No Limit (6/6)
Title: No Limit
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Genre: Romance, Drama
Word Count: 26,ooo+
Summary: Chanyeol doesn’t miss a day confessing his love to Baekhyun. Baekhyun, on the other hand, doesn’t miss a day rejecting him.
It was a conversation from that night. The first night Chanyeol spent in Baekhyun’s room.
“Chanyeol, can I ask you something?”
“Then we’ll do 20 questions!”
“I don’t want to.” Baekhyun deadpanned.
“Ah.” Chanyeol slumped in defeat. It was such a good opportunity to ask Baekhyun some questions to feed his curiosity too. But there was no way he’d say no to this person. He sat up straight and dropped his pen to focus on Baekhyun. “So, what did you want to ask?”
Baekhyun examined Chanyeol’s face. Indeed, he regretted ignoring him all this time. He has such a nice face. “Why do you go all the way chasing someone like me?”
A part of Chanyeol expected Baekhyun to ask this question Baekhyun while a part of him wished Baekhyun never would. Because Baekhyun didn’t need to wonder, he didn’t need to have these kinds of questions in his head. Chanyeol smiled at him. “Why do you go all the way rejecting someone like me? I’m obviously the ideal man!”
“I asked first.” Baekhyun retorted. “Also, for girls, maybe.”
Chanyeol frowned in disappointment. “You mean you don’t find me attractive at all?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
Chanyeol sighed in defeat. “Fine fine.” He looked up and pursed his lips while thinking deeply. There wasn’t really any particular reason. The first time he saw Baekhyun in that restaurant, he knew he’d be interested in him. But definitely not this interested. He also didn’t know why after the first rejected he convinced himself that Baekhyun would definitely say yes to the next and it dragged on until his 98th rejection. He smirked at the thought. Baekhyun said yes (well, implied) on his 100th attempt to ask him out. “Well, it’s just because I like you.”
Baekhyun was obviously not happy with that answer. “Is it superficial?”
“Superficial? What? No, no! Sure you have a pretty face and pretty eyes but I’m not someone who would chase someone for months just because I find their face pretty or their body nice.” Chanyeol explained while chuckling. Baekhyun wasn’t getting any bit of it. Chanyeol found his clueless face interesting too. Really, this guy. Chanyeol stared at him deeply. “Baekhyun, I honestly don’t know why whatever you do, I’m easily drawn to you. Whenever I see you, I just can’t stop admiring you. My head is always full of thoughts about you. I thought it’d go away myself but until now, I get the same feeling whenever you’re around. Especially right now, my heart can’t keep calm. My face may look the same but really, I feel like I’m going to explode.”
Baekhyun couldn’t hide his blush. “What…what a blatant lie.”
“Ouch, Baekhyun, you just stabbed my feelings. I’m in pain!”
“What are you saying?!”
Chanyeol snickered at him. He’s blushing. Ahhh, his blushing face is so adorable! “Well, it’s fine if you don’t want to believe it now. Next time you’ll ask, I’ll give you the same answer.”
But Baekhyun never doubted his feelings, even before then. He didn’t know what his objective was for asking such question, maybe he just wanted to hear it straight from the boy, to give him a piece of mind but no matter what, that definitely made him happy. He couldn’t express his feelings easily like Chanyeol can so he’s happy that Chanyeol could stand someone like him.
It pained him knowing that Chanyeol thought it’s one-sided. It wasn’t, because his mind was also full of thoughts about Chanyeol.
Everything about Chanyeol.
Baekhyun stirred awake at the sound of birds chirping and the smell of flowers. He heard a loud thud and Luhan’s face was immediately on his vision. “Baekhyun? Oh my God, you’re awake.”
What happened?
“How do you feel? Do you need anything?”
I can’t talk. My throat feels dry…
“Oh! Oh, water! Of course!” Luhan left to grab a glass of water while muttering, “Yixing told me to give you water once you wake up.” Yixing. When Luhan came back, Baekhyun was slowly trying to sit up. However, his sudden dizziness prevented him from doing so. “Don’t force yourself.” Luhan said while tapping Baekhyun’s shoulders then he offered the water.
Baekhyun immediately felt replenished after the intake of fluid. “Where am I?”
Luhan took a seat on the bed. “You’re at the hospital.”
Baekhyun looked around. Nothing felt familiar. His gaze landed outside the window. The sky looked different from the last time he remembered. “How long was I asleep?”
“Nearly a month. It’s almost the third week. I’m glad you’re awake now.”
“What happened?”
“You don’t remember?”
“Well, I’m trying to but my head kinda hurts.”
Luhan sighed. This was the worst. “Okay. Um,” He started to feel rather anxious. “We were on vacation, remember? Sehun’s cottage.” Sehun. Baekhyun nodded in response when he remembered the face of the younger boy. “We only stayed there for three days since we originally planned to celebrate Christmas in the city. However, on the way home, we got into an accident. A van coming from the bazaar helped us.”
Baekhyun couldn’t remember that part at all.
“You were asleep,” Luhan told him, “when it happened.”
