Don't turn around..... oh-oh-ooooh!
My sister is in town...
oh-oh-ooooooh!!
Dude.
Does anyone else have one of THOSE in their family?
It's been 3 to 4 years since I talked to her last,
and it's been a great 3 or 4 years!
It sounds like it's been great 3 to 4 years for her, too.
Excellent!
I just... wanna.... keep that up.
Mom spent the last half an hour talking about how good my sister is doing,
and how she's "really changed"
and how she really likes her current boyfriend,
and how they are enjoying living in their van,
minimalist-nomad style by choice.
That is AWESOME!
Mom does not suspect abuse is going on, even.
Like, WOW! Big step up!
Very nice!
And then Mom mentions the only favor Sis asked for,
was to park the van in my backyard.
Nights only, she promises.
No facility use, she promises.
And, this is the point where I realize,
that I would probably let her BOYFRIEND do that
(who I've never met, or heard of until today)
but the thought of my sister living in a van in the backyard,
makes me want to move 1000 miles away,
just to keep myself and my loved ones safe
from her generalized sociopathic treachery.
I realize, going back through my journal,
that I wrote about her last reappearance
but I never wrote about WHAT HAPPENED
at the end of THAT VERY NIGHT.
How my sister acted
during the birthday dinner
shared by me and mein Ma,
as my sister performed a staccato dance
of strange, curlicued betrayals
for no other purpose
than making sure a TOTAL STRANGER
(our waitress)
would think my sister was a good and generous person,
while revealing to her sister (me)
and her mother (Mom)
what a total, outrageous Shit
(capitalized)
she is.
Can I retell the story now,
for posterity?
Cut for a very long, strange, awkward dinner story:
The day of my birthday Sis returned,
adamant for Help
(capitalized)
due to abuse in her relationship.
Note: She always shows up on holidays.
This year it was July 4th.
She did July 4th about 6 years ago, too.
She... has a way about things.
And truly... the abuse was no joke,
and no lie.
Every time she's landed on a holiday
to ask for safety from this abuser,
or that,
the abuse (itself) has never been a LIE.
She landed on my birthday,
the next day Mom and I had planned to
share a birthday dinner at Ma's house.
But now Sis was there,
and she wanted to GO OUT.
Because,... she was stressed
and it's a birthday,
and "Why not?".
(Because we're all poor??)
Mom rallies a coupon,
we head out to a franchise steakhouse
located near the Mall.
(YOU KNOW THE KIND!)
Sis apologizes profusely,
"I should be taking YOU GIRLS out!
It's YOUR birthdays!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I'm sorry I can't pay.
Brett has all my bank cards,
he cancelled everything,
I don't know what I'm going to do!"
Ma and I shrug,
knowing that between the coupons,
and me and Ma's flimsy wallets,
(and accumulated moths)
we will ALL have an decent meal
together as long as we're careful about what we order,
and that's just fine.
It doesn't matter if Sis can't pay,
that is EXPECTED in her "situation".
We all KNOW how it IS.
No apologies necessary.
Sis keeps it up.
Over and over.
How much she wishes she was taking US out,
rather than the other way around.
I get tired of the saccharine sound,
and get tired of hoping it's sincerity
she's leaking out of her mouth.
We get to the place.
Sis turns on her brightest smile on the hostess
when asked how many seats we need.
Sis beams,
"Oh, just three of us!
This is my mom, and this is my sister!
IT'S THEIR BIRTHDAY! I'm taking them out!"
Ma and I exchange a look.
The hostess beams back and wishes us a Happy Birthday
and takes us to a nice booth.
My sister continues on.
"It's SO great to see you two!
I hope today is a WONDERFUL and MAGICAL day for you!
I love you SO MUCH! I'm so HAPPY to be taking you out!"
Mom and I share an even more confused glance,
and take our seats, silently.
The hostess asks for our drink orders.
Sister turns up her smile, even more.
"It's YOUR day, ladies! Order WHATEVER YOU WANT!
Don't worry, I'm PAYING!"
And proceeds to order a Grey Goose + cranberry... double.
Mom and I order water,
and the hostess leaves with our orders.
Me: "What.... was that?"
Sis: "Oh, well,... ya know. I just need a drink.
It's been a hard day."
Me: "Uh....huh............ but why the lie about paying?"
Sis: "It's a special day....."
Me: "ARE you paying?"
Sis: "It doesn't matter who is paying... it will be figured out."
She gives me a tired look, giving me a show of inner pain.
