Hey hams and hammies!
I know, I know....
I never post. I'm distant. We never cuddle anymore. Your journal thinks my journal is avoiding it, but my journal just tells your journal that it's 'busy' but that it still loves your journal as much as it ever did.
You know the drill.
Well, Im sorry, ok? Get off my back and get me a beer!
MAMA'S THIRSTY!
Since I updated last, life has been going EXACTLY as planned.
Lots of firsts this past month since we talked.
First time utterance of the phrase, "They make WINE in a CAN!? GIMME!"
First ReBirthday bonding with Jesus and friends
First time getting sued
First time forging special access documentation
First time bootlegging
First time seeing Theresa's play 'Red Tape'
First time watching a man do a freestanding handstand on a telephone pole
First time walking into my new place
First time hugging Andy Richter
First time so many people have passed out at my house after a party
First time learning the secret to getting into a venue for free
First time I have NOT been in debt with the Municipality of Spokane in 2 years
First time saying, "Yeah, we should TOTALLY decorate WESTERN THEMED!"
First time watching Season 5 of "Lost" (yes, I am very behind.. shut yer hatch!)
Did I ever tell you about when I was visiting my grandpa in the hospital a few weeks ago and I was riding the elevator with a strange lady and I asked the benign question, "How is your day going? Besides having to visit a hospital..."
And this woman looks at me and says, "ACTUALLY,...." and proceeds to tell me how her husband and her were fooling around and he decided to pick her up and carry her downstairs to their bedroom for further ravishment... except that going down the stairs he tripped, threw her down the rest of the stairs and broke his leg.
It had been a long time since a stranger had shared that sort of personal information with me.
I laughed for at least 10 minutes afterward.. mainly because her delivery was FLAWLESS.
Did I tell you that Rashonda gave birth on her bathroom floor.. the red-faced blood-covered baby being wrapped up in an AC/DC band towel before being whisked off by the first responders to the hospital?
I have plans, sir. Big plans.
And at least a few stories to share.
I have a few pictures of Jesus and his ReBirthday night out, although we are sorta old and lame and kept it pretty low key at the bar.
I have LOTS of pictures from last night when I went to see Conan O'Brien,.. and proceeded to use every trick in my sack-o-wiles-and-guile to meet him.
I may also share some audio samples that I captured!
Those stories need special time devoted to them. Their own posts... for the Conan story is a bit, well.. epic length.
I mean, you know how *I* tell stories.. with tons of superfluous information, internal dialogue, creative language and endless diversions.
Its why you like me, right?
O wait, you're made because I never post anymore.
At least I will have internet starting in May.. and you can again be flooded with the never-ending bullshit that can stream from my fingers like hot milk from a goats teet.
Exciting, no?
Lastly, I have a present for you.
Want to play a game with me?
Spot the similarities between these photos:
The biggest obvious difference is that these are two different people...
However, I want to mention that much like the Lincoln/Kennedy coincidences, this gets eerie.
Both of these men are sleeping.
Both of these men are passed out in the same chair.
Both of these men are passed out in the same corner of my living room.
Both of these men are pictured on their birthday.
Both of these men are pictured DURING their birthday party.
Does this mean that I throw parties that are so GOOD that the only way to escape the fun is dreamland? Or does this mean that I throw terrible parties where the only way to escape is dreamland?
I tend to believe I throw awesome parties... so overwhelmingly fantastic it puts the Birthday Haver into a fugue state as their brain tries to comprehend the awesomness that is taking place on their behalf. Perhaps their souls are so tortured by their unworthiness of my party-hosting abilities that they take flight from the corporeal body and search the world looking for the perfect present to thank me with....
If you look at the picture of Jesse sleeping, the hand/face in the right side are Andy's... just another spooky coincidence! BUAHAHA!
Jesus and Conan stories to follow.. another day, sirs and madmens madams... another day.
I never post. I'm distant. We never cuddle anymore. Your journal thinks my journal is avoiding it, but my journal just tells your journal that it's 'busy' but that it still loves your journal as much as it ever did.
You know the drill.
Well, Im sorry, ok? Get off my back and get me a beer!
MAMA'S THIRSTY!
Since I updated last, life has been going EXACTLY as planned.
Lots of firsts this past month since we talked.
First time utterance of the phrase, "They make WINE in a CAN!? GIMME!"
First ReBirthday bonding with Jesus and friends
First time getting sued
First time forging special access documentation
First time bootlegging
First time seeing Theresa's play 'Red Tape'
First time watching a man do a freestanding handstand on a telephone pole
First time walking into my new place
First time hugging Andy Richter
First time so many people have passed out at my house after a party
First time learning the secret to getting into a venue for free
First time I have NOT been in debt with the Municipality of Spokane in 2 years
First time saying, "Yeah, we should TOTALLY decorate WESTERN THEMED!"
First time watching Season 5 of "Lost" (yes, I am very behind.. shut yer hatch!)
Did I ever tell you about when I was visiting my grandpa in the hospital a few weeks ago and I was riding the elevator with a strange lady and I asked the benign question, "How is your day going? Besides having to visit a hospital..."
And this woman looks at me and says, "ACTUALLY,...." and proceeds to tell me how her husband and her were fooling around and he decided to pick her up and carry her downstairs to their bedroom for further ravishment... except that going down the stairs he tripped, threw her down the rest of the stairs and broke his leg.
It had been a long time since a stranger had shared that sort of personal information with me.
I laughed for at least 10 minutes afterward.. mainly because her delivery was FLAWLESS.
Did I tell you that Rashonda gave birth on her bathroom floor.. the red-faced blood-covered baby being wrapped up in an AC/DC band towel before being whisked off by the first responders to the hospital?
I have plans, sir. Big plans.
And at least a few stories to share.
I have a few pictures of Jesus and his ReBirthday night out, although we are sorta old and lame and kept it pretty low key at the bar.
I have LOTS of pictures from last night when I went to see Conan O'Brien,.. and proceeded to use every trick in my sack-o-wiles-and-guile to meet him.
I may also share some audio samples that I captured!
Those stories need special time devoted to them. Their own posts... for the Conan story is a bit, well.. epic length.
I mean, you know how *I* tell stories.. with tons of superfluous information, internal dialogue, creative language and endless diversions.
Its why you like me, right?
O wait, you're made because I never post anymore.
At least I will have internet starting in May.. and you can again be flooded with the never-ending bullshit that can stream from my fingers like hot milk from a goats teet.
Exciting, no?
Lastly, I have a present for you.
Want to play a game with me?
Spot the similarities between these photos:
The biggest obvious difference is that these are two different people...
However, I want to mention that much like the Lincoln/Kennedy coincidences, this gets eerie.
Both of these men are sleeping.
Both of these men are passed out in the same chair.
Both of these men are passed out in the same corner of my living room.
Both of these men are pictured on their birthday.
Both of these men are pictured DURING their birthday party.
Does this mean that I throw parties that are so GOOD that the only way to escape the fun is dreamland? Or does this mean that I throw terrible parties where the only way to escape is dreamland?
I tend to believe I throw awesome parties... so overwhelmingly fantastic it puts the Birthday Haver into a fugue state as their brain tries to comprehend the awesomness that is taking place on their behalf. Perhaps their souls are so tortured by their unworthiness of my party-hosting abilities that they take flight from the corporeal body and search the world looking for the perfect present to thank me with....
If you look at the picture of Jesse sleeping, the hand/face in the right side are Andy's... just another spooky coincidence! BUAHAHA!
Jesus and Conan stories to follow.. another day, sirs and madmens madams... another day.