“I see,” Baekhyun simply replied. Asleep. He must’ve been really tired or rather comfortable to stay asleep. Why was that? Baekhyun shivers. Was someone…holding me?
Someone…warm…
An image of Chanyeol’s face flashes in his mind and his eyes widen. Luhan noticed and immediately stood up.
“Where’s-“
“I have to go to class, I’m sorry!” Luhan said apologetically. “I really want to talk to you more now that you’ve woken up but I don’t want to be late. We’re doing this project!” Baekhyun only stared at him. “I’ll visit you again after school!” Luhan added while grabbing his coat and bag. “Bye! See you later!”
Baekhyun watched him leave and disappear behind the door.
“…Chanyeol?”
Outside, Luhan was leaning weakly against the door, head lowered and hands clenched.
The rest of the days that came were rather busy for him who’s still clinging on weakly to the bed. His classmates would come, in groups or pairs, every after school to keep him busy. Baekhyun didn’t like the attention but it was rather calming hearing the noise he was used to in a classroom. Luhan would sometimes stay until nightfall but was rather conscious, Baekhyun could see it. Being stuck on the bed made him polish his observational skills. Eventually, he started feeling like everyone was avoiding something they knew he’s going to ask. It made him more anxious. Every time he started off with the question, voices would immediately overlap. The noise grows. By the time it quiets down, with his guests leaving one by one, he’d feel rather exhausted and would want nothing but drift off to sleep, completely pushing his question aside.
This day was no different from those days. It’s 2pm and all of his classmates had gone home.
There was a song he couldn’t stop humming.
And in between those hums, he could hear Chanyeol’s voice singing right from his chest. He closed his eyes as scenes played in his mind. He could remember the sound of the guitar from his bones. He could remember his clothes. He could remember the look Chanyeol gave to him while singing, the look Chanyeol would only give to him. He could remember the feeling like the back of his palm. But with every word he remembered Chanyeol singing, there’s a throbbing pain in his chest. It felt like it's all just a memory now, something he could never experience again.
Why is that?
“That’s a nice song.”
Baekhyun snapped his eyes open back to reality. He turned around and saw Sehun walking in, carrying flowers, with Luhan following closely behind him, carrying a box. Sehun walked straight to his bed while Luhan dropped the box on the table.
“Here,” Sehun said, offering him the bouquet. “It’s from Luhan’s class.”
Baekhyun accepted the bouquet before turning to Luhan. Luhan smiled at him. “These are letters from your hoobaes, from Sehun’s class.” He said while tapping the box. “You are still quite popular. Impressive.” Luhan continued with a joke and Sehun responded with a laugh.
Baekhyun was rather skeptical. Popular…it’s not me. “Hey, there’s something I want to ask-“
“Oh crap!” Sehun exclaimed out of the blue. Baekhyun flinched. “I forgot my phone in the van! I’ll go get it!”
Luhan followed him. “I-I’ll go with you!”
Baekhyun clenched his fists. “STOP AVOIDING THE QUESTION!”
Both Luhan and Sehun paused in surprise.
“You think I didn’t notice how you were avoiding it?” Baekhyun looked at both of them. They could clearly see his frustration. “I’ve been awake for almost a week not, people have come and gone every day, even those who are strangers to me yet not even once, not even once did Chanyeol come to visit me!”
Luhan and Sehun looked away. They weren’t ready for this. They knew it’s unfair to Baekhyun’s part but none of them could do this. None of them could say those words while looking at Baekhyun straight in the eyes.
“Where’s Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked while clenching the sheets. “Tell me please I don’t like feeling like this. Where’s Chanyeol?!”
The door suddenly opened, interrupting their little confrontation. There was a short relief from the two but after seeing Yixing walk in, still in his suit and tie, there was a new level of tense in the air. After all, both Luhan and Sehun promised Yixing to tell Baekhyun before his return yet they ended up dragging the days until it led to this.
Baekhyun stared at Yixing. It’s like he was confused as to why this man is in front of him.
“I overheard,” Yixing started. Baekhyun noticed the brown large envelope he was holding. Moreover, why was he wearing a suit? He’s a nurse, isn’t he? Aside from that, this would be the first time he’d seen him after he woke up. Where was he all this time? “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to visit sooner. I had to settle…some things.” Baekhyun noticed the stretch in those words.
Baekhyun knew Yixing knows something. And Yixing knew that with the way Baekhyun was looking at him, full of expectation. “Yixing…where’s Chanyeol?”
Yixing sighed. His hand was trembling too but he had to keep his composure. “B, I want you to calm down first.”
“No, why can’t you tell me now? Something happened, right? Is he okay? Where is he?”
“Baekhyun, please, calm down first.”
“I’m not going to calm down unless you tell me!”
Indeed, it was a useless effort to ask him so. But Yixing didn’t know how to deal with telling him himself. If he had to resort to this… “I’m sorry, Baekhyun.” He said while handing the envelope to Baekhyun.
Baekhyun, confused as he is, immediately took the envelope and tore it open. It was a medical file. The words weren’t new to him; he had seen many files of this type through the course of his therapy owing to how he used to rummage over Yixing’s papers. But this…wasn’t one of those strange papers he used to scan when he was bored.