Her drink arrives,
our water arrives,
because our waitress has arrived.
Sis flashes her beam, again.
"This is my mom and sister's birthday today!
I am SO excited to take them out!
I hope you ladies know you can order ANYTHING!
I've GOT this one!"
and she drops the waitress a wink.
The waitress smiles,
and my sister smiles,
and my mom and I..... don't.
We order off the coupon,
pre-set meals with few options.
Sis follows along but ordering extra sides.
Sis: "Come on, gals! Don't you want a birthday drink?"
Mom and I are both complacent with water,
because we know that is all we can afford.
Neither of us stop her... we just Watch The Show
and wonder where it is all coming from,
and where it is all going.
Waiting for our meals,
the talk turns to Sis telling her woeful tale,
how her boyfriend has kicked her out
and locked down their accounts,
and won't let her in the house to get her stuff.
How she NEEDS Mom to come,
AND NO ONE ELSE,
to help her retrieve her stuff,
and get out of the situation.
Brett threatens to shoot her, kill her,
leave her in the woods.
He hates cops, so she can't call the cops to help her.
"He'd kill them!" she frets.
She's already told Ma that she fears Brett will come to town,
and kill ALL OF US, out of spite..
which had Mom sleeping with a gun under her pillow
in ABSOLUTE terror
the night before.
But now, only Mom can accompany her?
To their cabin in the woods?
For... CLOTHES??
I.... can't keep my mouth closed.
"Fuck clothes.
Fuck furniture.
Fuck your cell phone.
Fuck your dishes.
Fuck your bicycle.
Shit is just shit.
Things are just things.
You have a car,
your wallet,
a place to stay,
and your job.
Your kids are already out, and safe!
If you want out, FUCK THE SHIT and get out.
Don't drag Mom out to the outback woods,
to get your stupid bullshit STUFF
from your psychotic ex.
You NEED your life, not your STUFF."
Our meals arrive,
Sis beams at the waitress and rattles her empty glass.
"Refill, please. Grey Goose, double.
You sure you ladies don't want something else?
It IS your birthday! Remember, I'm paying!
Are you having a GREAT day?
This meal looks AMAZING!"
Her smile is from ear to ear at the waitress.
My mom and I are both frowning, ear to ear.
When the waitress leaves,
Sis goes back into pressuring Mom
to come out, ALONE
AT NIGHT
to retrieve bullshit shit.
"Bring the truck, we'll take everything we can get
while he's at work. He works night shift,
it will be safe, I SWEAR!"
I intercede.
"Mom, that sounds like a FUCKING AWFUL idea.
You are LEGITIMATELY afraid of Brett,
when he lives 70 miles away.
Do you think it is a good idea
to GO TO HIS HOUSE IN THE WOODS, ALONE?
AT NIGHT?!
If she says the COPS wouldn't be able to protect themselves,
why is she assuring you, YOU would be safe?
THINK ABOUT IT!"
"NO COPS!!"
My sister, blasts.
And 'round and 'round we went.
When the tab came,
Sis took it from the waitress, directly.
"Thank you! It was a WONDERFUL meal!
Hope you girls had a good birthday!"
she goads.
As the waitress turns to walk away,
my sister opens book,
looks at the price, closes the book
and lays it down on the table next to Mom.
"I'm REALLY sorry I couldn't take you two out tonight.
I hope you understand."
She excuses herself to the bathroom,
slightly wobbling.
Mom and I pull out our wallets
with a groan.
I only have a $20 bill,
which doesn't even cover Sister's top-shelf double-double drinks.
I put it in the receiptbook.
Mom has about $25 in cash, she puts it in
and her For Emergencies Only credit-card,
and hands it to the waitress who is coming by.
Sister returns,
looking re-collected.
"Did you give her a good tip?
I used to be a waitress, ya know.
Tips are important."
Just then the waitress comes by
with the credit slip,
Sister takes the billfold,
"Thank you! You were SO great!
You deserve SUCH a big tip!
Birthdays ARE a time for celebrating!"
The waitress smiles and thanks us,
and performs assorted pleasantries,
and again when her back is turned,
Sister hands the billfold to mom for the signature.
"Oh, you DO have a credit card! I KNEW IT!
See? It's all taken care of!"
She smiles at mom.
Mom, with grace huffs.
I, with BURNING ANGER
merely puff.
Nobody bothers to blow Sisters house down,
no need.
We ALL know what just happened.
Eventually we drive home,
I give mom a BIG hug,
and don't bother with my sister.
