53 - [Katekyo Hitman Reborn] silent all these years.
Rating: PG-13 for some slightly creepy overtones
Characters: Gamma/Aria, Gamma + Uni, mentions of others
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn
Summary: Gamma is bad at confessing and all that relationship stuff. Reborn is no help.
Notes: AU. Pretend it's before he and Uni died or something, and they all partied before the final battoru. Also, I have no idea what I just wrote. Tell me if something's weird.
Her hands are small and they fit snugly in the curve of the palm of his hands. His hands are cold and sweaty. Her hands are warm. This is the problem, Gamma decides: that her hands are very much the same hands who fits in his own but she's not entirely the one who owns the hands herself. Gamma is looking for a tall woman who walks with her chin held high and her hips swaying in some secret melody that she hums to herself with rosy lips.
And she, on the other hand, is small; a child who walks with her back straight and chin up but there in her hands there is an endless sense of gentleness. Gamma likes to think that when he holds her hand he is forgiven, because he has an endless list of imaginary things that are so real he'd never forgive himself for them: how he was never there at the time he was needed the most. How he cannot help but watch as destiny takes aim. And a number of really stupid things he'd never say out loud.
Uni watches him with his jaw set firmly and smiles. "Is there something wrong?" she asks. And Gamma looks away, shaking his head fervently. "No. Nothing's wrong, princess." Because there's nothing worse than going on one knee (like he really wants to now) and say "yes, there is a problem, and one that is tearing my head apart but I can't spit it out because God, how awkward that would be and it's really not my place to say anything else on this." If Gamma was the kind of guy who just spat out everything in one go and never gave a fuck about consequences after Uni would know and she would look at him with those eyes and then Gamma wouldn't know what'll happen next. But he isn't that kind of a guy, so nothing happens and he continues to hold her hand as he escorts her to the car.
Reborn opens the door for them and the fedora shades his eyes, but Gamma knows there's a look in there that's subtly laughing at him and at the same time pities the old dog, poor dog. "You're late," Reborn says tersely, and he means it a lot more than that while Uni smiles his stern manner away. "I'm sorry, uncle, I asked Gamma to take me around shops. I haven't had much time for myself lately ..." and her voice trails off. Gamma sits beside her, shuffles the folds of her skirt towards her side and closes the door firmly. His hand, at least, isn't clammy anymore.
Reborn might be about a foot or two tall but he isn't stupid, and pity anyone who thinks otherwise except to the ones that he cares about (and really, with him, he's not as subtle as he thinks when it comes to the things he gave a fuck on. Just don't ask him about Bianchi, a thing that Gamma learnt the hard way). Reborn drinks the last of his coffee and he's staring at Gamma impassively. "You're quiet today," Reborn says. "I don't have anything to say, we've already talked," Gamma replied. Stalemate again. Reborn wants to push the issue and Gamma staunchly refuses; nobody's going to make him talk if he doesn't have to. Uni smiles thinly and then sighs. It's always so hard to talk to guys. They're so incredibly childish.
+++
Another man that Gamma's never developed a sense of camaraderie to: Doctor Shamal. Once he had to deliver a memo to the doctor, and he had the misfortune to see him with a graduate nurse, doing position #10 in Gamma's limited knowledge of Positions.
"Give me a few minutes or so," Shamal groaned out and Gamma had to take a deep breath. He's not Shamal's waiting dog, he's not going to be ordered around to sit when told to do so. "Mission's here, proposal's in the folder, look over it and see if you agree or not." Shamal moves hard and the nurse screams rather lovely inside his office and Gamma had to pause and wonder whether he ever gets caught whenever he has flings on the job. Probably. But Shamal doesn't care, really, good for him, maybe. Shamal glares at Gamma as he sets a manila folder down his desk. "Hey, man, can't you give me some space here? I'm working, and all that." Gamma looks at him incredulously and then grabs a cigarette from a pack inside his coat. "The room's big enough to breathe. Have fun and don't forget that." "Yeah, yeah, ohhhh baby yeahh you know what, man? Just leave. Just fucking leave." And Gamma shows himself the way out.
He is met by a sullen Gokudera Hayato. "Is he still dicking around in there?" Gamma nods. Gokudera fumes, paces back and forth, biting a thumb. "What do you need him for?" Gamma asks. It had never occured to him that he and the doctor were very good friends, or at least close. He always thought they hated each other so well they can't even stand to be in the same space. Gokudera is sullen, tight-lipped and doesn't say anything to him. Gamma shrugs and leaves. He meets a Yamamoto Takeshi later on, smiling. "Haha, hi Gamma-san! Came to ask for advice from Doctor Shamal too?"
