Harbl.
I know I'm not the most mature person. I know I have a hard time maintaining anything. Relationships. Jobs. Life. I freak out, start getting sick. I've never, EVER been able to maintain anything ever. Not even hobbies and things I like. Not in the 20 years I've been alive
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A friend is someone that you support no matter what, but it doesn't mean you agree with what they do. If they screw up, you tell them, and they respect that. Sye's done that with me, Dennis did that with me in regards to Aleah, etc. Did I listen to them? Sometimes, yes, sometimes no. No matter what, I did take what they said into account, but I was able to come up to my own decisions, and that's why I'm their friend; that no matter what, I would at least listen.
A relationship is a friendship, just version 2.0 with new features and some new bugs. The expectations for a few things change, but most of them stay the same, including the description for above. If I screwed up, you would tell me, and I would listen to you. But when you screwed up, I always felt like I was talking to a wall.
I became impatient with you because I was trying so much to get anything through that wall that it drained me. That you wouldn't listen when I said I needed support. That you wouldn't listen when I needed the "good housewife" (which I NEVER wanted; I want an equal. Even if you don't understand what that means, someday you will). Heck, even sexually, when you wouldn't listen to when I just wanted to focus on myself instead of pleasuring you first.
Last night, I tried again to get you to listen. I was blunt. I didn't care if you got back together with me, I just wanted you to listen. To be a friend.
Instead, your last comment was "I'm just getting frustrated". You ran away from the conversation, and went to Allison (who I was talking to at the time, and she was wanting to talk to you as someone who wasn't even in Columbus and hadn't been during our relationship). Allison tried to get us back together, and unfortunately, that wasn't the right thing to do, but your response to how she was trying to help was the stinger:
gelasia_kitty: don't really see what good your lecture is doing, because I'm not going to date him again in the future, but if you feel like its helping, go ahead
She did think it was helping, but you blew it off.
You've had people who have tried to help you. People that didn't even want to. Ben, Sye, Usagi, Jason, Aleah, Dennis, Dan, and even Mom. They all tried to help you, they tried to be your friend because they saw the impact that you had on my life and they wanted me to be happy. Each and every once of them, though, once they saw how you were, considers you now to not be a friend. I hate to say it, but it's the truth. They don't hate you, but they don't consider you a friend. You're sadly right that you don't have anyone to "care a damn", because you didn't care a damn right back at them.
And now, I look over all those people that have commented on LJ, that have PMed you, that have sat you down, and I see how little has actually sunk in...And it hurts like hell.
You're right about what you said to Allison. You're not going to date me again in the future. If you ignored what I said, and you did the same to people who were genuinely trying to help you out, then you're not worth my time any more. Not even as a friend.
I'm taking you off of my LJ friends list. IM me when you want to arrange to get your stuff back, and we'll arrange that. Nothing more. I don't want anything to do with you otherwise, because I know that your actions as a friend are different from your definition of a friend. Your double standards for how you want to act and how you do act are too much for me, and I hope you grow up enough someday to realize why I'm doing this.
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