Less Dollars, More Sense
I have more sympathy for telemarketers than most,
I used to be one.
I'll occasionally answer that survey.
Sure.
I also did cold-calling polling for awhile.
I wasn't a scammer,
(except once....?)
I worked for major companies
(and minor companies)
who were generally starting up offices/services
in a new area.
I've had some terrible jobs in my life,
but this was a terrible job
that let me sit down,
work regularly-scheduled hours,
and paid better than retail, food service, or hospitality.
So, if you're a human sales-call...
... sure, I'm listening.
While I test the person's flexibility,
or ability to answer generic questions.
Whether they are good at walking around my 'no...'
or fumble it.
I get a peek into how THAT company
does business.
"Ma'am you have been selected...
... two free round-trip airline tickets
good for anywhere in the continental U.S...
... if I attend one in-person marketing event!"
Oh... one of those!
I loved the couple of times I went to Timeshare sales things in Vegas!
I find high-pressure sales
entertaining
as long as a salesman is not using them on ME
during a personal interaction.
(We have a salesman at work,
who uses sales tactics with his colleagues...
to push us into his opinion camp
and I hate it so much.)
Plus, it MIGHT even be a redeemable gift,
even though they may make it difficult.
I printed out pages of terrible reviews for the company....
with the intent to hand them out to people.
(Ya gotta have FUN at these things!
And warning potential suckers this company
has a 1.1 star rating with THOUSANDS of votes
in a world where the lowest POSSIBLE rating is 1 star)
But, no luck.
They gave us zero chance to mingle.
They were selling a membership
to a discount circle
that costs $10,000
(with a $300 annual upkeep fee) to
'access deals'.
Oh, you!
At my first laugh,
my personal sales attendant lowered it to $7,000.
while I watched the other people in the room
do varying styles of nodding.
I had him log into HIS account,
and show me what the deals "look like".
After some consideration, he did so...
and reduced the price to $6,000
while I ignored him... and surfed the website on his phone.
It's just lists of companies and "amounts off".
"How does it WORK, though?
-"COUPONS!!"
He says, as enthusiastically as possible.
I asked to see the contract.
He said "there isn't one."
I laughed again, and subtly raised my voice.
I used my most politely jesting tone.
"You would LIE to me?!
Of course there is a contract.
What company asks for $6,000 up front,
and expects to charge $300/year in perpetuity...
without a contract?
What customer would AGREE to that,
without a contract??"
Potential Customers turn to me,
perked ears.
I wonder what price THEY had been offered so far?
The army of salesmen working them over
also turned, and they all were grimacing.
I smiled back.
The Boss arrived to smooth things over.
"Of COURSE you can see the contract!"
However The Boss and His Assistant argue,
"I can't give you the CURRENT contract,
but I can show you the OLD one!"
I was allowed to LOOK at this old contract,
but not to read it unless I agreed to the purchase.
In the meantime, I was also being asked to sign something else.
Something that said, I was REFUSING to buy today
and therefore did not qualify for that lowered specialty price
in the future.
I ignored all of it
and questioned their business ethics.
They suggested $4,000
while scribbling hieroglyphics on a blank sheet of paper
"proving" it was cheap.
It was nothing but arrows and chicken scratch,
to be sure nothing could ever be held against them, later.
It reminded me of the first time I ever went to a Time Share thingamajig.
(I was even able to find my post!
https://geminiwench.livejournal.com/440571.html)
I am sad I don't have any of those pictures anymore,
to reload those links.
Me having a torrid love affair with an Elvis Impersonator...
Me having a torrid love affair with Penn Jillette...
Me... going on an all-night safari looking for half-naked strange adventurers
who would allow me to write:
"VEGAS WAS GREAT WITHOUT YOU BITCHES!"
on their flesh in Sharpie
and let me take a photo of them
in front of a Vegas-y landmark...
to send to friends and loved ones.
Oh, my 20's!
