(no subject)
Lies. It was all a lie. What she thought, what she wanted, what she liked, her hair colour, her whole life. They were all lies. Everything. It wasn't that she wanted to, but she seemed to need to lie. To keep everyone else happy, to get them to do what she wanted, and eventually she had to lie to make herself happy. She spoke about what she thought everyone else wanted her to speak about, she pretended to want the same things as the rest of her friends, she dyed her hair to look less like her real self.
She wasn't exactly lying, well- she was, but it was because she was hiding. Hiding herself from her friends, from the world, even from herself. She didn't want anyone to really see her. Didn't want them to know her for who she really was. She was afraid of what they might think, of how they might act around her. She felt safe, wrapped up in all of her lies.
To reveal the truth- that would leave her naked, exposed. It was a disturbing thought, to be exposed. To have the world see the real her, not the face she shpwed to everyone, but the real her. She didn't want that, she wasn't ready for that.
So she continued living her complicated lie. It was easier than really living, safer than being herself and hoping that that was okay. But it was all a lie.
She wasn't exactly lying, well- she was, but it was because she was hiding. Hiding herself from her friends, from the world, even from herself. She didn't want anyone to really see her. Didn't want them to know her for who she really was. She was afraid of what they might think, of how they might act around her. She felt safe, wrapped up in all of her lies.
To reveal the truth- that would leave her naked, exposed. It was a disturbing thought, to be exposed. To have the world see the real her, not the face she shpwed to everyone, but the real her. She didn't want that, she wasn't ready for that.
So she continued living her complicated lie. It was easier than really living, safer than being herself and hoping that that was okay. But it was all a lie.