This is…
“Heart…transplant.” Baekhyun read slowly, his voice shaking. “No…what is this? This doesn’t make sense! Yixing-“ Yixing gave him that look, that look of pity.
“On the day of the accident, you two were sent to the Operating room together, but you suffered more serious injuries. Chanyeol had a hundred percent chance of living but you…you were already dying, given your heart disease, it was already a dead-end to try to revive your heart.”
But he’s breathing and alive right now.
“Chanyeol…heard the doctor and…” Yixing gulped, trying to stop himself from breaking down in front of Baekhyun. “And he offered to give his heart to you.”
Baekhyun gasped in shock. His eyes are wide. His tears were starting to flow.
“I’m sorry Baekhyun, there was no choice-“
“No. No no no no…” Baekhyun mumbled while clawing his hair. The images of Chanyeol kept on coming to him. He wanted to see him. “I don’t want it!” He yelled while clenching his test. “I don’t want his heart! Please give him back to me! Give him back! Yixing please give him back…” He’s a mess. His face was wet with tears. His fringe, longer than any of them could remember, covered his face of desperation. He’s gasping for breath and with every gasp was Chanyeol’s name. “Give him back…give him back to me…” He wanted to see Chanyeol’s smile. He wanted to hear Chanyeol’s deep laugh. He wanted to feel his warm touch. He wanted to hear Chanyeol tell him how much he loves him again. But right now, Baekhyun felt nothing but want and longing.
“Baekhyun, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”
“No!” Baekhyun yelled while jumping out of the bed. “Stop apologizing! It can’t be true! He’s not dead!” Luhan and Sehun immediately ran to his sides, trying restrain him. “Let go! I’m going to see him! He’s gotta be somewhere right?!”
“Baekhyun, he’s dead! There’s nothing more you can do!”
Baekhyun pushed Luhan and Sehun away and immediately ran towards the table to grab the knife. But Luhan was able to snatch the knife from Baekhyun’s weak grip before the shorter could even attempt to do anything stupid. Baekhyun fell to the ground and Luhan clenched his wrist in anger. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO DO?! You’re going to kill yourself because you can’t accept the fact that the man you love gave up his life for you?! Look at yourself! Didn’t you learn anything from the times you spent with him?! He loved you that much that he was willing to give up his own life for you without any hesitation! He wanted you to live because he saw how much you suffered! He did it because he knew it wouldn’t be put into waste! So don’t give me this bullshit Baekhyun!”
Sehun held Luhan’s arm. “Luhan, I think that’s enough-“
“You’re not the only one who wants him here…” Luhan continued almost in a whisper. “And he wasn’t the only one who wanted to see you live your life…”
Baekhyun looked at him then. Luhan was crying too.
Luhan’s grip loosened as he knelt down in front of Baekhyun. “So please… just…live.”
He felt like he’s drowning in his tears. He couldn’t breathe. Without Chanyeol, he didn’t know how to breathe. All this time, he’s been trying to live for him. Chanyeol was his air.
Baekhyun finally broke down. He’s screaming his frustration, his anger to the world for taking Chanyeol from him, for letting him end up with that option. He’s holding on to Luhan’s arms tightly and just screams and screams and screams. His cries were loud, loud enough for the people outside to hear, and with every cry, he called Chanyeol’s name over and over again. Until it finally dawned to him.
. @sehunthegreat We miss you, buddy.
@badgalrierie @sehunthegreat Condolences :(
@coolcatmeow14 @sehunthegreat you guys will get through it.
540 more replies…
@sehunthegreat |
Baekhyun locked his phone. He looked up at the mirror in front of him. He’s wearing a black suit, something Luhan lent to him since he didn’t have the drive to even go out. Even to himself, it’s obvious how red his eyes were. He wondered why he hadn’t stopped crying since that day. He was trying to save Chanyeol from this kind of feeling before, that’s why he rejected him, but he never knew he’d end up in this state in his stead. This must be his retribution. But even if it’s like that, there’s no easier way for him to accept the fact that Chanyeol’s gone.
A loud knock came from the door before it slowly opened, with Luhan peeking. “Hey, you ready? They’re here.”
Baekhyun suddenly felt nervous. “Yeah.”
The funeral wasn’t fancy at all. If anything, everything around him reminded him of Chanyeol. He must be really close to his family to prepare something that completely defines him. Chanyeol’s family finally walked in. Baekhyun felt scared. This was Chanyeol’s family. Chanyeol…
This was the reason Yixing was busy at that time. This was what he had to settle. Chanyeol’s family filed a lawsuit against the hospital, the surgeons and all the nurses in attendee during the operation for going through the transplant without asking for their consent first. Baekhyun could imagine the horror of getting a phone call saying that their son’s dead because he gave up his heart for someone else’. Baekhyun wouldn’t be surprised if they blame him and ask him to leave the place at once.
Chanyeol’s mother stopped in front of him. For some reason, Baekhyun couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t do it.