The next day, Mom tells me that
Sister wants to borrow $3000,
for a "nice new apartment, with a pool and a clubhouse
so the kids can visit me!"
Mom calls her brother, who lives in the area.
My Uncle offers my sister
free room and board at his house,
"Since it is an emergency".
Sister refuses. She wants an apartment.
A NICE one.
She will accept nothing less.
Mom agrees to attend my sister for a late-night stuff-getting,...
and then in an last-minute act of sanity,
calls the cops instead,
requesting a safety call at Brett's house.
(To see if he is there, to see if she will be safe,
and to see if the cops will attend to their reclamation project)
Sister calls from work,
SCREAMING at Mom for calling the cops.
They had showed up at the house and interviewed Brett
and he was MAD and now he wasn't GOING to let her get her stuff,
and it was all Mom's fault,
and she would NEVER forgive her,
unless Mom co-signed on the apartment she wanted,
and gave her first/last+deposit.
Mom.... for the first time said,
"If your forgiveness costs money,
it's not forgiveness.
Deal with your own shit.
I arranged a free place for you to stay.
You don't want it? Fine."
By that evening, Sister was back living with Brett.
2 months later, they moved to Hawaii together
and she STILL didn't talk to Mom for 2 years.
And that is just ONE story,
out of dozens which are MUCH WORSE,
most of which she committed against our immediate family,
like our mom, our brother, and our grandmother...
like robbing their houses with friends,
plotting to murder Mom (REAL! SHE DID THAT!)
and SEVERAL times committing identity theft
opening credit cards in their names,
or emptying their bank accounts
with stolen bank cards or checkbooks.
I've always been too poor to rob,
and too suspicious of her,
to earn her my pity,
so she generally leaves me alone.
And that is JUST the way I like it!
But THAT.... was the last time I talked to my sister.
THAT is why I would trust a total stranger,
MORE than a I would trust my own sister.
Every time she shows up,
it's trouble.
Mom WANTS TO BELIEVE HER, so badly.
Mom... is her mom.
Mom, can't help... wanting to help her.
Me? I'm just a sister.
HALF-SISTER, actually.
FUCK THAT SHIT.
Fuck that shit SO HARD,
that yes... it is true,
that I don't even want her to park a van in my backyard.
Seriously, anyone else got one of those in the family?
oh-oh-ooooooh!!
Dude.
Does anyone else have one of THOSE in their family?
It's been 3 to 4 years since I talked to her last,
and it's been a great 3 or 4 years!
It sounds like it's been great 3 to 4 years for her, too.
Excellent!
I just... wanna.... keep that up.
Mom spent the last half an hour talking about how good my sister is doing,
and how she's "really changed"
and how she really likes her current boyfriend,
and how they are enjoying living in their van,
minimalist-nomad style by choice.
That is AWESOME!
Mom does not suspect abuse is going on, even.
Like, WOW! Big step up!
Very nice!
And then Mom mentions the only favor Sis asked for,
was to park the van in my backyard.
Nights only, she promises.
No facility use, she promises.
And, this is the point where I realize,
that I would probably let her BOYFRIEND do that
(who I've never met, or heard of until today)
but the thought of my sister living in a van in the backyard,
makes me want to move 1000 miles away,
just to keep myself and my loved ones safe
from her generalized sociopathic treachery.
I realize, going back through my journal,
that I wrote about her last reappearance
but I never wrote about WHAT HAPPENED
at the end of THAT VERY NIGHT.
How my sister acted
during the birthday dinner
shared by me and mein Ma,
as my sister performed a staccato dance
of strange, curlicued betrayals
for no other purpose
than making sure a TOTAL STRANGER
(our waitress)
would think my sister was a good and generous person,
while revealing to her sister (me)
and her mother (Mom)
what a total, outrageous Shit
(capitalized)
she is.
Can I retell the story now,
for posterity?
Cut for a very long, strange, awkward dinner story:
The day of my birthday Sis returned,
adamant for Help
(capitalized)
due to abuse in her relationship.
Note: She always shows up on holidays.
This year it was July 4th.
She did July 4th about 6 years ago, too.
She... has a way about things.
And truly... the abuse was no joke,
and no lie.
Every time she's landed on a holiday
to ask for safety from this abuser,
or that,
the abuse (itself) has never been a LIE.
She landed on my birthday,
the next day Mom and I had planned to
share a birthday dinner at Ma's house.
But now Sis was there,
and she wanted to GO OUT.
Because,... she was stressed
and it's a birthday,
and "Why not?".
