Happy St. Patrick's Gay!
What a beautiful time to be alive!
I try to find the joy in EVERY holiday
(Except Christmas. Fuck Christmas. FESTIVUS 4EVER.)
I live in a town that is FAMOUSLY white
(So famously white, Mark Furhman lives 'round here.
AWFULLY white, if you ketch the stench)
mostly German/Irish mutts pushed west
by a racism we don't quite understand anymore
(unless we talk about "The Russians"
in a hush-hush)
for the opportunities for the Irish found in Idaho and Washington
(potatoes, maverick policing, and illegal distilleries during prohibition.
So St. Patrick's Day is a real all-day thing of costumed,
drunken revelry.
ALL DAY.
Usually TWO days
(Because there is Parade Day,
and there is St. Patrick's Day,
and if you CARE you get soused for BOTH;
when parade day IS St. Patrick's Day,
it's a true EVENT)
So this year is a Double-Do
two-timing the parade
by starting AND ending your day in the bars.
There is something I've always loved about St. Patrick's Day.
Sure.. I love beer and whiskey.
I am *actually* Irish,
(the milkman tells me
when mama ain't lookin')
but really it's the whole group of symbols
that REALLY speak to me!
-Fields of fresh kelly-green clover!
('roll me over, in the clover!
roll me over it, do it again!)
-The proud display of rainbows, short-pants, and buckled shoes!
(Bonus: discount rainbow decorations in preparation Pride Day in June!)
-Chasing gold-hoarding white people down!
(And attempting to steal it back!)
Somehow, the ideas of 'luck' and 'extreme inebriation'
are delicately intermingled in a brilliant pastiche
which is oddly honest for an American-style party day.
The a sudden popularity of bagpipes, fiddle music, and Holy Roman pope attire
make the whole day feel QUITE festive AND cautiously blapshemous.
The revolting smell of cabbage and beery-vomit permeate the downtown air by noon,
when the parade STARTS.
What I love about our parade, is it is an All-In parade.
Many groups register, but there is no need to pre-register.
You can watch, or you can participate and join the parade.
So, there are lots of kids and families,
giving an insidious edge to the subversive cacophony.
WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!
I think, next year... and every year after that
I will be SURE to focus on St. Patrick's Day
and celebrate it, publicly as
"Capture-and-Taunt Shifty-Lying Gold-Hoarding White-Men Day".
"CTSLGHWMD"
(which may very well be Gaelic or Welsh!)
for short.
Sidenote:
I recently bought a sticker-set
(I write cards and sometimes attach hilarious stickers. DON'T JUDGE ME)
of emoting poop emojis.
All because I caught myself staring at
little grey poops in bowties,
and big smiling poops with mustaches,
and poops with hearts for eyes,
and poops with crosses for eyes,
and I fell into an existential crisis of,
"WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!"
Is this what my parents feel like
the first time they saw Garbage Pail Kids cards?
(P.S. My mom FOUND my brother's Godzilla toys and garbage pail kids collection.
I'm old, but I still WANTS 'EM!)
I try to find the joy in EVERY holiday
(Except Christmas. Fuck Christmas. FESTIVUS 4EVER.)
I live in a town that is FAMOUSLY white
(So famously white, Mark Furhman lives 'round here.
AWFULLY white, if you ketch the stench)
mostly German/Irish mutts pushed west
by a racism we don't quite understand anymore
(unless we talk about "The Russians"
in a hush-hush)
for the opportunities for the Irish found in Idaho and Washington
(potatoes, maverick policing, and illegal distilleries during prohibition.
So St. Patrick's Day is a real all-day thing of costumed,
drunken revelry.
ALL DAY.
Usually TWO days
(Because there is Parade Day,
and there is St. Patrick's Day,
and if you CARE you get soused for BOTH;
when parade day IS St. Patrick's Day,
it's a true EVENT)
So this year is a Double-Do
two-timing the parade
by starting AND ending your day in the bars.
There is something I've always loved about St. Patrick's Day.
Sure.. I love beer and whiskey.
I am *actually* Irish,
(the milkman tells me
when mama ain't lookin')
but really it's the whole group of symbols
that REALLY speak to me!
-Fields of fresh kelly-green clover!
('roll me over, in the clover!
roll me over it, do it again!)
-The proud display of rainbows, short-pants, and buckled shoes!
(Bonus: discount rainbow decorations in preparation Pride Day in June!)
-Chasing gold-hoarding white people down!
(And attempting to steal it back!)
Somehow, the ideas of 'luck' and 'extreme inebriation'
are delicately intermingled in a brilliant pastiche
which is oddly honest for an American-style party day.
The a sudden popularity of bagpipes, fiddle music, and Holy Roman pope attire
make the whole day feel QUITE festive AND cautiously blapshemous.
The revolting smell of cabbage and beery-vomit permeate the downtown air by noon,
when the parade STARTS.
What I love about our parade, is it is an All-In parade.
Many groups register, but there is no need to pre-register.
You can watch, or you can participate and join the parade.
So, there are lots of kids and families,
giving an insidious edge to the subversive cacophony.
WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!
I think, next year... and every year after that
I will be SURE to focus on St. Patrick's Day
and celebrate it, publicly as
"Capture-and-Taunt Shifty-Lying Gold-Hoarding White-Men Day".
"CTSLGHWMD"
(which may very well be Gaelic or Welsh!)
for short.
Sidenote:
I recently bought a sticker-set
(I write cards and sometimes attach hilarious stickers. DON'T JUDGE ME)
of emoting poop emojis.
All because I caught myself staring at
little grey poops in bowties,
and big smiling poops with mustaches,
and poops with hearts for eyes,
and poops with crosses for eyes,
and I fell into an existential crisis of,
"WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!"
Is this what my parents feel like
the first time they saw Garbage Pail Kids cards?
(P.S. My mom FOUND my brother's Godzilla toys and garbage pail kids collection.
I'm old, but I still WANTS 'EM!)