'The Circle's Centre' by heatqueen, PG13
Title: The Circle’s Centre
The two girls inched forward, one slow step at a time, their features laced with trepidation. To Elphaba, the dim candlelight was suddenly a lot brighter, illuminating Galinda’s features so they graced the forefront of her vision like a beautiful painting. The stone walls of the dorm provided the perfect backdrop, if only the scenery was not ruined by the circle of menacing faces staring up at them, but they were dim, and their laughing voices swirled into an easily ignorable background hum.
Elphaba would never have imagined this.
She thought that Galinda would never have imagined it either. If it was to have occurred on their first meeting she was sure the blonde socialite would have run screaming, but in being told on this day what was required of her, she had only widened her eyes in mild surprise and stood to complete her task. There was no sign of her usual dramatic gestures, no words of protest, only silence and her delicate fingers loosely laced in front of her belly.
Were her ears oblivious to the peals of mirth, or was her outward composure an excellent shield from humiliation?
Elphaba’s eyes darted to the centre of the circle, the spot where they would meet, and also where lay the object which had brought about this moment. With a brief wave of anger she remembered how the little green bottle had been borrowed - or rather, forcibly taken - from her with little consideration that perhaps she did not wish her own possessions to be used for such silly pastimes as games. The thing had been snatched from under her pillow, courtesy of her useless roommate being unable to keep a secret and spilling the beans to her friends as to the object’s location.
And yet, she couldn’t find it in herself to continue to be angry with Galinda.
She kicked the bottle to one side and continued in her venture. A partially formed thought about how these things didn’t happen to her was swept away by the gentle flush of Galinda’s cheeks and lips (or was it merely the make-up and lighting creating such a soft and enthralling effect?). Elphaba had never understood being mesmerised by anyone when after all, they were just faces. In reality they were all quite ordinary no matter how much beauty one possessed, and yet her eyes had somehow fixated themselves on her roommate’s features in an effort to ingrain them into her memory.
She would ponder the implications of it later.
Galinda, too, seemed watchful this evening. She must have been looking at a different person to the one Elphaba saw in the mirror; else she would have turned away by now.
Another step closer and suddenly there was a shift from the acceptable standing distance to the intrusion of personal space. The air became hot and thick; the voices were distant; everything seemed to swirl around them. Elphaba could even hear Galinda’s breath coming out in short, shallow puffs, and the sound of her own heart beating.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she couldn’t believe what she was about to do, and almost pulled away.
She was frozen in place by Galinda’s intense stare and the slow parting of her mouth. The hands were now unlaced and making their way towards her, to touch her in some non-hateful way. They brushed her bare shoulders, leaving an unfamiliar imprint of something pleasant. Elphaba couldn’t help but shiver as the sensation engulfed her body, doing strange things which she would have to discern at a later date.
The gasps which ensued as Elphaba’s own hand cupped Galinda’s cheek did not go unnoticed, but were very much ignored. In this moment it did not seem wrong that she of all people should touch someone. The simple action didn’t draw the usual flinch of fear of contagion, but instead elicited a soft sigh from those rosy lips.
Their mouths were close.
And could she, Elphaba Thropp, the green girl, allow herself to cross this line? Could she dare to hope that she had indeed been wrong her entire life - that she wasn’t destined for the solitary life, but a fulfilled one?
Was this an of-the-moment occurrence or a foreshadowing of something greater?
Was it real, or a cruel joke that Galinda would later use to torment her?
She did not have time to think of such things, because there could only be one second between this moment, and the moment when Galinda leaned forward, her lips tantalisingly close to Elphaba’s own. The jovial shrieks of peers faded entirely, giving way to a warm cocoon of pleasure as the two girls’ mouths brushed for the very first time. The effect was dizzyfying - if one were to use one of Galinda’s made-up words. There seemed to be no dorm anymore, just a space filled with the two of them - not even gravity existed, they floated off somewhere wrapped up in each other’s arms, their lips meeting for a second time and remaining pressed together.
Well, whatever this was, Elphaba decided that she was rather partial to it.
She might have believed that they remained that way for hours, but it was only seconds before they parted from each other again. The room came back into focus; the shrieks and laughs were audible; the faces were watching Galinda’s supposedly shameful endeavour gleefully. Kiss the green girl, she did.
Kiss Galinda, Elphaba did.
