FanFic100: #096 Sense (Writer's Choice)
Title: Don't make a fuss
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: Cadman/Lorne
Prompt: #096 Sense (Writer's Choice)
Word Count: 1761
Rating: K+
Summary: It's been a year since Laura Cadman confronted Major Lorne about the disappearance of Major Carter...
Author's Notes: Here we go with a few more postings (five on the whole, including this one) taking place in the "Road Not Taken"-verse, posted in chronological order. This one takes place about a year after "I will stay" so you might want to read that again because it's been a while since I posted it. And yeah, I had to exorcize my RNT fixation with this and the following stories... Anyway, betaed by mackenziesmomma, hopefully liked by you ;) (wow, that was short...). And here's the LDT.
Don’t make a fuss
“So if I call you Don't make a fuss Don't tell your friends about the two of us I'm not in love.”
10 CC, “I’m not in Love“
Stupid Lieutenant Laura Cadman. Stupid fight. And stupid him. Just stupid… everything. Scowling, he stares at his door, daring anyone to come in and give him a reason to vent off some of the anger that’s still inside of him. It’s been an hour and he still hasn’t fully calmed down. It irks him, because normally he isn't that easy to unnerve, but lately Laura Cadman had had a tendency to rile him up.
No, scratch that. She always had a tendency to rile him up; ever since the day she joined his team about a year ago. Even when he’d been intent to show the world how much he wanted them to leave him the hell alone, she’d had the audacity to drag him back from the edge and make him see sharing one’s pain isn't always sign of weakness. He still remembers her coming into his office and looking like a deer in headlights a moment before brashly plunking herself down in the chair in front of his desk and forcing him to talk.
Back then he’d been surprised at how easy it was to tell her about Sam and her double and the whole crazy alternative universe thing… and he’d been surprised at how well she understood him. To him, it had seemed as if he was the only one who truly realized what it meant that Major Samantha Carter wasn’t coming back… and as if he was the only one who was deeply afflicted by that realization. He’d missed her and struggled with Fate and God and whoever else that they had allowed this to happen - after all, his best friend had suddenly been gone… without even giving him the chance to say good-bye.
They had given him two new guys - Captain James Henderson and Lieutenant Harry Linley - and this little female still fresh-faced Marine Lieutenant. All of them had never been off-world before, and Henderson and Linley hadn’t even been working at the SGC before that. He had had the strange suspicion that they wanted to gloss over the fact that the Samantha Carter that had saved their world did so at the price of losing Sam… make it look like Sam had never existed even. He’d tried to talk to General Hammond about it, but the pain had still been too fresh for him to be able to stand his ground in such a discussion.
But that brazen Lieutenant - known for having a penchant for getting herself in trouble when still on one of ‘Gate security teams - had somehow seen he needed someone to understand him, even if he hadn’t known that himself back then. Ever since then she just wouldn’t let him draw back into his shell. Despite his still lingering anger, he finds himself smiling.
He remembers surprise visits - or rather invasions - with DVDs where she dragged Henderson and Linley to his place and starlit nighttime conversations on her rooftop terrace between only the two of them. Henderson’s wedding not to forget… and the funeral of Laura’s father. Shootouts and dramatic daring rescues, decoration ceremonies and long nights in the infirmary… and always and everywhere Laura, Laura, Laura. Groaning he puts his head in his hands.
This hadn't been their first fight - in fact, he thinks he fought more with Laura in that one year than with Sam in the four years they served together - but their worst. Before it had always been about some professional matter or other and they could always keep it that way. But somehow… this one escalated to personal and he doesn’t even know how and why. He just knows that at some point he’d shouted, “Then what the hell do you want from me, Laura?”
She’d thrown up her hands in frustration and shouted back, “I just… I want you to see me for myself! I’m not her, Evan! I’m… me! And I… goddammit!” She’d tried to continue, but something seemed to keep her from it. He’d looked at her, trying to piece together what just had happened and realized that it just… threw him off-course. Without another word he’d left her lab, going as far as letting the door behind him slam. At first he’d thought it had been because she’d dragged Sam into this and simply had no right to do this, but already on the agitated way to his office, he’d realized it had been more than this.