Gamma gives him an odd look. "No, not really. I was on a mission." Yamamoto blinks, then smiles. "Oh, cool. It went well?" Nod. "Hey, that's always awesome. Shamal gives advice on relationships and stuff, and all the nurses like him here." Gamma fishes a lighter out of his pocket. "I'm not surprised. I'll see you later, kid." And he leaves, but not before hearing an outraged Gokudera Hayato see his friend.
Truth is, Gamma doesn't like guys like Shamal who dick around with many women and never can settle their life on one. Gamma did his share of running around and playing with the ladies; it's kind of tiring to realize that waking up in a bed with a woman whose name you never knew is being warm and more than accomodating beside him, and you guys have only been together in the span of twenty-four hours. Or maybe he's just feeling bitter because the last time Shamal and Reborn and he, somehow coerced, went out for coffee, the two bastards turned it into talks involving him and Aria. And he denied everything, because what the crap, right-hand men don't sleep with their bosses. Looking back, he knew he always fancied looking at Aria's legs in a manner highly inappropriate for any man in his position. Aria's not here anymore, and thankfully Uni never knew about these things. Or if she knew, because Reborn doesn't exactly hold any loyalties to him and would likely drop a line or two to his niece just to fuck with his head, thank goodness she never said anything.
+++
Sometimes Gamma likes to look at other women. This is something funny because Gamma is not committed to anyone except for his job, and the woman he likes is replaced by the one that their famiglia desperately needs, which is not who he needs. So there is a moment of impasse in his brain when he walks with Uni: reluctance, and that grudging love felt for his only link to the past. Once upon a time he was warned by the boss of Varia, of all people, about incarnating people into other people. This is followed by a snarling look by his right-hand man who was pale with fury, whom the Varia boss shrugged with a ruthless smile, whom Gamma decided wisely not to fucking comment on whatever it is that makes the Varia run smoothly despite all the violence it attracts. He finds that he's thinking about his words more and more when he looks at others. There's lots of women in his work and outside of his work and the ones he's acquainted with, they're all pleasant in their own way.
But not all of them compares to the one he constantly thinks he needs. Bianchi, for instance, is a lovely woman with her hair hanging down around her face and puts her in a beauty so deadly, that only few men dare to kiss her (she always had a little drop of poison). One night he danced with her, and she was pleasant company. When she gave him a kiss on the cheek, however, Gamma understood why so many men die at her hands: it was cold, and cruel, and she was looking at him with a gaze that is reserved for someone else, and it shows on the heat of her palms and the way she drops her gaze when he stares back. It's not for him. Gamma stares at her coldly. "We can stop this now, if you want." And Bianchi smiles, and it's not an unpleasant smile, though he finds himself looking for Uni's smiles which are a lot more familiar and comforting, even if it's not the one he's always looking for. "That'd be better." Bianchi removes her arm around his arm and walks away in slow, sensuous steps. Gamma follows her movements with a critical eye, wondering who will she trap next: and he sees the Varia boss has taken the bait and takes her to his parlour. Christ, these people, Gamma thought, and takes another stick from his pack shoved mercilessly back inside his coat pocket, and exits stage right.
+++
Inhale, exhale, and the night's not so cold anymore and he thinks he's perfectly fine. He's standing against the black service car and he's waiting for the night to pack up and leave. From the way he crossed his feet and shoved a hand into his pocket and smoked one of his friends down to the filter, you can tell that he's done this before. He's played the waiting game many times only because so many things and principles that he holds on to or is forced to make has prevented him from making another move.
Reborn comes to invade his solitude. He'd like to tell him to fuck off, but he's not drunk enough to start a fight. Reborn takes the other side of the car, smoking a cigar and looking at him with impassive eyes. Gamma looks at him at the corner of his eye and decides that there is nothing freakier than seeing a kid smoking a cuban while looking at him with smile that is sharp enough to cut through the strongest of the strong. And Reborn says, "man, you're pathetic. I don't know how long you're going to wait before you tell my niece anything." Gamma stiffens, then takes another drag to relax. "I don't have to tell her anything, it doesn't concern her." Reborn laughs. "How long are you going to keep this up? You're not going to get that many chances. You know the life she lives, Gamma, so why are you making this hard for yourself? You should've listened to Shamal when he said to just fucking spit it out." Gamma turns to face him. "He also said to 'just stick it in'." Reborn glared. "And I believe you saw me shoot his ear off for that."