(Because we're all poor??)
Mom rallies a coupon,
we head out to a franchise steakhouse
located near the Mall.
(YOU KNOW THE KIND!)
Sis apologizes profusely,
"I should be taking YOU GIRLS out!
It's YOUR birthdays!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I'm sorry I can't pay.
Brett has all my bank cards,
he cancelled everything,
I don't know what I'm going to do!"
Ma and I shrug,
knowing that between the coupons,
and me and Ma's flimsy wallets,
(and accumulated moths)
we will ALL have an decent meal
together as long as we're careful about what we order,
and that's just fine.
It doesn't matter if Sis can't pay,
that is EXPECTED in her "situation".
We all KNOW how it IS.
No apologies necessary.
Sis keeps it up.
Over and over.
How much she wishes she was taking US out,
rather than the other way around.
I get tired of the saccharine sound,
and get tired of hoping it's sincerity
she's leaking out of her mouth.
We get to the place.
Sis turns on her brightest smile on the hostess
when asked how many seats we need.
Sis beams,
"Oh, just three of us!
This is my mom, and this is my sister!
IT'S THEIR BIRTHDAY! I'm taking them out!"
Ma and I exchange a look.
The hostess beams back and wishes us a Happy Birthday
and takes us to a nice booth.
My sister continues on.
"It's SO great to see you two!
I hope today is a WONDERFUL and MAGICAL day for you!
I love you SO MUCH! I'm so HAPPY to be taking you out!"
Mom and I share an even more confused glance,
and take our seats, silently.
The hostess asks for our drink orders.
Sister turns up her smile, even more.
"It's YOUR day, ladies! Order WHATEVER YOU WANT!
Don't worry, I'm PAYING!"
And proceeds to order a Grey Goose + cranberry... double.
Mom and I order water,
and the hostess leaves with our orders.
Me: "What.... was that?"
Sis: "Oh, well,... ya know. I just need a drink.
It's been a hard day."
Me: "Uh....huh............ but why the lie about paying?"
Sis: "It's a special day....."
Me: "ARE you paying?"
Sis: "It doesn't matter who is paying... it will be figured out."
She gives me a tired look, giving me a show of inner pain.
Her drink arrives,
our water arrives,
because our waitress has arrived.
Sis flashes her beam, again.
"This is my mom and sister's birthday today!
I am SO excited to take them out!
I hope you ladies know you can order ANYTHING!
I've GOT this one!"
and she drops the waitress a wink.
The waitress smiles,
and my sister smiles,
and my mom and I..... don't.
We order off the coupon,
pre-set meals with few options.
Sis follows along but ordering extra sides.
Sis: "Come on, gals! Don't you want a birthday drink?"
Mom and I are both complacent with water,
because we know that is all we can afford.
Neither of us stop her... we just Watch The Show
and wonder where it is all coming from,
and where it is all going.
Waiting for our meals,
the talk turns to Sis telling her woeful tale,
how her boyfriend has kicked her out
and locked down their accounts,
and won't let her in the house to get her stuff.
How she NEEDS Mom to come,
AND NO ONE ELSE,
to help her retrieve her stuff,
and get out of the situation.
Brett threatens to shoot her, kill her,
leave her in the woods.
He hates cops, so she can't call the cops to help her.
"He'd kill them!" she frets.
She's already told Ma that she fears Brett will come to town,
and kill ALL OF US, out of spite..
which had Mom sleeping with a gun under her pillow
in ABSOLUTE terror
the night before.
But now, only Mom can accompany her?
To their cabin in the woods?
For... CLOTHES??
I.... can't keep my mouth closed.
"Fuck clothes.
Fuck furniture.
Fuck your cell phone.
Fuck your dishes.
Fuck your bicycle.
Shit is just shit.
Things are just things.
You have a car,
your wallet,
a place to stay,
and your job.
Your kids are already out, and safe!
If you want out, FUCK THE SHIT and get out.
Don't drag Mom out to the outback woods,
to get your stupid bullshit STUFF
from your psychotic ex.
You NEED your life, not your STUFF."
Our meals arrive,
Sis beams at the waitress and rattles her empty glass.
"Refill, please. Grey Goose, double.
You sure you ladies don't want something else?
It IS your birthday! Remember, I'm paying!
Are you having a GREAT day?
This meal looks AMAZING!"
Her smile is from ear to ear at the waitress.
My mom and I are both frowning, ear to ear.
