FanFic100: #049 Club
“Ready?” his father asks and he shrugs, trying to appear unfazed.
“Sure.” Throwing him a wary look, his father simply nods and hits the puddle jumper’s controls. Smoothly, the little ship sails out of the jumper bay into the wide open skies of New Lantea. Despite outwardly pretending to be not even a little bit in awe of this special moment, he can feel the tug of the jumper’s KI… basically everywhere.
Ever since they came to this city almost 20 years ago, he has felt this tugging at his nerves. At first it had confused and frightened him - after all he’d been only five years old when they had left Earth more or less forever - and more than once he’d clashed with his parents, especially with his father, over their decision to leave their life on Earth behind.
To be honest… he had never quite understood what had made them come to this city - or, in their case, come back - and especially during his teens it had been the cause of more than one serious quarrel with them… or rather, with his father. Somehow… he’d blamed him for everything that went wrong in his life. Or, well, everything he thought went wrong in his life.
To him, back then, it had been his father’s fault that he wasn’t like all the others… that Atlantis was calling out to him, almost like a human being. Tugging at him, prying into his mind, beckoning him to use her full potential. He’d never talked to anyone about this - not even his mother, even though they had always shared a special bond - so he had no idea if he was the only one feeling like that or if others experienced it as well.
Also… there is this teeny tiny detail that his father is Brigadier General Evan Lorne, commanding officer of the Pegasus Military contingent, including three outposts and several battle ships and his mother is Dr. Laura Cadman-Lorne, retired Major of the USMC and head of research in Atlantis.
Granted, when he’d been in his teens, his parents had been much less high-ranking but being his parents’ - this parents’ - only son… had always been a challenge. Looking out the front window, he resists a sigh. Compared to what’s planned today… the last few years seem to be much easier than he always remembered them. Since two weeks ago he’s back from four years at the Air Force Academy and since yesterday he’s out of excuses for getting out of jumper lessons.
He still wishes his father would have acted like his usual self; meticulously - one could almost say anxiously - avoiding any suspicion of favoritism and letting someone else give him the lessons… Torren Emmagan, for example. But no, for some godforsaken totally unintelligible reason, his father had chosen to do this himself and there had been no way to convince him otherwise, not even through his mother. In fact… his mother had been one of the strongest advocates of this - in his mind totally inappropriate - scheme.
When he thinks about the fight he had with his mother about this… he has to resist much more than just a sigh. They had never fought much, unlike him and his father. His mother had once told him that their bond was probably the result of having spent the first two years of his life alone with her because his father had been absent. He’d once tried to find out why exactly but neither of his parents had been very forthcoming about it - but when he’d been a little older… he’d started to realize that whatever had happened… it was probably the reason why his father is the man he is today.
And ever since then… a lot more things had made sense. Why, for example, there had always been times when his usually placid and loving father had needed to close himself off, sometimes for days or when he had seemed a little distant, as if he either didn’t want to or simply couldn’t let his son… or his wife get too close to him.
At first he’d been confused by it but when he had been older he’d been unable to understand why his mother had silently complied with it, so unlike her usual disposition and it had even made him mad at her and him. She still doesn’t cut his father any slack in an argument, but when these episodes happened - and still happen - she’d simply let him withdraw and welcomed him back with a little kiss and a silent smile when he came out of it.
When he’d graduated from the Academy he’d had the faint hope his father might deem him grown-up enough that he could break that topic… but instead all his father had done when he had been back had been ordering him on jumper flying lessons and he had it made plain from the start that no one else apart from him would be his instructor.
So now he’s sitting in this damn jumper, only strained silence between his father and him, and the damn thing getting on his nerves with its cajoling and pleading. It takes all his self-control and the strong will not to lose his nerves in front of his father - and commanding officer.
The distance between Atlantis and the jumper is growing, his father operating the controls with effortless ease… even kind of elegantly. They always told him his gene was as strong as his father’s… but he seriously doubts he’ll ever be as good at this as his father. For once, he’s not a fighter pilot and he’s pretty sure he will never get used to the way Atlantis “talks” to the gene owners… or him at least. He had about 15 years to get used to it and he just never did so he finds it pretty unlikely that he will do so in the future.
He had tried to tell his father - without losing face and having to explain that Atlantis was pretty much getting on his nerves - but of course that had been futile. So when his father turns to him, with his hands away from the controls and his eyebrows raised expectantly, he knows there’s no way he’ll get out of this so he puts his hands on the controls.
Almost in the same moment that he touches them, he feels the jumper’s presence that had been a gentle humming in the background until now, multiplying in strength and nearly forcing itself onto him. It’s so strong that it throws him back in his seat and he feels hot shame welling up at obviously not fulfilling his father’s expectations. So he doesn’t even dare look at him… until he hears him say, “Yup, more or less like I reacted the first time.”
