everything is a copy of a copy of a copy
I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. Doesn't seem to be much to it... there's no reason I shouldn't be able to sleep, I'm throughly exhausted everyday by the time I get home. Mostly mentally.
I stay up to at least 1:30am every night, but that's literally the earliest I would ever be asleep and that's only if I force myself to go to sleep somehow. Most nights though, it's more like 3am-4am before I'm out. I'm up all night watching tv, watching movies, chatting on AIM, blogging, reading blogs, looking online at furniture, art, recipes, crafts... etc.
I can't shut off. I can't turn it off.
The problem is, when my alarm goes off at 7:30am and I've only been asleep for 3 or 4 hours I'm like fuck this... and I shut it off. or hit snooze 47 times. Until I realize it's only an hour before I have to be at work, which leaves me about 45 minutes to shower which takes about 15 minutes, dry my hair and get dressed, which takes about 15 minutes (I hate my hair it's really thick so it takes a long time to blow dry), and another 15 to frantically try to fry and egg and some bacon and throw on my espresso in time to scarf it down and run out the door giving myself between 5-15 minutes to walk to work, depending on the pace I want to take. I think I can make it in 6 minutes, but that's hustling. It's about 10 minutes walking normal pace and 15 if it's icy and shit.
I haven't been working out. I've only lost like four pounds. I haven't been posting in my fitness filter because, let's face it, there's nothing to post. I don't work out because I don't get up on time and I don't lose weight because I don't work out. I'm eating a little bit better and I haven't gained anything, but four pounds... in like, what? Two months or something? That's kind of pathetic. At least I haven't gained. I'd be pretty mad.
The point is, my sleeping habits SUCK, but I don't know what to do. I never feel like there's enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. And my days off are a joke, I feel like I never even have enough time for everything on those days either because I'm so exhausted from my all nighters the rest of the week, that I sleep in like crazy on my days off. Getting up at 10:30 or later means I'm not eating breakfast until 11:00 if at all, by the time I'm done with that, I'm thinking oh, well I need to do the dishes. Then I'm thinking, well, now I need to make the bed. Then I realize I still need to shower. Then by the time I'm ready to leave the house for anything it's already 12:30-1:00 and I'm thinking damn, we should eat lunch.
I get nothing done. Srsly.
Work is so boring. I want to get eyes tattooed on my eyelids. So I can just fall asleep. It's terrible. No one there knows who I am. When I try to be myself, I can feel people getting uncomfortable. The way they just look at my ear rings... I know they would freeeaak if they saw my arms I mean damn.
Everyday is just as boring as the last. It's the same day that I live over and over and over. I'm stuck on repeat. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life and soon, because I'll tell you what, this is NOT it. Wow. I'm going to go crazy if I stay there much longer... I do this though. I always go crazy at my jobs. Always. It took a lot longer for me to go crazy at Guitar Center than anywhere else, but I think it was because there I at least stayed busy.
I just have no clue what I really, really want to do in general. Which makes it hard. Ah well. I'll figure it out someday, I'm young.
I stay up to at least 1:30am every night, but that's literally the earliest I would ever be asleep and that's only if I force myself to go to sleep somehow. Most nights though, it's more like 3am-4am before I'm out. I'm up all night watching tv, watching movies, chatting on AIM, blogging, reading blogs, looking online at furniture, art, recipes, crafts... etc.
I can't shut off. I can't turn it off.
The problem is, when my alarm goes off at 7:30am and I've only been asleep for 3 or 4 hours I'm like fuck this... and I shut it off. or hit snooze 47 times. Until I realize it's only an hour before I have to be at work, which leaves me about 45 minutes to shower which takes about 15 minutes, dry my hair and get dressed, which takes about 15 minutes (I hate my hair it's really thick so it takes a long time to blow dry), and another 15 to frantically try to fry and egg and some bacon and throw on my espresso in time to scarf it down and run out the door giving myself between 5-15 minutes to walk to work, depending on the pace I want to take. I think I can make it in 6 minutes, but that's hustling. It's about 10 minutes walking normal pace and 15 if it's icy and shit.
I haven't been working out. I've only lost like four pounds. I haven't been posting in my fitness filter because, let's face it, there's nothing to post. I don't work out because I don't get up on time and I don't lose weight because I don't work out. I'm eating a little bit better and I haven't gained anything, but four pounds... in like, what? Two months or something? That's kind of pathetic. At least I haven't gained. I'd be pretty mad.
The point is, my sleeping habits SUCK, but I don't know what to do. I never feel like there's enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. And my days off are a joke, I feel like I never even have enough time for everything on those days either because I'm so exhausted from my all nighters the rest of the week, that I sleep in like crazy on my days off. Getting up at 10:30 or later means I'm not eating breakfast until 11:00 if at all, by the time I'm done with that, I'm thinking oh, well I need to do the dishes. Then I'm thinking, well, now I need to make the bed. Then I realize I still need to shower. Then by the time I'm ready to leave the house for anything it's already 12:30-1:00 and I'm thinking damn, we should eat lunch.
I get nothing done. Srsly.
Work is so boring. I want to get eyes tattooed on my eyelids. So I can just fall asleep. It's terrible. No one there knows who I am. When I try to be myself, I can feel people getting uncomfortable. The way they just look at my ear rings... I know they would freeeaak if they saw my arms I mean damn.
Everyday is just as boring as the last. It's the same day that I live over and over and over. I'm stuck on repeat. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life and soon, because I'll tell you what, this is NOT it. Wow. I'm going to go crazy if I stay there much longer... I do this though. I always go crazy at my jobs. Always. It took a lot longer for me to go crazy at Guitar Center than anywhere else, but I think it was because there I at least stayed busy.
I just have no clue what I really, really want to do in general. Which makes it hard. Ah well. I'll figure it out someday, I'm young.