So.... problematic....
Also.... reading comments
I am quietly reminded that almost everyone I knew
remembered my boyfriend-at-the-time
as the shitty guy who consistently argued with waitstaff and retail staff
about ID checks to use his Credit Card.
I suggested they weren't being serious,
and asked for my "gift".
They handed me my pamphlet
which was 1/3rd glossy photos,
and 2/3rds 6pt font describing the Terms and Conditions.
It costs $100 to "register" the voucher for two free plane tickets.
It costs another $100 to "use" the voucher to buy plane tickets.
One one ticket can be bought per "use"
and each "use" must be to a different destination,
and at least 30 days apart,
bought 45 days in advance...
and you are responsible for all taxes & fees,
and have NO control over when the flights leave/arrive
or how many stopovers.
They do NOT like me reading the terms and conditions,
and 3 salesman are all CURRENTLY working me,
trying to get me to buy,
get me to sign,
and get me for-the-love-of-god to STOP LOOKING AT THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS!
They lower the package price again.
It's now $2000,
only $99 per year after that.
This act is better than some stand-up comics I've seen.
One couple,
and one single "bought in"
at SOME price or another....
or perhaps some shills came in to help.
Hard to say,
but let's give them the doubtful benefit of a doubting doubt say they don't LIE,
they just... obscure?
That would be a 33% sales rate.
Most people don't know why telemarketers still exist.
As a telemarketer, I know.
Because it actually works.
When working for legitimate companies,
doing outbound cold-calling sales
it was about a 12% sales rate.
Sign you up for $500 of cable tv
or website design
or advertising
or donations to March of Dimes
or WHATEVER.
Do that 2-10 times a day.
They only paid me $80/day.
They use 20 year old computers,
and old desks.
Cheap headsets and cheap call lists.
Don't forget P.T. Barnum was a respected salesman/showman
when he apocryphally spoke, "There is a sucker born every minute".
Don't forget also,
that that telemarketer is ALSO... being suckered.
I used to be one.
I'll occasionally answer that survey.
Sure.
I also did cold-calling polling for awhile.
I wasn't a scammer,
(except once....?)
I worked for major companies
(and minor companies)
who were generally starting up offices/services
in a new area.
I've had some terrible jobs in my life,
but this was a terrible job
that let me sit down,
work regularly-scheduled hours,
and paid better than retail, food service, or hospitality.
So, if you're a human sales-call...
... sure, I'm listening.
While I test the person's flexibility,
or ability to answer generic questions.
Whether they are good at walking around my 'no...'
or fumble it.
I get a peek into how THAT company
does business.
"Ma'am you have been selected...
... two free round-trip airline tickets
good for anywhere in the continental U.S...
... if I attend one in-person marketing event!"
Oh... one of those!
I loved the couple of times I went to Timeshare sales things in Vegas!
I find high-pressure sales
entertaining
as long as a salesman is not using them on ME
during a personal interaction.
(We have a salesman at work,
who uses sales tactics with his colleagues...
to push us into his opinion camp
and I hate it so much.)
Plus, it MIGHT even be a redeemable gift,
even though they may make it difficult.
I printed out pages of terrible reviews for the company....
with the intent to hand them out to people.
(Ya gotta have FUN at these things!
And warning potential suckers this company
has a 1.1 star rating with THOUSANDS of votes
in a world where the lowest POSSIBLE rating is 1 star)
But, no luck.
They gave us zero chance to mingle.
They were selling a membership
to a discount circle
that costs $10,000
(with a $300 annual upkeep fee) to
'access deals'.
Oh, you!
At my first laugh,
my personal sales attendant lowered it to $7,000.
while I watched the other people in the room
do varying styles of nodding.
I had him log into HIS account,
and show me what the deals "look like".
After some consideration, he did so...
and reduced the price to $6,000
while I ignored him... and surfed the website on his phone.
