The Long, Winding Road Home
Continued from hereEven though we've been walking without speaking for several minutes, the warmth of Wesley's hand holding mine is comforting, something that seems tangible after all the craziness we've been through in the last day...week...month...year. Years, even. At least there's something a bit normal in my life again
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I look down at my feet for a moment as we continue walking, cutting across the grass to get to the main road leading to my place.
"She asked if I realized how much you loved me and...other things. Thought that...the other you didn't give a damn about what happened between them last night. She cares about you - both of you - and what happened with the other Wesley really...it meant more to her than I think she wanted to admit."
Sighing, I push my hair back from my face to tuck behind my ear and look up at him. Faith's words ring in my ears, and I find myself thinking about our own relationship. We never talked about what happened between us last year, and he never asked me what actually made me finally come to him after so long.
"I think I understand her, Wes - the whole not wanting to admit things bit. I knew about your feelings for a long time and never acted on them because...I was ignoring my own. After I came back from Pylea, I was so scared of everything. I just wanted to be safe and didn't want to have to work for anything because I was so tired of having to do that for so long. And you were there, and you were this smart, interesting guy, and I knew that you were complex and there was so much to you, and if we were to...that it would be easy. Not in bad way, but I was still scared of that, so I ran the other direction. I didn't want to admit that I felt that way about you; I tried to ignore it, and I just managed to screw everything up instead."
I finally stop and look at Wesley. Tears are collecting in my eyes, and I don't know whether it's from being tired after dealing with everything we have or having just watched Faith break down or trying to explain to the man before me why I ended up hurting him so much when I didn't mean to.
"I told you I love you, Wes. What I didn't tell you is that I've loved you for a long time now. I just couldn't face it because I was afraid of how complex and deep and...wonderful it would be. I couldn't face that until Cordelia's visit made me realize that I was more afraid not to have you in my life, that I could bear losing you like Angel lost her."
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"Obviously, Faith has changed more than I realized. I knew she was different, but I never would have guessed she cared so much about me. Then again, most of the time, I didn't know what Faith felt, regardless how she would act."
We approach the road that leads to Fred's apartment, when she decides to explain her inability to deal with her own feelings in regards to me. She appears to get more and more upset the more she says, and I realize how confused Fred was during the past two years.
"I told you I love you, Wes. What I didn't tell you is that I've loved you for a long time now. I just couldn't face it because I was afraid of how complex and deep and...wonderful it would be. I couldn't face that until Cordelia's visit made me realize that I was more afraid not to have you in my life, that I could bear losing you like Angel lost her."
I smile sadly at her sweet words, but the tears are quickly gathering in her eyes, and I know she's on the verge of crying, much like Faith did just a while ago. This is truly a night for revelations.
Taking Fred into my arms, I begin to rock her as she sobs. "It's all right, sweetheart. You needn't explain anything to me. I understand; you were scared. Don't blame yourself for the choices you made then. It's in the past," I say to reassure her, then I take her beautiful face in my hands and kiss her with all the love in my heart. "We have now, and that's all you need to be thinking about. We're together; nothing will change that, I promise."
The two of us were lost for so long, but that's all behind us now. And I intend to show her, everyday, just how much I love her.
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I want to tell him that it's hard not to blame myself when I had to make choices that meant the difference between life and death for so long, when I made choices that caused people to get hurt. For crying out loud, Knox almost killed him because I allowed the little weasel to convince me he wasn't evil and let him get close to me.
But when Wesley cups my face in his hands and kisses me like that, the way that makes me go melty and tingly all over, it all doesn't seem to matter anymore. I really can believe him that the mistakes I made are in the past.
"We have now, and that's all you need to be thinking about. We're together; nothing will change that, I promise."
I reach up and place my hands over his, taking a deep breath. I never want to let him go. I've never felt this connected to anyone ever in my life, and for once, I don't feel like I'm trying to find my way or running away from something.
"Take me home, Wesley," I whisper. I just want to be away from everyone and everything with nothing to disturb us.
I just want to be with him.
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"Your wish is my command, my dear," I say with a smile. It has been quite a few days for the both of us. I think Fred is long overdue for some rest and relaxation.
An idea pops into my head as we step inside her flat, so I tell Fred to wait in her bedroom while I prepare a "surprise".
Moving fast to gather all my supplies, I zoom into the bathroom to arrange tea candles along the basin of her tub. I check the temperature of the water before running a bath, and once the candles are lit, I sprinkle some of Fred's bubble bath in the water before going back to the bedroom.
She's removed her shoes, rubbing the soles of her feet as if they're hurting. I'll have to give her a proper foot massage later as well. Sitting next to her on the bed, I pull the tie from her hair, watching in fascination as it cascades down to her shoulders. Taking her by the hand, I steer her in the direction of the bathroom. "Come with me."
Just before she reaches the door, I spin around to cover her eyes. "Uh, uh, uh. No peeking." I notice something and make a few last minute adjustments to her shampoos, so they are easily within her reach, then I tell her to open her eyes. "I thought you could use a nice, relaxing bath. What do you think?"
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I think my jaw must've hit the floor at seeing what Wesley's done for me. The bathroom looks amazing with the light down low and the candles flickering and the bubbles foaming on the water in my huge bathtub. I take in a deep breath of the misty, lavender-scented air and smile, my eyes closing for a moment.
"This is wonderful, Wesley." Rising up to him on my toes, I give him a kiss, feeling very loved and very lucky.
As I start to strip out of the clothes I've been wearing since yesterday morning, Wesley turns away, acting all chivalrous. I love him for that, for being so good to me, even when sometimes I wonder if I deserve it.
Dropping my shirt to the floor, I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him from behind, pressing my cheek against his back. He smells musky and warm and so Wesley. My heart starts beating loudly in my chest as I open my mouth to ask him the question that's been on my mind since I saw what he had done for me in here.
"Would you--would you like to join me? The bath is big enough for both of us, and you could probably use it too after the night we've had."
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I hear her shirt hit the floor just before Fred's arms wrap around me, and I can feel the warmth of her cheek through my clothing.
"Would you--would you like to join me? The bath is big enough for both of us, and you could probably use it too after the night we've had."
I'm very glad, at the moment, that she is behind me, because I know I must be turning red as a radish at her suggestion. "Um...well. I, uh, wanted to do something special for you, love. I--drew the bath for you, not me. I just..." I can't seem to get a coherent sentence out of my mouth.
Bloody hell.
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Giving him a kiss on his back, I pull away and unzip my corduroys, pushing them down my legs with my underpants.
"Could you help me in?" I ask.
He takes my hand and supports me as I step into the tub. The water feels so good, so warm. With a sigh, I sit down, not letting go of his hand even once I'm covered by the water and bubbles. This is so wonderful - it feels like it's been years since I had a bath like this.
"Thank you, Wes."
He leans down so I can kiss him, and suddenly, I decide that stuttering or no, he's going to share this bath with me. With a grin, I tug on his hand, pulling him - clothes and all - into the bath with me, splashing water everywhere and causing some of the candles to splutter out.
"Whoops," I tell him, fighting the urge to giggle at the sight of him covered with bubbles and losing horribly. "Guess you might as well stay in here with me now."
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