His cigarette's almost done. Gamma sighs. There is nothing harder than to confess that you have something of value to confess but there is no way for you to grasp the words you need in order to confess. And Reborn sees the slump of his shoulders and the furrow between his brows and sighs. "Consider it a warning," he said. "Uni's an arcobaleno, you know, and I don't think I need to remind you what that means." Gamma looks him in the eye. "Warning duly noted." Whether his voice came a little hollow after that, he doesn't really care anymore. All he knows is that the time's near midnight, he needs to pick up Uni and drive the boss home. So he leaves. In the meantime, Reborn watches him walk away and notes the weariness around his steps. "Idiot," he mutters to himself.
+++
Uni yawns and holds his hand close to her. "I'm really sleepy, and I'm glad the party's over." Gamma smiles. It's one of those few instances he actually doesn't mind smiling because no-one's there to see, and personally he thinks he looks hideous when he smiles anyway. "It's way past your bedtime, anyway." He ruffles her hair, and that elicits a pleasant laugh from her. And Gamma thinks, maybe this isn't bad. Maybe I'm doing the right thing. He leads her to the car and they're about to go home, and he notices that his hand isn't shaking anymore and it's perfectly warm as he clutches her hand. There's a feeling of fullness that comes to him. Can't be love, it's not the right year and it's not the right person. But it's close. And if he has to see another death to see her smile, well, so be it.
Reborn opens the door of the car for them and his eyes are shaded by the fedora. Uni smiles as she sits beside him, and Gamma sits across them, closing the door firmly. He meets Reborn's eyes and purses his lips. Reborn almost rolls his eyes. No progress, nothing made, and he still hasn't said anything. Uni quietly folds her hands on her lap and leans against the window, and she closes her eyes. When she starts to breathe deeply, sleep soundly, Reborn takes that as an opportunity to snarl at Gamma and Gamma takes that moment to glare right back. "You're killing yourself," Reborn warns him. "And maybe I'm perfectly fine with that," he snaps right back.
Characters: Gamma/Aria, Gamma + Uni, mentions of others
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn
Summary: Gamma is bad at confessing and all that relationship stuff. Reborn is no help.
Notes: AU. Pretend it's before he and Uni died or something, and they all partied before the final battoru. Also, I have no idea what I just wrote. Tell me if something's weird.
Her hands are small and they fit snugly in the curve of the palm of his hands. His hands are cold and sweaty. Her hands are warm. This is the problem, Gamma decides: that her hands are very much the same hands who fits in his own but she's not entirely the one who owns the hands herself. Gamma is looking for a tall woman who walks with her chin held high and her hips swaying in some secret melody that she hums to herself with rosy lips.
And she, on the other hand, is small; a child who walks with her back straight and chin up but there in her hands there is an endless sense of gentleness. Gamma likes to think that when he holds her hand he is forgiven, because he has an endless list of imaginary things that are so real he'd never forgive himself for them: how he was never there at the time he was needed the most. How he cannot help but watch as destiny takes aim. And a number of really stupid things he'd never say out loud.
Uni watches him with his jaw set firmly and smiles. "Is there something wrong?" she asks. And Gamma looks away, shaking his head fervently. "No. Nothing's wrong, princess." Because there's nothing worse than going on one knee (like he really wants to now) and say "yes, there is a problem, and one that is tearing my head apart but I can't spit it out because God, how awkward that would be and it's really not my place to say anything else on this." If Gamma was the kind of guy who just spat out everything in one go and never gave a fuck about consequences after Uni would know and she would look at him with those eyes and then Gamma wouldn't know what'll happen next. But he isn't that kind of a guy, so nothing happens and he continues to hold her hand as he escorts her to the car.
Reborn opens the door for them and the fedora shades his eyes, but Gamma knows there's a look in there that's subtly laughing at him and at the same time pities the old dog, poor dog. "You're late," Reborn says tersely, and he means it a lot more than that while Uni smiles his stern manner away. "I'm sorry, uncle, I asked Gamma to take me around shops. I haven't had much time for myself lately ..." and her voice trails off. Gamma sits beside her, shuffles the folds of her skirt towards her side and closes the door firmly. His hand, at least, isn't clammy anymore.