Baekhyun heard a chuckle. And then a finger lifts his chin up, forcing him to face Chanyeol’s mother. “You’re wasting your beautiful face. Don’t frown too much.” Baekhyun let out a light gasp. She was smiling. Chanyeol’s mother was smiling at him. “You don’t have to be scared. Technically, we are mad at you and we blame you. But…that’s a mistake in our part. You did nothing wrong. Nothing that happened was wrong. You two were in love…that’s all.”
“I’m…sorry…”
“Don’t apologize, young man. Chanyeol will be sad.” Chanyeol’s mother said before tapping his shoulder and walking away.
“That’s good, isn’t it Baekhyun?” Luhan said beside him, smiling. “She doesn’t seem to hate you.”
Then another woman came to Baekhyun’s sight. Baekhyun gasped loudly this time after all; he saw Chanyeol’s face. “Hey. Remember me?”
Yura.
Yixing came up beside her. “I told her to put glasses on since he and Chanyeol really look alike in fear that you’d cry but Baekhyun…you look quite happy.”
“I’m not happy. I’m just not sad.”
Yixing blinked at him. “That’s true. Anyway, she helped me with the case.” Yixing added.
Baekhyun bit his lip. “About what happened, I’m sorry-“
“I know everything, Baekhyun,” Yura said. “Chanyeol tells me everything about you. Man, that boy made me his diary. He’d call me every night,” She let out a sigh. “He told me about your dates, about how you smart you are, about the things you did during this day, that day…I tell you, it was exhausting listening to him. But it was fun, nonetheless. My brother loved. That makes me happy,” She gave Baekhyun a refreshing smile. “So I knew about your disease too and how sad he was. So to say, when they said the doctors didn’t ask for a consent, that wasn’t true. At that time, he called me. I was the one who gave the verbal consent.” A smile.
Baekhyun felt like crying. Yura looked happy but in truth, she had gone through so much, especially receiving that kind of phone call from her brother. She was the last person Chanyeol talked to.
“Here, Baekhyun.” Yura suddenly handed him a CD.
“What’s this?”
“I was the last person he called but I wasn’t the last person he talked to. Listen to it whenever you want. It’s for you.”
Yixing took Baekhyun’s hand. “Come on now. We’re starting.”
It’s a perfect day. Chanyeol would’ve loved this weather.
“I’ve always hated Superhero movies,” Baekhyun started, speaking through the microphone, standing in front of Chanyeol’s close friends and relatives. “I thought they were ridiculous. But Chanyeol liked them so much. I never understood why. Superhero are great, I know, they have amazing powers, they can save humanity but…they always end up alone and I thought it was unfair. So I hated it. Then I realized it didn’t matter. Chanyeol was the only hero I ever liked. He saved me but I was the one who was left alone.” A sad chuckle. “So I’m sorry, Chanyeol. I’m sorry for taking you away from your friends. I’m sorry for taking you away from your family.” Baekhyun clenched the microphone. His shaking was apparent. “I thought I wasn’t worth it but…he always told me not to underestimate up to what extent his love can get. So I won’t. It’s unbelievable. He has such a big heart for someone like me.” The crowd finally sympathized with him. “Thank you, Chanyeol. I’ll take care of this life you gave me. I’ll make sure not to let everyone forget just how bright your smile is and how big your heart is.” Baekhyun clenched his chest and then smiled. “I love you.” And the crowd smiled with him.
You’re smiling down at us, right, Chanyeol?
“Hey, Sis, this phone call…is recorded right? [Silly, of course it is. It’s your last so…] Ahaha. You’re right. It really is my last. Sis, I hope this isn’t much of a trouble but…since this is my last chance, I want to say something to Baekhyun…can you give this to him after? [Just do it, idiot!] Ahaha. I can hear you crying from here. [Just get on with it already! You don’t have much time right?] That’s right………..Baekhyun? Are you listening right now? Ah, I hope you are. Well, if you are…I’m sorry you had to listen to something like this. But…I imagine you’d cry when you wake up and find me gone so I want to tell to stop crying. I can’t hug you or kiss you to make you stop so just like this…don’t cry in the future, okay Baekhyun? My body might be lifeless but I’ll always be behind you. I’ll always be watching you from afar, like what I have always done. We may have not been able to be together in this lifetime, don’t worry; in the next lifetime and in the next after that, I’ll continue to chase you. You can keep rejecting me but I won’t stop until you turn around and hold my hand. When that happens, I won’t ever let go and we can be together. No matter how long it takes, a hundred, a thousand years, you’ll find me still in love with you. Okay? I love you Baekhyun, don’t ever forget that. I love you…”
No Limit
An essay by Byun Baekhyun
∞
A/N:
Suuuuuuper late bday fic for my twin seoulbeat14 :)
This started as a bday fic but I became attached to it so now it's my new babyyy. ;;;
Anyway, I think I got carried away again but I hope this is sad enough.
I mean I cried maaaany times while writing this.
And my beta (hi @RiksiRixa! Thank you again!) cried twice, she said.
Oh and those are legit twitter u/ns except badgalrierie -> @bumbaek and lame_berry -> @baek_berry
So sorry I didn't warn you about the character death btw. Peace!