See me for myself. Didn’t he do that? I’m not her. Had he ever behaved like she was only a substitute for Sam? He honestly has no idea… and he wished Sam was here, because he needs her advice so desperately now. She would have known what it is about Laura that makes him lose his temper so easily, and she would also have known what it is that makes fighting with Laura so hard on him.
Fighting with Sam… had never been so exhausting and nerve-rattling, if they ever fought at all. Sam never was afraid to give him a piece of her mind, but she just never… confused him and frustrated him so much. Yeah… that’s it. Laura - or rather what she stirs deep inside of him - confuses him. God, Sam, he thinks, what am I gonna do with that Lieutenant? It’s all so strange and screwed up and complicated and… in fact… in fact it’s quite simple, really.
His head drops on his desk with another groan. Dammit, why does this have to happen to him… to them? It never happened with Sam. Him and Sam, that was a good, solid friendship, safe and within acceptable bounds and meant to stay like this until the end of time. It had been so easy, so comfortable… God, how he misses that. But it’s gone and instead he has a Lieutenant with a temper almost as volatile as her favorite toy from the armory and more cheek than a junior officer should ever be allowed to have. The worst thing is: He wouldn’t want to trade her off for anything or anyone again, because the thought of her leaving as well is simply unbearable.
Now he also knows what Sam would have said. She would have told him to clear this up, once and for all. Tell Laura about it, in a sensible way and make sure it won’t get in their way on the job. Lock it all away and accept it if Laura decides she can’t work like this. And end this fight as soon as possible. Ah, yeah, sensible Sam. Usually, she was right with what she told him, and so he gets up to walk all the way back to Laura's lab, this time not even half as fast as when he came from there.
When he arrives there, he really hopes Henderson and Linley are still occupied with their own projects - he doesn’t know if he could deal with the rest of his team involved in this right now - and that she’s still alone in the lab. Their shouting… had been loud enough that it must have attracted attention, but as far as he knows none of her friends are currently on the base.
Sighing silently, he carefully opens the door. He risks a peek in and is relieved to see her sitting at her desk, typing furiously on her laptop. Not quite sure how to approach her, he simply sits down on one of the vacant chairs, watching her. She’s still not reacting, giving him very obviously the silent treatment. He really shouldn’t have just run away.
For nearly 15 minutes he tries to find the right way to open this conversation, but all he can come up with is just crap. So in the end, he settles with, “The thing is: I do see you for yourself. In fact, that’s the whole problem.” Yeah, that about sums it up pretty well.
It also managed to startle her enough that she forgets that she’s still trying to ignore him. Confused she looks up. “Problem? What problem? I… don’t understand.”
For a moment, he’s inclined to believe her, but then he remembers that something that kept her from clarifying her accusation of him not really seeing her. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to look her right in the eye. “I think you do, Laura.”
She wants to say something, but shuts her mouth again. She breaks the eye contact, looks at the wall for a moment. Then she squeezes her eyes shut, looking a lot like she’s very near crying. Don’t do that, he thinks. Please don’t start crying now. She’d done that only once - the moment they had told her that her father had been found dead after he’d been missing for over two years - and it had left him completely helpless.
But now, she gets a grip on herself and replies, “Oh. And… what do we do about that now?” Well, it’s not quite what he expected, but then again… he hadn’t really expected anything anyway.
So… what do they do now? There are about a million options… and only one that feels appropriate to him. “Business as usual, of course.”
For a moment, something like disappointment crosses her face - but it’s enough to already make him regret his decision. However, she doesn’t give him time to undo his mistake, because she answers, “Of course, sir.” Dammit. The “sir” never stung so much as it did now, but his chance is gone and now he has to go through with this.
“Right. Carry on, Lieutenant.” He pretends to himself he has to go now because he has a mountain of work to do, but the only real reason for his desire to leave is that right now he can’t take it that even though he’s in the same room with her it feels like there is something impenetrable separating them.
As he passes her on the way to the door, she doesn’t even look up when she says, “Yes, sir.” Without another word, he is out of her lab, barely able to resist the urge to lean against the wall and close his eyes until the feeling of having just lost another friend goes away. Step by step, he makes it back to his office, with only two thoughts in his head: Carry on, Major. Business as usual.
