Comments | gelfling8604: [ficlet] Seventeen: Haku/Zabuza

gelfling8604

[ficlet] Seventeen: Haku/Zabuza

Sep 12, 2009 15:03

Seventeen
Naruto
Haku/Zabuza
NC-17
words 1739
Completely AU, in which the Gato event didn’t happen, and several years down the road. PWP, with character notes. Hopefully a humorous take on the ‘first time’ conceit, though some of it is rather graphic.

( The sweat’s just starting to cool on his skin, sticky and sharp, when Haku asks, no where near as breathlessly as he should be, “Is that it? )

haku, zabuza, fic, nc17, naruto

Comments 10

(The comment has been removed)

gelfling8604 September 15 2009, 21:15:01 UTC

There really isn't, but they've got a dynamic. If only they hadn't died so early...

faorism September 13 2009, 00:32:35 UTC

Zabuza/Haku <3

gelfling8604 September 15 2009, 21:13:32 UTC

Much love for them!

realnobiki September 13 2009, 03:54:26 UTC

wow, i liked this and i'm not usually reading this stuff. punky haku is awesome. good job!

gelfling8604 September 15 2009, 21:12:24 UTC

Hee! Thanks!

gigabomb September 13 2009, 05:19:45 UTC

I love Zabuza/Haku, and more importantly, I love how you write Zabuza/Haku. Zabuza's in charge, yes, but Haku has an 'in' with him (I do not mean that the way it sounded) that makes their relationship weirdly sweet. And it's nice to see Haku being adorably bitchy the way he is in the manga and the way a lot of fanfic writers forget. He is the guy who tells Zabuza he has a beautiful body, after all, even though he knows it will make Zabuza uncomfortable.

I was a bit confused about their ages here, though. The title implies Haku is seventeen here, but that he is slightly younger than Zabuza was when Zabuza found Haku. However, if Zabuza is eight years older than Haku and had Haku by the time Haku was seven, wouldn't that mean Haku is two years older than Zabuza was when Zabuza found him? Sorry to be nitpicky; I just couldn't figure it out.

gelfling8604 September 15 2009, 21:06:11 UTC

...I'm trying to figure the ages thing out too now. Doing math. Argh. Pulling out calculator. And I think the way I wanted it was...during AU story line Haku=17, Zabuza=25. So I then wanted Zabuza to be...shoot, it doesn't work, does it? Because Haku totally looks, like, 5 in the scene where they first meet, and the timing and ages really aren't working that way. Argh.

Er. Squint hard and focus on the pretty? The pretty! The pretty!

PS: When I first had this going, it totally made sense. I did check. Only not really.

shiro_sensei September 29 2009, 21:22:22 UTC

I know I said this already but it came back to mind when I reread it

"I know what you're trying to say. You're saying aw, yeah, that's it"

If Zabuza had been wearing business socks, they would have been crammed down Haku's throat. Also, Zabuza the therapist is so hilarious to think about that I may have given myself an aneurism.

but every now and again, Zabuza wonders if they’re one those…what were they called? Cries for help? Attention?

gelfling8604 September 30 2009, 03:26:30 UTC

On the observation of Cries for Attention: Should I...? Shouldn't I? Should I...? Should--hey, a beer! *in the background, someone almost maybe dies*

And--I meant to mention this, either to you when you reminded me or in the fic--that Business Time TOTALLY occurred to me, and it was very hard not to pull a cliche or a line-steal. The temptation was there, but I was strong.

Am trying very hard to write for DOGS now, but either everything I read is AMAZING and needs no compliment, or it's just...weird, and does not hold my attention and OOH! There's a blue bird!