Hope you like it!
- gelie
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Genre: Romance, Drama
Word Count: 26,ooo+
Summary: Chanyeol doesn’t miss a day confessing his love to Baekhyun. Baekhyun, on the other hand, doesn’t miss a day rejecting him.
It was a conversation from that night. The first night Chanyeol spent in Baekhyun’s room.
“Chanyeol, can I ask you something?”
“Then we’ll do 20 questions!”
“I don’t want to.” Baekhyun deadpanned.
“Ah.” Chanyeol slumped in defeat. It was such a good opportunity to ask Baekhyun some questions to feed his curiosity too. But there was no way he’d say no to this person. He sat up straight and dropped his pen to focus on Baekhyun. “So, what did you want to ask?”
Baekhyun examined Chanyeol’s face. Indeed, he regretted ignoring him all this time. He has such a nice face. “Why do you go all the way chasing someone like me?”
A part of Chanyeol expected Baekhyun to ask this question Baekhyun while a part of him wished Baekhyun never would. Because Baekhyun didn’t need to wonder, he didn’t need to have these kinds of questions in his head. Chanyeol smiled at him. “Why do you go all the way rejecting someone like me? I’m obviously the ideal man!”
“I asked first.” Baekhyun retorted. “Also, for girls, maybe.”
Chanyeol frowned in disappointment. “You mean you don’t find me attractive at all?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
Chanyeol sighed in defeat. “Fine fine.” He looked up and pursed his lips while thinking deeply. There wasn’t really any particular reason. The first time he saw Baekhyun in that restaurant, he knew he’d be interested in him. But definitely not this interested. He also didn’t know why after the first rejected he convinced himself that Baekhyun would definitely say yes to the next and it dragged on until his 98th rejection. He smirked at the thought. Baekhyun said yes (well, implied) on his 100th attempt to ask him out. “Well, it’s just because I like you.”
Baekhyun was obviously not happy with that answer. “Is it superficial?”
“Superficial? What? No, no! Sure you have a pretty face and pretty eyes but I’m not someone who would chase someone for months just because I find their face pretty or their body nice.” Chanyeol explained while chuckling. Baekhyun wasn’t getting any bit of it. Chanyeol found his clueless face interesting too. Really, this guy. Chanyeol stared at him deeply. “Baekhyun, I honestly don’t know why whatever you do, I’m easily drawn to you. Whenever I see you, I just can’t stop admiring you. My head is always full of thoughts about you. I thought it’d go away myself but until now, I get the same feeling whenever you’re around. Especially right now, my heart can’t keep calm. My face may look the same but really, I feel like I’m going to explode.”
Baekhyun couldn’t hide his blush. “What…what a blatant lie.”
“Ouch, Baekhyun, you just stabbed my feelings. I’m in pain!”
“What are you saying?!”
Chanyeol snickered at him. He’s blushing. Ahhh, his blushing face is so adorable! “Well, it’s fine if you don’t want to believe it now. Next time you’ll ask, I’ll give you the same answer.”
But Baekhyun never doubted his feelings, even before then. He didn’t know what his objective was for asking such question, maybe he just wanted to hear it straight from the boy, to give him a piece of mind but no matter what, that definitely made him happy. He couldn’t express his feelings easily like Chanyeol can so he’s happy that Chanyeol could stand someone like him.
It pained him knowing that Chanyeol thought it’s one-sided. It wasn’t, because his mind was also full of thoughts about Chanyeol.
Everything about Chanyeol.
Baekhyun stirred awake at the sound of birds chirping and the smell of flowers. He heard a loud thud and Luhan’s face was immediately on his vision. “Baekhyun? Oh my God, you’re awake.”
What happened?
“How do you feel? Do you need anything?”
I can’t talk. My throat feels dry…
“Oh! Oh, water! Of course!” Luhan left to grab a glass of water while muttering, “Yixing told me to give you water once you wake up.” Yixing. When Luhan came back, Baekhyun was slowly trying to sit up. However, his sudden dizziness prevented him from doing so. “Don’t force yourself.” Luhan said while tapping Baekhyun’s shoulders then he offered the water.
Baekhyun immediately felt replenished after the intake of fluid. “Where am I?”
Luhan took a seat on the bed. “You’re at the hospital.”
Baekhyun looked around. Nothing felt familiar. His gaze landed outside the window. The sky looked different from the last time he remembered. “How long was I asleep?”
“Nearly a month. It’s almost the third week. I’m glad you’re awake now.”
“What happened?”
“You don’t remember?”
“Well, I’m trying to but my head kinda hurts.”
Luhan sighed. This was the worst. “Okay. Um,” He started to feel rather anxious. “We were on vacation, remember? Sehun’s cottage.” Sehun. Baekhyun nodded in response when he remembered the face of the younger boy. “We only stayed there for three days since we originally planned to celebrate Christmas in the city. However, on the way home, we got into an accident. A van coming from the bazaar helped us.”
Baekhyun couldn’t remember that part at all.
“You were asleep,” Luhan told him, “when it happened.”
