The Unquiet Thought, Chapter 16
Trying to salvage the shredded remains of my faith (oh comic-movie fandom, why much you give me wonderful news one moment and then crush my soul the next). If you need me I'll be off crying in the corner.
Well... maybe not crying, but at least being very unhappy.
Chapter 16
Steve finds Natasha in the gym.
“We need to talk.”
She looks at him calmly, then grabs a towel and sits down on one of the benches.
-
It wakes up. Wakes? No- that’s… not right. It blinks heavily several times. There are noises nearby, it turns- Tony. Tony is working, the lab, yes, it remembers now. It had drifted, that is all.
A tall woman with honey dark hair rested her hand over his. “I know, dear.”
It shakes its head. It cannot remember what it had just been thinking.
-
The monitors on his desk show the scanner incident from different angles; Bruce sits hunched in his chair, eyes flickering between them. He periodically taps a screen to replay, reverse, slow down, and magnify the feed. You circles around, pretending to be helpful.
“What do you think happened?”
They had spent the first twenty minutes examining the scanner itself; it is perfectly standard. Whatever happened was not because of a malfunction in the device.
Tony is in the process of brainstorming new suit ideas (he wants to make something remote controlled, take the Mark VII a step further) because after they looked at the scanner Bruce had shooed him out of the way. He’s too close, he knows this, and he needs a break.
“What is it about his eyes…” Bruce squints at the screen. “Like a jolt of pain. He keeps rubbing at them.” Tony walks around behind him, they watch the feed again and he just manages not to wince when he sees himself hit the wall. He wanders back to the other table and picks up his gauntlet.
Has JARVIS notified Pepper yet? He should probably call her.
“Light frequencies maybe. Did he react in any way to the other scans?”
Tony shakes his head. “This is the only one that was centralized on the eyes though.”
“What do we know about his eyes?”
He thinks about the image of bright green gemstones and doesn’t respond.
“Is he asleep?”
Tony looks away from the gauntlet he’s pretending to tinker with; Bruce is leaning on the desk, the monitor he was looking at pushed to the side and his gaze settled on the body in the corner.
“What? No, he doesn’t sleep.” Tony looks over at Loki, still by Dummy only more relaxed than when they had entered an hour before. Like he’s dead to the world, which is strange. He stares at the curled form for a few minutes. “Is he asleep?”
Bruce gives him a bemused smile.
Then Loki blinks and sits up.
He looks around, dazed, until his eyes fall on the inventor and he smiles.
“Hello, Tony.”
Tony stares at him.
“Hey, kid. How are you feeling?”
“I am well.” It sounds like a statement at the beginning, but drifts slowly up at the end as he looks between the two of them. Like their expressions make him unsure what the answer should be. He gives a belated, “hello, Doctor Banner,” though it sounds confused, and turns back to Tony.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“You were speaking of accumulating data security measures and I thought-” he pauses, frowns a little, eyes glancing to the scanner to Tony to the wall that might still be smeared with the tiniest bit of blood from the back of Tony’s head. “Did we not complete the scan?” Loki stands up and moves to the desk, eager and helpful. Tony opens his mouth to say… something. Ultimately nothing comes out and he watches Loki reach for the device.
Bruce speaks, but Dummy is the one that grabs Loki’s wrist. “We should maybe not do that scan again.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay. That’s- probably a good idea.”
“Again?” The slim man looks back and forth between them until Tony gives an affirmative gesture and he settles back down. “I’m sorry- I don’t remember…”
“It’s fine, no worries. Retinal scans are dumb anyway, let’s do other scans instead.”
Loki nods.
Butterfingers wipes the wall of with a dirty rag.
-
Creating Unit has re-entered lab
Alert: Query from Unit Designation You
-Unit Designation Hallr non-responsive. Standby mode?
Sending communication request, query: Status?
Attempting connection.
…
..
.
Query relayed. No Response.
Affirmative.
-Unit Designation Hallr threat to Creating Unit?
Unit Designation Hallr acting outside typical parameters.
-Creating Unit is distressed
Unit Designation Hallr attacked Creating Unit. Unit Designation Hallr is threat to Creating Unit.
Conclusion Unacceptable.
Monitoring in progress.
-
“It’s not just denial, it’s like… a wall came down.”
“Memory suppression?”
Bruce rubs his forehead. “This is dangerous, Tony.”
“Fuck, I know… we can’t tell Steve.”
“Breaking the bond.” Bruce lets out a huff of distracted laughter. “How are we going to do this?”
“I don’t know,” Tony taps the table. “Not yet.”
“And what happens when we do?”
“I don’t know.”
“What if the wall breaks?”
Tony buries his face in his hands.
-
Something about holding their regular movie night feels wrong when Tony is as distracted as he is and Clint can’t sit still for more than a few minutes (when they see him at all). Steve doesn’t think the S.H.I.E.LD. mandated therapy has been helping. He doesn’t know if he should talk to Clint himself or if that would make it worse. And Clint-
God, this thing with Loki.
