My weekend in a nut-shell
Saturday: Nothing really happened, I tried to get my homework done and what not. I was in a pretty shitty mood all day, and I really couldn't understand why I was in such a bad mood. I called Darren to wish him a happy birthday, and I realized that he's not a person I'd want to be with, period. I hate to be crass, but the only thing I can really think was kind of holding us together, was the fact that everything we talked about was just truly fantasy. I will forever cherish our friendship, and our late-night conversations but that was in the past, and I can only move forward.
Saturday Night: I was going to go out with Ky for food, but of course, she couldn't find a babysitter for her kid. I feel for her, she's young (25) and has a four year old. She loves to party yet can't seem to go out as much as she likes b/c she has a child. I know she's going through some stuff, with her husband being over-seas and all, but I really think that she strongly believes that she rushed into marriage.
I went to see Deja-Vu w/ my ex. The movie was great, but as stated before, I was in a shitty mood so he def. got the wrath of that. It just got worse. Throughout the movie he wanted to talk. I knew it was bad when there was a seat in between us. I didn't want to cause a scene like we did about a year ago in the movie theater. He wanted to talk, but I kind of ignored him, I didn't want to deal with that shit. Why go to a movie and talk during it? It cost $7.50/person and he wanted to talk!?!?!? I was heated before, but this pushed me over the edge. I had to go to the bathroom after the movie, and I ran out of the theater, and he's calling after me as I'm running to the bathroom. I was pissed, and I really couldn't pinpoint the anger that I was feeling. Jon asked me where to park, before the movie, and I told him there's a structure behind the Palladium, why did he park behind Max & Erma's?!?!? So, I kind of knew he was going to ask for a ride to his structure, but I didn't know how long that was going to keep me. He gets in the car, and he wants to talk, of course! I knew this was going to happen, but since I had been a bitch most of the evening I didn't want to tell him he needed to walk; no matter how bitchy I am, I won't force someone to walk, even though i'm upset. All in all, I ended up crying my eyes out, and I couldn't even look at him. I had tried to be so strong for the past few months/couple of years, that I never took the time out to truly get all of my feelings out there. I cried for things that I could no longer control, I cried for my actions over the years, I cried for the actions of others over the years, and most importantly, I cried for the actions of those that had hurt me in ways that are indescribable.
I know it will take time to get over the shit that's been bogging me down, but I know I will do it because I have no other choice. It's time to pay attention to me and my needs, and no one else's, it's finally all about me. I am sick of placing other people's feelings ahead of my own, this is how I got into the position I was placed in almost two years ago.
Right now there is only one person that I think I could get into a relationship with, but I will have to see how that works out. Until later, there may be an update on JC or just my experiences.
Saturday Night: I was going to go out with Ky for food, but of course, she couldn't find a babysitter for her kid. I feel for her, she's young (25) and has a four year old. She loves to party yet can't seem to go out as much as she likes b/c she has a child. I know she's going through some stuff, with her husband being over-seas and all, but I really think that she strongly believes that she rushed into marriage.
I went to see Deja-Vu w/ my ex. The movie was great, but as stated before, I was in a shitty mood so he def. got the wrath of that. It just got worse. Throughout the movie he wanted to talk. I knew it was bad when there was a seat in between us. I didn't want to cause a scene like we did about a year ago in the movie theater. He wanted to talk, but I kind of ignored him, I didn't want to deal with that shit. Why go to a movie and talk during it? It cost $7.50/person and he wanted to talk!?!?!? I was heated before, but this pushed me over the edge. I had to go to the bathroom after the movie, and I ran out of the theater, and he's calling after me as I'm running to the bathroom. I was pissed, and I really couldn't pinpoint the anger that I was feeling. Jon asked me where to park, before the movie, and I told him there's a structure behind the Palladium, why did he park behind Max & Erma's?!?!? So, I kind of knew he was going to ask for a ride to his structure, but I didn't know how long that was going to keep me. He gets in the car, and he wants to talk, of course! I knew this was going to happen, but since I had been a bitch most of the evening I didn't want to tell him he needed to walk; no matter how bitchy I am, I won't force someone to walk, even though i'm upset. All in all, I ended up crying my eyes out, and I couldn't even look at him. I had tried to be so strong for the past few months/couple of years, that I never took the time out to truly get all of my feelings out there. I cried for things that I could no longer control, I cried for my actions over the years, I cried for the actions of others over the years, and most importantly, I cried for the actions of those that had hurt me in ways that are indescribable.
I know it will take time to get over the shit that's been bogging me down, but I know I will do it because I have no other choice. It's time to pay attention to me and my needs, and no one else's, it's finally all about me. I am sick of placing other people's feelings ahead of my own, this is how I got into the position I was placed in almost two years ago.
Right now there is only one person that I think I could get into a relationship with, but I will have to see how that works out. Until later, there may be an update on JC or just my experiences.