Now Galinda stared quietly around the circle. Whether her cheeks were flushed from the kiss or the peer harassment, Elphaba was unsure, but she knew perfectly well the reason why her own cheeks were hot.
Then Galinda emitted a light, breathy giggle and grinned around the circle.
‘I must say, that was quite unlike any kiss I have ever experienced,’ she said, and the circle burst into manical laughter. The words were a hard punch in Elphaba’s stomach and she diverted her gaze to the green bottle which lay limply on the floor, abandoned. She picked it up, cursing it mentally for being the reason for all this. Now certain that she had been wrong in her thoughts and assumptions, she turned and abruptly left the circle, seeking sanctuary in her own bare corner of the room.
Much later, the game finally came to an end and Galinda shooed out the last hanger-abouts, closing the door behind them and breathing out an exhausted sigh. Elphaba was curled up in bed in nothing but an old, worn nightdress, wide awake from the previous gaggle. She watched as the blonde quietly got ready for bed, and a lump formed in her throat that she quickly squashed down.
She closed her eyes, but sleep would not come, only mental images of the fleeting wonder that had coursed through her as she partook in the silly dare. A simple act of contact rendering her with all these mixed up feelings…
‘Elphie,’ said Galinda.
Elphaba’s eyes snapped open again, and the imaginary Galinda was replaced with the very much real one. She stood with one hand on her hip, clothed in a beautiful, silk nightgown of her obvious favourite colour, her loose, golden curls framing her slightly tilted head. Elphaba wanted to yell at the girl to leave her alone, wanted to wallow by herself in the feelings which so confused her, but found a response forming of its own accord: ‘Yes, my sweet?’
Somehow she was unable to deny her.
‘What I said earlier…’
Elphaba did not wish to be reminded, knowing that the incident would be all the talk of the university the next day. Though used to the bullying of peerage, the notion that she had kissed Galinda might just leave her hurt - not so much by the words and taunts, but the constant reminder that, of course, a kiss from Galinda was something she could never have, never ask for, again. That she was suddenly so capable of pondering this subject to the level that she was, was bizarre when her normal train of thought entailed anything which was not related to love: the pages of a history book or a captivating novel; her sister, Nessarose, and how she was faring; the death of her mother and how she was responsible for it; the Animals and their diminishing rights. Love had always been a fickle notion she had chosen to ignore, a vague concept that could never apply to her - until tonight, and even so, tonight had only proved what she already knew: that she was, indeed, incapable of being loved.
‘I did mean it you know,’ Galinda continued. ‘It was unlike any other kiss I’ve ever experienced.’
‘I suppose not many people have experienced kissing a green bean,’ Elphaba countered.
‘No I suppose not…’ Galinda’s voice trailed off.
Tension filled the space between them as Elphaba struggled to find something to say. It was settled, then, that this incident was nothing more than a curiosity on Galinda’s part, or maybe not even Galinda’s but those silly friends of hers who needed something to squawk about. She could see that Galinda was quite red, which more than likely resulted from her embarrassment of the occasion. Galinda shifted awkwardly in her stance, chewing her lip uncertainly, her hand still sitting on that small hip.
‘I liked it,’ she blurted, all of a sudden. ‘It was very…Elphie-ish.’ She giggled, but it was a watery, wavery sort of giggle.
‘My sweet, I wouldn’t have thought anything that could be classed as - Elphie-ish - would fall into the same category as likeable.’
Galinda’s expression changed, forming the adorable pout that graced her lips whenever she didn’t get her way. She straightened her shoulders and started towards Elphaba, who quickly rolled over, not at all desperate to continue the conversation. It wasn’t long before Elphaba felt a soft, dainty hand on her shoulder, and was helpless to not shiver at the light touch. She prayed that Galinda would disappear, that she would get to stop feeling it soon, lest her feelings be further stirred, but the hand firmly remained in place and Galinda spoke in a tearful whisper:
‘I hope you’re not saying what I think you’re saying, because I can only imagine it would be one of two things: Firstly, that you really dislike yourself that much, or secondly, that you didn’t like it when I kissed you. I simply do not have it in me to believe either to be true.’
‘Assume what you want,’ Elphaba responded, her voice muffled.
‘Oh Elphie, you can’t tell me that you think any of that. Contrary to what you may think, you do bear some likeable qualities.’
‘Such as?’
‘Well…’ Galinda trailed off again. ‘You see, you’re quite…well, intriguing, really. Not because of your skin!’ she added quickly. ‘Just that none of what anyone does or says seems to bother you, and yet it must hurt you terribly! Elphie, I cannot imagine it, if it were me I would simply die!’