He told Natasha, but…
Steve isn’t sure if Clint knows yet.
“JARVIS?”
“Mr. Barton was not in the vents when the specifics of the incident were discussed.”
“… did she-”
“Ms. Romanova has not spoken to him as of yet.”
“Okay.” Okay, that’s probably good; Clint should not find out. “Do me a favor and keep the feed up, will you?”
“Of course, Captain Rogers.”
Images flicker to life on the surface of the window. They follow Steve for the rest of the evening, drifting over the panels of glass, always in sight where ever he moves. Quiet images of Tony and Bruce working, the first few minutes of Loki waking that leave Steve ready to bolt back down the stairs, the familiar motion of the bots as they shift around the lab.
He settles down with a book, reading out loud because he doesn’t want the silence, when Tony walks up the stairs and into the room. He abruptly cuts off. Tony stops walking to glance in his direction, eyebrow rising slowly. Then he smirks and continues to the bar.
“Where’s Bruce?”
“Heading back to his own lab. Needed a break.”
“Loki?”
“Has returned whence he came,” he takes a drink. “In his room, I think.”
“He’s alone?”
“JARVIS, Steve. JARVIS. No one’s ever alone here.”
That used to unsettle Steve, but in the last few weeks it’s become almost reassuring.
“How is… everything?”
“You are terrible at subterfuge.” Tony doesn’t bother looking at him, which aggravates Steve more than it should at this point. “It’s awesome. I’m nowhere near a break, but I haven’t been assaulted since that first time.”
“You have very low standards.”
“It’s a thing I do.”
Neither speaks for a few minutes after that. Tony refills his glass and walks back around the room, pausing to look at the image projected on the window that has since changed to show Loki curled up on his couch, gazing out into nothing.
“Have you talked to Pepper yet?”
“No.” He sinks down next to Steve on the couch, enough space in between them to stretch without getting in each other’s way.
He gestures at the feed. “Strange movie choice.”
“Nothing else interesting was on.”
“Nothing? Really? I own All The Movies.”
Steve chuckles and swats at Tony with his book.
When his tumbler is empty Tony deposits it on the coffee table and rearranges himself on the couch. “You were reading when I came in.”
“How observant of you.”
“Snark has no effect on me. Start again.” Steve looks up from the page he was on. “Again.”
Steve flips back to where he had stopped and picks back up, reading out loud.
-
Tony calls Pepper just as she should be leaving her last meeting of the day. “I love you,” he tells her. “Please let me explain before you start yelling.”
She does, just barely.
Interlude 6
Well... maybe not crying, but at least being very unhappy.
Chapter 16
Steve finds Natasha in the gym.
“We need to talk.”
She looks at him calmly, then grabs a towel and sits down on one of the benches.
-
It wakes up. Wakes? No- that’s… not right. It blinks heavily several times. There are noises nearby, it turns- Tony. Tony is working, the lab, yes, it remembers now. It had drifted, that is all.
A tall woman with honey dark hair rested her hand over his. “I know, dear.”
It shakes its head. It cannot remember what it had just been thinking.
-
The monitors on his desk show the scanner incident from different angles; Bruce sits hunched in his chair, eyes flickering between them. He periodically taps a screen to replay, reverse, slow down, and magnify the feed. You circles around, pretending to be helpful.
“What do you think happened?”
They had spent the first twenty minutes examining the scanner itself; it is perfectly standard. Whatever happened was not because of a malfunction in the device.
Tony is in the process of brainstorming new suit ideas (he wants to make something remote controlled, take the Mark VII a step further) because after they looked at the scanner Bruce had shooed him out of the way. He’s too close, he knows this, and he needs a break.
“What is it about his eyes…” Bruce squints at the screen. “Like a jolt of pain. He keeps rubbing at them.” Tony walks around behind him, they watch the feed again and he just manages not to wince when he sees himself hit the wall. He wanders back to the other table and picks up his gauntlet.
Has JARVIS notified Pepper yet? He should probably call her.
“Light frequencies maybe. Did he react in any way to the other scans?”
Tony shakes his head. “This is the only one that was centralized on the eyes though.”
“What do we know about his eyes?”
He thinks about the image of bright green gemstones and doesn’t respond.
“Is he asleep?”
Tony looks away from the gauntlet he’s pretending to tinker with; Bruce is leaning on the desk, the monitor he was looking at pushed to the side and his gaze settled on the body in the corner.
“What? No, he doesn’t sleep.” Tony looks over at Loki, still by Dummy only more relaxed than when they had entered an hour before. Like he’s dead to the world, which is strange. He stares at the curled form for a few minutes. “Is he asleep?”
Bruce gives him a bemused smile.
Then Loki blinks and sits up.
He looks around, dazed, until his eyes fall on the inventor and he smiles.
“Hello, Tony.”
Tony stares at him.
“Hey, kid. How are you feeling?”