~*~
TBC in All I Can Do
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: Cadman/Lorne
Prompt: #096 Sense (Writer's Choice)
Word Count: 1761
Rating: K+
Summary: It's been a year since Laura Cadman confronted Major Lorne about the disappearance of Major Carter...
Author's Notes: Here we go with a few more postings (five on the whole, including this one) taking place in the "Road Not Taken"-verse, posted in chronological order. This one takes place about a year after "I will stay" so you might want to read that again because it's been a while since I posted it. And yeah, I had to exorcize my RNT fixation with this and the following stories... Anyway, betaed by mackenziesmomma, hopefully liked by you ;) (wow, that was short...). And here's the LDT.
Don’t make a fuss
“So if I call you Don't make a fuss Don't tell your friends about the two of us I'm not in love.”
10 CC, “I’m not in Love“
Stupid Lieutenant Laura Cadman. Stupid fight. And stupid him. Just stupid… everything. Scowling, he stares at his door, daring anyone to come in and give him a reason to vent off some of the anger that’s still inside of him. It’s been an hour and he still hasn’t fully calmed down. It irks him, because normally he isn't that easy to unnerve, but lately Laura Cadman had had a tendency to rile him up.
No, scratch that. She always had a tendency to rile him up; ever since the day she joined his team about a year ago. Even when he’d been intent to show the world how much he wanted them to leave him the hell alone, she’d had the audacity to drag him back from the edge and make him see sharing one’s pain isn't always sign of weakness. He still remembers her coming into his office and looking like a deer in headlights a moment before brashly plunking herself down in the chair in front of his desk and forcing him to talk.
Back then he’d been surprised at how easy it was to tell her about Sam and her double and the whole crazy alternative universe thing… and he’d been surprised at how well she understood him. To him, it had seemed as if he was the only one who truly realized what it meant that Major Samantha Carter wasn’t coming back… and as if he was the only one who was deeply afflicted by that realization. He’d missed her and struggled with Fate and God and whoever else that they had allowed this to happen - after all, his best friend had suddenly been gone… without even giving him the chance to say good-bye.
They had given him two new guys - Captain James Henderson and Lieutenant Harry Linley - and this little female still fresh-faced Marine Lieutenant. All of them had never been off-world before, and Henderson and Linley hadn’t even been working at the SGC before that. He had had the strange suspicion that they wanted to gloss over the fact that the Samantha Carter that had saved their world did so at the price of losing Sam… make it look like Sam had never existed even. He’d tried to talk to General Hammond about it, but the pain had still been too fresh for him to be able to stand his ground in such a discussion.
But that brazen Lieutenant - known for having a penchant for getting herself in trouble when still on one of ‘Gate security teams - had somehow seen he needed someone to understand him, even if he hadn’t known that himself back then. Ever since then she just wouldn’t let him draw back into his shell. Despite his still lingering anger, he finds himself smiling.
He remembers surprise visits - or rather invasions - with DVDs where she dragged Henderson and Linley to his place and starlit nighttime conversations on her rooftop terrace between only the two of them. Henderson’s wedding not to forget… and the funeral of Laura’s father. Shootouts and dramatic daring rescues, decoration ceremonies and long nights in the infirmary… and always and everywhere Laura, Laura, Laura. Groaning he puts his head in his hands.
This hadn't been their first fight - in fact, he thinks he fought more with Laura in that one year than with Sam in the four years they served together - but their worst. Before it had always been about some professional matter or other and they could always keep it that way. But somehow… this one escalated to personal and he doesn’t even know how and why. He just knows that at some point he’d shouted, “Then what the hell do you want from me, Laura?”
She’d thrown up her hands in frustration and shouted back, “I just… I want you to see me for myself! I’m not her, Evan! I’m… me! And I… goddammit!” She’d tried to continue, but something seemed to keep her from it. He’d looked at her, trying to piece together what just had happened and realized that it just… threw him off-course. Without another word he’d left her lab, going as far as letting the door behind him slam. At first he’d thought it had been because she’d dragged Sam into this and simply had no right to do this, but already on the agitated way to his office, he’d realized it had been more than this.