‘Are you saying you like me because everyone hates me?’
‘No that’s not what I mean!’ Galinda exclaimed. ‘Sweet Oz, I’m explaining this badly. Let me start again. You’re…different.’
‘Well spotted.’
‘NOT because you’re green! Although that’s quite a difference.’
Well yes, Elphaba thought, it would seem that way. It was what her life boiled down to at the end of the day. Try as anyone might to see her in a similar light to others, somehow the green would always factor in, whether it was the person’s intention or not. And bless, she knew Galinda tried, ever since that fateful night at the OzDust, to see her qualities beyond her skin colour, but even so, one could not deny that the verdigris was simply there.
‘Elphie, you saw me.’
‘Of course, I’m not blind.’
‘Again, not what I meant! I mean that you saw...me. The real me.’
Galinda seemed suddenly solemn as she finally removed that hand from Elphaba’s shoulder. Elphaba rolled back around and looked up at her roommate, whose arms were folded across her chest.
‘No one ever saw my potential before,’ the blonde confessed. ‘I was destined for marriage and housewifery and glamour. Not study. And then you stormed into my life and I realised I no longer knew what I wanted.’
‘My sweet, you can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it.’
‘Well that’s the thing. My mind has been wandering places it ought not to be.’
Intrigued by the comment, Elphaba sat up and made a space for Galinda to sit beside her. Galinda huddled herself under the covers which really were too thin for the Winter season and Elphaba put an arm around her. The position was warm and cosy and Elphaba thought she would quite easily sacrifice a trip to the library if it meant staying like this. Galinda’s head rested on her shoulder, and her eyes seemed to gaze somewhere far off. Elphaba could only imagine that the girl had colourful visions and vivid fantasies of life, far more detailed than Elphaba’s own. She herself had only foreseen two things in her own life: a degree from Shiz, and a lifelong obligation towards Nessarose. Perhaps a third thing as well - a meeting with the Wizard should she ever be lucky enough to get one.
None of those visions were particularly vivid or colourful, and none of them involved Galinda, but now Elphaba could feel a new idea taking form, one which included things she would never have dared to dream of previously. Somehow her emotions were heightened tonight and she was able to believe in possibility. Whether this amplified belief would disappear by tomorrow she didn’t know, only that she would enjoy it for tonight in the company of her free spirited roommate. Perhaps she would regret it later when she came to her senses and realised that her ideals were ridiculous but for the moment it didn’t seem to matter.
‘My mind has wandered as well,’ she said, ‘although I must be careful not to delude myself. There are ideas which should remain just that - fanciful delusions.’
‘Then I suppose all my thoughts of the evening have been fanciful,’ Galinda responded.
‘I couldn’t know unless you cared to tell me.’
Galinda was silent for several long moments.
‘I could tell you, but I fear I have already risked our friendship enough.’
‘Oh? I suppose this is about tonight then?’
Galinda nodded, pulling the covers more tightly around herself.
Elphaba was certain that their friendship was not risked at all, even if Galinda was about to confirm that the event had indeed been trivial in nature. It would be even less bearable to sacrifice the friendship entirely, than to sit on the borderline knowing it was something she could never cross. The gentle insecurity of the small socialite so tightly wrapped up in the blanket was endearing and vastly different to the outward confidence she usually displayed, a proof that Galinda did indeed feel things beyond her shallow surface of bubbly perkiness. Her voice was now small and lacking of its usual girly squeal and enthusiastic inflections.
‘I pray that I didn’t cause offence with what I said. Elphie, you must know that I didn’t mean it like it sounded.’
‘Then how did you mean it? Because it sounded very much like a careless declaration with the intent to thrust shame upon an easy target.’
‘Such things as following one’s heart still come to me with great difficulty. It was an instinctive fallback, not an intention to hurt.’
‘I apologise, my sweet. I did not mean to sound bitter. It’s just my own heart is also not used to factoring into my life.’
‘Why, that can’t be true!’ said Galinda. ‘No one could possibly go through life without feeling something from their heart!’
‘If I were to feel such things I assure you I would buckle over in agony. It is far more practical to feel nothing at all, lest I die of my own emotions.’
