Four of emails from my Grandma-In-Law
1. Bush's Dream
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his
White House bed. He awakens to see George Wahington standing by him. Bush
asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
" Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises,
then fades away.
The next night, Bush is astir again and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson
moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, " Tom, please! What is
the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from
sight.
The third night, sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He wakes to see
the ghost of F. D. R. hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what
is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies, and fades into the
mists.
Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure
moving in the shadows. It is Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best
thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Bush pleads.
Abe replies, "Go see a play."
2. Bush Goes Fishing
The 2004 election results were so close that the Electoral College vote was tied, and Congress couldn't break the deadlock. The Supreme Court decided they'd better not make the decision themselves, so they sent Bush and Kerry to a frozen lake in northern Wisconsin to have an ice fishing contest. No one was allowed to accompany them, and they were on their honor to let the guy who caught the most fish in five days become president.
On the first day they went out in different directions. Kerry came back with ten fish. Bush caught none.
On the second day, Kerry caught twenty fish and again W came back empty handed.
When Kerry brought back 25 fish on day three and W still hadn't caught any, Bush got worried and telephoned Cheney for advice.
"He's probably cheating," suggested the VP.
"I hadn't thought of that," said W. "You're probably right. What do we do?"
Cheney suggested that instead of going fishing the next day, Bush follow Kerry to see what he was doing. At the end of day 4, Bush called Cheney and told him, "you were right, Dick, Kerry is cheating."
"What's he doing?" asked Cheney.
"He's cutting holes in the ice!"
3. How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a
lightbulb?
The Answer is TEN:
1. one to deny that a lightbulb needs to be changed,
2. one to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the lightbulb needs
to be changed,
3. one to blame Clinton for burning out the lightbulb,
4. one to tell the nations of the world that they are either for
changing the lightbulb or for darkness,
5. one to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the
new lightbulb,
6. one to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing
on a step ladder under the banner "Lightbulb Change Accomplished",
7. one administration insider to resign and write a book documenting
in detail how Bush was literally "in the dark",
8. one to viciously smear #7,
9. one surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush
has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along,
10. and finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between
screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.
4. For those of you who are somewhat tired of hearing the back-stabbing between
the Bush/Kerry campaign, please read this one to the end. It is worth your
time. Most of you may already know they've released John Hinckley from the
mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parents home on weekends. For those
of you who may be too young to remember, John Hinckley shot President Ronald
Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster. On the day of his release, this
nice letter was sent to John Hinckley from President Bush:
WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Dear John:
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery
from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to
have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports
that you are doing fine. I have decided to seek a second term in office as
your president and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine
parents. I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital,
you would let us know.
By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is sleeping with Jodie Foster?
Sincerely,
George W. Bush