawled out on the highstreet with a pint of carling poignantly lying by his side. The paramedics around him put him on a stretcher and covered him up..either he was dead or they didn't want anyone to see his rude tatoo.
2) A definate increase in the amount of Polish. Everywhere. I had a bootsale and sold my DVDs alongside some brass of my Grandad's. Only Polish people bought the brass, my dad says its because they have something Romani about them. I believe they are using it to restore communism..I havn't worked out how.
3) My dog vomitted a sparrow on me. He gets car sick...we were in a car..he had recently consumed an entire sparrow. Even covered in vom and partly digested my ornathological skills reign supreme. I've not been able to look at feathers since. Sold my feather collection..to the Polish.
4) High blood pressure could lead to eclampsia. I have found out the my prediction of a one day perfect pregnancy has been blighted (dont worry I'm not Keith Cheggars, just obsessed with my womb). Like my Aunts I have high blood pressure which can lead to severe complications in pregnancy..Don't worry if I start eyeing up your wombs..I'm just considering kidnap and the forced incubation of my seven sons. Hey Bev..how's the womb going?
5) Pokemon Pearl. Taking up alot of my spare time...which is all of my time. Gone for the fool proof team of Gyrados + 5 random losers.
Now that I have spoken about Harry Potter I must go read it. I leave you with a list of HP characters which I bone:
Harry Potter
Fred and George
Remus Lupin
Serius Black
Dean Thomas
Oliver Wood
Snape
erm...Dumbledore...because he could do things. xxxx
I made a decision upon purchasing Harry Potter that I would make it last as long as it could, my life is full of fleeting experiences...like sex with your husband before he goes to War... but I know Harry isn't coming back. It went very well up untill two days ago when I fell apart like a wet cake..now I am nearly finished..and by God I don't think I can cry anymore..but I know I will. Every twenty or so pages of this book is punctuated with ink smeared with the drops of copious tears. I mean when Dobby died "Here lies Dobby..a free Elf"...my God. Did anyone notice that the massive flooding in the south happened on the weekend of 'The Deathly Hallows' release?..It wasn't the rain it was the fact that half the nation was sobbing on their bookmarks. PLEASE DONT TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE BOOK!!! I HAVE ONLY READ TO THE ESCAPE FROM GRINGOTTS. I was going to take it on holiday with me but;
a) It's too heavy for my case and would incur me a heavy fine
b) No one wants a sobbing maniac screaming "Why God WHY?!" on a plane.
So I shall finish it soon and after a suitable period of mourning move onto my CSI books.
Facebook seems to have taken over these days but you still cant beat the old Livejournal for it catharticness and appeal to a writers vanity. Plus everyone of my friends on here arn't vague aquaintances whom I havn't seen in 6 years. I do have a few on the old FB who have added me. "How do you know this person?", "Fuck knows but they know me and I dont want to be rude" should be an option. I have lots to say but don't know whether I should condense it or fuck everyone over and write a saga....."In the beginning..."
1) I saw a dead man the other day. On the hottest day I saw a man as read as a lobster sprawled out on the highstreet with a pint of carling poignantly lying by his side. The paramedics around him put him on a stretcher and covered him up..either he was dead or they didn't want anyone to see his rude tatoo.
2) A definate increase in the amount of Polish. Everywhere. I had a bootsale and sold my DVDs alongside some brass of my Grandad's. Only Polish people bought the brass, my dad says its because they have something Romani about them. I believe they are using it to restore communism..I havn't worked out how.
3) My dog vomitted a sparrow on me. He gets car sick...we were in a car..he had recently consumed an entire sparrow. Even covered in vom and partly digested my ornathological skills reign supreme. I've not been able to look at feathers since. Sold my feather collection..to the Polish.
4) High blood pressure could lead to eclampsia. I have found out the my prediction of a one day perfect pregnancy has been blighted (dont worry I'm not Keith Cheggars, just obsessed with my womb). Like my Aunts I have high blood pressure which can lead to severe complications in pregnancy..Don't worry if I start eyeing up your wombs..I'm just considering kidnap and the forced incubation of my seven sons. Hey Bev..how's the womb going?
5) Pokemon Pearl. Taking up alot of my spare time...which is all of my time. Gone for the fool proof team of Gyrados + 5 random losers.
Now that I have spoken about Harry Potter I must go read it. I leave you with a list of HP characters which I bone:
Harry Potter
Fred and George
Remus Lupin
Serius Black
Dean Thomas
Oliver Wood
Snape
erm...Dumbledore...because he could do things. xxxx