That catches him off-guard so much that he can’t help looking at his father to find him… smiling? What the hell…? He just proved to be a disappointment, didn’t he? Son of a seasoned pilot, exceptional officer, experienced soldier… and he gets overwhelmed by a bucket of bolts and circuits? “Dad… I mean… sir…”
Further smiling. Huh. “Relax, it’s really just us. You don’t have to sir me all the time.” Yeah, well, he could have gotten that himself. After all, his father had never been the kind of military father that makes his son call him sir. In fact… well, sure his father had always expected him to give his best and be the best but he had never put any real pressure on him. When he thinks back… his father might have had bad spells over the last years that somehow gave him the feeling it was his fault that he wasn’t easy to be with all the time but all in all… he’d always given his best.
He takes a deep breath. “Right. Sorry. I mean, for… for this. I should have…”
“Adrian, it’s okay. Like I said, it’s exactly how I reacted.” At this he runs a hand through his hair… one of the gestures his mother tells him are almost exactly like his father’s. He wants to say something but his father is faster. “Should have seen your mother. She couldn’t stop laughing the whole trip.” This is accompanied by a grin that seems to speak… volumes. Volumes of the relationship between his parents… of a side he has seen only very rarely, if anything at all. Lighter, more carefree… again he wonders what exactly happened that made his father vanish from his mother’s life for a couple of years.
However… it will have to wait because first he needs to get it over with this whole jumper business. Oh well. “Dad… don’t… get me wrong but… I’m just… I’m not you. I’m not… cut out for this whole gene thing.”
That was a bold move and he knows that. He’d always had the feeling that his father - both his parents, actually - was proud that his son inherited the gene, and as strong as his at that. To tell him he doesn’t feel comfortable with it… was almost like telling his father he doesn’t love him. Which, despite everything, just isn’t true.
Still, his father closes his face off and needs a moment to look at him again. “I know how you feel.” He wants to interject but it only takes a second of his father’s CO look and he’s quiet. “Believe it or not, I never wanted the gene either. I didn’t want a lot of things in my life but I learned to pick my battles. And the gene… you won’t learn to live with it if you fight it.”
Well. If he’s honest… he never saw it like that. His father not being comfortable with the gene and everything that came with it… it doesn’t really fit into his world and in the picture he always had of Evan Lorne. He looks at the controls again… and he’s not quite sure if he’s imagining it but the moment he feels a tentative impulse to try it again, he feels the jumper’s… interest - there isn't really any other word for it - flare up again a little. But that only serves to make him abstain from the controls as far as he can. “Look, dad, really…”
Now his father takes a deep breath, almost looking… resigned. “Now listen, Adrian. Let me tell you something: There was something… something I forgot at a certain point in my life and that was… how to open up. It was… you and your mother who taught me again. Well, you and Atlantis. There was a reason your mother and I decided to come back here.” This… confession has him tongue-tied, for longer than just a moment. Basically… his father just told him something very, very personal about himself and he’s at a momentary loss at how to cope with this.
Then, when he thinks it’s safe to speak again… he doesn’t. Instead, he takes another deep breath and puts his hands on the controls, this time at least semi-prepared for what’s going to happen. And yeah, there’s the onslaught again… and his first impulse is to close himself off, fight the demands and the prying and tugging. But then he forces himself to relax… open up… and suddenly… it’s so easy. The jumper… it tells him what to do and it seems almost… proud at the progress he makes in maneuvering it and at the thrill he suddenly feels at flying this thing. It’s not his beloved helicopter but it’s… actually it’s just different and equally fun.
When he masters a particularly difficult turn he can’t help showing his pleasure by laughing a little and this makes him loosen up enough that he feels safe enough to divide his concentration between the jumper and his father and it… surprises him very much to see pride and pleasure in the bright grin his father is wearing. It says everything from “See, that wasn’t so hard,” to “I knew you had it in you.”
After a little more flying, though, he starts to feel a little exhausted and his father probably sensed that - or did the jumper tell him? After having seen what this thing is capable of when you open up to it there’s not much that he’d put behind it - and says, “Alright, I think… we can call it a day, huh?” He simply nods, still a little overwhelmed and takes his hands off the controls. Then his father does something surprising - again - and gives him a clap on the back. “Welcome to the very exclusive club of natural talent at jumper flying. You deserve it.”
Wow. This is… certainly not what he had expected when he’d reluctantly entered the jumper today and at first all he can do is give his father a shaky little smile. And then he gets an idea. He knows he should probably let it lie… but he feels like he deserves a little more than just being admitted to the jumper club and so he clears his throat and says, “Thanks, dad. This is… I know it’s a big honor and everything.” His father is still smiling at him. “But… can I… can I ask you something?”
For a moment he hopes his father is still too hyped up by everything that just happened but something in his bearing must have betrayed him and his father grows serious very fast again. However… after a moment of consideration, he says, “Yeah. I guess… it’s overdue anyway.” And then… his father starts telling him about what made him into the man he is today and that… makes him feel more honored than anything else could ever do.