(no subject)
I don't like passive aggressive problem solving, so I can't just untag my name without an explanation. If I could make up my own tags for the dogs in the wagon picture, it would be full of the times when things were postponed, rescheduled, and adjusted to accomodate someone else... moving them to a time when I couldn't come. Like the little puppies, by themselves, each of the times is innocent enough, but when they're all together they form a nice little question in my head: "when will it be my turn to be the one the schedule is adjusted for?" When will it dawn on people that if Jeremy and Karl can't come to something because of PR, they are obviously having fun with someone else. They, like Chris, have other people to socialize with. I don't. When I get left out because of work or dance or band, I don't have another group to run to and see the movie with. When will it seem wrong to not watch one movie because Jenn isn't there but watch another instead even though I wanted to see it but I'm not there? When will Jeremy remember that the one time in the last 3 years that I went home when it wasn't a holiday i offered him a ride? My grandpa lives 15 min away from his house, but he's never once thought that maybe I'd like to go see him. I can understand why, of course. I don't register on people's radar as one of the group. Even Barun's list of people who get him reflects my separateness. I should be comfortable, he says, because I scored higher than anyone else on the floor. I was thinking that maybe I could work my way up, get people to notice and realize that I want to be part of this thing that looked like so much fun freshman year. Now I'm thinking that I'm done trying. If they're willing to plan around everyone but me, that shows me pretty clearly where I stand. So whatever.
just for my own satisfaction:
1. Snakes on a Plane: Rescheduled to accomodate Chris -- Kelly and I missed it because of band. Everyone said they'd go see it again, they never did.
2. Man of the Year: supposed to be Flags of our Fathers, changed to Man of the Year because Jenn wanted to see flags of our fathers but she wasn't there.
3. Whitewater rafting: my friends went with PR after I tried and failed to rally them to go as a group. I was never even considered even though I brought the whole damn idea up in the first place.
4. Borat: Stupid fucking movie anyway. Scheduled around Jeremy and Karl's PR shit for the middle of my ballet class. Of course we'd schedule it around Jeremy and Karl, who have been present for 1-3 and their own trips to Boston (ok, jeremy was invited but didnt go) and Millgrove, and not for me, who has been to none of the above.
5. Secret Santa Picking: nobody even called me to tell me we were doing it. I bet Randy $20 that they'll schedule it when I can't be there and not be willing to change it.
6. Happy Feet: Comes out on a Friday when I have band practice. I have morning practice at 7:00 the next morning, but if I want to go see it, I have to stay up late to go with them because we have to schedule it around everybody else.
At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I have managed to enjoy the midnight trips to Wegmans, the trip to the camp, and the AAR concert. It's pathetic that I've been justifying them leaving me out with these 3 events.
just for my own satisfaction:
1. Snakes on a Plane: Rescheduled to accomodate Chris -- Kelly and I missed it because of band. Everyone said they'd go see it again, they never did.
2. Man of the Year: supposed to be Flags of our Fathers, changed to Man of the Year because Jenn wanted to see flags of our fathers but she wasn't there.
3. Whitewater rafting: my friends went with PR after I tried and failed to rally them to go as a group. I was never even considered even though I brought the whole damn idea up in the first place.
4. Borat: Stupid fucking movie anyway. Scheduled around Jeremy and Karl's PR shit for the middle of my ballet class. Of course we'd schedule it around Jeremy and Karl, who have been present for 1-3 and their own trips to Boston (ok, jeremy was invited but didnt go) and Millgrove, and not for me, who has been to none of the above.
5. Secret Santa Picking: nobody even called me to tell me we were doing it. I bet Randy $20 that they'll schedule it when I can't be there and not be willing to change it.
6. Happy Feet: Comes out on a Friday when I have band practice. I have morning practice at 7:00 the next morning, but if I want to go see it, I have to stay up late to go with them because we have to schedule it around everybody else.
At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I have managed to enjoy the midnight trips to Wegmans, the trip to the camp, and the AAR concert. It's pathetic that I've been justifying them leaving me out with these 3 events.