“I am well.” It sounds like a statement at the beginning, but drifts slowly up at the end as he looks between the two of them. Like their expressions make him unsure what the answer should be. He gives a belated, “hello, Doctor Banner,” though it sounds confused, and turns back to Tony.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“You were speaking of accumulating data security measures and I thought-” he pauses, frowns a little, eyes glancing to the scanner to Tony to the wall that might still be smeared with the tiniest bit of blood from the back of Tony’s head. “Did we not complete the scan?” Loki stands up and moves to the desk, eager and helpful. Tony opens his mouth to say… something. Ultimately nothing comes out and he watches Loki reach for the device.
Bruce speaks, but Dummy is the one that grabs Loki’s wrist. “We should maybe not do that scan again.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay. That’s- probably a good idea.”
“Again?” The slim man looks back and forth between them until Tony gives an affirmative gesture and he settles back down. “I’m sorry- I don’t remember…”
“It’s fine, no worries. Retinal scans are dumb anyway, let’s do other scans instead.”
Loki nods.
Butterfingers wipes the wall of with a dirty rag.
-
Creating Unit has re-entered lab
Alert: Query from Unit Designation You
-Unit Designation Hallr non-responsive. Standby mode?
Sending communication request, query: Status?
Attempting connection.
…
..
.
Query relayed. No Response.
Affirmative.
-Unit Designation Hallr threat to Creating Unit?
Unit Designation Hallr acting outside typical parameters.
-Creating Unit is distressed
Unit Designation Hallr attacked Creating Unit. Unit Designation Hallr is threat to Creating Unit.
Conclusion Unacceptable.
Monitoring in progress.
-
“It’s not just denial, it’s like… a wall came down.”
“Memory suppression?”
Bruce rubs his forehead. “This is dangerous, Tony.”
“Fuck, I know… we can’t tell Steve.”
“Breaking the bond.” Bruce lets out a huff of distracted laughter. “How are we going to do this?”
“I don’t know,” Tony taps the table. “Not yet.”
“And what happens when we do?”
“I don’t know.”
“What if the wall breaks?”
Tony buries his face in his hands.
-
Something about holding their regular movie night feels wrong when Tony is as distracted as he is and Clint can’t sit still for more than a few minutes (when they see him at all). Steve doesn’t think the S.H.I.E.LD. mandated therapy has been helping. He doesn’t know if he should talk to Clint himself or if that would make it worse. And Clint-
God, this thing with Loki.
He told Natasha, but…
Steve isn’t sure if Clint knows yet.
“JARVIS?”
“Mr. Barton was not in the vents when the specifics of the incident were discussed.”
“… did she-”
“Ms. Romanova has not spoken to him as of yet.”
“Okay.” Okay, that’s probably good; Clint should not find out. “Do me a favor and keep the feed up, will you?”
“Of course, Captain Rogers.”
Images flicker to life on the surface of the window. They follow Steve for the rest of the evening, drifting over the panels of glass, always in sight where ever he moves. Quiet images of Tony and Bruce working, the first few minutes of Loki waking that leave Steve ready to bolt back down the stairs, the familiar motion of the bots as they shift around the lab.
He settles down with a book, reading out loud because he doesn’t want the silence, when Tony walks up the stairs and into the room. He abruptly cuts off. Tony stops walking to glance in his direction, eyebrow rising slowly. Then he smirks and continues to the bar.
“Where’s Bruce?”
“Heading back to his own lab. Needed a break.”
“Loki?”
“Has returned whence he came,” he takes a drink. “In his room, I think.”
“He’s alone?”
“JARVIS, Steve. JARVIS. No one’s ever alone here.”
That used to unsettle Steve, but in the last few weeks it’s become almost reassuring.
“How is… everything?”
“You are terrible at subterfuge.” Tony doesn’t bother looking at him, which aggravates Steve more than it should at this point. “It’s awesome. I’m nowhere near a break, but I haven’t been assaulted since that first time.”
“You have very low standards.”
“It’s a thing I do.”
Neither speaks for a few minutes after that. Tony refills his glass and walks back around the room, pausing to look at the image projected on the window that has since changed to show Loki curled up on his couch, gazing out into nothing.
“Have you talked to Pepper yet?”
“No.” He sinks down next to Steve on the couch, enough space in between them to stretch without getting in each other’s way.
He gestures at the feed. “Strange movie choice.”
“Nothing else interesting was on.”
“Nothing? Really? I own All The Movies.”
Steve chuckles and swats at Tony with his book.
When his tumbler is empty Tony deposits it on the coffee table and rearranges himself on the couch. “You were reading when I came in.”
“How observant of you.”
“Snark has no effect on me. Start again.” Steve looks up from the page he was on. “Again.”
Steve flips back to where he had stopped and picks back up, reading out loud.
-
Tony calls Pepper just as she should be leaving her last meeting of the day. “I love you,” he tells her. “Please let me explain before you start yelling.”
She does, just barely.
Interlude 6