When the waitress leaves,
Sis goes back into pressuring Mom
to come out, ALONE
AT NIGHT
to retrieve bullshit shit.
"Bring the truck, we'll take everything we can get
while he's at work. He works night shift,
it will be safe, I SWEAR!"
I intercede.
"Mom, that sounds like a FUCKING AWFUL idea.
You are LEGITIMATELY afraid of Brett,
when he lives 70 miles away.
Do you think it is a good idea
to GO TO HIS HOUSE IN THE WOODS, ALONE?
AT NIGHT?!
If she says the COPS wouldn't be able to protect themselves,
why is she assuring you, YOU would be safe?
THINK ABOUT IT!"
"NO COPS!!"
My sister, blasts.
And 'round and 'round we went.
When the tab came,
Sis took it from the waitress, directly.
"Thank you! It was a WONDERFUL meal!
Hope you girls had a good birthday!"
she goads.
As the waitress turns to walk away,
my sister opens book,
looks at the price, closes the book
and lays it down on the table next to Mom.
"I'm REALLY sorry I couldn't take you two out tonight.
I hope you understand."
She excuses herself to the bathroom,
slightly wobbling.
Mom and I pull out our wallets
with a groan.
I only have a $20 bill,
which doesn't even cover Sister's top-shelf double-double drinks.
I put it in the receiptbook.
Mom has about $25 in cash, she puts it in
and her For Emergencies Only credit-card,
and hands it to the waitress who is coming by.
Sister returns,
looking re-collected.
"Did you give her a good tip?
I used to be a waitress, ya know.
Tips are important."
Just then the waitress comes by
with the credit slip,
Sister takes the billfold,
"Thank you! You were SO great!
You deserve SUCH a big tip!
Birthdays ARE a time for celebrating!"
The waitress smiles and thanks us,
and performs assorted pleasantries,
and again when her back is turned,
Sister hands the billfold to mom for the signature.
"Oh, you DO have a credit card! I KNEW IT!
See? It's all taken care of!"
She smiles at mom.
Mom, with grace huffs.
I, with BURNING ANGER
merely puff.
Nobody bothers to blow Sisters house down,
no need.
We ALL know what just happened.
Eventually we drive home,
I give mom a BIG hug,
and don't bother with my sister.
The next day, Mom tells me that
Sister wants to borrow $3000,
for a "nice new apartment, with a pool and a clubhouse
so the kids can visit me!"
Mom calls her brother, who lives in the area.
My Uncle offers my sister
free room and board at his house,
"Since it is an emergency".
Sister refuses. She wants an apartment.
A NICE one.
She will accept nothing less.
Mom agrees to attend my sister for a late-night stuff-getting,...
and then in an last-minute act of sanity,
calls the cops instead,
requesting a safety call at Brett's house.
(To see if he is there, to see if she will be safe,
and to see if the cops will attend to their reclamation project)
Sister calls from work,
SCREAMING at Mom for calling the cops.
They had showed up at the house and interviewed Brett
and he was MAD and now he wasn't GOING to let her get her stuff,
and it was all Mom's fault,
and she would NEVER forgive her,
unless Mom co-signed on the apartment she wanted,
and gave her first/last+deposit.
Mom.... for the first time said,
"If your forgiveness costs money,
it's not forgiveness.
Deal with your own shit.
I arranged a free place for you to stay.
You don't want it? Fine."
By that evening, Sister was back living with Brett.
2 months later, they moved to Hawaii together
and she STILL didn't talk to Mom for 2 years.
And that is just ONE story,
out of dozens which are MUCH WORSE,
most of which she committed against our immediate family,
like our mom, our brother, and our grandmother...
like robbing their houses with friends,
plotting to murder Mom (REAL! SHE DID THAT!)
and SEVERAL times committing identity theft
opening credit cards in their names,
or emptying their bank accounts
with stolen bank cards or checkbooks.
I've always been too poor to rob,
and too suspicious of her,
to earn her my pity,
so she generally leaves me alone.
And that is JUST the way I like it!
But THAT.... was the last time I talked to my sister.
THAT is why I would trust a total stranger,
MORE than a I would trust my own sister.
Every time she shows up,
it's trouble.
Mom WANTS TO BELIEVE HER, so badly.
Mom... is her mom.
Mom, can't help... wanting to help her.
Me? I'm just a sister.
HALF-SISTER, actually.
FUCK THAT SHIT.
Fuck that shit SO HARD,
that yes... it is true,
that I don't even want her to park a van in my backyard.
Seriously, anyone else got one of those in the family?