*yawn*
What am I doing up at 7am?
Could not sleep.
NyQuil and I will sleep again.
Been away from compy for a few days.
Had some dentist appointments. 2 out of MANY.
For the exam, I took .25MG of Ativan which is prescribed for me for the panic attacks I get in the dentist chair. I had to work later that day so I took a very small dose hoping it would help.
Not enough. Even though all they did was LOOK in my mouth and do some x-rays. I was crying on the way to the office, and crying the entire way through the exam. BUT I did not vomit, scream, try to escape the chair like it was a deathtrap or hyperventilate till I pass out... so technically it was a success.
Next day, came in for a filling.
This is HOW MUCH I hate the dentist. I had a HOLE in my front tooth for the last month or two where an old filling came out. But I was like, "eh, its ugly and I hate it... but dentists are evil patrons of misery. I think I can stand it for awhile longer."
Again, I had to work after the appointment, and with Ativan you are warned against driving or operating machinery for 24 hours because dizziness, severe drowsiness and memory gaps/amnesia are common side effects. So, I just took 3/4ths of a milligram (3x the dose before) and hoped for the best.
I was actually quite proud of how calm I was. I was hyperventilating the entire time but only cried occasionally, and only turned mild shades of blue death. Also, my body was twitching and convulsing but I had enough control to keep my head still and NOT jump out of the chair when the drills or needles came at me.
Again: Success.
But, apparently the dentist did NOT think so. She kept freaking out and stopping to have my vitals checked and I was given many breaks to "calm down" which didn't really work and just make the process longer.
I'll just say I have ALOT of dental work ahead of me (genetic defect combined with childhood use of coughdrops when sleeping and inhaled medications throughout my lifetime) and I do not think this dentist wants to perform it.
She said, "I know you feel that you were calm during this procedure, but I have to say that you need to work with your doctor to find a dose or medication that works for you to keep you ACTUALLY calm, or I need to refer you to a sedation dentist." Very matter-of-fact.
Its almost as if working in a very small area on a patient has a wild look in their eyes that says, "O GOD! O GOD! O GOD! O GOD! O GOD!" while they pant like a dog dying on the side of the road.... isn't her ideal day.
Weird.
Came home after each appoint to nap and recuperate my sanity before work.
No memory gaps or issues with the drug at that dosage, at least.
Had Jesse's birthday gathering with family tonight. Food, presents, cake and boardgames. Always a good time.
Jesse's dad is mastering the production of tongs down in his smithy. Its amazing what you can learn so quickly given the time, inclination and money.
Bought the new Chuck Palahniuk book "Rant" and also Stephen King's "Dark Tower: Gunslinger Born", issue 7 of 7. I also picked up the Dark Tower guide which has some filler Dark Tower information. So, now I have all 7 issues.
AND, there have been alot of variant covers out for this series. The local comic book shop (so named The Comic Book Shop) had sold out of issue 7 and said it might be several weeks before they get more. BUT they had ONE LAST copy with a variant cover for $15 (4x the average issue price) but my brain screamed, "GET IT! GET IT! GET IT!" and so I did. Of COURSE I did! There was never a doubt that I wouldn't have!
So yes, my two loves Dark Tower and Chuck Palahniuk are waiting for me by the bed to be read and adored.
Presents I bought myself for going to the dentist and not embarrassing myself TOO much.
Also, I've decided I have little/no hope for the future of mankind and planet Earth and not breeding is going to make the whole event of my adultlife 10x easier not having to worry for their future when the world turns savage and apocalyptic. It really hit me when my crazy grandmother told me, "If I were young in this day/age I wouldnt THINK of having kids. I just wouldn't. Everything is disintegrating, dying,..."
I dont think there is an excuse for human stupidity anymore.
I think mankind has been civilized MORE than long enough to learn to reason around their primal/reptilian brain desires. If Greeks practiced socialized healthcare 3,500 years ago,... mankind has been properly domesticated by now.
We have all the knowledge we need to stop what we're doing, reverse action, correct faults, plan ahead and keep our wants for cheap money, effortless work, and rewards for doing nothing in check with reality.
You'd think.
Also: Watched local news for the first time in years.
Local top stories include 70 yr old man who offered a cop posing as a mother $200 to perform sex acts on her two children aged 11mos and 7 yrs.
Also, security guard voyeur recording women undressing/dressing for work for several years.
Ya know, my chances for being victimized again are just the same as they were before.
I've got the same old 1 in 4 chance as I did before I was victimized the first time and attacked the second. How come math and society are so unfair?
I tried to count the instances of sexual abuse and rape between me, my mom and my sister... I KNOW solidly of 7 counts of abuse... which does not count statutory rape because as far as I know it was consensual, and counts SEVERAL YEARS of abuse and rape as a single count and gang rapes being counted as single attack.
How can that be for fucking real? HOW? How is society, how are some men, still so degenerate and psychotic in this civilized day and age? How is more than half the population still seen as warm and waiting receptacles for whatever anger, filth, hate and uncontrolled petty wants? It boggles my mind. It makes no sense.
Why NOT tape record coworkers changing into uniform? They're only women. If they didn't want to be watched and recorded without permission, if they didn't want to be raped and abused, if they didn't want to be humiliated and tortured, they wouldn't be covered in boobs, ass and assorted sexy genitalia,.. right?
Totally.
