Ah geeze...

[gekidazejanai]

I'd love to say I'm on a roll, but I'm not. Sitting here in the quiet not feeling good is giving me too damn much time to think. Mostly about how lonely I am. I never meant to be a single dad, I wanted us to be a family. I had everything all figured out, and it would have been great. Then it all fell apart. I love my little girl, I do, but...you

Comments

[choutasensei]

I'm sorry, Shishido... Maybe you should be sleeping rather than thinking about these things?

[gekidazejanai]

Yeah...probably. I just can't fall asleep at the moment.

[choutasensei]

... would you rather I skip this thing after classes and come and keep you company? I don't mind. You sound like you could use it...

[gekidazejanai]

No. You go have fun, I'm just being maudlin and morose. You wouldn't enjoy my company right now. Seriously.

[xlucky_sengoku]

You could do what I'm doing? Get a dog! Sure I'm saying it's for my kid, but you can guarantee a dog will be there for you, they'll be there to greet you when you come home with a wagging tail and give you all the unconditional love and affection you need!

For the rest... If I work that one out I'll be sure to let you know. Short of finding a babysitter and having an ONS which isn't really my style, I've not worked out how to juggle a relationship (sexual or otherwise) with having a kid. But you're right, others do it... Maybe we're just going about this the wrong way?

[gekidazejanai]

Mm, I've thought about it, but it would have to be an older dog that's already trained and house broken. And I'd have to have someone come let it out during the day for me. But I do love dogs, I just don't have time to train a puppy, you know?

ONS...I agree with you on that not being my style either. I did that enough before I met Arashi's mom, and I'm over it. I really do wonder what it is that we're not doing right. Maybe my expectations are too high? Or the fact that I've pretty much lost all interest in women, and it's harder to find eligible men who would be willing to date a single dad who works all the time. I have come to the conclusion that I have entirely too much time to think when I'm sick.

[xlucky_sengoku]

Luckily I have more than enough time. But I can understand that. There are schools that can train dogs for you though, just so you don't give up on the idea because of that!

Ahaha I think, when kids are involved, people get more fussy since it's not just themselves they're thinking about. You've the added "will they be good for the kid? Will she like them? will they like her? Will they be a good dad?" ... Those are the extra hoops guys have to jump through to get to us which makes it difficult for them.

When you're sick those filters that stop you from thinking about it, and talking about stuff like this, all come down, I've noticed.

[gekidazejanai]

True, I hadn't thought about that. Maybe I'll think about it for Arashi's birthday.

Exactly! Plus then I also have a full time job teaching and coaching tennis so that's even less time I would have to give to someone else. It'll be hard to find somebody who can understand that.

Yeah, that's gotta be it. Normally I just try not to think about this sort of thing because I have too much else on my plate.