It's just lists of companies and "amounts off".
"How does it WORK, though?
-"COUPONS!!"
He says, as enthusiastically as possible.
I asked to see the contract.
He said "there isn't one."
I laughed again, and subtly raised my voice.
I used my most politely jesting tone.
"You would LIE to me?!
Of course there is a contract.
What company asks for $6,000 up front,
and expects to charge $300/year in perpetuity...
without a contract?
What customer would AGREE to that,
without a contract??"
Potential Customers turn to me,
perked ears.
I wonder what price THEY had been offered so far?
The army of salesmen working them over
also turned, and they all were grimacing.
I smiled back.
The Boss arrived to smooth things over.
"Of COURSE you can see the contract!"
However The Boss and His Assistant argue,
"I can't give you the CURRENT contract,
but I can show you the OLD one!"
I was allowed to LOOK at this old contract,
but not to read it unless I agreed to the purchase.
In the meantime, I was also being asked to sign something else.
Something that said, I was REFUSING to buy today
and therefore did not qualify for that lowered specialty price
in the future.
I ignored all of it
and questioned their business ethics.
They suggested $4,000
while scribbling hieroglyphics on a blank sheet of paper
"proving" it was cheap.
It was nothing but arrows and chicken scratch,
to be sure nothing could ever be held against them, later.
It reminded me of the first time I ever went to a Time Share thingamajig.
(I was even able to find my post!
https://geminiwench.livejournal.com/440571.html)
I am sad I don't have any of those pictures anymore,
to reload those links.
Me having a torrid love affair with an Elvis Impersonator...
Me having a torrid love affair with Penn Jillette...
Me... going on an all-night safari looking for half-naked strange adventurers
who would allow me to write:
"VEGAS WAS GREAT WITHOUT YOU BITCHES!"
on their flesh in Sharpie
and let me take a photo of them
in front of a Vegas-y landmark...
to send to friends and loved ones.
Oh, my 20's!
So.... problematic....
Also.... reading comments
I am quietly reminded that almost everyone I knew
remembered my boyfriend-at-the-time
as the shitty guy who consistently argued with waitstaff and retail staff
about ID checks to use his Credit Card.
I suggested they weren't being serious,
and asked for my "gift".
They handed me my pamphlet
which was 1/3rd glossy photos,
and 2/3rds 6pt font describing the Terms and Conditions.
It costs $100 to "register" the voucher for two free plane tickets.
It costs another $100 to "use" the voucher to buy plane tickets.
One one ticket can be bought per "use"
and each "use" must be to a different destination,
and at least 30 days apart,
bought 45 days in advance...
and you are responsible for all taxes & fees,
and have NO control over when the flights leave/arrive
or how many stopovers.
They do NOT like me reading the terms and conditions,
and 3 salesman are all CURRENTLY working me,
trying to get me to buy,
get me to sign,
and get me for-the-love-of-god to STOP LOOKING AT THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS!
They lower the package price again.
It's now $2000,
only $99 per year after that.
This act is better than some stand-up comics I've seen.
One couple,
and one single "bought in"
at SOME price or another....
or perhaps some shills came in to help.
Hard to say,
but let's give them the doubtful benefit of a doubting doubt say they don't LIE,
they just... obscure?
That would be a 33% sales rate.
Most people don't know why telemarketers still exist.
As a telemarketer, I know.
Because it actually works.
When working for legitimate companies,
doing outbound cold-calling sales
it was about a 12% sales rate.
Sign you up for $500 of cable tv
or website design
or advertising
or donations to March of Dimes
or WHATEVER.
Do that 2-10 times a day.
They only paid me $80/day.
They use 20 year old computers,
and old desks.
Cheap headsets and cheap call lists.
Don't forget P.T. Barnum was a respected salesman/showman
when he apocryphally spoke, "There is a sucker born every minute".
Don't forget also,
that that telemarketer is ALSO... being suckered.