of summer, friends and isolation
I love summer, yet I hate it. It's so great to have time off school to just hang around the house, I actually have time to read and stuff. But my whole life, summer has been just that- a time to hang around the house. I think every summer before this, I have maybe hung out with a friend like twice. It's not that I didn't have friends or didn't want to hang out with them... I don't know why. But I suppose it could be because I truly am an introvert, and even though I absolutely love my friends, I need a vacation from that too. It's hard work for me. I don't know why.
Recently, I've been able to really work hard and learn how to hold lots of friendships and relationships at once, which makes this vacation even more essential. But because I have all these new relationships, I have people left and right thinking that I don't like them anymore, or that they aren't important to me. But that is definitely not the case. I have been pretty much keeping in touch with all my friends the same amount. Except poor Becca, I always forget to call her. And she doesn't call me.
But for all you who are reading this, I'm just throwing it out there. Please try to understand. I really do want to hang out with you and I love you and I want to talk to you and stuff. But during the summer I need my alone time. I don't know. I'll try to be better about keeping my phone with me. When I have it with me, I will answer it. But sometimes I get home and just dump my stuff off upstairs and forget to grab my phone. And everyone in this house is loud, so even though I have my phone's volume all the way up, I won't hear it.
Is it selfish of me? I guess it is. But everyone is made differently, and I am one of those people who really needs to have lots of alone time. And I rarely get that during the school year anymore, for some reason. (why?? T^T)
Time seems to be going faster every day, and I barely have time for the stuff I love anymore, and I don't know why. Comparing the amount of after school activities and things that I do, it's not too much more than I usually have, except I suppose with work. But even with work it's not /that/ much more. Yet... I don't have time for anything. How can that be? It really makes no sense. *sigh* I guess I just need to manage my time better somehow.
Recently, I've been able to really work hard and learn how to hold lots of friendships and relationships at once, which makes this vacation even more essential. But because I have all these new relationships, I have people left and right thinking that I don't like them anymore, or that they aren't important to me. But that is definitely not the case. I have been pretty much keeping in touch with all my friends the same amount. Except poor Becca, I always forget to call her. And she doesn't call me.
But for all you who are reading this, I'm just throwing it out there. Please try to understand. I really do want to hang out with you and I love you and I want to talk to you and stuff. But during the summer I need my alone time. I don't know. I'll try to be better about keeping my phone with me. When I have it with me, I will answer it. But sometimes I get home and just dump my stuff off upstairs and forget to grab my phone. And everyone in this house is loud, so even though I have my phone's volume all the way up, I won't hear it.
Is it selfish of me? I guess it is. But everyone is made differently, and I am one of those people who really needs to have lots of alone time. And I rarely get that during the school year anymore, for some reason. (why?? T^T)
Time seems to be going faster every day, and I barely have time for the stuff I love anymore, and I don't know why. Comparing the amount of after school activities and things that I do, it's not too much more than I usually have, except I suppose with work. But even with work it's not /that/ much more. Yet... I don't have time for anything. How can that be? It really makes no sense. *sigh* I guess I just need to manage my time better somehow.