You shouldn't leave that on the floor
I kind of think my aunt is great:
"How's my sweetheart? I so wuvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv youse! xxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooo
P.S. If you get lonely, go on Avanoo; it's so much fun and is full of peeps like us.....you know, really groovey! :-) hee hee hee.............. X infinity. When do you come home for break? I'm learning how to drink. We can go out in our bling, blings. I can help you get guys 'cause they all flock to me (I wish)."
The reason she wrote that is that Mike broke up with me. Well, to be more accurate, he broke up withOUT me, because he chose not to involve me in the process.
You can imagine how acceptable this is to me, and you can imagine that I'm taking it lying down.
It's not that I'm proud of being all sassy, it's that I'm proud of knowing what I want and asking for it.
I think his decision was misinformed, so I gave him some supplemental reading.
("We broke up. Are you suppleMENTAL?")
He means well, but I'm a medium-rare kind of girl.
Oh my god I can't stop making clever word tricks!!
In all seriousness, though, I'm not going to make the big break-up post, but I'll just summarize how upset I am. I'm pretty sure this happened because I was depressed in general since moving up here, and he got chicken-and-egg confusion, and didn't realize that I'm depressed AND in a relationship, and that those two entities don't have much to do with each other, cause-and-effect-wise.
BUT it required him to remember constantly that it was going to get better, and similarly that he wasn't just imagining the awesome relationship we had before we made it "a relationship," which coincidentally and To. My. Dis-May. occurred concurrently with THIS FUCKING DEPRESSION, which made it seem like I was depressed beCAUSE of the relationship, or that I was just a totally different person from who he thought he knew. Which is kinda true -- I haven't been quite myself the past three months, but I thought that he would measure that against the SIX OTHER YEARS that we've known each other, but my main point is actually that I don't blame him.
He stuck it out, and he didn't see it getting better, and honestly I can't promise that it would, but I would have bet $500 and I'm not kidding. I would have bet $500 in a second.
And yeah I appreciate everyone being all like, "Oh, he's not good enough for you anyway, let's put his face on a dartboard," and all those Emily Post-breakup things you're supposed to say, but the truth is Yeah, he's good enough for me. And yeah, maybe he could have done better at working around everything that was in our way, but I think it really bothered him to think that things wouldn't be perfect for me; even if we worked around those things, they would still be there, and he didn't think that was ok. Which is pretty sweet if you think about it, even if it's glaringly inaccurate. Oh here, I can write a poem:
Title 816: "You'll Thank Me Later."
Low-income People of Color
can live in the projects
ceiling goes drip drip
Like the tears of the baby
Wailin' wailin'
Like the mother,
Who sings
in the gospel choir
wailin' wailin,' even if she wishes her baby would stop wailin' wailin', and feels super-guilty for even THINking that because she loves her baby and maybe she should put her baby up for adoption because her baby deserves a mother who never gets impatient when her baby cries . . .
One day, Sun Day
her land-Lord
sees her sing, "Lord"
and thinks for a fucking week without telling her, and
leaves her a note that says,
"Your voice is too good for you to live with this dripping ceiling.
You're evicted; Title 816"
Pretty good, right? I really wanted to convey that people can work past bad circumstances, and still be happy and honest. And that maybe it's good to check with people about whether they want to remain your fantasy girl, or are maybe ok with being your reality girl.
I'm sorry, but I was so patient, and for ME to get punished for being patient is PRetttty awful, because now I'm kinda positive it won't ever happen again.
Ha, just kidding, I have to patient with my clients and stuff. I think when it's a matter of life or death it will be easier than when it's totally arbitrary and seems pointless and unnecessary and frustrating and
Don't be pro-life if you're going to throw the baby you saved out with the holy bathwater.
(So many babies!! It's funny because I skipped my period this month.)
(I'm not pregnant.)
(I wonder if there's some kind of LJ TMI prize.)
Anyway, I wrote him a letter of all the stuff I didn't think to say in the hour after I first found out, and that, like, I wasn't really settling -- I was just waiting. Maybe I'm using this as too much of an excuse, but I think things would have gone so much differently if I wasn't depressed. I knew I was, but I didn't want to be like, "OK, let's just wait for each other until I'm better, and then we can REALLY date." Cuz, like, I didn't know this was an audition.
It's weird too, cos I remember feeling the same way when I started school. I was meeting all these new people, and I was like, "Hm, should I preTEND to be happy, since that's who I am in general, or should I just trust them to stick with me even though this is their first impression of me?" And I mean, that was easier, cos I know my classmates are stuck with me for three years anyway.