Elphaba did not realise until it was too late and she felt a slight burning on her shoulder, that she had reduced Galinda to tears. The words, which were so ordinary to the green skinned girl, would have to have sounded horrific to the ears of one so innocent, but Elphaba had once again failed to remember that Galinda was not hard as nails like herself.
‘Then you do not feel anything of what happened tonight,’ Galinda choked.
‘No I...’
Elphaba stalled. What a contradiction that tonight should be the night that she did feel things. It was a shock to find a tug in her heart as she realised she desperately needed Galinda to know that she had not felt nothing, that she was feeling things far stronger than anything she’d ever experienced. Still, her throat tightened as she attempted to form a reply.
Why in Oz did the words she normally weaved so easily into a sarcastic retort desert her now? Why was it so much harder now that she was trying to speak honestly?
‘I…’
The sting in her shoulder was becoming too much to bear and she gently shifted herself away from Galinda, who continued to weep. She watched the crying girl with guilt in her chest that her muddled verbalisms had moved her friend into this state. She found it odd that Galinda should cry over a thing which had already been declared trivial - then apprehended that it hadn’t been Galinda who had declared it trivial but herself…
And based on what, that one sentence that had slipped through Galinda’s lips in the heat of a moment when there was not enough time to think what a correct response would be?
Did that mean, then, that Elphaba had jumped to conclusions too quickly?
‘I did feel things,’ she confessed at last.
‘But you said you don’t feel anything.’
‘Not tonight, my sweet. I felt many things tonight.’
Galinda wiped her face with her hands and the crying diminished into soft sniffles.
‘I’ve been feeling things too. Things which were rather unexpected.’
Was this an admission, Elphaba wondered? She had no experience of such matters, nor was she an expert at discerning hidden meanings in one’s statements. If Galinda was to confess to liking her, Elphaba would have preferred that the blonde came out and said it, but then again, she hadn’t exactly said it herself either. She wondered why people felt the need to beat around the bush when things would so much easier resolve with directness. Elphaba had always been direct, but tonight appeared to be a night of circles, endless clues which may or may not allude to anything, but left her anxious to find out for certain.
With a well of hope in her stomach she dared to say: ‘I have found myself drawn to you tonight.’
Galinda gave a slight smile.
‘Well that’s odd, because I have found myself drawn to you too.’
‘That is odd indeed, but by no means unwelcome.’
She wondered what was supposed to happen now. Was there to be some sort of consummation of their feelings, some physical form of affection that should take place in order to seal their admissions? She was certainly not impartial to the idea of kissing Galinda again, though perhaps it might be better to wait for her friend to be the one to make the move. Then again, if Galinda was to think the same thing, they would both be waiting for the other one, and then what? Would the moment pass all too quickly? Would they fall back into the comfort of the friend zone and continue to behave like it didn’t happen?
‘I feel compelled to ask if I may kiss you again,’ Elphaba said.
‘It would depend. Would this be a kiss because you desire to kiss me, or a kiss only because you feel compelled to do so?’
‘My sweet, you know I never do things merely because someone compels me to. Why do you think I’m so frequently referred to as a commotion?’
Galinda giggled - this time it was her usual, upbeat one.
‘You are quite atrocious sometimes,’ she said, and pressed her lips against Elphaba’s more readily than the green girl expected.
It was a kiss uninhibited by any surrounding uncertainty. There were no more maybe’s; no more nagging voices in the back of Elphaba’s mind telling her that it wasn’t real, that she could never have it; no more illusions that this was only a silly game or a dare; no more worries that she might get hurt by it. Without an ounce of doubt it was real, and she threw herself into it more passionately than she thought herself capable of. The feel of those gorgeous lips upon her own, the wetness of Galinda’s tongue entering her mouth, brought more pleasing sensations than she had ever felt.
For whatever reason Galinda had decided that the green girl was to be hers would be unravelled later. The insecurities, the ‘what ifs’, were not of the now; only the excitement and passion in the heat of the moment were present. There was little else except for the tossing of bed sheets and nails digging into skin and soft sighs and shifts in position. The passage of time was indeterminable, except that they finished at some point before sunrise and fell asleep in each other’s arms with content smiles on their faces.
Summary: Could she dare to hope that she had indeed been wrong her entire life - that she wasn't destined for the solitary life, but a fulfilled one? Was this an of-the-moment occurrence or a foreshadowing of something greater? Was it real, or a cruel joke that Galinda would later use to torment her?
Rating: PG13
Subject: Bookverse
Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked. I just write stuff about it. L.F. Baum and Gregory Maguire are the real ones.
