"Windows" Scam
Yesterday, I got the weirdest phone call from some guy who claimed to be calling from Windows. Not, please note, MICROSOFT Windows, but he did his damnedest to imply that that was where he was from.
I did not believe him, of course. At this point, I don't believe any telemarketer when he or she tells me what company employs him/her. I always assume that they're bullshitting me. This is not fair to all telemarketers, but it seems to be the case more often than not. What I wanted to know was what he was bullshitting me about.
This man had a very strong Indian accent and talked like he had a mouthful of marbles besides. I could barely understand a word that he said. This proved to be a problem for the duration of the phone call.
The first thing that he said, I couldn't make out. All I could understand was the word "virus." I told that I was not having any trouble with viruses. After I said this two or three times, he informed me rather snappishly that he was telling me that this WASN'T about viruses. (He may have said that. Hell, he could have said, "I am a virus," and I wouldn't have known the difference.)
He then told me that many computers in my area had been hacked and that my computer was at risk. At this point, my Spidey sense went off like a bottle rocket. There is no fucking WAY that Microsoft Windows calls up each person in the United States and associated territories whose computer might, just might be at risk. That's not even remotely plausible.
Did I hang up? No, because I hung up at this point the last time. Clearly, it did no good. So I needed to know more information--though I resolved not to do a damned thing that he asked me to do.
Creepy Windows Guy (whom I shall call CWG) went through his whole spiel with me saying very little. Why? Because, again, I couldn't understand a word. I didn't want to say or grunt my assent to anything that I couldn't understand. When he finally ran out of words, I said, "Well, goodbye," and started to hang up.
"Haven't you been LISTENING?" he shouted--in much less accented and perfectly lucid English. It sounded like an actor switching voices. "You have to protect your computer!"
"I really don't feel it's in danger."
He ignored this and went back to his heavily Indian voice. "There is a red light blinking next to your name. That indicates that your computer is in danger."
I doubt this. I mean, the cable box for my TV set lights up with a red bead of light when the TV is on. That doesn't mean anything bad. It just means that my TV is operating. People do associate red with danger, but it doesn't necessarily MEAN danger.
I still didn't say anything, so he continued. "First get off of Internet while computer is at risk."
I remained silent.
"Are you off?"
"Yes." I wasn't, nor did I intend to get off.
"Good." Was that a hair of relief in his voice? "You see See Tee Arr Ell key?"
It took me a minute to grasp that he meant the control key.
"You see Windows flag next to it? Push Windows flag and R at same time."
I Googled "Windows + R." And lo and behold, I found THIS conversation on a forum, between other people who had received calls just like this one.
http://forums.bicycling.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/632104717/m/7441090337
Seems that Windows + R opens the Run program. According to one of the posters on that forum who had had this very same thing happen to him/her, CWG wanted me to do was open the run program and then, at his instruction, install malware onto my computer so that my computer would become part of a botnet. As you can imagine, I was not thrilled.
Meanwhile CWG was still screaming, "Push Windows and R! Push Windows and R!" So I shook the handset, which was an instant cue for the phone to start screaming electronically. I could barely hear him now, and I know he couldn't hear me. You don't want to press a screaming phone to your ear. It's deafening. It HURTS.
But he still kept trying to talk. I shook the phone more, but he didn't hang up. So I removed the phone cord--for a couple of seconds at first, and then for a couple of minutes. And that was that. He got cut off.
But he didn't give up. The instant that the phone cut off, he started calling again. This time, though, I didn't waste my time answering. I'd heard enough.
So that's the tale of the Creepy Windows Guy and his attempted scam. Frankly, I wish that I'd done what
ketmakura suggested: let him go all through his spiel and then say, "Gee, I'm sorry. I have a Mac."
***
I did not believe him, of course. At this point, I don't believe any telemarketer when he or she tells me what company employs him/her. I always assume that they're bullshitting me. This is not fair to all telemarketers, but it seems to be the case more often than not. What I wanted to know was what he was bullshitting me about.
This man had a very strong Indian accent and talked like he had a mouthful of marbles besides. I could barely understand a word that he said. This proved to be a problem for the duration of the phone call.
The first thing that he said, I couldn't make out. All I could understand was the word "virus." I told that I was not having any trouble with viruses. After I said this two or three times, he informed me rather snappishly that he was telling me that this WASN'T about viruses. (He may have said that. Hell, he could have said, "I am a virus," and I wouldn't have known the difference.)
He then told me that many computers in my area had been hacked and that my computer was at risk. At this point, my Spidey sense went off like a bottle rocket. There is no fucking WAY that Microsoft Windows calls up each person in the United States and associated territories whose computer might, just might be at risk. That's not even remotely plausible.
Did I hang up? No, because I hung up at this point the last time. Clearly, it did no good. So I needed to know more information--though I resolved not to do a damned thing that he asked me to do.
Creepy Windows Guy (whom I shall call CWG) went through his whole spiel with me saying very little. Why? Because, again, I couldn't understand a word. I didn't want to say or grunt my assent to anything that I couldn't understand. When he finally ran out of words, I said, "Well, goodbye," and started to hang up.
"Haven't you been LISTENING?" he shouted--in much less accented and perfectly lucid English. It sounded like an actor switching voices. "You have to protect your computer!"
"I really don't feel it's in danger."
He ignored this and went back to his heavily Indian voice. "There is a red light blinking next to your name. That indicates that your computer is in danger."
I doubt this. I mean, the cable box for my TV set lights up with a red bead of light when the TV is on. That doesn't mean anything bad. It just means that my TV is operating. People do associate red with danger, but it doesn't necessarily MEAN danger.
I still didn't say anything, so he continued. "First get off of Internet while computer is at risk."
I remained silent.
"Are you off?"
"Yes." I wasn't, nor did I intend to get off.
"Good." Was that a hair of relief in his voice? "You see See Tee Arr Ell key?"
It took me a minute to grasp that he meant the control key.
"You see Windows flag next to it? Push Windows flag and R at same time."
I Googled "Windows + R." And lo and behold, I found THIS conversation on a forum, between other people who had received calls just like this one.
http://forums.bicycling.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/632104717/m/7441090337
Seems that Windows + R opens the Run program. According to one of the posters on that forum who had had this very same thing happen to him/her, CWG wanted me to do was open the run program and then, at his instruction, install malware onto my computer so that my computer would become part of a botnet. As you can imagine, I was not thrilled.
Meanwhile CWG was still screaming, "Push Windows and R! Push Windows and R!" So I shook the handset, which was an instant cue for the phone to start screaming electronically. I could barely hear him now, and I know he couldn't hear me. You don't want to press a screaming phone to your ear. It's deafening. It HURTS.
But he still kept trying to talk. I shook the phone more, but he didn't hang up. So I removed the phone cord--for a couple of seconds at first, and then for a couple of minutes. And that was that. He got cut off.
But he didn't give up. The instant that the phone cut off, he started calling again. This time, though, I didn't waste my time answering. I'd heard enough.
So that's the tale of the Creepy Windows Guy and his attempted scam. Frankly, I wish that I'd done what
ketmakura suggested: let him go all through his spiel and then say, "Gee, I'm sorry. I have a Mac."
***