“I see,” Baekhyun simply replied. Asleep. He must’ve been really tired or rather comfortable to stay asleep. Why was that? Baekhyun shivers. Was someone…holding me?
Someone…warm…
An image of Chanyeol’s face flashes in his mind and his eyes widen. Luhan noticed and immediately stood up.
“Where’s-“
“I have to go to class, I’m sorry!” Luhan said apologetically. “I really want to talk to you more now that you’ve woken up but I don’t want to be late. We’re doing this project!” Baekhyun only stared at him. “I’ll visit you again after school!” Luhan added while grabbing his coat and bag. “Bye! See you later!”
Baekhyun watched him leave and disappear behind the door.
“…Chanyeol?”
Outside, Luhan was leaning weakly against the door, head lowered and hands clenched.
The rest of the days that came were rather busy for him who’s still clinging on weakly to the bed. His classmates would come, in groups or pairs, every after school to keep him busy. Baekhyun didn’t like the attention but it was rather calming hearing the noise he was used to in a classroom. Luhan would sometimes stay until nightfall but was rather conscious, Baekhyun could see it. Being stuck on the bed made him polish his observational skills. Eventually, he started feeling like everyone was avoiding something they knew he’s going to ask. It made him more anxious. Every time he started off with the question, voices would immediately overlap. The noise grows. By the time it quiets down, with his guests leaving one by one, he’d feel rather exhausted and would want nothing but drift off to sleep, completely pushing his question aside.
This day was no different from those days. It’s 2pm and all of his classmates had gone home.
There was a song he couldn’t stop humming.
And in between those hums, he could hear Chanyeol’s voice singing right from his chest. He closed his eyes as scenes played in his mind. He could remember the sound of the guitar from his bones. He could remember his clothes. He could remember the look Chanyeol gave to him while singing, the look Chanyeol would only give to him. He could remember the feeling like the back of his palm. But with every word he remembered Chanyeol singing, there’s a throbbing pain in his chest. It felt like it's all just a memory now, something he could never experience again.
Why is that?
“That’s a nice song.”
Baekhyun snapped his eyes open back to reality. He turned around and saw Sehun walking in, carrying flowers, with Luhan following closely behind him, carrying a box. Sehun walked straight to his bed while Luhan dropped the box on the table.
“Here,” Sehun said, offering him the bouquet. “It’s from Luhan’s class.”
Baekhyun accepted the bouquet before turning to Luhan. Luhan smiled at him. “These are letters from your hoobaes, from Sehun’s class.” He said while tapping the box. “You are still quite popular. Impressive.” Luhan continued with a joke and Sehun responded with a laugh.
Baekhyun was rather skeptical. Popular…it’s not me. “Hey, there’s something I want to ask-“
“Oh crap!” Sehun exclaimed out of the blue. Baekhyun flinched. “I forgot my phone in the van! I’ll go get it!”
Luhan followed him. “I-I’ll go with you!”
Baekhyun clenched his fists. “STOP AVOIDING THE QUESTION!”
Both Luhan and Sehun paused in surprise.
“You think I didn’t notice how you were avoiding it?” Baekhyun looked at both of them. They could clearly see his frustration. “I’ve been awake for almost a week not, people have come and gone every day, even those who are strangers to me yet not even once, not even once did Chanyeol come to visit me!”
Luhan and Sehun looked away. They weren’t ready for this. They knew it’s unfair to Baekhyun’s part but none of them could do this. None of them could say those words while looking at Baekhyun straight in the eyes.
“Where’s Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked while clenching the sheets. “Tell me please I don’t like feeling like this. Where’s Chanyeol?!”
The door suddenly opened, interrupting their little confrontation. There was a short relief from the two but after seeing Yixing walk in, still in his suit and tie, there was a new level of tense in the air. After all, both Luhan and Sehun promised Yixing to tell Baekhyun before his return yet they ended up dragging the days until it led to this.
Baekhyun stared at Yixing. It’s like he was confused as to why this man is in front of him.
“I overheard,” Yixing started. Baekhyun noticed the brown large envelope he was holding. Moreover, why was he wearing a suit? He’s a nurse, isn’t he? Aside from that, this would be the first time he’d seen him after he woke up. Where was he all this time? “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to visit sooner. I had to settle…some things.” Baekhyun noticed the stretch in those words.
Baekhyun knew Yixing knows something. And Yixing knew that with the way Baekhyun was looking at him, full of expectation. “Yixing…where’s Chanyeol?”
Yixing sighed. His hand was trembling too but he had to keep his composure. “B, I want you to calm down first.”
“No, why can’t you tell me now? Something happened, right? Is he okay? Where is he?”
“Baekhyun, please, calm down first.”
“I’m not going to calm down unless you tell me!”
Indeed, it was a useless effort to ask him so. But Yixing didn’t know how to deal with telling him himself. If he had to resort to this… “I’m sorry, Baekhyun.” He said while handing the envelope to Baekhyun.
Baekhyun, confused as he is, immediately took the envelope and tore it open. It was a medical file. The words weren’t new to him; he had seen many files of this type through the course of his therapy owing to how he used to rummage over Yixing’s papers. But this…wasn’t one of those strange papers he used to scan when he was bored.