But I THOUGHT Mike would stay a little longer. And you guys, I'm not, like blindly ignoring how the relationship has been, and insisting that the fairy tale ending was just beginning, but like, I just think the logical conclusion of him saying, "I don't feel the same way about you as I used to," and "I can't give you what you deserve, since my recently changed feelings kill my motivation," and "I don't want to ruin the friendship" is not "So let's break up."
It's "So, instead of not answering your texts and phone calls, and hoping that you think I'm just busy, I am going to say, 'Hey, Lizzy? I haven't been in a relationship in like four years or something, and I need it to go slower, especially considering all these extra obstacles we have to deal with. Can you work with that, or do we need to make a dramatic final circumstantial decision here?'"
Oh my God, if I got scared every time I felt super-annoyed with someone I love, I would be hiding under the covers every day. I knew he was annoyed with me. I wasn't going to bring it up, because it's SO not a problem.
Anyway, summary. I will keep you posted.
He's funny. I really love him, I know I've been whining a lot in my posts, but like. He really is well-rounded. He can be super-sappy and also hard-edge with an attitude, and he has like the subtlest humor I have EVER seen, and it's mostly based on individuality and mannerisms because he really appreciates what every person has to offer the world in beauty and in interests. And he sees the art in the everyday, and he texts me about it, and he takes people on amazing non-tourist tours of everything. And so once, I took him to the 4th floor of my apartment complex, because where a window should have been, there was a mirror. And we talked about how OMG metaphorical it was. And he knows that I'm NOT bisexual, but he knows that I love hearing about and looking at pretty girls. And he makes good faces in pictures. And he cares almost too much about other people being happy, but he still stands for what he wants. But he's super-disciplined. And he isn't a very good judge of time, but neither am I, except the other way. And we both think it's awful/funny when girls or guys do stupid things in relationships.
So that's the DL. I'm really upset that we're not together, because it didn't even COUNT, and I know that sucks of me to say, but it's not fair!! I was depressed! I had butt surgery!! I read an article that grad school was going to fuck up my relationships!! I'm not in grad school for the next six weeks!
Come on. Two out of three. Five hundred dollars.
But we'll be ok. We always have.
Leave the gift receipt in the dart-bag box.
I have to get ready for Santa Cruz!!
"How's my sweetheart? I so wuvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv youse! xxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooo
P.S. If you get lonely, go on Avanoo; it's so much fun and is full of peeps like us.....you know, really groovey! :-) hee hee hee.............. X infinity. When do you come home for break? I'm learning how to drink. We can go out in our bling, blings. I can help you get guys 'cause they all flock to me (I wish)."
The reason she wrote that is that Mike broke up with me. Well, to be more accurate, he broke up withOUT me, because he chose not to involve me in the process.
You can imagine how acceptable this is to me, and you can imagine that I'm taking it lying down.
It's not that I'm proud of being all sassy, it's that I'm proud of knowing what I want and asking for it.
I think his decision was misinformed, so I gave him some supplemental reading.
("We broke up. Are you suppleMENTAL?")
He means well, but I'm a medium-rare kind of girl.
Oh my god I can't stop making clever word tricks!!
In all seriousness, though, I'm not going to make the big break-up post, but I'll just summarize how upset I am. I'm pretty sure this happened because I was depressed in general since moving up here, and he got chicken-and-egg confusion, and didn't realize that I'm depressed AND in a relationship, and that those two entities don't have much to do with each other, cause-and-effect-wise.
BUT it required him to remember constantly that it was going to get better, and similarly that he wasn't just imagining the awesome relationship we had before we made it "a relationship," which coincidentally and To. My. Dis-May. occurred concurrently with THIS FUCKING DEPRESSION, which made it seem like I was depressed beCAUSE of the relationship, or that I was just a totally different person from who he thought he knew. Which is kinda true -- I haven't been quite myself the past three months, but I thought that he would measure that against the SIX OTHER YEARS that we've known each other, but my main point is actually that I don't blame him.
He stuck it out, and he didn't see it getting better, and honestly I can't promise that it would, but I would have bet $500 and I'm not kidding. I would have bet $500 in a second.
And yeah I appreciate everyone being all like, "Oh, he's not good enough for you anyway, let's put his face on a dartboard," and all those Emily Post-breakup things you're supposed to say, but the truth is Yeah, he's good enough for me. And yeah, maybe he could have done better at working around everything that was in our way, but I think it really bothered him to think that things wouldn't be perfect for me; even if we worked around those things, they would still be there, and he didn't think that was ok. Which is pretty sweet if you think about it, even if it's glaringly inaccurate. Oh here, I can write a poem:
Title 816: "You'll Thank Me Later."