The two girls inched forward, one slow step at a time, their features laced with trepidation. To Elphaba, the dim candlelight was suddenly a lot brighter, illuminating Galinda’s features so they graced the forefront of her vision like a beautiful painting. The stone walls of the dorm provided the perfect backdrop, if only the scenery was not ruined by the circle of menacing faces staring up at them, but they were dim, and their laughing voices swirled into an easily ignorable background hum.
Elphaba would never have imagined this.
She thought that Galinda would never have imagined it either. If it was to have occurred on their first meeting she was sure the blonde socialite would have run screaming, but in being told on this day what was required of her, she had only widened her eyes in mild surprise and stood to complete her task. There was no sign of her usual dramatic gestures, no words of protest, only silence and her delicate fingers loosely laced in front of her belly.
Were her ears oblivious to the peals of mirth, or was her outward composure an excellent shield from humiliation?
Elphaba’s eyes darted to the centre of the circle, the spot where they would meet, and also where lay the object which had brought about this moment. With a brief wave of anger she remembered how the little green bottle had been borrowed - or rather, forcibly taken - from her with little consideration that perhaps she did not wish her own possessions to be used for such silly pastimes as games. The thing had been snatched from under her pillow, courtesy of her useless roommate being unable to keep a secret and spilling the beans to her friends as to the object’s location.
And yet, she couldn’t find it in herself to continue to be angry with Galinda.
She kicked the bottle to one side and continued in her venture. A partially formed thought about how these things didn’t happen to her was swept away by the gentle flush of Galinda’s cheeks and lips (or was it merely the make-up and lighting creating such a soft and enthralling effect?). Elphaba had never understood being mesmerised by anyone when after all, they were just faces. In reality they were all quite ordinary no matter how much beauty one possessed, and yet her eyes had somehow fixated themselves on her roommate’s features in an effort to ingrain them into her memory.
She would ponder the implications of it later.
Galinda, too, seemed watchful this evening. She must have been looking at a different person to the one Elphaba saw in the mirror; else she would have turned away by now.
Another step closer and suddenly there was a shift from the acceptable standing distance to the intrusion of personal space. The air became hot and thick; the voices were distant; everything seemed to swirl around them. Elphaba could even hear Galinda’s breath coming out in short, shallow puffs, and the sound of her own heart beating.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she couldn’t believe what she was about to do, and almost pulled away.
She was frozen in place by Galinda’s intense stare and the slow parting of her mouth. The hands were now unlaced and making their way towards her, to touch her in some non-hateful way. They brushed her bare shoulders, leaving an unfamiliar imprint of something pleasant. Elphaba couldn’t help but shiver as the sensation engulfed her body, doing strange things which she would have to discern at a later date.
The gasps which ensued as Elphaba’s own hand cupped Galinda’s cheek did not go unnoticed, but were very much ignored. In this moment it did not seem wrong that she of all people should touch someone. The simple action didn’t draw the usual flinch of fear of contagion, but instead elicited a soft sigh from those rosy lips.
Their mouths were close.
And could she, Elphaba Thropp, the green girl, allow herself to cross this line? Could she dare to hope that she had indeed been wrong her entire life - that she wasn’t destined for the solitary life, but a fulfilled one?
Was this an of-the-moment occurrence or a foreshadowing of something greater?
Was it real, or a cruel joke that Galinda would later use to torment her?
She did not have time to think of such things, because there could only be one second between this moment, and the moment when Galinda leaned forward, her lips tantalisingly close to Elphaba’s own. The jovial shrieks of peers faded entirely, giving way to a warm cocoon of pleasure as the two girls’ mouths brushed for the very first time. The effect was dizzyfying - if one were to use one of Galinda’s made-up words. There seemed to be no dorm anymore, just a space filled with the two of them - not even gravity existed, they floated off somewhere wrapped up in each other’s arms, their lips meeting for a second time and remaining pressed together.
Well, whatever this was, Elphaba decided that she was rather partial to it.
She might have believed that they remained that way for hours, but it was only seconds before they parted from each other again. The room came back into focus; the shrieks and laughs were audible; the faces were watching Galinda’s supposedly shameful endeavour gleefully. Kiss the green girl, she did.
Kiss Galinda, Elphaba did.
Now Galinda stared quietly around the circle. Whether her cheeks were flushed from the kiss or the peer harassment, Elphaba was unsure, but she knew perfectly well the reason why her own cheeks were hot.
