The End of the End of the world
I woke up to see the sun setting in the west, hungover and lying naked on an inflateable life raft. I made fresh coffee (God Bless portable generators) and started to feel alive again. This was when the events of the prior evening came back to me like Beyonce returning to Jay-Z's arms after the Ladies Triple Threat tour.
I had had another strange sexual encounter. This time it didn't involve airports or American-made compact cars. It had happened while scuba diving.
I was at the Greenwood Village recreation center, the one with the cute froggy slide and all the finest tail. I was testing my regulator in the deep end when I encountered a friendly Orca. we introduced ourselves. His name was Thurmos, presumably named after the star Buffalo Bills running back Thurman "The Thermos" Thomas. This made sense for the two are similiar creatures. Both are fast, slippery, and both wear padded pants on sundays. The only difference between the two is that Thurman Thomas only breathes water and has never been in a major motion picture (you know the one uncle jessie).
Anyway, we got to talking about things. Eventually I got my regulator working and decided it was time to head out. Thermos the Orca then demanded that we sign each other's yearbooks. Luckily mine was in my pack so we exchanged yearbooks and as i was writing he started nuzzling me all sexy-like. He pushed me towards the bottom of the pool and I was sucked down the drain like pubic hair after a long day at the beach. The last thing I heard while i was being sucked in was Thermos' amazing tenor voice softly cooing: "Live here with me, until the end of time".
So the drains at the Greenwood Village don't drain to a nearby lake or the nickel soda fountain but to the heart of the Pacific Ocean. I awoke in the arms of a giant squid. He was holding me in two of his tentacles whilst he did his taxes using an abacus that he obtained by bartering his semen to the seals by the south bay. I was in a daze and found my self moving slowly with the rythym of his body.
I am a man who enjoys the occasional spot of afternoon sexual intercourse. But this was not happy sex, for it was nearing 7 a.m. It ended with much screaming on both of our parts, his was from pleasure and mine was from a stinging sensation underneath my arms. He used this chance to introduce himself, his name was Chester. I have always considered myself a clever lad and called him "Chester the Molester". He didn't like this and banished me to life in a life raft, which I guess makes a little bit of sense. Think about it: LIFE raft.
So here I am, the start of the rest of my life in a life raft. I open my backpack and find my yearbook. Thermos had been kind enough to put it back while I was doing the dirty dradle down the drain. I flip it open past all the pictures of school dances and soccer teams to the back pages. I smile as I read the words Thermos scrawled in yellow highlighter: "Have a TOTALLY KICKASS summer. Never Change."
Life in a life raft just doesn't seem all that bad anymore.
I had had another strange sexual encounter. This time it didn't involve airports or American-made compact cars. It had happened while scuba diving.
I was at the Greenwood Village recreation center, the one with the cute froggy slide and all the finest tail. I was testing my regulator in the deep end when I encountered a friendly Orca. we introduced ourselves. His name was Thurmos, presumably named after the star Buffalo Bills running back Thurman "The Thermos" Thomas. This made sense for the two are similiar creatures. Both are fast, slippery, and both wear padded pants on sundays. The only difference between the two is that Thurman Thomas only breathes water and has never been in a major motion picture (you know the one uncle jessie).
Anyway, we got to talking about things. Eventually I got my regulator working and decided it was time to head out. Thermos the Orca then demanded that we sign each other's yearbooks. Luckily mine was in my pack so we exchanged yearbooks and as i was writing he started nuzzling me all sexy-like. He pushed me towards the bottom of the pool and I was sucked down the drain like pubic hair after a long day at the beach. The last thing I heard while i was being sucked in was Thermos' amazing tenor voice softly cooing: "Live here with me, until the end of time".
So the drains at the Greenwood Village don't drain to a nearby lake or the nickel soda fountain but to the heart of the Pacific Ocean. I awoke in the arms of a giant squid. He was holding me in two of his tentacles whilst he did his taxes using an abacus that he obtained by bartering his semen to the seals by the south bay. I was in a daze and found my self moving slowly with the rythym of his body.
I am a man who enjoys the occasional spot of afternoon sexual intercourse. But this was not happy sex, for it was nearing 7 a.m. It ended with much screaming on both of our parts, his was from pleasure and mine was from a stinging sensation underneath my arms. He used this chance to introduce himself, his name was Chester. I have always considered myself a clever lad and called him "Chester the Molester". He didn't like this and banished me to life in a life raft, which I guess makes a little bit of sense. Think about it: LIFE raft.
So here I am, the start of the rest of my life in a life raft. I open my backpack and find my yearbook. Thermos had been kind enough to put it back while I was doing the dirty dradle down the drain. I flip it open past all the pictures of school dances and soccer teams to the back pages. I smile as I read the words Thermos scrawled in yellow highlighter: "Have a TOTALLY KICKASS summer. Never Change."
Life in a life raft just doesn't seem all that bad anymore.