A funny thing happened to me on the way to the inevitable out of a mildly humourous anecdote.
So today I was so broody it was insane, I was watching a little girl playing on the train and nearly stole her. Lets face it I am passing peak child bearing age and one can't ignore the body's impulses. The only thing you can do is try to inforce some rationality on the situation "No! I'm still young, I want a career I need to spend my youth travelling and being draped in silk by equisite boys". I am the ONLY woman in my family who has got to 22 without having had a baby. I don't know how much longer I will be able to repress the need to carry out the duty to which millions of years of evolution have dictated I must carry out.
In other news something hilarious happened to me on the way to uni today. I was in a cab.. yeah a cab again. The taxi never fails to provide the creme de le creme of Britains most wound up, bordering retarding, clincally schizophrenic sociopaths. Anyway I get in the cab an immediately I realise that the driver is a manly looking woman with facial hair. The conversation went a little like this;
Taxi driver: Terrible weather today.
Me: Yeah, awful. I can't wait untill summer comes
Taxi Driver: We seem to be always wishing out lives away, waiting for summer
Me: heh, yeah.
Taxi Driver: I used to be a woman
Me: (oooh God) yeah?
Driver: Yeah, I had my sex change 4 years ago
Me: yeah?
Driver: Always new I was a man really
Me: well yeah if you feel that way
Driver: I got my breats removed and pec implants first in Thailand, then my sex change a year later in Bankok
silence
Driver: I have a penis you know
Me: (OH GOD!) Yeah?
Driver: Does everything it should....yep.
*Taxi drivers mobile phone rings*
Me: (Thank fuck for that!)
Driver: Alright Kevin.... yeah.... I have a young lady in my car now.
Me: *eyes open quickly, staring straight ahead*
Driver: Er... I dont know. How old are you?
Me: er er 22
Driver: she's 22 Kevin.. erm..I dunno... you at college?
Me: Uni
Driver: Yeah Kevs she's at uni.. what you studying?
Me: (why am I telling her/him the truth??) er Physics. (shit, why say physics? please God dont let him know anything about Physics!!!)
Driver: Oooh.. get this Kev.. Physics
By now I am freaking out, I've created a back story for Taxi Driver, hense forth called Fran. Fran met Kevin at a singles night in a Working mens club in Epping. Kevin was left to bring himself up as a child, while his father, an ex minor forced to take redundency in Thatchers New Right, spent his time getting drunk at the miners club. Kevin was taunted for having a high voice as a teen. Puberty came late for him and he had no mother to advice him through this difficult time. At the age of 30 Kevin began befriending alone and confused middle aged women, who he found sitting alone in bars and clubs. He over time supported and funded these women's transformation into men, ruining the women that had abadoned him and scorned him all his life. Kevin met Fran just like all his other projects, but they fell in love due to their sharing of a love of proffessional darts. After Frans transformation they got a flat together in Pitsea, spending hours together in the run down flat above an Halal meat butchers made Fran and Kevin even more lonely, reinforcing each other strange behaviours. Through all their opperations transcending gender, they were not happy. Realising that it was not a penis they missed, but the innocent joy of a lost youth. Striken with envy they hatched a plan, to find and corrupt a young girl in her prime into a hybrid monster, neither man woman nor beast, destined to spend her days shying from the disapproving looks of a narrow minded town folk. To make the irony sweeter they would find a girl incapable of empathy, an ice queen, prejudice to those who were not 'normal'. How would they find such a shallow, vain young woman? Interview..through the seemingly innocent medium of inane taxi cab chat. When they found her, Fran could lock the doors and drive her to their flat where the could being their transformation.
Luckily she/he got off the phone and dropped me off where I wanted.... BUT the fair....was EIGHT POUNDS. Dom do do dom.
So endeth the tale. Brookes you may now lay into me about how crap my writing is and write an 1000 word entry about football. xxx
In other news something hilarious happened to me on the way to uni today. I was in a cab.. yeah a cab again. The taxi never fails to provide the creme de le creme of Britains most wound up, bordering retarding, clincally schizophrenic sociopaths. Anyway I get in the cab an immediately I realise that the driver is a manly looking woman with facial hair. The conversation went a little like this;
Taxi driver: Terrible weather today.
Me: Yeah, awful. I can't wait untill summer comes
Taxi Driver: We seem to be always wishing out lives away, waiting for summer
Me: heh, yeah.
Taxi Driver: I used to be a woman
Me: (oooh God) yeah?
Driver: Yeah, I had my sex change 4 years ago
Me: yeah?
Driver: Always new I was a man really
Me: well yeah if you feel that way
Driver: I got my breats removed and pec implants first in Thailand, then my sex change a year later in Bankok
silence
Driver: I have a penis you know
Me: (OH GOD!) Yeah?
Driver: Does everything it should....yep.
*Taxi drivers mobile phone rings*
Me: (Thank fuck for that!)
Driver: Alright Kevin.... yeah.... I have a young lady in my car now.
Me: *eyes open quickly, staring straight ahead*
Driver: Er... I dont know. How old are you?
Me: er er 22
Driver: she's 22 Kevin.. erm..I dunno... you at college?
Me: Uni
Driver: Yeah Kevs she's at uni.. what you studying?
Me: (why am I telling her/him the truth??) er Physics. (shit, why say physics? please God dont let him know anything about Physics!!!)
Driver: Oooh.. get this Kev.. Physics
By now I am freaking out, I've created a back story for Taxi Driver, hense forth called Fran. Fran met Kevin at a singles night in a Working mens club in Epping. Kevin was left to bring himself up as a child, while his father, an ex minor forced to take redundency in Thatchers New Right, spent his time getting drunk at the miners club. Kevin was taunted for having a high voice as a teen. Puberty came late for him and he had no mother to advice him through this difficult time. At the age of 30 Kevin began befriending alone and confused middle aged women, who he found sitting alone in bars and clubs. He over time supported and funded these women's transformation into men, ruining the women that had abadoned him and scorned him all his life. Kevin met Fran just like all his other projects, but they fell in love due to their sharing of a love of proffessional darts. After Frans transformation they got a flat together in Pitsea, spending hours together in the run down flat above an Halal meat butchers made Fran and Kevin even more lonely, reinforcing each other strange behaviours. Through all their opperations transcending gender, they were not happy. Realising that it was not a penis they missed, but the innocent joy of a lost youth. Striken with envy they hatched a plan, to find and corrupt a young girl in her prime into a hybrid monster, neither man woman nor beast, destined to spend her days shying from the disapproving looks of a narrow minded town folk. To make the irony sweeter they would find a girl incapable of empathy, an ice queen, prejudice to those who were not 'normal'. How would they find such a shallow, vain young woman? Interview..through the seemingly innocent medium of inane taxi cab chat. When they found her, Fran could lock the doors and drive her to their flat where the could being their transformation.
Luckily she/he got off the phone and dropped me off where I wanted.... BUT the fair....was EIGHT POUNDS. Dom do do dom.
So endeth the tale. Brookes you may now lay into me about how crap my writing is and write an 1000 word entry about football. xxx