Then Galinda emitted a light, breathy giggle and grinned around the circle.
‘I must say, that was quite unlike any kiss I have ever experienced,’ she said, and the circle burst into manical laughter. The words were a hard punch in Elphaba’s stomach and she diverted her gaze to the green bottle which lay limply on the floor, abandoned. She picked it up, cursing it mentally for being the reason for all this. Now certain that she had been wrong in her thoughts and assumptions, she turned and abruptly left the circle, seeking sanctuary in her own bare corner of the room.
Much later, the game finally came to an end and Galinda shooed out the last hanger-abouts, closing the door behind them and breathing out an exhausted sigh. Elphaba was curled up in bed in nothing but an old, worn nightdress, wide awake from the previous gaggle. She watched as the blonde quietly got ready for bed, and a lump formed in her throat that she quickly squashed down.
She closed her eyes, but sleep would not come, only mental images of the fleeting wonder that had coursed through her as she partook in the silly dare. A simple act of contact rendering her with all these mixed up feelings…
‘Elphie,’ said Galinda.
Elphaba’s eyes snapped open again, and the imaginary Galinda was replaced with the very much real one. She stood with one hand on her hip, clothed in a beautiful, silk nightgown of her obvious favourite colour, her loose, golden curls framing her slightly tilted head. Elphaba wanted to yell at the girl to leave her alone, wanted to wallow by herself in the feelings which so confused her, but found a response forming of its own accord: ‘Yes, my sweet?’
Somehow she was unable to deny her.
‘What I said earlier…’
Elphaba did not wish to be reminded, knowing that the incident would be all the talk of the university the next day. Though used to the bullying of peerage, the notion that she had kissed Galinda might just leave her hurt - not so much by the words and taunts, but the constant reminder that, of course, a kiss from Galinda was something she could never have, never ask for, again. That she was suddenly so capable of pondering this subject to the level that she was, was bizarre when her normal train of thought entailed anything which was not related to love: the pages of a history book or a captivating novel; her sister, Nessarose, and how she was faring; the death of her mother and how she was responsible for it; the Animals and their diminishing rights. Love had always been a fickle notion she had chosen to ignore, a vague concept that could never apply to her - until tonight, and even so, tonight had only proved what she already knew: that she was, indeed, incapable of being loved.
‘I did mean it you know,’ Galinda continued. ‘It was unlike any other kiss I’ve ever experienced.’
‘I suppose not many people have experienced kissing a green bean,’ Elphaba countered.
‘No I suppose not…’ Galinda’s voice trailed off.
Tension filled the space between them as Elphaba struggled to find something to say. It was settled, then, that this incident was nothing more than a curiosity on Galinda’s part, or maybe not even Galinda’s but those silly friends of hers who needed something to squawk about. She could see that Galinda was quite red, which more than likely resulted from her embarrassment of the occasion. Galinda shifted awkwardly in her stance, chewing her lip uncertainly, her hand still sitting on that small hip.
‘I liked it,’ she blurted, all of a sudden. ‘It was very…Elphie-ish.’ She giggled, but it was a watery, wavery sort of giggle.
‘My sweet, I wouldn’t have thought anything that could be classed as - Elphie-ish - would fall into the same category as likeable.’
Galinda’s expression changed, forming the adorable pout that graced her lips whenever she didn’t get her way. She straightened her shoulders and started towards Elphaba, who quickly rolled over, not at all desperate to continue the conversation. It wasn’t long before Elphaba felt a soft, dainty hand on her shoulder, and was helpless to not shiver at the light touch. She prayed that Galinda would disappear, that she would get to stop feeling it soon, lest her feelings be further stirred, but the hand firmly remained in place and Galinda spoke in a tearful whisper:
‘I hope you’re not saying what I think you’re saying, because I can only imagine it would be one of two things: Firstly, that you really dislike yourself that much, or secondly, that you didn’t like it when I kissed you. I simply do not have it in me to believe either to be true.’
‘Assume what you want,’ Elphaba responded, her voice muffled.
‘Oh Elphie, you can’t tell me that you think any of that. Contrary to what you may think, you do bear some likeable qualities.’
‘Such as?’
‘Well…’ Galinda trailed off again. ‘You see, you’re quite…well, intriguing, really. Not because of your skin!’ she added quickly. ‘Just that none of what anyone does or says seems to bother you, and yet it must hurt you terribly! Elphie, I cannot imagine it, if it were me I would simply die!’