See me for myself. Didn’t he do that? I’m not her. Had he ever behaved like she was only a substitute for Sam? He honestly has no idea… and he wished Sam was here, because he needs her advice so desperately now. She would have known what it is about Laura that makes him lose his temper so easily, and she would also have known what it is that makes fighting with Laura so hard on him.
Fighting with Sam… had never been so exhausting and nerve-rattling, if they ever fought at all. Sam never was afraid to give him a piece of her mind, but she just never… confused him and frustrated him so much. Yeah… that’s it. Laura - or rather what she stirs deep inside of him - confuses him. God, Sam, he thinks, what am I gonna do with that Lieutenant? It’s all so strange and screwed up and complicated and… in fact… in fact it’s quite simple, really.
His head drops on his desk with another groan. Dammit, why does this have to happen to him… to them? It never happened with Sam. Him and Sam, that was a good, solid friendship, safe and within acceptable bounds and meant to stay like this until the end of time. It had been so easy, so comfortable… God, how he misses that. But it’s gone and instead he has a Lieutenant with a temper almost as volatile as her favorite toy from the armory and more cheek than a junior officer should ever be allowed to have. The worst thing is: He wouldn’t want to trade her off for anything or anyone again, because the thought of her leaving as well is simply unbearable.
Now he also knows what Sam would have said. She would have told him to clear this up, once and for all. Tell Laura about it, in a sensible way and make sure it won’t get in their way on the job. Lock it all away and accept it if Laura decides she can’t work like this. And end this fight as soon as possible. Ah, yeah, sensible Sam. Usually, she was right with what she told him, and so he gets up to walk all the way back to Laura's lab, this time not even half as fast as when he came from there.
When he arrives there, he really hopes Henderson and Linley are still occupied with their own projects - he doesn’t know if he could deal with the rest of his team involved in this right now - and that she’s still alone in the lab. Their shouting… had been loud enough that it must have attracted attention, but as far as he knows none of her friends are currently on the base.
Sighing silently, he carefully opens the door. He risks a peek in and is relieved to see her sitting at her desk, typing furiously on her laptop. Not quite sure how to approach her, he simply sits down on one of the vacant chairs, watching her. She’s still not reacting, giving him very obviously the silent treatment. He really shouldn’t have just run away.
For nearly 15 minutes he tries to find the right way to open this conversation, but all he can come up with is just crap. So in the end, he settles with, “The thing is: I do see you for yourself. In fact, that’s the whole problem.” Yeah, that about sums it up pretty well.
It also managed to startle her enough that she forgets that she’s still trying to ignore him. Confused she looks up. “Problem? What problem? I… don’t understand.”
For a moment, he’s inclined to believe her, but then he remembers that something that kept her from clarifying her accusation of him not really seeing her. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to look her right in the eye. “I think you do, Laura.”
She wants to say something, but shuts her mouth again. She breaks the eye contact, looks at the wall for a moment. Then she squeezes her eyes shut, looking a lot like she’s very near crying. Don’t do that, he thinks. Please don’t start crying now. She’d done that only once - the moment they had told her that her father had been found dead after he’d been missing for over two years - and it had left him completely helpless.
But now, she gets a grip on herself and replies, “Oh. And… what do we do about that now?” Well, it’s not quite what he expected, but then again… he hadn’t really expected anything anyway.
So… what do they do now? There are about a million options… and only one that feels appropriate to him. “Business as usual, of course.”
For a moment, something like disappointment crosses her face - but it’s enough to already make him regret his decision. However, she doesn’t give him time to undo his mistake, because she answers, “Of course, sir.” Dammit. The “sir” never stung so much as it did now, but his chance is gone and now he has to go through with this.
“Right. Carry on, Lieutenant.” He pretends to himself he has to go now because he has a mountain of work to do, but the only real reason for his desire to leave is that right now he can’t take it that even though he’s in the same room with her it feels like there is something impenetrable separating them.
As he passes her on the way to the door, she doesn’t even look up when she says, “Yes, sir.” Without another word, he is out of her lab, barely able to resist the urge to lean against the wall and close his eyes until the feeling of having just lost another friend goes away. Step by step, he makes it back to his office, with only two thoughts in his head: Carry on, Major. Business as usual.
~*~
TBC in All I Can Do