Reborn might be about a foot or two tall but he isn't stupid, and pity anyone who thinks otherwise except to the ones that he cares about (and really, with him, he's not as subtle as he thinks when it comes to the things he gave a fuck on. Just don't ask him about Bianchi, a thing that Gamma learnt the hard way). Reborn drinks the last of his coffee and he's staring at Gamma impassively. "You're quiet today," Reborn says. "I don't have anything to say, we've already talked," Gamma replied. Stalemate again. Reborn wants to push the issue and Gamma staunchly refuses; nobody's going to make him talk if he doesn't have to. Uni smiles thinly and then sighs. It's always so hard to talk to guys. They're so incredibly childish.
+++
Another man that Gamma's never developed a sense of camaraderie to: Doctor Shamal. Once he had to deliver a memo to the doctor, and he had the misfortune to see him with a graduate nurse, doing position #10 in Gamma's limited knowledge of Positions.
"Give me a few minutes or so," Shamal groaned out and Gamma had to take a deep breath. He's not Shamal's waiting dog, he's not going to be ordered around to sit when told to do so. "Mission's here, proposal's in the folder, look over it and see if you agree or not." Shamal moves hard and the nurse screams rather lovely inside his office and Gamma had to pause and wonder whether he ever gets caught whenever he has flings on the job. Probably. But Shamal doesn't care, really, good for him, maybe. Shamal glares at Gamma as he sets a manila folder down his desk. "Hey, man, can't you give me some space here? I'm working, and all that." Gamma looks at him incredulously and then grabs a cigarette from a pack inside his coat. "The room's big enough to breathe. Have fun and don't forget that." "Yeah, yeah, ohhhh baby yeahh you know what, man? Just leave. Just fucking leave." And Gamma shows himself the way out.
He is met by a sullen Gokudera Hayato. "Is he still dicking around in there?" Gamma nods. Gokudera fumes, paces back and forth, biting a thumb. "What do you need him for?" Gamma asks. It had never occured to him that he and the doctor were very good friends, or at least close. He always thought they hated each other so well they can't even stand to be in the same space. Gokudera is sullen, tight-lipped and doesn't say anything to him. Gamma shrugs and leaves. He meets a Yamamoto Takeshi later on, smiling. "Haha, hi Gamma-san! Came to ask for advice from Doctor Shamal too?"
Gamma gives him an odd look. "No, not really. I was on a mission." Yamamoto blinks, then smiles. "Oh, cool. It went well?" Nod. "Hey, that's always awesome. Shamal gives advice on relationships and stuff, and all the nurses like him here." Gamma fishes a lighter out of his pocket. "I'm not surprised. I'll see you later, kid." And he leaves, but not before hearing an outraged Gokudera Hayato see his friend.
Truth is, Gamma doesn't like guys like Shamal who dick around with many women and never can settle their life on one. Gamma did his share of running around and playing with the ladies; it's kind of tiring to realize that waking up in a bed with a woman whose name you never knew is being warm and more than accomodating beside him, and you guys have only been together in the span of twenty-four hours. Or maybe he's just feeling bitter because the last time Shamal and Reborn and he, somehow coerced, went out for coffee, the two bastards turned it into talks involving him and Aria. And he denied everything, because what the crap, right-hand men don't sleep with their bosses. Looking back, he knew he always fancied looking at Aria's legs in a manner highly inappropriate for any man in his position. Aria's not here anymore, and thankfully Uni never knew about these things. Or if she knew, because Reborn doesn't exactly hold any loyalties to him and would likely drop a line or two to his niece just to fuck with his head, thank goodness she never said anything.
+++
Sometimes Gamma likes to look at other women. This is something funny because Gamma is not committed to anyone except for his job, and the woman he likes is replaced by the one that their famiglia desperately needs, which is not who he needs. So there is a moment of impasse in his brain when he walks with Uni: reluctance, and that grudging love felt for his only link to the past. Once upon a time he was warned by the boss of Varia, of all people, about incarnating people into other people. This is followed by a snarling look by his right-hand man who was pale with fury, whom the Varia boss shrugged with a ruthless smile, whom Gamma decided wisely not to fucking comment on whatever it is that makes the Varia run smoothly despite all the violence it attracts. He finds that he's thinking about his words more and more when he looks at others. There's lots of women in his work and outside of his work and the ones he's acquainted with, they're all pleasant in their own way.