‘Are you saying you like me because everyone hates me?’
‘No that’s not what I mean!’ Galinda exclaimed. ‘Sweet Oz, I’m explaining this badly. Let me start again. You’re…different.’
‘Well spotted.’
‘NOT because you’re green! Although that’s quite a difference.’
Well yes, Elphaba thought, it would seem that way. It was what her life boiled down to at the end of the day. Try as anyone might to see her in a similar light to others, somehow the green would always factor in, whether it was the person’s intention or not. And bless, she knew Galinda tried, ever since that fateful night at the OzDust, to see her qualities beyond her skin colour, but even so, one could not deny that the verdigris was simply there.
‘Elphie, you saw me.’
‘Of course, I’m not blind.’
‘Again, not what I meant! I mean that you saw...me. The real me.’
Galinda seemed suddenly solemn as she finally removed that hand from Elphaba’s shoulder. Elphaba rolled back around and looked up at her roommate, whose arms were folded across her chest.
‘No one ever saw my potential before,’ the blonde confessed. ‘I was destined for marriage and housewifery and glamour. Not study. And then you stormed into my life and I realised I no longer knew what I wanted.’
‘My sweet, you can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it.’
‘Well that’s the thing. My mind has been wandering places it ought not to be.’
Intrigued by the comment, Elphaba sat up and made a space for Galinda to sit beside her. Galinda huddled herself under the covers which really were too thin for the Winter season and Elphaba put an arm around her. The position was warm and cosy and Elphaba thought she would quite easily sacrifice a trip to the library if it meant staying like this. Galinda’s head rested on her shoulder, and her eyes seemed to gaze somewhere far off. Elphaba could only imagine that the girl had colourful visions and vivid fantasies of life, far more detailed than Elphaba’s own. She herself had only foreseen two things in her own life: a degree from Shiz, and a lifelong obligation towards Nessarose. Perhaps a third thing as well - a meeting with the Wizard should she ever be lucky enough to get one.
None of those visions were particularly vivid or colourful, and none of them involved Galinda, but now Elphaba could feel a new idea taking form, one which included things she would never have dared to dream of previously. Somehow her emotions were heightened tonight and she was able to believe in possibility. Whether this amplified belief would disappear by tomorrow she didn’t know, only that she would enjoy it for tonight in the company of her free spirited roommate. Perhaps she would regret it later when she came to her senses and realised that her ideals were ridiculous but for the moment it didn’t seem to matter.
‘My mind has wandered as well,’ she said, ‘although I must be careful not to delude myself. There are ideas which should remain just that - fanciful delusions.’
‘Then I suppose all my thoughts of the evening have been fanciful,’ Galinda responded.
‘I couldn’t know unless you cared to tell me.’
Galinda was silent for several long moments.
‘I could tell you, but I fear I have already risked our friendship enough.’
‘Oh? I suppose this is about tonight then?’
Galinda nodded, pulling the covers more tightly around herself.
Elphaba was certain that their friendship was not risked at all, even if Galinda was about to confirm that the event had indeed been trivial in nature. It would be even less bearable to sacrifice the friendship entirely, than to sit on the borderline knowing it was something she could never cross. The gentle insecurity of the small socialite so tightly wrapped up in the blanket was endearing and vastly different to the outward confidence she usually displayed, a proof that Galinda did indeed feel things beyond her shallow surface of bubbly perkiness. Her voice was now small and lacking of its usual girly squeal and enthusiastic inflections.
‘I pray that I didn’t cause offence with what I said. Elphie, you must know that I didn’t mean it like it sounded.’
‘Then how did you mean it? Because it sounded very much like a careless declaration with the intent to thrust shame upon an easy target.’
‘Such things as following one’s heart still come to me with great difficulty. It was an instinctive fallback, not an intention to hurt.’
‘I apologise, my sweet. I did not mean to sound bitter. It’s just my own heart is also not used to factoring into my life.’
‘Why, that can’t be true!’ said Galinda. ‘No one could possibly go through life without feeling something from their heart!’
‘If I were to feel such things I assure you I would buckle over in agony. It is far more practical to feel nothing at all, lest I die of my own emotions.’
Elphaba did not realise until it was too late and she felt a slight burning on her shoulder, that she had reduced Galinda to tears. The words, which were so ordinary to the green skinned girl, would have to have sounded horrific to the ears of one so innocent, but Elphaba had once again failed to remember that Galinda was not hard as nails like herself.