/whatever-that-was
Could not sleep.
NyQuil and I will sleep again.
Been away from compy for a few days.
Had some dentist appointments. 2 out of MANY.
For the exam, I took .25MG of Ativan which is prescribed for me for the panic attacks I get in the dentist chair. I had to work later that day so I took a very small dose hoping it would help.
Not enough. Even though all they did was LOOK in my mouth and do some x-rays. I was crying on the way to the office, and crying the entire way through the exam. BUT I did not vomit, scream, try to escape the chair like it was a deathtrap or hyperventilate till I pass out... so technically it was a success.
Next day, came in for a filling.
This is HOW MUCH I hate the dentist. I had a HOLE in my front tooth for the last month or two where an old filling came out. But I was like, "eh, its ugly and I hate it... but dentists are evil patrons of misery. I think I can stand it for awhile longer."
Again, I had to work after the appointment, and with Ativan you are warned against driving or operating machinery for 24 hours because dizziness, severe drowsiness and memory gaps/amnesia are common side effects. So, I just took 3/4ths of a milligram (3x the dose before) and hoped for the best.
I was actually quite proud of how calm I was. I was hyperventilating the entire time but only cried occasionally, and only turned mild shades of blue death. Also, my body was twitching and convulsing but I had enough control to keep my head still and NOT jump out of the chair when the drills or needles came at me.
Again: Success.
But, apparently the dentist did NOT think so. She kept freaking out and stopping to have my vitals checked and I was given many breaks to "calm down" which didn't really work and just make the process longer.
I'll just say I have ALOT of dental work ahead of me (genetic defect combined with childhood use of coughdrops when sleeping and inhaled medications throughout my lifetime) and I do not think this dentist wants to perform it.
She said, "I know you feel that you were calm during this procedure, but I have to say that you need to work with your doctor to find a dose or medication that works for you to keep you ACTUALLY calm, or I need to refer you to a sedation dentist." Very matter-of-fact.
Its almost as if working in a very small area on a patient has a wild look in their eyes that says, "O GOD! O GOD! O GOD! O GOD! O GOD!" while they pant like a dog dying on the side of the road.... isn't her ideal day.
Weird.
Came home after each appoint to nap and recuperate my sanity before work.
No memory gaps or issues with the drug at that dosage, at least.
Had Jesse's birthday gathering with family tonight. Food, presents, cake and boardgames. Always a good time.
Jesse's dad is mastering the production of tongs down in his smithy. Its amazing what you can learn so quickly given the time, inclination and money.
Bought the new Chuck Palahniuk book "Rant" and also Stephen King's "Dark Tower: Gunslinger Born", issue 7 of 7. I also picked up the Dark Tower guide which has some filler Dark Tower information. So, now I have all 7 issues.
AND, there have been alot of variant covers out for this series. The local comic book shop (so named The Comic Book Shop) had sold out of issue 7 and said it might be several weeks before they get more. BUT they had ONE LAST copy with a variant cover for $15 (4x the average issue price) but my brain screamed, "GET IT! GET IT! GET IT!" and so I did. Of COURSE I did! There was never a doubt that I wouldn't have!
So yes, my two loves Dark Tower and Chuck Palahniuk are waiting for me by the bed to be read and adored.
Presents I bought myself for going to the dentist and not embarrassing myself TOO much.
Also, I've decided I have little/no hope for the future of mankind and planet Earth and not breeding is going to make the whole event of my adultlife 10x easier not having to worry for their future when the world turns savage and apocalyptic. It really hit me when my crazy grandmother told me, "If I were young in this day/age I wouldnt THINK of having kids. I just wouldn't. Everything is disintegrating, dying,..."
I dont think there is an excuse for human stupidity anymore.
I think mankind has been civilized MORE than long enough to learn to reason around their primal/reptilian brain desires. If Greeks practiced socialized healthcare 3,500 years ago,... mankind has been properly domesticated by now.
We have all the knowledge we need to stop what we're doing, reverse action, correct faults, plan ahead and keep our wants for cheap money, effortless work, and rewards for doing nothing in check with reality.
You'd think.
Also: Watched local news for the first time in years.
Local top stories include 70 yr old man who offered a cop posing as a mother $200 to perform sex acts on her two children aged 11mos and 7 yrs.
Also, security guard voyeur recording women undressing/dressing for work for several years.
Ya know, my chances for being victimized again are just the same as they were before.
I've got the same old 1 in 4 chance as I did before I was victimized the first time and attacked the second. How come math and society are so unfair?
I tried to count the instances of sexual abuse and rape between me, my mom and my sister... I KNOW solidly of 7 counts of abuse... which does not count statutory rape because as far as I know it was consensual, and counts SEVERAL YEARS of abuse and rape as a single count and gang rapes being counted as single attack.
How can that be for fucking real? HOW? How is society, how are some men, still so degenerate and psychotic in this civilized day and age? How is more than half the population still seen as warm and waiting receptacles for whatever anger, filth, hate and uncontrolled petty wants? It boggles my mind. It makes no sense.
Why NOT tape record coworkers changing into uniform? They're only women. If they didn't want to be watched and recorded without permission, if they didn't want to be raped and abused, if they didn't want to be humiliated and tortured, they wouldn't be covered in boobs, ass and assorted sexy genitalia,.. right?
Totally.
/whatever-that-was