But not all of them compares to the one he constantly thinks he needs. Bianchi, for instance, is a lovely woman with her hair hanging down around her face and puts her in a beauty so deadly, that only few men dare to kiss her (she always had a little drop of poison). One night he danced with her, and she was pleasant company. When she gave him a kiss on the cheek, however, Gamma understood why so many men die at her hands: it was cold, and cruel, and she was looking at him with a gaze that is reserved for someone else, and it shows on the heat of her palms and the way she drops her gaze when he stares back. It's not for him. Gamma stares at her coldly. "We can stop this now, if you want." And Bianchi smiles, and it's not an unpleasant smile, though he finds himself looking for Uni's smiles which are a lot more familiar and comforting, even if it's not the one he's always looking for. "That'd be better." Bianchi removes her arm around his arm and walks away in slow, sensuous steps. Gamma follows her movements with a critical eye, wondering who will she trap next: and he sees the Varia boss has taken the bait and takes her to his parlour. Christ, these people, Gamma thought, and takes another stick from his pack shoved mercilessly back inside his coat pocket, and exits stage right.
+++
Inhale, exhale, and the night's not so cold anymore and he thinks he's perfectly fine. He's standing against the black service car and he's waiting for the night to pack up and leave. From the way he crossed his feet and shoved a hand into his pocket and smoked one of his friends down to the filter, you can tell that he's done this before. He's played the waiting game many times only because so many things and principles that he holds on to or is forced to make has prevented him from making another move.
Reborn comes to invade his solitude. He'd like to tell him to fuck off, but he's not drunk enough to start a fight. Reborn takes the other side of the car, smoking a cigar and looking at him with impassive eyes. Gamma looks at him at the corner of his eye and decides that there is nothing freakier than seeing a kid smoking a cuban while looking at him with smile that is sharp enough to cut through the strongest of the strong. And Reborn says, "man, you're pathetic. I don't know how long you're going to wait before you tell my niece anything." Gamma stiffens, then takes another drag to relax. "I don't have to tell her anything, it doesn't concern her." Reborn laughs. "How long are you going to keep this up? You're not going to get that many chances. You know the life she lives, Gamma, so why are you making this hard for yourself? You should've listened to Shamal when he said to just fucking spit it out." Gamma turns to face him. "He also said to 'just stick it in'." Reborn glared. "And I believe you saw me shoot his ear off for that."
His cigarette's almost done. Gamma sighs. There is nothing harder than to confess that you have something of value to confess but there is no way for you to grasp the words you need in order to confess. And Reborn sees the slump of his shoulders and the furrow between his brows and sighs. "Consider it a warning," he said. "Uni's an arcobaleno, you know, and I don't think I need to remind you what that means." Gamma looks him in the eye. "Warning duly noted." Whether his voice came a little hollow after that, he doesn't really care anymore. All he knows is that the time's near midnight, he needs to pick up Uni and drive the boss home. So he leaves. In the meantime, Reborn watches him walk away and notes the weariness around his steps. "Idiot," he mutters to himself.
+++
Uni yawns and holds his hand close to her. "I'm really sleepy, and I'm glad the party's over." Gamma smiles. It's one of those few instances he actually doesn't mind smiling because no-one's there to see, and personally he thinks he looks hideous when he smiles anyway. "It's way past your bedtime, anyway." He ruffles her hair, and that elicits a pleasant laugh from her. And Gamma thinks, maybe this isn't bad. Maybe I'm doing the right thing. He leads her to the car and they're about to go home, and he notices that his hand isn't shaking anymore and it's perfectly warm as he clutches her hand. There's a feeling of fullness that comes to him. Can't be love, it's not the right year and it's not the right person. But it's close. And if he has to see another death to see her smile, well, so be it.
Reborn opens the door of the car for them and his eyes are shaded by the fedora. Uni smiles as she sits beside him, and Gamma sits across them, closing the door firmly. He meets Reborn's eyes and purses his lips. Reborn almost rolls his eyes. No progress, nothing made, and he still hasn't said anything. Uni quietly folds her hands on her lap and leans against the window, and she closes her eyes. When she starts to breathe deeply, sleep soundly, Reborn takes that as an opportunity to snarl at Gamma and Gamma takes that moment to glare right back. "You're killing yourself," Reborn warns him. "And maybe I'm perfectly fine with that," he snaps right back.