DON'T PANIC!
And always bring a towel.
In case you have forgotten, I remind you that LAST WEEK I got a write-up for:
1 Count of being 15 minutes late
1 Count of showing up for the late shift when I was scheduled for the early shift.
This write up included a line about immediate termination were I to be late again.
Flash forward. I woke up at my "usual time" of 6:00am-ish. (Remember, I've been waking up insanely early for no reason and not able to go back to sleep) and what I do is doze and enjoy being in bed in the dark, comfy, not having to be at work yet until my alarm rings at about 8:30am.
I dont have a clock, so I just check my phone.
I checked my phone at 8am, and rolled over to enjoy more time of Not Having To Do Anything.
Time passed, time passed.. and it seemed like alittle longer than a half hour... but sometimes when you're just lying in bed, time goes slowly... so I check the clock.
9:02am! IM LATE! O gods! IM LATE! Sure, I dont work till 9:30am,... but my bus is a 10 minute walk away and goes by that stop in 10 MINUTES! There is no way I can clothe myself, put necessities in my pockets, scrouge food AND make the bus!
I hyperventilate.
My brain explodes as it tries to simultaneously brush my teeth/hair, put on clothes, find money/I.D., locate a new job, calculate odds that I would hate that job, calculate my finances, considers the fact that I JUST heard that I got the house yesterday vs losing my job today.. another teeny weeny part of my brain tells me its gonna be ok.
Smoke comes out my ears and I come out of my apartment RACING.
I make it to work 15 minutes late (bus runs every 15 minutes that time of day) I use my VERY LAST MINUTE on my phone to call boss, apologize and tell him my soon-to-be arrival time.
I still have my job.. only my ice got even thinner, somehow.
Crap.
I feel like I keep flailing and failing and its breaking my poor little birdie heart. I thought I'd have the hang of "adulthood" by now.. at least the GIST of it.. but no. No.
Got paid, and good thing I low-ball my paycheck when figuring out finances from bi-week to bi-week because I was shorted alittle bit. Everyone was. Fuck.
This is not the time to fuck with my paycheck Pawn 1 Corporate Pirates!
I feel these little trips, these little catches, these little snags... and it just makes me feel more hopeless than it should. About had a panic attack, again. Well, DID have a panic attack. Itty bitty tiny one.
Well, I may feel like Im free-falling into SuckLand,.. but hey, only two panic attacks the last month! WAY BETTER than having one daily like I was the last month or so at Pitney Bowes..
I keep waiting for things to get better. I was told that being an adult didn't suck ass as much as it really does. I shall sue my culture for all its worth! Take it to court! I will cry on the stand and tell the judge how it lied to me. At 24 I was supposed to be beautiful, happy, with a fulfilling job, perfectly done hair, wearing a pencil skirt to work and smiling alot. I was supposed to have things figured out and working out...
A few things are working out... or seem to be.
I've got a Jesse around that I happen to be fond of, friends I love that support me and I have fun with, family that I love that supports me, a nice place to live in my near future,...
And I can be thankful that Im still Kid-Free... unlike all the young young mothers of many many children that I see so often... god, at least I dont have to worry about THAT kind of fear, responsibility, work, financial weight...! AHH!
My life is full of good things,.. sprinkled with unpleasantness.. as per the average human condition, I suppose...
But man, damned if that pencil skirt, pretty hair, fulfilling job and beautiful smiling picture doesn't make me want to curl up and throw rocks at life alittle.
In case you have forgotten, I remind you that LAST WEEK I got a write-up for:
1 Count of being 15 minutes late
1 Count of showing up for the late shift when I was scheduled for the early shift.
This write up included a line about immediate termination were I to be late again.
Flash forward. I woke up at my "usual time" of 6:00am-ish. (Remember, I've been waking up insanely early for no reason and not able to go back to sleep) and what I do is doze and enjoy being in bed in the dark, comfy, not having to be at work yet until my alarm rings at about 8:30am.
I dont have a clock, so I just check my phone.
I checked my phone at 8am, and rolled over to enjoy more time of Not Having To Do Anything.
Time passed, time passed.. and it seemed like alittle longer than a half hour... but sometimes when you're just lying in bed, time goes slowly... so I check the clock.
9:02am! IM LATE! O gods! IM LATE! Sure, I dont work till 9:30am,... but my bus is a 10 minute walk away and goes by that stop in 10 MINUTES! There is no way I can clothe myself, put necessities in my pockets, scrouge food AND make the bus!
I hyperventilate.
My brain explodes as it tries to simultaneously brush my teeth/hair, put on clothes, find money/I.D., locate a new job, calculate odds that I would hate that job, calculate my finances, considers the fact that I JUST heard that I got the house yesterday vs losing my job today.. another teeny weeny part of my brain tells me its gonna be ok.
Smoke comes out my ears and I come out of my apartment RACING.
I make it to work 15 minutes late (bus runs every 15 minutes that time of day) I use my VERY LAST MINUTE on my phone to call boss, apologize and tell him my soon-to-be arrival time.
I still have my job.. only my ice got even thinner, somehow.
Crap.
I feel like I keep flailing and failing and its breaking my poor little birdie heart. I thought I'd have the hang of "adulthood" by now.. at least the GIST of it.. but no. No.
Got paid, and good thing I low-ball my paycheck when figuring out finances from bi-week to bi-week because I was shorted alittle bit. Everyone was. Fuck.
This is not the time to fuck with my paycheck Pawn 1 Corporate Pirates!
I feel these little trips, these little catches, these little snags... and it just makes me feel more hopeless than it should. About had a panic attack, again. Well, DID have a panic attack. Itty bitty tiny one.
Well, I may feel like Im free-falling into SuckLand,.. but hey, only two panic attacks the last month! WAY BETTER than having one daily like I was the last month or so at Pitney Bowes..
I keep waiting for things to get better. I was told that being an adult didn't suck ass as much as it really does. I shall sue my culture for all its worth! Take it to court! I will cry on the stand and tell the judge how it lied to me. At 24 I was supposed to be beautiful, happy, with a fulfilling job, perfectly done hair, wearing a pencil skirt to work and smiling alot. I was supposed to have things figured out and working out...
A few things are working out... or seem to be.
I've got a Jesse around that I happen to be fond of, friends I love that support me and I have fun with, family that I love that supports me, a nice place to live in my near future,...
And I can be thankful that Im still Kid-Free... unlike all the young young mothers of many many children that I see so often... god, at least I dont have to worry about THAT kind of fear, responsibility, work, financial weight...! AHH!
My life is full of good things,.. sprinkled with unpleasantness.. as per the average human condition, I suppose...
But man, damned if that pencil skirt, pretty hair, fulfilling job and beautiful smiling picture doesn't make me want to curl up and throw rocks at life alittle.