This is…
“Heart…transplant.” Baekhyun read slowly, his voice shaking. “No…what is this? This doesn’t make sense! Yixing-“ Yixing gave him that look, that look of pity.
“On the day of the accident, you two were sent to the Operating room together, but you suffered more serious injuries. Chanyeol had a hundred percent chance of living but you…you were already dying, given your heart disease, it was already a dead-end to try to revive your heart.”
But he’s breathing and alive right now.
“Chanyeol…heard the doctor and…” Yixing gulped, trying to stop himself from breaking down in front of Baekhyun. “And he offered to give his heart to you.”
Baekhyun gasped in shock. His eyes are wide. His tears were starting to flow.
“I’m sorry Baekhyun, there was no choice-“
“No. No no no no…” Baekhyun mumbled while clawing his hair. The images of Chanyeol kept on coming to him. He wanted to see him. “I don’t want it!” He yelled while clenching his test. “I don’t want his heart! Please give him back to me! Give him back! Yixing please give him back…” He’s a mess. His face was wet with tears. His fringe, longer than any of them could remember, covered his face of desperation. He’s gasping for breath and with every gasp was Chanyeol’s name. “Give him back…give him back to me…” He wanted to see Chanyeol’s smile. He wanted to hear Chanyeol’s deep laugh. He wanted to feel his warm touch. He wanted to hear Chanyeol tell him how much he loves him again. But right now, Baekhyun felt nothing but want and longing.
“Baekhyun, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”
“No!” Baekhyun yelled while jumping out of the bed. “Stop apologizing! It can’t be true! He’s not dead!” Luhan and Sehun immediately ran to his sides, trying restrain him. “Let go! I’m going to see him! He’s gotta be somewhere right?!”
“Baekhyun, he’s dead! There’s nothing more you can do!”
Baekhyun pushed Luhan and Sehun away and immediately ran towards the table to grab the knife. But Luhan was able to snatch the knife from Baekhyun’s weak grip before the shorter could even attempt to do anything stupid. Baekhyun fell to the ground and Luhan clenched his wrist in anger. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO DO?! You’re going to kill yourself because you can’t accept the fact that the man you love gave up his life for you?! Look at yourself! Didn’t you learn anything from the times you spent with him?! He loved you that much that he was willing to give up his own life for you without any hesitation! He wanted you to live because he saw how much you suffered! He did it because he knew it wouldn’t be put into waste! So don’t give me this bullshit Baekhyun!”
Sehun held Luhan’s arm. “Luhan, I think that’s enough-“
“You’re not the only one who wants him here…” Luhan continued almost in a whisper. “And he wasn’t the only one who wanted to see you live your life…”
Baekhyun looked at him then. Luhan was crying too.
Luhan’s grip loosened as he knelt down in front of Baekhyun. “So please… just…live.”
He felt like he’s drowning in his tears. He couldn’t breathe. Without Chanyeol, he didn’t know how to breathe. All this time, he’s been trying to live for him. Chanyeol was his air.
Baekhyun finally broke down. He’s screaming his frustration, his anger to the world for taking Chanyeol from him, for letting him end up with that option. He’s holding on to Luhan’s arms tightly and just screams and screams and screams. His cries were loud, loud enough for the people outside to hear, and with every cry, he called Chanyeol’s name over and over again. Until it finally dawned to him.
. @sehunthegreat We miss you, buddy.
@badgalrierie @sehunthegreat Condolences :(
@coolcatmeow14 @sehunthegreat you guys will get through it.
540 more replies…
@sehunthegreat |
Baekhyun locked his phone. He looked up at the mirror in front of him. He’s wearing a black suit, something Luhan lent to him since he didn’t have the drive to even go out. Even to himself, it’s obvious how red his eyes were. He wondered why he hadn’t stopped crying since that day. He was trying to save Chanyeol from this kind of feeling before, that’s why he rejected him, but he never knew he’d end up in this state in his stead. This must be his retribution. But even if it’s like that, there’s no easier way for him to accept the fact that Chanyeol’s gone.
A loud knock came from the door before it slowly opened, with Luhan peeking. “Hey, you ready? They’re here.”
Baekhyun suddenly felt nervous. “Yeah.”
The funeral wasn’t fancy at all. If anything, everything around him reminded him of Chanyeol. He must be really close to his family to prepare something that completely defines him. Chanyeol’s family finally walked in. Baekhyun felt scared. This was Chanyeol’s family. Chanyeol…
This was the reason Yixing was busy at that time. This was what he had to settle. Chanyeol’s family filed a lawsuit against the hospital, the surgeons and all the nurses in attendee during the operation for going through the transplant without asking for their consent first. Baekhyun could imagine the horror of getting a phone call saying that their son’s dead because he gave up his heart for someone else’. Baekhyun wouldn’t be surprised if they blame him and ask him to leave the place at once.
Chanyeol’s mother stopped in front of him. For some reason, Baekhyun couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t do it.