‘Then you do not feel anything of what happened tonight,’ Galinda choked.
‘No I...’
Elphaba stalled. What a contradiction that tonight should be the night that she did feel things. It was a shock to find a tug in her heart as she realised she desperately needed Galinda to know that she had not felt nothing, that she was feeling things far stronger than anything she’d ever experienced. Still, her throat tightened as she attempted to form a reply.
Why in Oz did the words she normally weaved so easily into a sarcastic retort desert her now? Why was it so much harder now that she was trying to speak honestly?
‘I…’
The sting in her shoulder was becoming too much to bear and she gently shifted herself away from Galinda, who continued to weep. She watched the crying girl with guilt in her chest that her muddled verbalisms had moved her friend into this state. She found it odd that Galinda should cry over a thing which had already been declared trivial - then apprehended that it hadn’t been Galinda who had declared it trivial but herself…
And based on what, that one sentence that had slipped through Galinda’s lips in the heat of a moment when there was not enough time to think what a correct response would be?
Did that mean, then, that Elphaba had jumped to conclusions too quickly?
‘I did feel things,’ she confessed at last.
‘But you said you don’t feel anything.’
‘Not tonight, my sweet. I felt many things tonight.’
Galinda wiped her face with her hands and the crying diminished into soft sniffles.
‘I’ve been feeling things too. Things which were rather unexpected.’
Was this an admission, Elphaba wondered? She had no experience of such matters, nor was she an expert at discerning hidden meanings in one’s statements. If Galinda was to confess to liking her, Elphaba would have preferred that the blonde came out and said it, but then again, she hadn’t exactly said it herself either. She wondered why people felt the need to beat around the bush when things would so much easier resolve with directness. Elphaba had always been direct, but tonight appeared to be a night of circles, endless clues which may or may not allude to anything, but left her anxious to find out for certain.
With a well of hope in her stomach she dared to say: ‘I have found myself drawn to you tonight.’
Galinda gave a slight smile.
‘Well that’s odd, because I have found myself drawn to you too.’
‘That is odd indeed, but by no means unwelcome.’
She wondered what was supposed to happen now. Was there to be some sort of consummation of their feelings, some physical form of affection that should take place in order to seal their admissions? She was certainly not impartial to the idea of kissing Galinda again, though perhaps it might be better to wait for her friend to be the one to make the move. Then again, if Galinda was to think the same thing, they would both be waiting for the other one, and then what? Would the moment pass all too quickly? Would they fall back into the comfort of the friend zone and continue to behave like it didn’t happen?
‘I feel compelled to ask if I may kiss you again,’ Elphaba said.
‘It would depend. Would this be a kiss because you desire to kiss me, or a kiss only because you feel compelled to do so?’
‘My sweet, you know I never do things merely because someone compels me to. Why do you think I’m so frequently referred to as a commotion?’
Galinda giggled - this time it was her usual, upbeat one.
‘You are quite atrocious sometimes,’ she said, and pressed her lips against Elphaba’s more readily than the green girl expected.
It was a kiss uninhibited by any surrounding uncertainty. There were no more maybe’s; no more nagging voices in the back of Elphaba’s mind telling her that it wasn’t real, that she could never have it; no more illusions that this was only a silly game or a dare; no more worries that she might get hurt by it. Without an ounce of doubt it was real, and she threw herself into it more passionately than she thought herself capable of. The feel of those gorgeous lips upon her own, the wetness of Galinda’s tongue entering her mouth, brought more pleasing sensations than she had ever felt.
For whatever reason Galinda had decided that the green girl was to be hers would be unravelled later. The insecurities, the ‘what ifs’, were not of the now; only the excitement and passion in the heat of the moment were present. There was little else except for the tossing of bed sheets and nails digging into skin and soft sighs and shifts in position. The passage of time was indeterminable, except that they finished at some point before sunrise and fell asleep in each other’s arms with content smiles on their faces.
Summary: Could she dare to hope that she had indeed been wrong her entire life - that she wasn't destined for the solitary life, but a fulfilled one? Was this an of-the-moment occurrence or a foreshadowing of something greater? Was it real, or a cruel joke that Galinda would later use to torment her?
Rating: PG13
Subject: Bookverse
Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked. I just write stuff about it. L.F. Baum and Gregory Maguire are the real ones.