Prank (short story)
When I saw him load the shotgun and start walking slowly around the house with wild, staring eyes all I could think was I wish I could tell him I'm sorry. I can't because cats can't talk.
He checked in my favorite hiding spots, like under the couch and behind the curtains, but I'm not there because I'm walking with him. “The bastards are here somewhere,” he tells me.
“The bastard is here,” I wish I could say but the only thing I can do is meow.
He continues his sweep until he has gone over the entire house then goes upstairs to his bedroom. The shotgun is laid out in the space that used to hold Kerry but she doesn't come around anymore. Again, my fault. He checks the windows and lays down, fully dressed. He doesn't fall asleep right away so I curl up and purr until I hear his breathing become regular and his body relaxes.
I left him to his dreams and go downstairs to find my favorite windowsill. The guilt is crushing. I just want to sit and stare without thinking.
But when I jump on my windowsill and look out, the SWAT team is getting in position. I settle down in a cat-like position and wait.
This is all my fault.
“He's a polydactyl!” Kerry had said when she first held me. She was stroking my black fur and rubbing my ears in ways that made me close my eyes and purr. “How adorable!”
“What?” Tom, my human, had been setting the table for dinner.
“He has six toes on each foot.” She waved one of my paws at him. “He has thumbs.”
“Oh good lord, he'll take over the world,” he joked. “It's been said that if cats had thumbs we would be in serious trouble.” Kerry laughed and set me down.
Tom set a dish on the floor. “A tribute, my feline overlord.”
I devoured the tuna.
When I was a kitten, I didn't think too much about having thumbs. I just did what cats do, occasionally saving my people from plastic bags and rogue socks. Tom bought me treats and toys, Kerry cuddled me and rubbed my ears until I fell asleep. Life was good.
As I got older, I noticed I could use what Kerry called 'thumbs'. I could open doors like humans, helpful when I was hungry or wanted to go outside. I never showed Tom and Kerry what I could do. Only when they were gone would I use them.
I'll never forget my first night outside. Tom forgot to lock the door and I was able to reach the handle. Simple, really. Just grab the handle, pull down and them pry it open with my paws. I shut the door behind me and ran off into the darkness. Before dawn, I came back and slept on the counter. No one had a clue.
Everything went downhill once I realized how to use the remote control.
“So wait, you didn't order pay-per-view?” Tom asked Kerry, holding a piece of paper in his hands.
“Nope,” she said. I was in her lap, purring my fool head off.
“Huh.” He frowned at the paper. “I'll call. Really weird.”
I smiled as only a cat can.
“Something's funky with my laptop,” Kerry said, holding it out to Tom. “It's not doing anything.”
“Let me see,” Tom too it from her and sat down at the kitchen table. He spent a few hours tapping at keys while I snuggled with Kerry.
I'm not proud of what I've done. Really. Don't get that impression. What started out as me playing with laptops and ordering pay-per-view spiraled down. I got the brilliant idea to switch around the stuff in the bottles Tom kept in the cabinet. I wish I had been able to read.
He started barricading himself in the house. He stopped showering, ate whenever he absolutely had to and Kerry quit coming over. My litter box suffered, I had to start using the potted plants. He forgot to feed me which was okay because I was able to feed myself once he passed out.
I'll never forget him screaming into the phone about voices and people coming to get him. “I won't go quietly!” he screamed before throwing the phone on the ground and smashing it with his foot. I hid for the rest of the day.
Now the SWAT team is moving in, some at the door now. I hid under the couch just as they opened the front door. I tried not to hear him screaming, tried to not let the guilt get to me.
One of the cops found me. I let him pick me up. “What do we do with this guy?” he asked another.
“This guy's girlfriend said she'd take care of him, I'll give her a call.”
I just purred.