Hurricanes Suck
Maybe it was because the last time I had a hurricane hit I was only nine, but this shit is stressing me out. I think i am in worse condition that my parents are about the whole thing. I had to go to my storage unit and make sure that nothing electrical was touching the floor and to put my air conditioner on cinder blocks. I think everything is going to be ok for the most part, but I mean how can you not help but be a lil jumpy where you hear that a category four hurricane may be headed your way. I don't think it would be as bad if I didn't know tha like half my family was going to come stay with us. That is way too many children under the age of 10 in my house. Ant then the adults all want to sit down and have conversation with me; "How is school going?," "You got a boyfriend yet?,"So you got a job yet." Anything and everything I have to interest is talking about in long detail. I have no fucking pot either. This is not going to be fun. Thank god for zanex!
It's funny how most families have like A black sheep, and we are still searching for the white one. Everyone coming to my house has either taken some sort of sedative or is planning to. Aren't we a bunch of merry examples for all the kiddies. But ya know...I really don't give a fuck at the moment. I just want my walk-man, a locked door, and maybe I can find some mary jane.
Aside from hurricanes, things are going slighty well. I have been moderately studying, but I almost know all this bullshit already. It's like by your third year of college everything sounds redundant. My family and I have been getting along for the most part which is not the norm around here for sure. I still haven't found a job, but I haven't exactly been lookig too much. It pisses me off, but at the same time I do nothing about it. I have realized that I really have no motivation. I give up on anything that makes me exert too much effort. And like I said, THAT really pisses me off. So why don't I do anything about it?
Everything lately just seems so questionable - especially my beliefs and my own personal view of myself. Like suddenly I look at things and it's like "oh, so that is why I do that." I continually ask myself why I am who I am, and is this really who I am. I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't fee ldepressed, but the slightest things breaks me down into tears. I hate being confused. I would almost rather just have been ok with who I was than go through this stage of so much uncertainty.
In other news....I need someone. I am one of those peoples that goes through stages of wanting someone, and then not wanting anyone at all. I want someone, but not just anyone. I want an actual relationship worth having. One where he has the same amount of affection that I have for him - that cries on my shoulder as wel as letting my cry on his. What sucks this time is I know I don't want anything like I had before. I don't need someone who drains me of everything I have - including my heart - and just leaves me drained and heart broken. It is a rule that you should fall for the ones who only want to use you end then talk shit about you after it is all said and done? I seem to have "LOSERS AND MOOCHERS WANTED" stamped across my forehead in nice big letters invisble only to myself. Maybe one day.
It's funny how most families have like A black sheep, and we are still searching for the white one. Everyone coming to my house has either taken some sort of sedative or is planning to. Aren't we a bunch of merry examples for all the kiddies. But ya know...I really don't give a fuck at the moment. I just want my walk-man, a locked door, and maybe I can find some mary jane.
Aside from hurricanes, things are going slighty well. I have been moderately studying, but I almost know all this bullshit already. It's like by your third year of college everything sounds redundant. My family and I have been getting along for the most part which is not the norm around here for sure. I still haven't found a job, but I haven't exactly been lookig too much. It pisses me off, but at the same time I do nothing about it. I have realized that I really have no motivation. I give up on anything that makes me exert too much effort. And like I said, THAT really pisses me off. So why don't I do anything about it?
Everything lately just seems so questionable - especially my beliefs and my own personal view of myself. Like suddenly I look at things and it's like "oh, so that is why I do that." I continually ask myself why I am who I am, and is this really who I am. I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't fee ldepressed, but the slightest things breaks me down into tears. I hate being confused. I would almost rather just have been ok with who I was than go through this stage of so much uncertainty.
In other news....I need someone. I am one of those peoples that goes through stages of wanting someone, and then not wanting anyone at all. I want someone, but not just anyone. I want an actual relationship worth having. One where he has the same amount of affection that I have for him - that cries on my shoulder as wel as letting my cry on his. What sucks this time is I know I don't want anything like I had before. I don't need someone who drains me of everything I have - including my heart - and just leaves me drained and heart broken. It is a rule that you should fall for the ones who only want to use you end then talk shit about you after it is all said and done? I seem to have "LOSERS AND MOOCHERS WANTED" stamped across my forehead in nice big letters invisble only to myself. Maybe one day.