"Pee on the absorbant tip for 15 seconds..."
7:15 Go into the bathroom and change into my comfy clothes, consisting of Adidas warm ups and a tank top. Upon putting the tank top on I pooch out my stomach and make the “pregnant tummy” in front of our full length mirror. I laugh and recite Nicole’s and my pregnancy joke out loud (YES, I was taking to myself…) As SOON as I said it, I realized how un-funny it was. All these strange little seemingly unrelated health problems I’ve acquired over the past 3 months all the sudden aren’t so unrelated. When WAS my last period…SHIT.
7:45 Go to the grocery store and buy 2 pregnancy tests. This preppy ass high school bitch at the check out stand looks at me, looks at the test, gives a snide smile and says “So ugh, how ARE YOU today?” “Fucking peachy. And for future reference, mind your own God damn business.” She laughs and rings me up.
Did I say something funny…?
8:15 Walk in the door “Nicole called”, and he hands me the phone. Call Nicole back and proceeded to explain to her how I came to this conclusion. Nicole worries and tells me to come over to take the test there.
8:45 Walk into Nicole’s and we both haul ass into her moms bathroom. I sit on the tub and she sits on the counter. Silence. We look at a calendar and figure that if I AM, then I am between 3 months and 3 weeks. I read the directions while Nicole got me a cup to pee in. We decided it would be safer to pee in a cup and put it in there than risk peeing on my hand…
9:00 I pee in the cup and put the “absorbent end” in it for 15 seconds, re-cap it, and set it down. 3 minutes. Feels like 3 years. What if I WAS? I already know I couldn’t, wouldn’t keep it. All the sudden the malformed, paraplegic, e-tarded love child Nicole and I so frequently refer to, wasn’t very funny at all. What IS funny, is how up until that point, it had never crossed my mind. I have only had one pregnancy scare before this, and it was for a VERY good reason. I have never been one of those stupid chicks who freaks out if their period is a day late, that and I am usually so damn careful…usually. So here we are, the fate of me and him ride on what this fucking strip says.
9:02 NOT PREGNANT! YAY! But wait…it would still take another week if it happened the last time we had sex.
I doubt I am now, but last night was really intense. Nicole and I went to Paggliaci’s (sp?) to celebrate my non conception! Then we went right back to the deformed love child jokes!
It was almost enough to make me swear off sex…
ALMOST!
I should've stayed in bed! Oh wait, it was being in bed that got me into all of this...
7:45 Go to the grocery store and buy 2 pregnancy tests. This preppy ass high school bitch at the check out stand looks at me, looks at the test, gives a snide smile and says “So ugh, how ARE YOU today?” “Fucking peachy. And for future reference, mind your own God damn business.” She laughs and rings me up.
Did I say something funny…?
8:15 Walk in the door “Nicole called”, and he hands me the phone. Call Nicole back and proceeded to explain to her how I came to this conclusion. Nicole worries and tells me to come over to take the test there.
8:45 Walk into Nicole’s and we both haul ass into her moms bathroom. I sit on the tub and she sits on the counter. Silence. We look at a calendar and figure that if I AM, then I am between 3 months and 3 weeks. I read the directions while Nicole got me a cup to pee in. We decided it would be safer to pee in a cup and put it in there than risk peeing on my hand…
9:00 I pee in the cup and put the “absorbent end” in it for 15 seconds, re-cap it, and set it down. 3 minutes. Feels like 3 years. What if I WAS? I already know I couldn’t, wouldn’t keep it. All the sudden the malformed, paraplegic, e-tarded love child Nicole and I so frequently refer to, wasn’t very funny at all. What IS funny, is how up until that point, it had never crossed my mind. I have only had one pregnancy scare before this, and it was for a VERY good reason. I have never been one of those stupid chicks who freaks out if their period is a day late, that and I am usually so damn careful…usually. So here we are, the fate of me and him ride on what this fucking strip says.
9:02 NOT PREGNANT! YAY! But wait…it would still take another week if it happened the last time we had sex.
I doubt I am now, but last night was really intense. Nicole and I went to Paggliaci’s (sp?) to celebrate my non conception! Then we went right back to the deformed love child jokes!
It was almost enough to make me swear off sex…
ALMOST!
I should've stayed in bed! Oh wait, it was being in bed that got me into all of this...