Low-income People of Color
can live in the projects
ceiling goes drip drip
Like the tears of the baby
Wailin' wailin'
Like the mother,
Who sings
in the gospel choir
wailin' wailin,' even if she wishes her baby would stop wailin' wailin', and feels super-guilty for even THINking that because she loves her baby and maybe she should put her baby up for adoption because her baby deserves a mother who never gets impatient when her baby cries . . .
One day, Sun Day
her land-Lord
sees her sing, "Lord"
and thinks for a fucking week without telling her, and
leaves her a note that says,
"Your voice is too good for you to live with this dripping ceiling.
You're evicted; Title 816"
Pretty good, right? I really wanted to convey that people can work past bad circumstances, and still be happy and honest. And that maybe it's good to check with people about whether they want to remain your fantasy girl, or are maybe ok with being your reality girl.
I'm sorry, but I was so patient, and for ME to get punished for being patient is PRetttty awful, because now I'm kinda positive it won't ever happen again.
Ha, just kidding, I have to patient with my clients and stuff. I think when it's a matter of life or death it will be easier than when it's totally arbitrary and seems pointless and unnecessary and frustrating and
Don't be pro-life if you're going to throw the baby you saved out with the holy bathwater.
(So many babies!! It's funny because I skipped my period this month.)
(I'm not pregnant.)
(I wonder if there's some kind of LJ TMI prize.)
Anyway, I wrote him a letter of all the stuff I didn't think to say in the hour after I first found out, and that, like, I wasn't really settling -- I was just waiting. Maybe I'm using this as too much of an excuse, but I think things would have gone so much differently if I wasn't depressed. I knew I was, but I didn't want to be like, "OK, let's just wait for each other until I'm better, and then we can REALLY date." Cuz, like, I didn't know this was an audition.
It's weird too, cos I remember feeling the same way when I started school. I was meeting all these new people, and I was like, "Hm, should I preTEND to be happy, since that's who I am in general, or should I just trust them to stick with me even though this is their first impression of me?" And I mean, that was easier, cos I know my classmates are stuck with me for three years anyway.
But I THOUGHT Mike would stay a little longer. And you guys, I'm not, like blindly ignoring how the relationship has been, and insisting that the fairy tale ending was just beginning, but like, I just think the logical conclusion of him saying, "I don't feel the same way about you as I used to," and "I can't give you what you deserve, since my recently changed feelings kill my motivation," and "I don't want to ruin the friendship" is not "So let's break up."
It's "So, instead of not answering your texts and phone calls, and hoping that you think I'm just busy, I am going to say, 'Hey, Lizzy? I haven't been in a relationship in like four years or something, and I need it to go slower, especially considering all these extra obstacles we have to deal with. Can you work with that, or do we need to make a dramatic final circumstantial decision here?'"
Oh my God, if I got scared every time I felt super-annoyed with someone I love, I would be hiding under the covers every day. I knew he was annoyed with me. I wasn't going to bring it up, because it's SO not a problem.
Anyway, summary. I will keep you posted.
He's funny. I really love him, I know I've been whining a lot in my posts, but like. He really is well-rounded. He can be super-sappy and also hard-edge with an attitude, and he has like the subtlest humor I have EVER seen, and it's mostly based on individuality and mannerisms because he really appreciates what every person has to offer the world in beauty and in interests. And he sees the art in the everyday, and he texts me about it, and he takes people on amazing non-tourist tours of everything. And so once, I took him to the 4th floor of my apartment complex, because where a window should have been, there was a mirror. And we talked about how OMG metaphorical it was. And he knows that I'm NOT bisexual, but he knows that I love hearing about and looking at pretty girls. And he makes good faces in pictures. And he cares almost too much about other people being happy, but he still stands for what he wants. But he's super-disciplined. And he isn't a very good judge of time, but neither am I, except the other way. And we both think it's awful/funny when girls or guys do stupid things in relationships.
So that's the DL. I'm really upset that we're not together, because it didn't even COUNT, and I know that sucks of me to say, but it's not fair!! I was depressed! I had butt surgery!! I read an article that grad school was going to fuck up my relationships!! I'm not in grad school for the next six weeks!
Come on. Two out of three. Five hundred dollars.
But we'll be ok. We always have.
Leave the gift receipt in the dart-bag box.
I have to get ready for Santa Cruz!!