Question...
...is bothering to write for NaNoWriMo worth it?
No, it's not.
I just got into a huge fight with someone in my LJ over what I saw vs. what she saw on Angel last night. She accused me of making everything I said up. She probably didn't realize it, but this accusation is a deal-breaker for me. There are some things that shatter relationships with me permanently. One is attacking or hurting my friends. Another is calling me a liar. Doing either is a good way to destroy any positive feelings I have for the attacker or the accuser.
So I know that I will never feel friendly toward the accuser again, and will always feel bitter and hostile toward her.
Now...what does this have to do with the NaNoWriMo thing? Quite a lot, as it happens.
I was originally going to write an alternative history story, before I got bogged down with details and Mayan calendars. Then I tossed that aside and thought, okay, I'll write the story of fifth-season Angel the way I thought they should have done it, instead of the (in my opinion) fucked-up mess that is airing currently.
Now I don't want to do that anymore either. I don't want it to get attacked as being an AU (well, it would have to be, wouldn't it? Canon has thoroughly Jossed any other possibility) and I don't want to deal with people like my accuser. I could write my own version, and I think I could make the story better and the characters more clearly defined. But right now I'm feeling very ripped apart, and I just don't see the point of putting myself in a situation where someone can rip me to pieces over my variation of what is rapidly becoming a very bad TV show.
I am so sick of having to be perfect, of never being allowed to get anything wrong--not by parents, not by teachers and not by acquaintances.
I've been on this treadmill for a long, long time. I'm so sick of it.
No, it's not.
I just got into a huge fight with someone in my LJ over what I saw vs. what she saw on Angel last night. She accused me of making everything I said up. She probably didn't realize it, but this accusation is a deal-breaker for me. There are some things that shatter relationships with me permanently. One is attacking or hurting my friends. Another is calling me a liar. Doing either is a good way to destroy any positive feelings I have for the attacker or the accuser.
So I know that I will never feel friendly toward the accuser again, and will always feel bitter and hostile toward her.
Now...what does this have to do with the NaNoWriMo thing? Quite a lot, as it happens.
I was originally going to write an alternative history story, before I got bogged down with details and Mayan calendars. Then I tossed that aside and thought, okay, I'll write the story of fifth-season Angel the way I thought they should have done it, instead of the (in my opinion) fucked-up mess that is airing currently.
Now I don't want to do that anymore either. I don't want it to get attacked as being an AU (well, it would have to be, wouldn't it? Canon has thoroughly Jossed any other possibility) and I don't want to deal with people like my accuser. I could write my own version, and I think I could make the story better and the characters more clearly defined. But right now I'm feeling very ripped apart, and I just don't see the point of putting myself in a situation where someone can rip me to pieces over my variation of what is rapidly becoming a very bad TV show.
I am so sick of having to be perfect, of never being allowed to get anything wrong--not by parents, not by teachers and not by acquaintances.
I've been on this treadmill for a long, long time. I'm so sick of it.