Baekhyun heard a chuckle. And then a finger lifts his chin up, forcing him to face Chanyeol’s mother. “You’re wasting your beautiful face. Don’t frown too much.” Baekhyun let out a light gasp. She was smiling. Chanyeol’s mother was smiling at him. “You don’t have to be scared. Technically, we are mad at you and we blame you. But…that’s a mistake in our part. You did nothing wrong. Nothing that happened was wrong. You two were in love…that’s all.”
“I’m…sorry…”
“Don’t apologize, young man. Chanyeol will be sad.” Chanyeol’s mother said before tapping his shoulder and walking away.
“That’s good, isn’t it Baekhyun?” Luhan said beside him, smiling. “She doesn’t seem to hate you.”
Then another woman came to Baekhyun’s sight. Baekhyun gasped loudly this time after all; he saw Chanyeol’s face. “Hey. Remember me?”
Yura.
Yixing came up beside her. “I told her to put glasses on since he and Chanyeol really look alike in fear that you’d cry but Baekhyun…you look quite happy.”
“I’m not happy. I’m just not sad.”
Yixing blinked at him. “That’s true. Anyway, she helped me with the case.” Yixing added.
Baekhyun bit his lip. “About what happened, I’m sorry-“
“I know everything, Baekhyun,” Yura said. “Chanyeol tells me everything about you. Man, that boy made me his diary. He’d call me every night,” She let out a sigh. “He told me about your dates, about how you smart you are, about the things you did during this day, that day…I tell you, it was exhausting listening to him. But it was fun, nonetheless. My brother loved. That makes me happy,” She gave Baekhyun a refreshing smile. “So I knew about your disease too and how sad he was. So to say, when they said the doctors didn’t ask for a consent, that wasn’t true. At that time, he called me. I was the one who gave the verbal consent.” A smile.
Baekhyun felt like crying. Yura looked happy but in truth, she had gone through so much, especially receiving that kind of phone call from her brother. She was the last person Chanyeol talked to.
“Here, Baekhyun.” Yura suddenly handed him a CD.
“What’s this?”
“I was the last person he called but I wasn’t the last person he talked to. Listen to it whenever you want. It’s for you.”
Yixing took Baekhyun’s hand. “Come on now. We’re starting.”
It’s a perfect day. Chanyeol would’ve loved this weather.
“I’ve always hated Superhero movies,” Baekhyun started, speaking through the microphone, standing in front of Chanyeol’s close friends and relatives. “I thought they were ridiculous. But Chanyeol liked them so much. I never understood why. Superhero are great, I know, they have amazing powers, they can save humanity but…they always end up alone and I thought it was unfair. So I hated it. Then I realized it didn’t matter. Chanyeol was the only hero I ever liked. He saved me but I was the one who was left alone.” A sad chuckle. “So I’m sorry, Chanyeol. I’m sorry for taking you away from your friends. I’m sorry for taking you away from your family.” Baekhyun clenched the microphone. His shaking was apparent. “I thought I wasn’t worth it but…he always told me not to underestimate up to what extent his love can get. So I won’t. It’s unbelievable. He has such a big heart for someone like me.” The crowd finally sympathized with him. “Thank you, Chanyeol. I’ll take care of this life you gave me. I’ll make sure not to let everyone forget just how bright your smile is and how big your heart is.” Baekhyun clenched his chest and then smiled. “I love you.” And the crowd smiled with him.
You’re smiling down at us, right, Chanyeol?
“Hey, Sis, this phone call…is recorded right? [Silly, of course it is. It’s your last so…] Ahaha. You’re right. It really is my last. Sis, I hope this isn’t much of a trouble but…since this is my last chance, I want to say something to Baekhyun…can you give this to him after? [Just do it, idiot!] Ahaha. I can hear you crying from here. [Just get on with it already! You don’t have much time right?] That’s right………..Baekhyun? Are you listening right now? Ah, I hope you are. Well, if you are…I’m sorry you had to listen to something like this. But…I imagine you’d cry when you wake up and find me gone so I want to tell to stop crying. I can’t hug you or kiss you to make you stop so just like this…don’t cry in the future, okay Baekhyun? My body might be lifeless but I’ll always be behind you. I’ll always be watching you from afar, like what I have always done. We may have not been able to be together in this lifetime, don’t worry; in the next lifetime and in the next after that, I’ll continue to chase you. You can keep rejecting me but I won’t stop until you turn around and hold my hand. When that happens, I won’t ever let go and we can be together. No matter how long it takes, a hundred, a thousand years, you’ll find me still in love with you. Okay? I love you Baekhyun, don’t ever forget that. I love you…”
No Limit
An essay by Byun Baekhyun
∞
A/N:
Suuuuuuper late bday fic for my twin seoulbeat14 :)
This started as a bday fic but I became attached to it so now it's my new babyyy. ;;;
Anyway, I think I got carried away again but I hope this is sad enough.
I mean I cried maaaany times while writing this.
And my beta (hi @RiksiRixa! Thank you again!) cried twice, she said.
Oh and those are legit twitter u/ns except badgalrierie -> @bumbaek and lame_berry -> @baek_berry
So sorry I didn't warn you about the character death btw. Peace!
Hope you like it!
- gelie