soooooo bored
I'm tired...and bored. This weekend isn't going very well. I can't stand being around people right now, but I'm tired of spending time by myself. I don't know, maybe I can't stand people right now because I'm telling myself I can't...who knows. Doesn't seem like anyone wants to fucking do anything anyway...so I'm stuck either way I pick. I've pissed people off, I've been double-crossed, people have been ignoring me. Not the greatest of feelings, but it could be worse. I feel like I'm going crazy, I swear...I don't know what to do.
I had to go into a history review today, because if I didn't go I would be shunned by the other mother fucking students for not going and I would have to hear them rant on for a fucking god damn hour on how much it helped them. Two hours of history is worth the absence of their arrogant raving. My God. AP classes blow, full of stuck-up assholes. I don't get the point of being stuck up...anyone get it? I have no fucking clue. Some weird high people get? Don't know. All I know is I can't stand when people brag..it makes me sick. Whenever I catch myself bragging (because we're all bound to do it some point) I immediately stop, even if it's mid-sentence.
I went to a baseball game on Friday. It was alright. I guess it was watchable because I got close seats, besides that I normally don't like baseball.
After the history review I played video games. Then I read part of "The Shining." So far so good.
It's funny, I'll bring up to someone "hey, want to hang out?" They'll of course say something like "oh yeah sure." Oddly enough, it doesn't happen. Who's fault is that? No idea. It just doesn't seem to happen...
I have stuff to say to someone...I'm not going to say it though. They look at my Livejournal. If I do say it, they'll say something that will end up making me feel bad...I'd rather not say what's on my mind then.
It's actually two people, still, I'd rather not say.
I lie, three.
Once again, I'm not going to say anything.
God, the more I type the more I think of people that I want to say stuff to: 8.
Yeah, about 8 people.
Maybe that's what is giving me this crazy feeling. I can't seem to tell people about their flaws; something ends up happening. They'll say something that I'll think about not more than two seconds...then they'll intervine and say "That's what I thought, you don't know what to say. You don't fucking know what you're talking about." I hate that. A lot.
People try to make me out to be selfish. I'm don't try to be. I normally put myself before others, and no one knows better than me that that never works. If I seem to be a little self-cenetered, it's only because helping people gets you no where...they'll end up taking advantage of you.
It also seems like whenever I think, I contradict myself. What does that mean? Does it mean I'm a fucking moron? I'm indecisive? (on normal decisions I'm not)-- Or am I just insane? I don't know, but it's hard to think about what it means.
I can't seem to connect with anyone anymore. Not even my own brother.
Here's something that I also think about. How can people love things that I hate? I know everyone has their own taste, but how taste developes completely dumbfounds me. I don't even know why I like the stuff I do. Is it nature, or is it nuture? Are they things that you're born with? Or do you pick up on it as you go through life? Some people would like to think you're born with it (me), but you can't lie to yourself. How can you be born with your own sense of taste? It's impossible. Thus bringing me to the fact that I don't really believe in any God anymore. I claimed to be agnostic, which I thought I was...thinking there is some sort of thing out their governing reality, but I can't even talk myself into believing that anymore. I'm not trying to claim "there is no way there is any God," but damn, it sure doesn't seem like there is. I still have my doubts. I have my doubts on everything, though.
You see where I typed I was bored? I really meant it.
I had to go into a history review today, because if I didn't go I would be shunned by the other mother fucking students for not going and I would have to hear them rant on for a fucking god damn hour on how much it helped them. Two hours of history is worth the absence of their arrogant raving. My God. AP classes blow, full of stuck-up assholes. I don't get the point of being stuck up...anyone get it? I have no fucking clue. Some weird high people get? Don't know. All I know is I can't stand when people brag..it makes me sick. Whenever I catch myself bragging (because we're all bound to do it some point) I immediately stop, even if it's mid-sentence.
I went to a baseball game on Friday. It was alright. I guess it was watchable because I got close seats, besides that I normally don't like baseball.
After the history review I played video games. Then I read part of "The Shining." So far so good.
It's funny, I'll bring up to someone "hey, want to hang out?" They'll of course say something like "oh yeah sure." Oddly enough, it doesn't happen. Who's fault is that? No idea. It just doesn't seem to happen...
I have stuff to say to someone...I'm not going to say it though. They look at my Livejournal. If I do say it, they'll say something that will end up making me feel bad...I'd rather not say what's on my mind then.
It's actually two people, still, I'd rather not say.
I lie, three.
Once again, I'm not going to say anything.
God, the more I type the more I think of people that I want to say stuff to: 8.
Yeah, about 8 people.
Maybe that's what is giving me this crazy feeling. I can't seem to tell people about their flaws; something ends up happening. They'll say something that I'll think about not more than two seconds...then they'll intervine and say "That's what I thought, you don't know what to say. You don't fucking know what you're talking about." I hate that. A lot.
People try to make me out to be selfish. I'm don't try to be. I normally put myself before others, and no one knows better than me that that never works. If I seem to be a little self-cenetered, it's only because helping people gets you no where...they'll end up taking advantage of you.
It also seems like whenever I think, I contradict myself. What does that mean? Does it mean I'm a fucking moron? I'm indecisive? (on normal decisions I'm not)-- Or am I just insane? I don't know, but it's hard to think about what it means.
I can't seem to connect with anyone anymore. Not even my own brother.
Here's something that I also think about. How can people love things that I hate? I know everyone has their own taste, but how taste developes completely dumbfounds me. I don't even know why I like the stuff I do. Is it nature, or is it nuture? Are they things that you're born with? Or do you pick up on it as you go through life? Some people would like to think you're born with it (me), but you can't lie to yourself. How can you be born with your own sense of taste? It's impossible. Thus bringing me to the fact that I don't really believe in any God anymore. I claimed to be agnostic, which I thought I was...thinking there is some sort of thing out their governing reality, but I can't even talk myself into believing that anymore. I'm not trying to claim "there is no way there is any God," but damn, it sure doesn't seem like there is. I still have my doubts. I have my doubts on everything, though.
You see where I typed I was bored? I really meant it.